It has become the "Question." What are you going to do come August?
I just got off the phone with my brother. We speak almost every week now that he has moved back to California. Every time we speak he asks me "What are going to do when you are on your own?" He wants to know if I am preparing myself.
Friends ask me, acquaintances ask me, my boss asks me.
The answer is always the same. "I don't know."
I don't know because I don't know what it will feel like.
I lived by myself almost the whole year we were in Houston because Raymond spent almost the whole time in the hospital, and yet I can't say I was really living on my own. I spent between 10-16 hours a day at the hospital every day, and sometimes there would be days that the only time I was in the apartment was to shower.
There were three weeks the summer after Raymond died when I was here alone, but I was still taking care of my mother in her apartment and quite frankly I was trying out a new prescription and pretty much slept those three weeks away, so I didn't really get a feel of how it felt.
It is not like I lead a very exciting life now. The only difference I can see coming is what it will be like knowing that I am alone with no one to call to when I don't feel well, or when I need help with lifting something or reaching something. So, other than being a little more lonely than I am now, I cannot see how much will change.
I know it will be quite an adjustment, but it is one that almost everyone makes sooner or later in their life.
I guess I just don't know what people mean when they ask "What are you going to do?" What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to sprout wings and fly? Am I supposed to suddenly become charming, witty, and beautiful?
I hope no one is holding their breath and expecting something great out of me, because I don't feel anything great coming on. In fact most of the time I just feel exhausted. Maybe I will just sleep come September. Maybe that is the answer to the question.
Question "What are you going to do come August?"
Answer: "Sleep."
7 comments:
What people might mean when they ask you what you're going to be doing...is "I care. I want to know you'll be o.k."
Our culture is so convoluted that people often ask a question rather than just say, Hey -- I care about out and want to know you're going to be o.k.
BTW, you're already charming, witty & beautiful. ;-)
Don't let others expectations or weird ways of saying "I care" get to you. Just take their questions as an "I love you." Be honest. Say you'll cross that bridge when you get to it.
--Deborah
I care. I want you to know you'll be okay. I love you very much.
Thanks Deborah - that is what I meant when I said "what are you going to do".
Hubby said that I can sleep over sometimes too. Me and my CPAP machine.
Catmom5
Yes, most definitely it is the 'I care about you' and am worried about you and how you will handle Empty Nesting... especially on your own... I mean if your dear hubby was still physically here, I wouldn't be as worried about Empty Nesting, because you'd at least MamaBird would Empty Nesting in the good company of PapaBird.
I'm certainly not expecting you to become some extreme social butterfly or whatever... but neither would I want to see you to crawl into a hole and rarely if ever come out.
Hugs & Luv!
The question is being asked because we care about you, sweetie. We don't want you to hibernate. Take one day at a time; you'll find your way.
Love ya!
Mina
You are all very caring, and I know that, but you are also not the ones asking me:
Are you going to put the house up for sale?
How are you going to meet a man?
Won't you be terrified being there all by yourself? I would be.
Do you even have any friends? If so, who are they? (from family members)
Why don't you move into town?
Why don't you get married again? (excuse me, I don't even know any single men.)
Etc.
My husband and I have been talking, and you shouldn't live alone. (I thought about asking them if they were going to offer me a room in their house.)
I'm telling you it is driving me crazy.
Hmm... that is a lot of nosy questions... my worry is mainly for your Empty Nest... you've been a MamaBird with chicadees still in nest for so long, that I am mainly worried about how you will handle not one but two satellite nests with only yourself in the one at home.
As for single men... Heck, I don't know any either.. and am not looking for any... and probably what few I do know are either gay or elsewise not available/or in some type of relationship or probably so messed up that I wouldn't want anything to do with them on some deeply personal, emotional level anyhow.
I agree with Loni. I'm sure that the people asking mean well, but are not articulating their true intent which is to show you that they care about you. Just remember that we love you and don't expect you to always have an answer.
Hugs!
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