Garlic Lasagna

I have been in a good place the last few weeks and have been able to remember things that happened early in my marriage to Raymond without crying for days. Some things that happened we laughed about years later, others we would just shake our heads over.

The garlic lasagna was something we laughed about.

When we moved to Texas Raymond made a friend at work named John. John was just out of college like Raymond and had moved here leaving his girlfriend back home until they could afford to get married. We would have him over to the apartment often for a simple meal and some good conversation. There were many times when John would come over for dinner and then the three of us would go to a party being held by one of Raymond and John’s co-workers.

I did not grow up in a household where Italian food was served. Spaghetti was almost always skillet spaghetti. I like Italian food, and I wanted to make lasagna with homemade sauce one night for a meal with Raymond and John before we went to a party. I found a recipe I liked and went and bought the ingredients. I was so excited.

Another think about the household I grew up in was that any garlic used was garlic powder. I had never really seen a garlic bulb before and even though I had taken many classes that involved cooking in high school and college. So when I saw that the recipe I had selected called for minced garlic, I decided that I was going to use real garlic and mince it myself.

The recipe called for four cloves of garlic. Having never really seen garlic before, I assumed that four cloves meant four of what I now know as garlic bulbs. I peeled and peeled and chopped and minced for about an hour to get those four “cloves” ready to go in the sauce. Then I started cooking the sauce so it could simmer for four hours. When I started sautéing the onions and garlic together, I thought it smelled rather strong, but once again, I had never used fresh garlic before. I put all the sauce ingredients in my big stock pot and noted that I would need to start the noodles a little before the four hours was up on the sauce.

It wasn’t long before I was wondering whether or not I had chosen bad garlic. The smell was very strong. When I went down the sidewalk and across the street to the apartment mail center I could smell the sauce cooking all the way down in the mail center. Wow, I’m thinking, this is going to be so great, surely the smell will die down after a couple of hours.

By the time Raymond came home, I had the lasagna all put together and in the oven. I was working on fixing the garlic bread. Raymond was a little put off by how strong the smell was in the apartment. He started questioning me about the recipe. I told him what about the recipe calling for four “cloves” of garlic. I told him it looked like a lot, but that I had used that cookbook for years and all the recipes had been excellent. Raymond decided we should look up garlic in the dictionary. That is when we discovered I had used four bulbs of garlic, and not four cloves!

I told Raymond that I didn’t have anything we could serve John, and we would have to go out to eat before the party, but that I was not going to throw out that lasagna after spending all day making it. We would eat it the next day.

When John arrived, we had the doors open to the apartment and all the windows open, even though it was a little chilly outside. The garlic smell was still strong, but bearable. We told John what happened and he decided he wanted to eat the lasagna with us. It really was pretty good. Yes, there was a garlic taste, but it wasn’t really overpowering. We had a great time laughing about my garlic lasagna at dinner and just being together.

It wasn’t until we started to leave for the party that it hit us. We reeked of garlic. There was no amount of mouthwash, mints, or anything else that was going to disguise the smell. The smell seemed to hover like a visible fog around our clothes. There was no choice but to go to the party and tell the story of my lasagna adventure.

The party went fine. Everyone laughed, and the smell did start to dissipate after we had been at the party for a while. John took us back to the apartment after the party and the smell was better there too.

The next day I saw my next door neighbor. She said that several of my neighbors had commented about how they wanted to beat on my door the night before and ask if they could eat with us. She said her husband’s mouth watered all night from the cooking smells coming from our apartment. I just laughed and said that I had made some lasagna.

Raymond and I laughed over that story for years. I still love Italian food, and I often make my own sauce, but now I know the difference between garlic bulbs and garlic cloves.

Once There Were Beautiful Gardens

This is the current state of my property. I know it is disgraceful, but my mower is broken, and I am on the list to be mowed by a company but they are behind because of all the rain that has been in the area. My property is just now drying out enough to be mowed. What amazes me is that I am not freaked out by all of this.

At one time I had beautiful gardens all over my property. The local natural science and wildlife sanctuary would actually tell people to drive over to look at the gardens we had created with native plants and flowers. (Raymond tilled the ground, but I was in charge of the gardens.) The front and back yards were full of red, pink, purple, blue, yellow and white flowers. There were butterflies and hummingbirds every where. I was so proud of my gardens. I wish I had pictures of the gardens, but back in those days all the pictures taken were of the boys. I never thought the gardens would go away.

