Yesterday I went to a ceremony at the Texas Academy of Math and Science called the Rosecutting and Student Life Awards. It was very symbolic and I enjoyed it very much. The best part to me of course was that my oldest received the Staff Choice award and was nominated for the World Citizen award (which his roommate actually won.)
Monday, April 28, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
I Took a Turtle to the Vet
This morning I did something I said I would never do ... I took a turtle to the vet.
Our biggest Red Eared Slider, Winnie Hall, has a raw neck. She was a rescue turtle that had a damaged shell. As she has grown, her neck scrapes on the shell as she moves her head in and out. We thought she has an abscess, but the Dr. did not think so. He wants us to give her sulfa baths, and he gave her a shot of antibiotic in her rear. She has to have 2 more shots this week. She also has to be quarantined for a few days.
Sitting in the vet's office was harrowing because they have office cats. Two of the office cats seemed to think Winnie Hall would make a really nice meal. It was funny at first, but it got very annoying trying to keep the cats from jumping in our tank.
Now that I am home, I am miserable. My eyes are swollen, my throat is scratchy. Way too much cat and dog hair for my allergies.
Winnie Hall is unhappy because she is not in her giant tank. I feel bad because she is going to have a problem until she can build up a callous on her neck.
There was another side issue that came up from the trip to the vet. We are picking up two more turtles tomorrow. There was a woman there that said she had been raising two turtles for the last three years. She got them as babies. She said she can no longer care for the turtles and that if she did not find someone to take them she would put them in the lake. Well, even though my youngest said I was crazy, I said we would take them. I could not stand the idea of turtles that have been babied dumped into the lake. So tomorrow morning, we go pick up two more turtles. She has named them Chompers and Little Foot so she obviously has seen one or two "Land Before Time" movies.
I took a turtle to the vet, and came away with two more.
Our biggest Red Eared Slider, Winnie Hall, has a raw neck. She was a rescue turtle that had a damaged shell. As she has grown, her neck scrapes on the shell as she moves her head in and out. We thought she has an abscess, but the Dr. did not think so. He wants us to give her sulfa baths, and he gave her a shot of antibiotic in her rear. She has to have 2 more shots this week. She also has to be quarantined for a few days.
Sitting in the vet's office was harrowing because they have office cats. Two of the office cats seemed to think Winnie Hall would make a really nice meal. It was funny at first, but it got very annoying trying to keep the cats from jumping in our tank.
Now that I am home, I am miserable. My eyes are swollen, my throat is scratchy. Way too much cat and dog hair for my allergies.
Winnie Hall is unhappy because she is not in her giant tank. I feel bad because she is going to have a problem until she can build up a callous on her neck.
There was another side issue that came up from the trip to the vet. We are picking up two more turtles tomorrow. There was a woman there that said she had been raising two turtles for the last three years. She got them as babies. She said she can no longer care for the turtles and that if she did not find someone to take them she would put them in the lake. Well, even though my youngest said I was crazy, I said we would take them. I could not stand the idea of turtles that have been babied dumped into the lake. So tomorrow morning, we go pick up two more turtles. She has named them Chompers and Little Foot so she obviously has seen one or two "Land Before Time" movies.
I took a turtle to the vet, and came away with two more.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Freaking Out (a Little)
This morning mom came in with her purse and told me that she was going to walk "home" today. I asked her which direction she would turn going out of the driveway and she told me that "she knew the way but could not tell me." I was really worried because I needed to go to work and I was afraid she would try to leave the house. I stayed around until her "court shows" came on and then I felt it was okay to leave because I knew she would stay in her chair and watch them all day.
Tonight when I went to put her purse up I realized it was extremely bulky. When I opened it she had filled it with a change of clothes. So my mind starts racing. Was she really going to leave the house today? My dad never ran away from the home, but he did run away from daycare and the hospital. Of course, the problem I have is that Mom does not consider this "home."
The nurse was here today and she asked me what I was going to do as things continue to go downhill. My Pastor, who is also my boss, asked me what I was going to do. Unfortunately, my answer was the same to both. I don't know.
I really cannot imagine putting my Mom in a nursing home. I feel like I would be signing her death warrant. However, I cannot do this all myself, and I know it.
I really was not ready to start dealing with all of this at this point in my life, but we do not get to pick and choose when our loved ones need us.
