I went to my youngest son’s school tonight to watch him get an award for being on the all “A” honor roll. On the way home the moon was a bright little sliver in the dark sky at the end of our street. I commented to my son that it looked like a big smile up in the sky. What I was actually thinking was that it was a sign from my husband that he was proud to see that Hu was doing well in school and that his death was not keeping him from excelling in his studies.
Before my son went to bed I told him that the moon made me think of his dad, and that I felt as if it was a sign telling us that he was proud of Hu. Hu told me that the grades weren’t that big of a deal. I told him I knew that, but the fact that he had not turned to bad habits, hadn’t started hanging with a bad group of kids, or anything else that would have been different from the path he was on before his father’s death was something to be proud of, and that is what his father would have been smiling about.
I know my boys don’t like me to talk like that, and I try not do, but every so often I have to let it out. It makes me feel better to think of their dad, who loved his boys more than anything else in the world, being able to see them and enjoy their accomplishments.
Whenever I can’t be with one of the boys when they are traveling, or doing something that makes me nervous, I always ask Raymond to watch over them, and keep them safe. I won't blame Raymond if something bad happens, because I understand that life happens, but it does make me feel better to know that no matter what, Raymond is there with them. I don’t tell the boys about asking their dad to watch over them, I don’t want to make them upset or nervous thinking about him watching them all the time. That might freak them out.
It sure was nice to see Raymond's smile in the sky tonight. It was a very bright and happy smile.
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