On weekends Raymond would play with the boys and I would get up early and weed my gardens. They were my only outside responsibility. Raymond did everything else, the mowing, the pruning, and the tree planting, I just had to take care of my gardens. Eventually the garden beds became so full that there was very little weeding necessary. My favorite plant was Gregg's blue mistflower because monarchs would be hovering overhead waiting to get a chance to sip the sweet nectar. I had one whole garden devoted just to this plant. http://www.pbase.com/image/81297087

The front garden beds were laid out in a semi-circle out from my bay window. Raymond, the boys and I loved to watch the dragonflies come in around dinner time as we sat at the table and ate. I was living a dream.

In the back I had a large garden at the end of the patio. It has evolved over the years. It is currently a rose garden, but it has held many different flowers in the past. Off to the back, close to the wild area Raymond created as a windbreak, I had tea roses. Raymond built me a trellis out of branches he had cut from trees on our property and I planted tea roses along the trellis. They were glorious. They grew so huge! I had reds, pinks, yellows, and whites. It wasn’t long before they were a row five feet tall, seven feet long, and about four feet wide. One particular bush had really nasty thorns and Raymond complained about how it loved to reach out and grab him each time he mowed. It was the most impressive display I had ever seen. We marveled over how I never did anything to them, and yet they were perfect. Unfortunately, they had to be torn out and could not be replaced when it turned out that area was the only part of the property we could place the swimming pool. It was heartbreaking, but we still had the other gardens.

Then Raymond was diagnosed with cancer, and we left to spend a year in Houston. I really did not expect anyone to take care of my gardens, and I certainly did not ask anyone to try to keep them up. All I wanted was for someone to take care of my children.

When we came back from Houston the gardens were still here. They needed pruning and they needed weeding, but they still existed. Once we got settled back into life, I brought my gardens back to life. It seemed as if we were back to normal. Yes, Raymond was missing a leg and a hip, and adjustments had to be made, but we were back to our life, our home, and my gardens.

That life lasted for approximately eighteen months. Then the cancer returned and we went back to Houston. When we returned, Raymond was in a wheelchair full time. There would be no more mowing for him, and my responsibilities grew. The gardens became neglected as I was in the process of helping my mom deal with widowhood, driving the boys to their activities, and trying to keep up with the house and the acreage. Eventually I could take it no more. The gardens were no longer beautiful. They were just beds of struggling plants that needed more care than I had could give them. I mowed the gardens down; the beautiful gardens were no more. We had entered a new phase of our life.

A couple of years ago I decided to start planning roses again. I planted several beds of roses throughout the front yard and a big bed in the back. Raymond used to take his banjo out on the patio and play out there while looking at the roses. I would sit on the swing and we would reminisce about the roses we lost when we put in the pool. Raymond did not miss the thorns.

Now the rose beds are full. The neighbors often come over to see them, and many people have stopped and asked me to share the names of my roses, and/or ask how to care for them. I always have to say, I do nothing.

This fall the roses are going to need a great deal of pruning and care. The rains this summer have sent them into a tailspin, especially since all my roses are drought tolerant; and are not used to large amounts of water. I did not water them at all last summer when we were in the drought.

I don’t know if I will ever go back to all the flower beds. I have sketched out some plans and I have done some research about which plants I would put in the next time, but I just do not know if I want to do that again. It would be hard to have beautiful gardens and not my beautiful husband.

At least I can say that once there were beautiful gardens, not everyone has been lucky enough to have had that experience.

Last Day of Solitude

This is it, my last day alone. Tomorrow I pick up my boys and go back to family life.

I have loved this time alone. I feel calm and rested.

I have never been alone with no real responsibilities like this before. It has been very recuperative. It has also given me a chance to see what it will be like when the boys move away. I now know I will survive having an empty nest, especially if the youngest takes all these turtles with him.

I am proud of myself.

You Can’t Choose Your Family, but I’m Blessed Because My Family Chose Me

No, my parents did not adopt me, but my family did.

My mother is 85 and has memory issues.

I have a brother 9 years older than me. My father passed away in 1998. I have one uncle, and three aunts still living, along with at least 26 cousins, 2 sister-in-laws, and both of my in-laws, and yet sometimes I feel as if I am an orphan.

My brother went to college when I was in third grade, and even though he came back home to live on and off while I was growing up, we were never close. My cousins, with the exception of one, were all either much older than me, or we did not visit often.

I always dreamed of being really close to my sister-in-laws. In my dreams we would shop together, raise our children together, and run in and out of each others houses. The reality of having sister-in-laws did not come close to my dreams. Raymond and I moved to Texas after our wedding and we only saw his sisters a few times after our wedding. In fact, I’ve only seen his youngest sister about four times in 24 years, and his other sister and I have probably only seen each other 15 times in that time. At least she and I had some visits that lasted for several days. However, the connection wasn’t there. We were too far away, and did not really keep in touch between visits.

