Memory Walk

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I am joining my TOPS Team in the October 4, 2008 Memory Walk for Alzheimer's. Both of my parents had Alzheimer's. Whereas Alzheimer's was not listed on their death certificate as their cause of death, I lost both of my parents to Alzheimer's.

My dad suffered for 10 years with Alzheimer's. He once told my brother it was like a curtain was coming down over his brain and the worse part was knowing that the curtain would finally close. I hated the days he did not know me. We were always so close. I missed him long before he died.

My mom did not suffer the consequences as long as my dad did, but nevertheless, she suffered, as we all did every time she did not know us. I am glad that she knew me on the day she died.

I am not good about asking people for money, but I will place the link to my Alzheimer's donation page. I made my goal $100.00 because I did not believe anyone would sponsor me. I have now reached that goal, but I would love to be able to raise more for this worthy cause.

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=274342&lis=1&kntae274342=1F48179289364E0F93746791F37FD010&supId=232417588

God Bless everyone out there suffering from the results of Alzheimer's, patients and caregivers alike.

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Anything's Possible?

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Am I the only person that thinks "Anything's Possible" is a bad slogan for Depends Adult Diapers?

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"Burn After Reading"

The boys and I went to see "Burn After Reading" today. Yes, I know it is rated "R" and I seldom let my youngest see "R" rated movies, but it was the Coen brothers.

It was a great. There really is a lot of deep meaning to this movie, and the boys and I had a terrific discussion about the movie and the events that led up to what happened to each of the characters.

There were some really terrific laughs, but I really would not consider this to be a comedy. There were two really scenes that were violent, and I have probably have seen worse violence on television but this violence came completely out of no where thus making it all the more shocking and sad.

Whereas this may not be my favorite Coen brother's movie, it is up close to the top right now.

Funny Observation

My youngest and I were coming up the highway tonight after helping a friend move and he made a very funny observation. There was a little problem with the “Hooter’s” sign. It read “Hoor’s” My son thought that was pretty funny. And without meaning in any way to disparage the females that work at “Hooter’s,” it is funny.

A Lot of Little Strange

This is a little strange. I am in bed. It is after midnight. My computer is across the room and the wireless keyboard is here in the bed above my pillow.

I am listening to my oldest's radio show. He is a dj on his college radio station. I was not able to stay awake for his show last week. This week my youngest and I set everything up and then napped until it was time for the show. Youngest missed the whole intro thing and went to bed. I woke up and then got into the music and can't go back to sleep.

The name of his show is Euphoria and Insanity. Very eclectic music. He said he might play some of the Dr. Horrible soundtrack tonight. He is currently asking for requests by IM or phone. He is playing bands I have never ever heard of even in my dreams. The dj's before him were playing music from the 80's and it was really something I did not know. The musicians on the song my son is playing now are killing my ears. OWWWW!!!! Maybe I can request that he make it stop.

This is a strange way to blog. The screen is so far away I have no idea if I have typos or not. In fact, the screen is to my left and I am not facing that way at all as it is hard on my neck. Also, I haven't really used this keyboard before and it is a very tight keyboard and my fingers feel as if they are tied together when using it. This is my quilt design computer, so I mainly use the mouse with it.

Thank goodness that painful song is over. He better get to the Dr. Horrible soon.

I hope Raymond is listening. He would be so proud.

It is strange to watch my boys grow and reach accomplishments without Raymond here to talk to about what is going on. I would love to be lying here in bed with Raymond and discussing this music.

He is now playing something from "Suicide Squeeze Records" called "Birds Fly" can't remember what he said the band is called, but I won't be rushing out to find it.

It is strange to realize how very old you are when you listen to this music. I did really enjoy the songs he played by the "Dallas Knights" earlier. He went to their concert last week and really enjoyed it.

Strange doesn't begin to express how I feel about not having any idea where my oldest child is 99.9% of the time now.

Ok, I give up. I am going to check this post, then turn off the computer. I can't take much more of this, he will just have to let me borrow his Dr. Horrible soundtrack cd.

FYI: Here is his playlist from last week, see how many of the artists you recognize.