I hope I am strong enough to do this. I also hope I can stop freaking out, even a little.
Tonight when I went to put her purse up I realized it was extremely bulky. When I opened it she had filled it with a change of clothes. So my mind starts racing. Was she really going to leave the house today? My dad never ran away from the home, but he did run away from daycare and the hospital. Of course, the problem I have is that Mom does not consider this "home."
The nurse was here today and she asked me what I was going to do as things continue to go downhill. My Pastor, who is also my boss, asked me what I was going to do. Unfortunately, my answer was the same to both. I don't know.
I really cannot imagine putting my Mom in a nursing home. I feel like I would be signing her death warrant. However, I cannot do this all myself, and I know it.
I really was not ready to start dealing with all of this at this point in my life, but we do not get to pick and choose when our loved ones need us.
I hope I am strong enough to do this. I also hope I can stop freaking out, even a little.
Really Need to Wrap My Mind Around This
Mom's sudden changes are really throwing me for a loop.
Last night I was irritated because it was 11:30 p.m. and she was still up. Part of the irritation was that I was irritated, the other part was I am used to everyone getting to bed by 11:00 p.m. and having just a few minutes by myself.
I finally told Mom that I needed to go to bed and that is when she asked me if she was going to spend the night with me. DUH! I knew she was having trouble remembering that she lived here (she thinks she lives in Cincinnati), so I should have asked her if she needed me to help her go to her room, but instead I was sitting here thinking about how asking her that would be like pushing her to go to bed.
Everyday something else has changed or something else is lost in her mind.
I need to wrap my mind around the fact that Mom is probably not coming back to me as the Mom she used to be and get used to this new person.
The only thing that comes to mind is:
"oy"
Last night I was irritated because it was 11:30 p.m. and she was still up. Part of the irritation was that I was irritated, the other part was I am used to everyone getting to bed by 11:00 p.m. and having just a few minutes by myself.
I finally told Mom that I needed to go to bed and that is when she asked me if she was going to spend the night with me. DUH! I knew she was having trouble remembering that she lived here (she thinks she lives in Cincinnati), so I should have asked her if she needed me to help her go to her room, but instead I was sitting here thinking about how asking her that would be like pushing her to go to bed.
Everyday something else has changed or something else is lost in her mind.
I need to wrap my mind around the fact that Mom is probably not coming back to me as the Mom she used to be and get used to this new person.
The only thing that comes to mind is:
"oy"
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Always Good, Yet Very Eye Opening
It is always good when you can go into your oldest son's closet of left behind clothes and find the perfect outfit that your youngest needs for a special school event. It saves money, and your sanity because shopping with the youngest for clothes is sheer torture.
However, when your youngest goes through three suits, each one a size up and finally figures out that the largest one fits the best, well that is a real eye opener. The youngest is growing up. It is really easy to ignore when he just wears t-shirts and athletic pants to school everyday, but when he puts on a black suit that his brother was wearing when he was 2 years older than what the youngest is now...well, it choked me up.
It won't be long and I will be on my own.
However, when your youngest goes through three suits, each one a size up and finally figures out that the largest one fits the best, well that is a real eye opener. The youngest is growing up. It is really easy to ignore when he just wears t-shirts and athletic pants to school everyday, but when he puts on a black suit that his brother was wearing when he was 2 years older than what the youngest is now...well, it choked me up.
It won't be long and I will be on my own.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
My Present from the Boys Arrived!!!
I have wanted this alarm clock for years, and this year the boys got it for me for my birthday. I hope it works. I hate resetting my alarm clock every night because I like to get up at different times during the week. http://tinyurl.com/2hyggh
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Not Fifty Yet
Yesterday was my birthday. I was 49.
Yesterday was my oldest's birthday. He was 18.
It was a wonderful birthday filled with visits from many wonderful friends, lots of phone calls, and a wonderful lunch with my boss. Today was a continuation of our birthdays with lunch with my "sis", her husband, and her parents, along with my boys and my mother. Another friend stopped by this afternoon with another great gift and card. The celebrations will continue into next week.
I will admit that despite all my wonderful friends wishing me happy birthday, I was still really upset yesterday because I had not heard from Raymond. Last year he was there for me, and this year I did not feel him with me at all. I was really sad in my heart about it until I went to my dear "sister's" house and Raymond was there to surprise me, and to think I almost missed the surprise.