My brother moved to California before I got married and there would be years between visits. I never met his first wife. I have not met my youngest nephew, who is 19 or 20.

When Raymond died, I looked at my life and realized that other than my sons, and my mother, I was an orphan when it came to close blood relatives, and it made me feel a little panicked. When I started to think about what would happen if I became ill, or if I was in a car wreck, etc. I wondered who would be there for me that would be capable of helping me and my boys. Just thinking about all the things that could happen that would require help made me break out in sweats and my heart palpitate.

It wasn’t until I took a good look at my life that I realized I have enough family to require extra tables at Thanksgiving dinner. I am blessed with some friends that have become family, and some of those friends have family members that have also adopted me.

These friends have become my true family. These friends drop what they are doing to help me when I am in true need. These friends and their family go with me to see my sons perform or accept accolades so that they can share that proud feeling. These friends have been there for me a lot more than any of my in-laws or blood relatives, other than my mother. These friends chose to be close to me. These friends have shown me what it is to have a real “family.”

As I get better about accepting help, and learning to show parts of my life where I am vulnerable, my “family” has rallied around and helped me. They listen to me.

I still mourn the fact that I did not end up with the life I dreamed all those years ago, but that was a dream. The reality of my “family” may not include family trips and weekend picnics with the clan, but I am such a pain and so picky I probably would not have enjoyed those activities any where but in my dreams. Then there is the fact that everyone is so busy these days I do not know many families that have weekend picnics with all their siblings and their families very often. The reality of my “family” is pretty much all a person could hope for, except Raymond is not here with us.

I am so blessed to have been chosen.

True Words from a Song

“Is there someone you know,
You’re loving them so,
But taking them all for granted.
You may lose them one day,
Someone takes them away,
And they don’t hear the words you long to say”

Bread, “Everything I Own”

One of my best friends had been married a few years before Raymond and I got married. She and her husband always took at least one vacation a year without their spouse. One time I wanted to go see my parents and Raymond did not have the time. I said something about going without him for a few days and he told me that would not happen. He did not believe in separate vacations. He thought it was bad for a marriage. Later in our marriage I did take a few short trips without Raymond, but I always had at least one kid with me and it was usually because Raymond was physically unable to go with us. My friend, well, she and her husband ended up taking one too many vacations apart. He met someone else on a separate vacation and their marriage ended in divorce.

My friend’s marriage did not end in divorce simply because they took separate vacations, but I can’t help but think they were careless with their marriage. I have a lot of friends that seem to be careless with their marriages. So many people seem to be leading completely different lives from their spouses. I’m not saying that anyone should lose their identity when they get married. I just think that if you love someone enough to marry them, then you should share your life with them.

I have married friends that fill their lives with so many activities after work they don’t get home until about 9:00 p.m. and then between household chores and catching up with bills and such they are lucky to see their spouses for fifteen minutes before bed time. I pity them.

I admit that there were times in our marriage before kids where Raymond and I chose commitments that kept us apart more than we liked, but they were choices we made in order to benefit us as a family on down the road. Sometimes we chose to work a lot to try to get ahead, especially when I would be offered overtime to stay and finish projects. When Raymond decided to get his Master's before we had children in order to be able to get a higher paying position so I could stay home with the children, we knew we would be sacrificing time together. However, we always made sure we spent time together at least one day a weekend. Sometimes it would only be a couple of hours, but it allowed us to talk about what was going on and make plans for the future. I think when a couple talks about the future together it reinforces the fact that each of them is in the relationship for the long haul.

I hear friends say they got divorced because they grew apart from their spouse. I always wonder if they grew apart or just did not spend enough time together to stay connected.

I also think a lot of couples never learn that no matter how much you love someone, marriage is work. Raymond and I used to talk about that all the time. We would watch friends get divorced and look at how they had put their commitment to each other aside while they let their outside life consume them and before they knew it there were so many obstacles in the marriage they did not want to work to overcome them. I have never understood people that work so hard for a company but are not willing to work hard for the person that they love and are the other half of their children’s lives.

On the flip side, I don’t understand people that are married, without children, and are completely miserable because of how their spouse treats them, but they stay any way because they do not want to be alone. Verbal and physical abuse should not be tolerated. That is not love.

W hen you add children to the mix, then you have added another commitment. Once again, abuse should not be tolerated, but couples should work harder to stay together.

Love is precious, it should not be taken for granted, and it can be taken away, but it is a shame to throw it away.

Thoughts of Late

The qualities you admire most about someone can end up being the ones that annoy you most.

If I have to suffer fools, then the fools will suffer. (This is not a violent thought.)