Time

Album

Artist

Song

00:05:00	Cat in a Cannon	Needfire	Julia Delaney/Congress
00:10:17	Exit	Shugo Tokumaru	parachute
00:14:52	The Tick-Tock Club	Golden Arm Trio	The Tick-Tock Club
00:18:22	Calypsoul70: Caribbean Soul & Calypso Crossover 1969-1979	clarence curvan & his mod sounds	calypsoul
00:29:34	The Glowing City	Sunset	The World is Awaiting
00:29:51	The Rhumb Line	Ra Ra Riot	st. peter's day festival
00:33:51	Sam & Max Season 1, Episode 1: Culture Shock	Jared Emerson-Johnson	Attack the Dog
00:34:08	Sea Lion	the Ruby Suns	Kenya Dig It?
00:38:50	Barrage	Barrage	What's Going On?
00:41:31	You & Me	The Walkmen	Postcards from tiny islands
00:51:10	The Tick-Tock Club	Golden Arm Trio	The End of Speedy Jinx
00:51:27	proVISIONS	Giant Sand	without a word
00:56:45	The Best of the IRS years	R.E.M	It's The End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)
01:03:54	Dial-A-Song: 20 Years of They Might be Giants	They Might Be Giants	Why Does the Sun Shine? (The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas)
01:06:14	Calypsoul70: Caribbean Soul & Calypso Crossover 1969-1979	Marius Cultier	Guanavaco
01:10:10	Sea Lion	the Ruby Suns	oh, mojave
01:12:45	Hello Everything	squarepusher	Planetarium
01:14:15	Horse With No Home	Horse Feathers	albina
01:19:36	GAME (Game and Anime Music Emotions)	Piano Squall	Final Fantasy Battle Medley
01:26:40	Exit	Shugo Tokumaru	Future Umbrella
01:34:13	Songs III: Bird on the Water	Marissa Nadler	Diamond Heart
01:38:40	The Tick-Tock Club	Golden Arm Trio	Bulldoze: The Super-Power Dance
01:43:14	Songs III: Bird on the Water	Marissa Nadler	Famous Blue Raincoat
01:46:36	The Best of the IRS years	R.E.M	Radio Free Europe
01:50:58	The Glowing City	Sunset	24 Karat soul

On that list I only knew 5 of the artists, which I guess really puts me in the really old category.

DR. HORRIBLE SONG PLAYING - THE LAUNDRY SONG - THE ONE THAT IS MY RINGTONE. BLESS THAT BOY. I WILL GO TO SLEEP HAPPY NOW!!!!!

Thought I Cried Out Yesterday, Guess Not

Yesterday was a bad day. I cried all day. I was ashamed of myself because I cried at work. Yes, I am pretty much there in my office all day without interaction with people, but my boss saw me and it is so unprofessional.

It all started with a dream the night before. The boys were grown and gone and Raymond came into the house dressed in one of my favorite shirts he wore and looking like he did before he got sick. He told me that he had bad news for me. He had lost his job. I started laughing and telling him that if that was the worse news he could think of, he had not heard a lot of bad news in his life.

We managed to find a way to make money that we both enjoyed and were living a terrific life together, not super rich, just comfortable like we have been in the past, and oh so happy. The alarm clock was not my friend that morning.

It really threw me and even as I type this I cry. I miss him so much.

My boss, who is a Pastor, and was also a good friend to Raymond, talked to me yesterday and I know everything he said was true, but it still does not help when I am so lonely for Raymond and a great conversation.

There is also the guilt because Raymond told me not to grieve long, but to move on, and I just can't seem to do that for him because I am not ready. I feel as if I am letting Raymond down and not living up to the expectations he set for me before he died.

I told my boss yesterday that if I did not have to get up to take the youngest to school and care for him, it would be really easy to stay in bed and remain in that dream world with Raymond. I know that is not right, but it is such a nice trip.

So here I am crying again. When I went to bed last night I was exhausted and really did not think I could possibly shed another tear. Evidently, I built up quite a few over night.