The oldest and I stopped by her house on our way home yesterday to get our birthday hugs (it wouldn't have been a proper birthday without seeing her and her husband) and we were on our way out the door when she remembered she wanted me to see a new plant she had bought. We were getting ready to go out the back door when she said "What is that, is it a bird?" Well it was more than a bird. There was a beautiful hawk in her back yard. When we went out the door he flew to the fence and looked over his shoulder at us. We both looked at each other and smiled. We knew that Raymond had come to say "Happy Birthday."
I still cannot believe that Raymond and I are not going to grow old together, but I hope I have many, many more birthdays with my boys.
Yesterday was my oldest's birthday. He was 18.
It was a wonderful birthday filled with visits from many wonderful friends, lots of phone calls, and a wonderful lunch with my boss. Today was a continuation of our birthdays with lunch with my "sis", her husband, and her parents, along with my boys and my mother. Another friend stopped by this afternoon with another great gift and card. The celebrations will continue into next week.
I will admit that despite all my wonderful friends wishing me happy birthday, I was still really upset yesterday because I had not heard from Raymond. Last year he was there for me, and this year I did not feel him with me at all. I was really sad in my heart about it until I went to my dear "sister's" house and Raymond was there to surprise me, and to think I almost missed the surprise.
The oldest and I stopped by her house on our way home yesterday to get our birthday hugs (it wouldn't have been a proper birthday without seeing her and her husband) and we were on our way out the door when she remembered she wanted me to see a new plant she had bought. We were getting ready to go out the back door when she said "What is that, is it a bird?" Well it was more than a bird. There was a beautiful hawk in her back yard. When we went out the door he flew to the fence and looked over his shoulder at us. We both looked at each other and smiled. We knew that Raymond had come to say "Happy Birthday."
I still cannot believe that Raymond and I are not going to grow old together, but I hope I have many, many more birthdays with my boys.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Only Twins Today
Well, my stomach only looks like I am full term with twins today. I am still horribly miserable, but at least I am not in pain. It is just that my clothes are so tight and I just know that if I had a long, thin needle I could relieve the pressure. My oldest says all I would do is make myself bleed.
I was talking to one of my best friends this morning about my stomach and we started talking about all the things we cannot eat now that we are old, like bananas, and raw broccoli. It really does not make any sense that we cannot eat these things when they are suppose to be so good for us.
So did we not take care of ourselves at a younger age (obviously) and now that we are trying to eat right our bodies are saying "to late suckers!", or are our bodies saying "you are so old now that it doesn't matter, just eat chocolate"?
Raw carrots have always been one of my favorite foods, but now they are starting to just sit in a big clump in my stomach when I eat them. In fact I can say the same thing for almost all raw veggies and most fruits. If it is this bad now, how bad will it be when I hit 50?
Ha, I just leaned my recliner back and I cannot see the screen of my laptop over my swollen belly.
I hope to be back to my non-svelte self by tomorrow.
I was talking to one of my best friends this morning about my stomach and we started talking about all the things we cannot eat now that we are old, like bananas, and raw broccoli. It really does not make any sense that we cannot eat these things when they are suppose to be so good for us.
So did we not take care of ourselves at a younger age (obviously) and now that we are trying to eat right our bodies are saying "to late suckers!", or are our bodies saying "you are so old now that it doesn't matter, just eat chocolate"?
Raw carrots have always been one of my favorite foods, but now they are starting to just sit in a big clump in my stomach when I eat them. In fact I can say the same thing for almost all raw veggies and most fruits. If it is this bad now, how bad will it be when I hit 50?
Ha, I just leaned my recliner back and I cannot see the screen of my laptop over my swollen belly.
I hope to be back to my non-svelte self by tomorrow.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
My Tummy Hurts
I noticed the last time I ate raw broccoli that it bothered me a little, but tonight is more than a little. I have had a reaction, and I am miserable.
I have taken my medicines, but they have not started working yet. Sometimes they do not work and I just have to wait it out. If that is the case tonight, I will not be getting much sleep.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
What a Great Vacation
Today the youngest and I drove to
Lesson learned...you can make any day a vacation.
Caretakers must find ways to take care of themselves and that means finding whatever way you can to recharge yourself.
WOW! What a difference
My sewing machine broke Thursday night. It was a Singer that I bought at Target for $40.00 with some gift cards. I only bought it to hem Raymond's one pant leg up so we wouldn't have to keep going to the tailor. It served its purpose and I really got $40.00 out of it.