Hard Night

Darn, this has been a hard night. Some times I just ache to talk to Raymond. I have so many things I want to discuss with him.

Everyone says it will get better with time, but I don't know how.

Superwoman

This is my friend, Superwoman. I call her that because she is always posing like she is a Superwoman. She likes to jump around and strike poses. She loves to have her picture taken. She cracks me up.

We spent the afternoon together. I had a great time.

I hope she sang tonight. She needs to sing. Not because she has a fabulous voice that needs to be heard by all. She has an okay voice, but she needs to sing for herself.

We are very different people, but I can appreciate her for her Superwomaness. I can envy her for her willingness to explore new things. I am grateful to her for sharing her adventures to this old homebody.

I Want to Shave My Head

I need a haircut. I am trying to delay it for many reasons. One being I hate spending the money. The other is that I am in the mood to shave my head.

I really hate how hair feels on my head. I often fantasize about shaving my head and being done with it all. However, I know from the years that Raymond spent having to shave his head due to the side effects of the chemo that it is not that easy. I know that it would probably itch coming back in. I know that I would have to wear a hat whenever I went outside. I hate hats as much as I hate the feel of hair on my head.

I also know that there are many people in the world that would love to have hair so I feel guilty about even thinking about shaving my head.

Maybe I'll just go get a really short haircut and pretend I'm bald.

Many Ways to Define Good Friends

There are many ways to define a good friend.

I am fortunate to have many good friends, plus my rock.

Good friends listen to you, support you, give you suggestions, and even criticize you when necessary, and have many other wonderful qualities that define themselves as good friends.

I added another definition today. A good friend will help you clean your son's turtle tank when he is away for three weeks and you can no longer stand the smell of the tank. I can clean most of the tanks, but the two bigger ones. The largest tank will probably last until my youngest comes home, but the medium tank was making my eyes water.

We clean the two big tanks using a shop vac. It takes two people. I called a friend today and asked if I could rent her son (a friend of my youngest) to help me clean the tank as I really did not think I could make it another day. They came over and helped with the shop vac and refused to take the money I offered. I don't think they really understood how much it meant to me.

I really hate asking for help, it makes me feel weak. I am learning however, that I am not going to be able to make it without help from my friends that goes beyond listening and talking. I am sometimes going to need physical help.

I am learning that I need to quit going beyond my physical limitations because when I do I am down for days. It is better for me to ask for help and keep myself healthy so that I can help others. It would be better to pay it forward than to be on the couch for days in physical pain.

I am blessed with friends, and I hope I can bless them back.

I am also blessed because my eyes won't be watering today.

Odd Dream

I had the oddest dream last night.

Raymond and I were shopping at this very unique shop. It had plants and pottery, but was very unorganized and difficult to maneuver a wheelchair through. We were buying things for a house we were moving into that was being completely remodeled, but we weren't going to live there.

I was buying some very cool, very distinct pieces of pottery. I can still remember the designs. Raymond was making sure to get the name of every potter that had designed the pieces.

Our pastor was there. I never could figure out if he was shopping or working there as he was rearranging things in the storeroom, but was a little dressed up to be dealing with plants. There were several other former members of our church there too.

I remember being very frustrated because they didn't have any plants I wanted.

Made my night very odd, but interesting.

Going to the Movies, No Longer a Family Affair

Raymond and I were not big movie goers after we got married. We were on a very tight budget and just did not enjoy the movies enough to spend our money that way. After we had been married a few years and moved into our first house we ended up with cable television because of a big special they ran when cable was extended into our neighborhood. We kept the cable until the special ended and then purchased a VCR. I don’t think we went to a theater again after that until the boys were of age to start going to see family movies. Even then we only went to the movies about four or five times a year.

As a family we have gone to see “Harry Potter”, “Pirates of the Caribbean”, “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, and a few other odd and end movies. It was easy to make the ones with sequels a tradition. I always looked forward to going to see the movies as a family, and was always frustrated that they wheelchair seats were only in seats of 3 so we could not all sit together, but still we were there together and would have a good discussion afterwards.

Since Raymond’s death, the boys and I have been to see a couple of movies, but we mainly have watched movies we have found at the library. I was really looking forward to the third “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie and couldn’t wait to see it with the boys. Plus a new “Harry Potter” movie is out. This was going to be a summer of going to the movies again as a family. I had a warm feeling just thinking about a day out at the movies and coming home and discussing the movie while fixing a meal together.

