Goodbye Mom and Thanks

My Mom passed away today around 3:00 p.m
.

I think it was the best ending we could have hoped for, I’m sure she planned it out.

I worked today and left a little after 2:30 and drove straight to the nursing home. When I got to her room there was a man and woman with her. They told me they were doing a sonogram that the Dr. had ordered. I asked if it was on her abdomen and they said no, her legs. I said that I would stay in there with them. During all of this exchange Mom could not see me because I was behind the curtain. When I poked my head around the curtain Mom gave me the most glorious smile and waved at me. I walked to the other side of the twin bed and she was gone. That quick.

Thank you Mom for waiting to let me see that smile and for the wave.

Thank you for all the sacrifices you made to make my life better.

I will miss you, but I know that you are with Dad, Raymond, Bob, and your Mom and Pop, along with many, many others.

I love you Mom.

George Carlin 1937-2008

There are many tributes to George Carlin on the internet and in the newspapers. All of the ones I have read have been really great.

I always liked George Carlin, and he always made me laugh, but the greatest thing to me about George Carlin was he made Raymond laugh. He brought joy to Raymond during some very difficult times in Raymond's cancer treatments. That is how I will remember George Carlin, as someone that made Raymond laugh. and therefore brought happiness to my heart.

Can You Be Depressed While on an Antidepresssant?

I really thought everything was going okay with the new dose and the scheduling of my antidepressant until Mom went into the nursing home. Now, I'm not so sure.

All I want to do before going there is sleep and when I get home from there all I want to do is sleep. Everyone keeps telling me that I do not need to go every day, but yes I do. I need to make sure she is okay.

Fortunately she is being very well taken care of and is actually starting to take herself around in her wheelchair.

I just do not do well without some type of long term plan, and there is no plan where she is concerned. Each day something new comes up. Today when we got there she had taken everything out of her closet and had it ready to go because she was moving "tomorrow" to go live with her mother.

This is not how she was suppose to end up. She should still be out having fun with her friends and enjoying her life.

I'm definitely depressed. I think I will go to sleep.

SNAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!

A few minutes ago I started down the hall to go to the bathroom and as I turned the corner something caught my eye. It was a SNAAAAAAAKE coming out of MY bedroom.

I went and made my youngest get out of the pool and catch it. He managed to get it into a bucket, but when he took it outside it jumped out of the bucket into one of my flower pots. I don't care as long as it is outside.

I hope I can sleep tonight. Even though it was only a very thin snake about 1 1/2 feet long, it was still a SNAAAAAAAAKE in MY bedroom.

Daughter, but No Name

The boys and I went to see Mom tonight. She told us she was very happy in the nursing home.

I asked her if she knew who I was and she said I was her daughter. I asked her if she knew my name. She said "no."

She also did not know the boys' names, but knew they were my sons.

It makes me sad, but I am so glad she is happy.

Busy, Busy, Busy

My Mom's sister from Tucson has been in and out visiting for the last couple of weeks. Last Friday she came to stay until yesterday. We had a very nice visit and it was wonderful to have someone to talk to about Mom.

We went to see Mom several times each day, and were able to get a better feel of what she needs in the nursing home.

Between visiting Mom, and my working, we also managed to go see Highland Springs, a retirement community my aunt is considering, visit several wonderful quilt shops, have some wonderful meal, and some good laughs.

I am very grateful to my aunt for taking the time out of her vacation to give me some much needed support.

Brain Exhaustion

Seeing Mom today was horrible. The last few weeks have been horrible, but today was pretty much the pits. My brain it terribly exhausted.

It is my College Girl's birthday and I did squat. I did not mail her gift in time. I did not call her. It was as if dialing the phone and opening my mouth to speak would just take more energy than I had.

I'm only writing this because if I do not get this off my mind I will never sleep.

L-I love you, and I know you will understand because you are my friend. Happy Birthday!