Yesterday, I went to Target again for another sewing machine. The reason I went to Target again was because I could not stand the idea of being assaulted by salesmen. I found a Brother machine for $139.00 that actually came with a quilting foot and extended table. I had read a lot of reviews before going shopping so I knew something about this machine.
I brought it home and then I did not open the box for hours. It was not buyer's remorse, it was fright. I was afraid it would be more complicated than I wanted. I finally opened it up after about five hours and I am kicking myself for not opening it earlier.
This machine glides. It is fairly quiet, and it GLIDES!!!!! I now realize that I was really struggling to sew before and did not know just how difficult I was making it on myself by trying to piece my quilt on that cheap Singer. (I am sure that more expensive Singer machines would glide too.)
I sewed last night until I just could not keep my eyes open any longer. I would be sewing now, but I am getting ready to go see my oldest for the day.
I'm so excited!!
Yesterday, I went to Target again for another sewing machine. The reason I went to Target again was because I could not stand the idea of being assaulted by salesmen. I found a Brother machine for $139.00 that actually came with a quilting foot and extended table. I had read a lot of reviews before going shopping so I knew something about this machine.
I brought it home and then I did not open the box for hours. It was not buyer's remorse, it was fright. I was afraid it would be more complicated than I wanted. I finally opened it up after about five hours and I am kicking myself for not opening it earlier.
This machine glides. It is fairly quiet, and it GLIDES!!!!! I now realize that I was really struggling to sew before and did not know just how difficult I was making it on myself by trying to piece my quilt on that cheap Singer. (I am sure that more expensive Singer machines would glide too.)
I sewed last night until I just could not keep my eyes open any longer. I would be sewing now, but I am getting ready to go see my oldest for the day.
I'm so excited!!
Monday, April 7, 2008
I Had a Great Time
Saturday night I had a girl's night with one of my best friends. It was so much fun.
We started out in the afternoon while the youngest was still home. We went shopping for fabric for curtains she wants in her office. We didn't find anything, but it was fun looking.
After fabric shopping we came back home and she sat with Mom while I took the youngest to a sleepover.
Later we went to dinner at my favorite restaurant and then shopping at Kohl's where we found some great deals. Then it was back home to sit and talk to Mom some more. We had invited Mom to go to dinner and shopping with us, but she wanted to stay home.
It was so great to get out and have some good laughs.
I love my friends.
(My friend also gave me my birthday presents early. They were fabulous.)
We started out in the afternoon while the youngest was still home. We went shopping for fabric for curtains she wants in her office. We didn't find anything, but it was fun looking.
After fabric shopping we came back home and she sat with Mom while I took the youngest to a sleepover.
Later we went to dinner at my favorite restaurant and then shopping at Kohl's where we found some great deals. Then it was back home to sit and talk to Mom some more. We had invited Mom to go to dinner and shopping with us, but she wanted to stay home.
It was so great to get out and have some good laughs.
I love my friends.
(My friend also gave me my birthday presents early. They were fabulous.)
Aggravated, Frustrated, and Lost
It was an odd weekend. Mom has been different than ever before.
She wants to go "home." I keep telling her that this is her home. I am not sure what she means by "home."
This morning I asked her not to empty the dishwasher that I would do it when I came home. I didn't think it would be a problem because she hasn't been going into the kitchen unless I am home. Sure enough I got home from work and she had emptied part of the dishwasher and then put the dirty dishes in with the rest of the clean. Had to rewash the dishwasher. I was so aggravated. I was good though and didn't mention it to her at all. I told the youngest that we have to empty the dishwasher first thing when it is done. That really aggravates me because I like to do things at my own pace.
I am frustrated because I cannot figure out why Mom changed so much in the last couple of days. Her questions are odd, and I have no way to answer them because I do not understand what she means. This afternoon she kept asking me if we needed to go to the store to buy food for the kids. When I would tell her we had plenty, she would tell me she did not think so, and wanted me to be sure.
I feel lost because today on the way to the doctor she said we really needed to stop by and see her parents. I thought I misunderstood her and asked her again who we needed to see. She told me her parents again. I asked her their names and where did they live and she told me. I then had to tell her that her father died in 1959 and her mother in 1976. She acted shocked.
