The Theme of My 54th Year

On April 18th I turned 54 years old.  

I have spent the last 6 months thinking about this birthday and the theme for the year. I had two themes that kept coming up in my head over and over.

My choices:

•  "Let it Be" which several people just laugh at because they know I am pretty much incapable of letting things go. However, several times lately I have awakened with this Beatles song running through by head. That being said, there are a few things in my life that I really need to learn to let go or one of the most important relationships in my life may be ruined forever.  I have shed a lot of tears over not being able to let some things go in the past year. 
  
• "Be the Change" is all about some of the changes I am making in my life.  Right now they are not huge changes, but I hope they are permanent changes. "Letting it Be" could be a part of the "changes."  This one climbed to the top of the list because when I was thinking about this a couple of weeks ago, I opened a drawer and found a blank diary with a soft green cover with the words "Be the Change" on the front.  "Be the Change" says it pretty clear. I have to "Be" the "Change." The kind of changes I need to make cannot be made by anyone else.

Due to the fact that "Let it Be" can fall under "Be the Change," I am officially naming my 54th year as the year of "Be the Change."

I am in Love with The Wood Brothers

I came across this band as I was looking at the top 100 root rock bands of 2012 and now I am totally in love and obsessed with them.  I can't stop listening to their songs to the point where one of them keeps popping up in my dreams and I wake up tapping my toes.

Such a toe tapper!


Ya gotta love the beat!


I love it!

I'm Happy to Report

I heard from Randy last night and I am happy to report he has found a girlfriend.  I have been praying that he would get someone in his life that could really be there for him and I believe he might have met that person.  

I wish them both the very best and may they be very happy together.  Randy has a lot of love to give and he deserves that much love back.

Getting Close

It is getting close to the time for me to pick my theme for my 54th year.  

The song "Let it Be" still keeps popping into my head at random times.  I am unclear as to why since, while it is a good song, it is not a song I listen to very often.

The other song that has been coming up in my mind is David Bowie's "Changes."  Bowie has always been one of my favorites so I can understand it being in my mind, but I haven't listened that song in a while.

I can see a need for me to let things be, and to make changes.  So I am not sure what direction I will go in yet.

Of course I still have 15 days to decide, so it could be something completely different. 

Spring Break 2013

I chose not to take vacation during Spring Break this year even though I knew my youngest would be home all week.  It is still just a little to cold to go fishing, so I worked through the week instead, but still had a wonderful Spring Break.

Biggest surprise of Spring Break was that my oldest came home late on Thursday night and stayed through late Sunday night.  I really enjoyed having both of the boys in the house at once.  It felt like a home again instead of just a place I live in.  

We didn't do anything special but the boys were very helpful around the house, and the house was full of some of their friends home from college. There was lots of laughter and teasing.  

It was a very nice Spring Break.

Taxes - I Need the Teamwork

I swore I would do the taxes yesterday, but every time I started to get everything out I found something else to do. I finally contacted the youngest and asked if I could bribe him to help me out today, and he said "yes."

Today while we were working on the taxes I did not have the anxiety that I usually do when collecting all the items and filling out the forms for the CPA, and I realized it was because of the teamwork.

Now the youngest did not need to do much.  He set up the table, brought in the box, typed out the things on the computer that I dictated to him, and made copies, but it made a huge difference for me to have his help.

The teamwork calmed me.  Raymond and I always did the taxes together.  He would do the forms and tell me what documentation he needed and I would pull the papers out of the file and wait for my next set of instructions.  We always talked about what a great team we made when it came to the taxes.

I told the youngest about how his dad and I worked together today.  I thanked him several times and paid my bribe.  

Another year until I start having the anxiety attacks again.

It is So Hard on the Mama

I really hate that all my boys (biological and adopted as part of the family) are no longer within a few miles of the house.  I know they are adults and have their own lives, but it makes it so hard on me when they reach out to me.

It always seems to start off with a text, no matter which boy it is.  "Are you up?"  I always say "Of course." and then there is the inevitable "Okay if I call?" and I always answer "Yes."  Then there is the phone call 

Sometimes the phone call is because they are angry, but most of the time it is because they are upset, and need a shoulder. The worst calls are when they are crying so hard I can't understand them and I have to have them repeat themselves several times before I know what is going on .It tears my heart out.

I really hate not being able to look them in the eye to assess the situation, and then give them a hug.

I know they have to go off on their own and be the men they are meant to be, but I wish it didn't have to happen so soon.