A friend told me the other day that she is afraid she will not recognize Raymond in heaven. She has seen pictures of him with hair, she only knew him when he was bald from chemo. She said she never knew him when he could walk, so she had no idea of his full height.
As I went through my day I continued to think about my friend’s comment. Her belief is that we will all be whole in heaven and reunited with all our family and loved ones. I started wondering how whole is defined in heaven. Is it when we were at our peak physical condition? If so, I would be eight years old in heaven. Is Raymond walking around in heaven as a bald, 47 year old man with two legs, or is he as he was before the cancer struck? I can barely remember what he looked like out of a wheelchair. Even when I look at pictures of us pre-cancer it is hard for me to remember. If I die as an old woman from natural causes, will I be an old woman that a 47 year old man won’t want to know?
I sat a thought about “whole” meaning as we were when united in marriage. Then I thought what if Raymond doesn’t want to be reunited with me in heaven? Maybe he had enough of me here on earth. Maybe he is waiting for an old girlfriend to show up, or that one doctor that he had a crush on. Also, if we reunite as we were when married, then how will the boys know us?
The conversation with my friend just brought on too many questions/worries in my head. I think I will go back to picturing Raymond being active and healthy in heaven and doing all the things he didn’t get to do here on earth because of the limitations put upon him by the cancer.
It has been almost a full year. He has probably finished the
8 comments:
Wow, Cheryl. That was a thought-provoking post.
Regarding metaphysical concepts like the afterlife --I find it feels most right to go by my intuition/instinct -- what "feels" like an answer that makes sense to me -- and is by no means inarguable since others have different answers that feel right to them.
I am drawn to the idea that the of meeting loved ones in an afterlife is connected a joining of the souls. Tho' one may see a physical picture of them in memory, the souls are the part that join together.
The closest thing I can compare it to in our physical world is talking to loved ones on the telephone. One can recognize their voices without seeing them, and you can "see" them talking to you without being in their physical presence. It's the closest metaphor I can come up with.
There are still so many things I wonder about to which I haven't come up with answers that satisfy me. When I get analytical and base the answers on concrete concepts, I get frustrated and then things REALLY stop making sense.
Thanks again for the insightful post. --Jenny
Yes, Jenny, I have "seen" heaven as the "soul" connection.
I guess I like the "physical" picture because it means I would be able to feel the physical presence of Raymond standing next to me again, or walking with me hand in hand down a hiking path.
In all the years he was sick that is one of the things I longed for most. The feeling of his height next to mine. Sometimes I can close my eyes and feel him coming up behind me as I wash dishes and put his arms around my waist to tell me "hi." I wish I had stopped washing the dishes every single time and savored the moment.
I've been thinking about your
last post.
"...on earth as in heaven..." is
a portion of the Lord's prayer
found in the bible.
Do you read the bible ?
Pappy Hawk,
Yes, I was thinking of the Lord's Prayer and some sermons I have heard in the past when I titled my last post.
Do I read the Bible? I have read parts of the Bible. I definitely could not quote the Bible, or call myself a reader of the Bible. I enjoy Psalms and Proverbs.
I ask you about the bible because
it has much to say about heaven,
and the after life.
It also tells about the body we
will have.
If you wanted to read some scriptures,I can share quite a few with you.Some are comforting,others
are not.
There are many philosophies that
people believe.I like to compare
those ideas against the bible.
Howard
Pappy Hawk,
Feel free to give me some Scriptures to read.
As I was reading your comment I started remembering some of the comments made to me in 1999 when Raymond had his leg amputated. There were so many made based on particular religious beliefs. Some wanted us to have the leg returned to us and buried. Some did not want us to have the leg removed at all, as Raymond would not be whole to ascend to his afterlife. Some thought the leg should be cremated so the ashes could be placed in his coffin. (We did not need a coffin when we donated his body.)
When all this was going on I was saying prayers of thanks that Raymond was very ill and not in contact with anyone. I could not believe that with all we were going through people were laying guilt on me about the surgery. It was if they felt free to make the comments because they were based on their religious beliefs.
One particular statement, which I will not repeat here, had me screaming into the phone in the middle of the garden area of the hospital the day after the surgery. I was in such shock that someone that was suppose to be there for us and holding us up was so concerned over the fact that their prayers did not work and his leg had been amputated that they could not give me one word of comfort.
I think everyone should use the Golden Rule as their personal Bible. It is a lofty goal. However, if God created man in his image, then ...
Cheryl,
There is a whole book in the bible
about a man named Job.It is recorded that Job was a very good man.He had a large family and great wealth.
One day God allowed the devil to attack Job. Everything was taken from Job.All his children perished.
He lost his wealth.Then his health was taken.All this came upon Job
to test his faith.
After word got out about Job's fate, along comes three of his
friends. At first they lament with Job. Then,they accuse him of all types of secret sins he is comitting.This dialogue continues throughout the book.
The so called friends deduce that Job is being punished by God over
his secret evil.
None of thier accusations were true.
Herein lies a great mystery in life.Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I learn anything from the book of Job... I don't want to be as his friends were.When people are suffering,they need my compassion,not my mouth to weary and beat them down further.
I also like to think that Job was chosen to bear this load.He proved his faith and didn't collapse under his trials.
When people are suffering,others are watching.I know some people in my lifetime that have been pillars of strength.I have often thought if so and so can do it...so can I.
Well,here are some scriptures about heaven and the after life.
I corinthians 13:12 being known as
you were known.
Revelation 21:4 speaking of no more pain,death and suffering.
Mark 12:25 you won't like this one.
Revalation 21:27 tells who will go to heaven.Not everyone goes.Now this opens up to huge doctrines,but I am sticking to scripture.
Revelation 22:1-5 tells some of the tree of life.An interesting tree that I would like to eat of.
1 corinthians 15:42-50 talking about our body.
If you want to talk about any of these... I can only comment,I am not the authority or judge!
Howard
Pappy Hawk,
I read the Scriptures you listed. I had knowledge of them before. Your descriptions were right on the money.
I find comfort in knowing that a good, honest man like Raymond is not suffering in whatever afterlife is available. I do not find comfort in the fact that my name may not be written in the "Lamb's book of life."
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