Mirror, Mirror on the Stall Wall,

Here I sit in my recliner with my laptop still trying to figure out the location of a certain mirror I saw this week and its counterparts.

On Thursday I went to the doctor in Richardson, TX. When I arrived I needed to use the restroom, and knowing that the only restroom available on her floor was located behind a locked door and that I would need permission to use it, I chose to use the public restroom on the first floor of the medical building she is located in. A bathroom I have used many times over the years.

I entered the stall, placed the seat over on the seat, sat down, and then looked up to notice a mirror. Now I have seen mirrors on the back of bathroom stall doors, and I have seen small mirrors located high up on a stall wall for women to check their makeup etc., but I have never seen a mirror placed in the location of this one.

This particular mirror was placed next to the toilet paper holder. It extended a couple of inches above the height of the toilet paper holder and extended on towards the bottom of the stall. I was intrigued. As I stood to leave the stall, I was careful to note just what body parts were covered by the mirror. I also noted that in order for me to see my makeup in that particular mirror I would have to bend over and practically put my head on my knees.

I was fascinated at that point. I was the only person in the bathroom so I went from stall to stall to see if every stall had a mirror in that location. They all did!

I went to the men’s room, because I really wanted to know if they had mirrors too. Unfortunately, it was occupied and I needed to go to my appointment, otherwise I would have walked in to find out. (It was occupied on my way out too, so I still do not know if the men had such mirrors.)

What was the purpose of the placement of that mirror? What are women supposed to be looking at while standing in that stall?

One suggestions was that they mirror was there to check to see if you had tucked your dress into your pantyhose. Really? How many people are going to the doctor these days dressed in such a manner? Not one person in the waiting room was dressed in a dress and pantyhose except for the drug saleswoman that dropped off drug samples.

While pondering the use of the mirror, I couldn’t help but think of Raymond complaining about one of his roommates being extremely hairy and walking around naked with dingleberries, and how such a mirror might have been helpful to him.

There were some feminine hygiene product ideas that came to mind, but I can’t imagine really needing a mirror to use any of those products.

No sex toys were being sold in the women’s bathroom.

Several of my friends and I have discussed this mirror. My boys and I have discussed this mirror. None of us can rationally think of a reason for placement of this mirror.

Maybe someone drilled the holes in the first stall to put up the mirrors in the wrong place, and since a hole in the stall wall would have meant a small window to the next stall the only thing that came to their mind was to hang the mirror there, and then to make them all alike they hung all the mirrors that low.

Of course, the mirrors could simply be there to occupy small children while their mothers are relieving themselves. I remember having to take my boys into the stall with me when we were out shopping and there was no one with me. I would have them turn their backs to me and face the door. Maybe these mirrors were so that children could stand and make faces at themselves, while the mothers are taking care of necessary functions of the human body.

I guess I will never know the real reason the mirrors are there, and I hope I can stop wondering about it soon. \\|

Mirror Mirror on the Stall Wall, You Sure are Showing it All

GOING MAD, MAD I TELL YOU...

My right foot is itching along the side today. The itching starts at the little toe right to the middle of the foot and then on up onto the top of my foot. There is no sign of a bite, rash, etc. It is driving me MAD!!! Nothing has stopped the itching.

The itching is starting to creep up my nerve endings and into the very base of my skull.

No amount of meditation and pretending the itch is not there has worked.

Sometimes the itching moves to the middle of the bottom of my foot and burns and I think okay, that is almost better, but then in seconds it is back to the outside of my foot and itches worse than before.

I am not worried about a foot fungus or any thing such as that, I am afraid of what the itching means and what may be coming into my life. Will it bring good or bad? Can I handle anything bad right now?

Yes, I have superstitions. Not as many as others, and not the same as others, but all my life my foot itching has meant something. Just as a dream that my Uncle Bob was coming meant that Uncle Bob would be there the next day, foot itching was an omen.

Foot itching has brought me good news and bad news in the past. It is never consistent. So not only is the itching driving me mad, but the unknown of what it means is driving me mad.

I guess I should not let myself go mad, there are worst places that could itch.