Now, reality has set in. Both boys have seen the “Pirates” movie without me. Neither one of them liked it well enough to want to go see it again with me. The oldest went to see the new “Harry Potter” the other night with his work buddies. The boys were both nice enough to say to me that they would not go with their buddies if I didn’t want them to, that we would go as a family if that is what I wanted, but how could I say “no.” Saying “no” would be selfish. I know that going to the movies with a group of 4 or 5 of your good friends is more fun than going with your mom, and the boys do come back happy and laughing, which is a wonderful thing to witness. So why do I feel so sad inside? Shouldn’t I be thrilled they have so many friends?

I can’t decide if I am sad because I no longer have anyone to go to the movies with, or because they are getting older and moving farther and farther away from me. Either way it is selfish.

Sometimes it is really hard to take a look at how our family is changing as the boys get older and go on to developing their own lives, but at the same time it is thrilling.

Who knows maybe I will like going to the movies by myself. Then again, who will wake me up with I start snoring?

“God Rules with an Iron Spork”

“God rules with an iron spork.” This is a comment from my oldest as we were driving through some small towns on our recent trip through Oklahoma and Arkansas.

This comment was brought on by some of the sayings on the signs of the local churches. I believe God is love, but some of the signs on these churches would have you believing otherwise, thus the iron spork comment.

I have met many people over the years that have claimed to be “Christians” that behaved and talked in ways that were extremely Un-Christian. I have never understood their attitudes. I know a man that is a deacon in his church, and while he does lots of good things for his several million dollar church in the way of manual labor, he treats human beings horribly. I have trouble even being in the same room with this person. He is racist. He is easily offended by people and then holds a grudge forever. He has no sense of forgiveness, and yet, he tries to convert people to his religion at every turn. He carries his Bible with him and tells everyone about his church and how he wants to spread Christianity throughout the world. He has turned my children against his religion as they see him as the example and do not want to be like him.

As we were driving through these small towns and reading their signs this man came to mind as there were many messages that seemed unforgiving. I don’t get it.

I have never wanted my children to be afraid of God. It was a struggle when they were younger because unfortunately they were exposed to the man mentioned above way too much when Raymond first became ill. It was unavoidable. Fortunately, when we returned home we were able to find a church where the pastor did not scare them and now they understand about the other man having the wrong attitude, but they have not forgotten.

I am always receiving comments from people about how kind my children are to others. I think part of that kindness comes from having been exposed to a man that is not kind to others. So maybe it is a good thing they have not forgotten his attitude. May they remember it all their lives and strive not to be “Christian” like him.

What a Cutie!

I'm getting so attached to our musk turtles. I had no idea that turtles could have so much personality.

This guy likes to be petted.

Face Box

This is one of my favorite pieces of Raymond's pottery. It is a face box.

All Alone

I am all alone for three weeks. The boys have gone off to attend a math institute. One is working there, and the other is a student.

I would like to say that I have been very industrious since they have left, but I haven’t. I have slept late, read books, taken my mom a few places, and watched television.

I have not opened my mail, my papers, or returned some phone calls. I am resting. I am resting my body with sleep, and my mind with dullness. It feels wonderful.

Whereas I am all alone, I am not lonely. My friends check in on me to see if I am okay which is wonderful. It lets me know that someone cares.

I know that I need to get up and straighten the place up, but every time I think about a chore to do I decide that a nap sounds better.

I am finally letting myself recognize that I am exhausted. All those years of little sleep because I was worried about Raymond and what would happen to us if he died has finally caught up with me. I feel like I could sleep for weeks and weeks and still not be rested.

My “Dream Man”

I have a couple of happily married friends that still enjoy looking at men. We will be out and they will see a man they consider good looking and say things like “oooh, he’ll be in my dreams tonight.” It cracks me up. I have never been one to fantasize about men. In fact, I seldom notice what men look like.

Raymond and I always had a running joke that the only man I would ever leave him for was Sam Elliott. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000385/ I like Sam Elliot more for his extremely sexy voice than his looks, although he is good looking.

No matter how much I like Sam Elliott, I have never dreamed of him. I am just not a man dreamer. My dreams tend to run a little more towards reality.

Another thing about me is that I do not find men with blonde hair attractive. I have dated some in the very distant past, and it just never worked out because no matter how nice they were, or how smart, I just could not get past the fact that they were blonde. So imagine my surprise the other night when I had a dream about a very tall, wide-shouldered, good looking blonde man.

In my dream, this large semi truck ran through my front yard destroying my flower beds, and tearing up some of my trees, and coming to rest across my driveway. I went tearing out of my house, ran up to the truck cab, yanked open the door and started screaming at the driver, the blonde man. I was crying and telling him I was a widow that could barely keep up with the house and the property and how dare he tear up my property. I was screaming about how I had no idea how to make all the repairs that would be required now that he had destroyed my front yard.