We saw her neurologist today. Right before we got there I told her the doctor's name, the year, and that she lived in Texas. When the doctor asked her the same information fifteen minutes later she couldn't tell him any of the information. She looked lost sitting there and talking to him.
The good news I guess is that she has totally forgotten her gallbladder surgery and has not complained about any more pain.
She wants to go "home." I keep telling her that this is her home. I am not sure what she means by "home."
This morning I asked her not to empty the dishwasher that I would do it when I came home. I didn't think it would be a problem because she hasn't been going into the kitchen unless I am home. Sure enough I got home from work and she had emptied part of the dishwasher and then put the dirty dishes in with the rest of the clean. Had to rewash the dishwasher. I was so aggravated. I was good though and didn't mention it to her at all. I told the youngest that we have to empty the dishwasher first thing when it is done. That really aggravates me because I like to do things at my own pace.
I am frustrated because I cannot figure out why Mom changed so much in the last couple of days. Her questions are odd, and I have no way to answer them because I do not understand what she means. This afternoon she kept asking me if we needed to go to the store to buy food for the kids. When I would tell her we had plenty, she would tell me she did not think so, and wanted me to be sure.
I feel lost because today on the way to the doctor she said we really needed to stop by and see her parents. I thought I misunderstood her and asked her again who we needed to see. She told me her parents again. I asked her their names and where did they live and she told me. I then had to tell her that her father died in 1959 and her mother in 1976. She acted shocked.
We saw her neurologist today. Right before we got there I told her the doctor's name, the year, and that she lived in Texas. When the doctor asked her the same information fifteen minutes later she couldn't tell him any of the information. She looked lost sitting there and talking to him.
The good news I guess is that she has totally forgotten her gallbladder surgery and has not complained about any more pain.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Sleep Disturbed
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Dearest Friends
To all my friends that are loyal readers of my blog(s). I am fine. Thank you for the emails and calls today and tonight.
I'm very sorry some of you were so worried about me. Please remember that this blog is my release.
I know that it is hard for many of you to understand that even though I am surrounded by my boys, mom, and friends that love me, I can still be lonely. Many of you never knew Raymond so you cannot understand what I lost.
My mom is not much of a conversationalist these days, and she has never understood my interest in local politics, my volunteer work, or anything about what I do on the committees I have been on in the past or currently.
I really do not like to bother my boys with my thoughts. They have their own burdens.
So once again, thank you for your concern, but please do not worry.
I'm very sorry some of you were so worried about me. Please remember that this blog is my release.
I know that it is hard for many of you to understand that even though I am surrounded by my boys, mom, and friends that love me, I can still be lonely. Many of you never knew Raymond so you cannot understand what I lost.
My mom is not much of a conversationalist these days, and she has never understood my interest in local politics, my volunteer work, or anything about what I do on the committees I have been on in the past or currently.
I really do not like to bother my boys with my thoughts. They have their own burdens.
So once again, thank you for your concern, but please do not worry.
I Like the Music and the Lyrics to this Song
Death Cab For Cutie Lyrics
"Death Cab For Cutie I Will Follow You Into The Dark lyrics"
Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
I Feel So Bad
I feel so bad for my Mom. She is still having some really horrible days since her surgery. Today is one of them. She really is complaining of pain, but what she describes sounds like trapped gas (after all they did blow her up for the surgery). The pain pills do not seem to take care of the pain, that is another reason I think it may be gas. I finally gave her GasX today.
Her home health nurse was here yesterday and did not find any problems at any of the surgical "holes." She doesn't have a fever, or any other signs of infection, etc.
She goes for a follow-up visit with the surgeon tomorrow. I did not know how I would be able to get her there by myself because she is so weak, so I called my brother. He said he would help me get her there, but couldn't stay to help me get her home. Hopefully, I can get her home by myself.
I wish I could snap my fingers and make her feel better.
Her home health nurse was here yesterday and did not find any problems at any of the surgical "holes." She doesn't have a fever, or any other signs of infection, etc.
She goes for a follow-up visit with the surgeon tomorrow. I did not know how I would be able to get her there by myself because she is so weak, so I called my brother. He said he would help me get her there, but couldn't stay to help me get her home. Hopefully, I can get her home by myself.
I wish I could snap my fingers and make her feel better.
Today's Big Guilt
I Should Just Be a Puddle
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