He stepped out of the truck and apologized to me saying that he had borrowed the truck and just didn’t realize how hard it would be to control. I told him to get off my property and go away.

The dream then goes to him playing poker with a bunch of men and talking about how bad he feels about what he did to my property. He then vows to these men that he will fix all the damage and also everything else wrong on the property.

In the next dream scene he is at my door with his toolbox telling me again how sorry he is and how he would like to help me at no cost. He then proceeds to fix everything around the house.

Now that is a dream man.

Sleeping Blue

Warning: Do not fall asleep when someone in the house has a new camera

Travel Diary

This is a copy of the diary I kept on our recent trip to Bella Vista, Arkansas.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The boys and I leave at a little before 9:00 a.m. to go to Bella Vista, Arkansas. I have rented a house on Lake Loch Lomond. I decided to go all out since this is the first vacation we have had as a family since Raymond died. Fortunately, when I called to get the house, they discounted it for me which made the trip even a little sweeter. http://tinyurl.com/36qmvz

The trip itself is pretty uneventful. I had the oldest drive for about two hours through part of Oklahoma. First time for him to drive that long. He did a good job. I was able to get some reading done so I really enjoyed that part of the drive.

We arrived in Bella Vista around 4:00 p.m. I feel a little tingle of delight that we arrived right when I planned. I have made this trip probably close to a hundred times in the last 20 years, but this time it is different. I alone am in charge. There is no adult back up.

The boys stayed in the van when I went into the office to check in and get the keys to the house. When I turned around to leave I found myself on the receiving end of a beautiful smile and a greeting nod from a man coming in the door. The desk clerk greeted him by name. His name was “Raymond.” I took that as a sign.

The house is located at the end of a cove and is beautiful. The fishing area is a little cramped for three, but we made it work. It was a very nice night, and there was just enough fish caught to make us all feel as if we had fulfilled our mission for the night.

I finished my book, “A Bigger Life” by Annette Smith around 2:00 a.m. It was not what I expected. Let’s just say it turns out at the end that there is cancer and a hospice involved. I believe that this was the catharsis I needed to enjoy this trip.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I woke up early to rain. I decided to let the boys sleep in for a while as I was moving slow. After a late breakfast it was still raining so we decided to drive to Terra Studios, and then go to Fayetteville.

Terra Studios is like a little bit of heaven to me. http://www.terrastudios.com/ I wish I could live on their grounds with all their mystical creatures. As I walked through the Mural Garden I felt layers of stress being lifted off of me. A great sense of peace came over me and I felt so blessed. I worried all the way to Terra that the visit would tear me up inside since Raymond and I went there together, but that did not happen. I had a moment of regret that Raymond couldn’t be there with us, and I was sad that Raymond did not discover his artistic talent earlier in his life, but I also felt a sense of great well-being after just a few minutes and was able to absorb in the calm, and breathe in the gladness. The boys purchased a couple of thumb drums, and I bought a tile. The youngest found a small clay turtle.

After Terra, we drove back to Fayetteville and went to Dickson Street Bookshop. A favorite stop of mine and Raymond’s every time we went there. They reportedly have 100,000 used and out-of-print books. My first order of business was to go look for a book that I saw there about ten years ago. I wanted a copy of “The Kentucky Cycle” by Robert Schenkkan. http://tinyurl.com/2jubcg Imagine my shock to find the book exactly where I remembered it being. I walked right to it. I was so excited. After that I just walked followed my youngest around as he made one fantastic discovery after another. When we left it was pouring rain again.

Because it was still raining, we decided to stop at the mall and walk around. I found a turtle thumb drum and a clearance green purse. We really did not find a lot to do in the mall, and decided to call it a day. When we left it had stopped raining.

We decided to go fishing again in back of the house in case it rained again. I caught a good sized bass, and there were several blue gill caught. We are a catch and release family, so I stayed busy taking fish off the hook. The boys have started baiting their own hooks (we only fish with worms), but I have to take the fish off.

I loved this day.

My big catch:

Thursday, June 28, 2007

I woke up with a wonderful realization. I have not had a single backache since the first night. I slept until 8:00 a.m., something that never happens at home because my back wakes me up. It is definitely time for me to start looking for a new mattress when I get home. The boys were still asleep so I went downstairs to work on the fishing poles. It wasn’t long before they were downstairs with me watching GMA. We decided to make pancakes for breakfast. The youngest is the pancake maker in the house. He had made up all the dry ingredients before we left, so he only had to add the eggs, oil, and buttermilk. We watched “MythBusters” and then decided to go hiking.

We went to Tanyard Creek to walk the nature trail. On the way there we saw a red-eared slider turtle in the road and stopped to rescue it to the other side. The youngest has gotten smarter about picking up wild turtles; he held it out to the side so that it would not relieve itself on him.

On the trail we saw a lizard, a huge duck, and a snake. There were some of the tiniest birds in the trees. I thought of Raymond in his wheelchair on the suspension bridge from our last visit there. Raymond and I had hiked that area so many times in the years before he became ill. I wasn’t sad though. I just tried to enjoy the peace and the beauty. It is so like what I love and so unlike where I live. I need to bring more of it to my house. We saw some bluebirds at the trail head.

Tanyard Creek, Bella Vista, Arkansas

It amazes me as we drive along the roads here that there are small patches of “butterfly weed” growing here and there along the road. http://tinyurl.com/oaxn At each patch there are butterflies hovering above as they wait for their turn at the nectar.

After the hike we went back to the house for showers and lunch and to plan the rest of the day. We decided to go to some of the local shops before they closed.

On the way into town we decided to go to a garage sale on Chelsea. We found the garage sale, but decided not to stop after all as it was small and uninteresting. On the way back into town we saw four beavers along the way. We went to Wishing Springs Gallery http://tinyurl.com/yq3hqh. There were some beautiful pottery pieces. I had to walk away from a great teapot.

After the gallery, we went to Janet Davis Music. http://www.janetdavismusic.com/ Autoharps are so cool!!! I found a book for my mountain dulcimer, and the youngest found a music book for his hammered dulcimer. The one thing we really wanted but could not find any where was another jaw harp.

We stopped at Lowe’s to check out the garden section. When we got in the car to leave I noticed a hawk flying on the cliff above. Raymond saying “hello.”

After returning to the house, we decided to go down to fish at one of the docks on Lake Avalon. It was the last place we had fished as a family. It also is the place we still talk about because of my “gruesome” catch. Raymond, the boys, and I were there fishing and it was getting close to being too dark to fish. I threw out and caught a “big one.” I was having trouble reeling it in. Raymond was watching, and the boys had their backs to me fishing on the other side. As I got my catch closer to the dock, Raymond and I realized it was not a fish. Raymond and I would catch glimpses and were getting concerned. We were almost sure I had caught a human head. I told Raymond to keep the boys to the other side and I would try to bring it in. We would call for help once I was sure. It took a few minutes but I finally landed the “head.” It was a “Winnie the Pooh” ball that had split open and had faded. There was plenty of moss hanging down as “hair.” We had a good laugh about how we had been watching way too much “CSI.”

The boys and I had some good luck at the dock. The youngest caught a huge bass and we almost got it up on the dock, but lost it at the last minute. Once again, we needed a net and didn’t have one. I really need to buy a net. One of these days it will be my big catch we lose.

Tomorrow we will go to hike Bench Rock Nature Trail, a Corp of Engineer Trail in Beaver Lake area.

Friday, June 29, 2007

It is so glorious to wake up and take a very hot shower with water pressure that can blast you out the shower door. It has taken great willpower to not spend the whole vacation in the shower.

After breakfast we left for Bench Rock Nature Trail. We had to make a couple of stops on the way since the oldest needed batteries for his camera and another memory card because he has already taken 220 pictures.

We made a quick stop at Pea Ridge Military Park to see if they had any jaw harps. The oldest bought one there the last time we were there and now the youngest wants one. http://www.nps.gov/peri/ Unfortunately, they were out of jaw harps.

With some navigation by the oldest, we found the road we needed to get to the nature trail. Stopped at the pay booth and were informed how to find the footbridge at the trail head, and were also informed that there had been complaints about ticks on the trail. We told the man that we had plenty of bug spray and were dressed appropriately, paid our $4.00 and went back up the hill to the parking area.

This trail is described in the “Vacation Information Guide for Northwest Arkansas” as “1-1/3-mile-long trail is easy to moderate hiking and usually takes an hour to hike. Half of the length of the trail leads you along the top of a bluff, which provides many panoramic views of Beaver Lake.” Well, I don’t know where that reviewer has been hiking, but this was not what I considered to be an easy to moderate hike. The trail was not well maintained, and started up straight up a series of stone stairs. No complaints, I don’t mind a strenuous hike, but it was misleading. I sent the oldest back for our hiking sticks and off we went. We were using our sticks mainly to beat off the spider webs and to move the weeds aside to find the trail. After probably less than a quarter of a mile I looked down and saw a tick on my leg. I told the boys to stop so I could check them. Sure enough, we all had several ticks on our pants. We took a poll and decided to leave the trail. That is all it took for the oldest to take off. He was so freaked out by the ticks that he was running faster than I have ever seen him go. (He is not known for his speed.) If a track coach had been available, I think they would have signed him on the spot. The youngest and I were so tickled by the sight that we could barely walk. By the time we made it back to the trail head my oldest was at the van, shirt off, and checking for more ticks. It was so hot and muggy it was hard to check the clothes. We were peeling the shirts off our skin. I drove us back into the park and I swear the old man in the booth was laughing. We stopped at the showers and changed into the extra clothes we had brought along and decided to head back up the road.

As we were driving my oldest decided we should spend the day in Eureka Springs. I was sure I had seen the sign up the road for the exit and took off since the oldest could not find what we needed on the map. I went up the road, turned where I saw the sign and off we went. I was driving along and suddenly noticed a sign that said “Welcome to Missouri.” My oldest didn’t think that was right, so he started looking it up. Sure enough I had taken a wrong turn. I had two choices, go back, or take a longer route through the Mark Twain National Forest. http://www.fs.fed.us/r9/forests/marktwain/ It was a beautiful drive, but a lot like being on a roller coaster. We rolled down the window to listen to all the birds. It was fabulous. We would run into little rain showers and were amazed out how clean the rain looked. It was well worth the extra miles.

Driving into Eureka Springs we just had to stop at the first art gallery on the road. It was wonderful and the boys and I were ready to hit the shops and the galleries. We drove up the road and found a parking space, paid our fee, and off we went. We saw so many wonderful artists. I loved Al Hooks’ work. www.twistedhooks.com or www.alhooks.com. I also was enthralled by the paintings of Lisa Bauer. http://www.eurekaspringsartists.com/ It was a terrific day. As we were going back we saw the sign that I thought said to “Eureka Springs.” It didn’t say anything close to that, but I figured we were meant to go through the Mark Twain National Forest.

Overlook between Eureka Springs and Bella Vista, Arkansas - Fog coming into the valley.

When we got back to Bella Vista we fixed dinner and then went to the dock across the way from the house. I had wanted to fish there all week but it was always full in the evenings. We had some luck and it was a pretty good night until the last batch of “cat fishers” came through and netted without asking us. The first group of men was very nice and we practically had to beg them to go ahead and get their bait. The last group just threw out the nets without asking right under our poles. We were lucky there were no tangles. We would have gladly let them net with no problems, but I hated how rude they were. We had some very nice catches and went back to the house happy and tired.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Check out is 11:00 a.m. I get up around 8 a.m. and take my last great shower before going home to the lukewarm drip I usually get. We had packed everything up the night before so it is just a matter of having breakfast, packing the cooler, taking out the trash, and loading the van. I love having a garage here because it makes it so much easier to load up.

The boys and I look at the map and decide to take a different route home. We decide to take the scenic route along 71. We drive into town and check out then hit the highway. There is not a lot of traffic and the weather is threatening, but there is no rain yet.

The drive is beautiful. We stop at an art guild gallery, but there is nothing we want there, so it is on down the road. I see a beautiful scenic overlook and pull over so we can take pictures and go into the shop. The shop was called Artist Point and we were in Mountainburg, Arkansas. The shop owner was really nice and the view outside the back of the shop was spectacular. There were hummingbird feeders hung all along the windows and there were hummingbirds all over. We enjoyed walking around and looking at the gifts. There was also a huge selection of homemade jams/preserves, pickles, and relishes. I bought three jars of sugar free apple butter, two for us and one for my mother.

Artist Point, Mountainburg, Arkansas

The rest of the trip was peaceful. There were a few bouts of rain, but nothing too treacherous. My oldest drove for a while in Oklahoma, which gave me a break and let me get some reading done. We made a few more stops and visited with mom before heading to the house. The youngest was thrilled to get home and see his turtles.

This vacation was just long enough. I decide not to look at the papers or the mail until Monday. I am so glad we went. I needed the break. I needed to fish.

I wish I could explain how much I love fishing. I would love to be able to fish at any given moment. Unfortunately, that is not something I can do here.

I’m amazed when I check the mileage and see that I drove 1,130 miles. I guess I can take the boys on vacation by myself.

The boys and I made a list of the wildlife we saw on the trip. Here is our list:

Red-Eared Slider Turtle
Lizard
Snake
Bluebirds
A huge duck
5 beavers
2 deer
Butterflies
Crawdad
Bat
Turkey
Guinea Hens
Hawk
Buzzard carrying snake
Three Toed Box Turtle
Luna Moth
Opossum
Chipmunk
Frogs
Turkeys

As much as I enjoyed the trip, I can wait awhile for another one.