Granted this fear is one that is in my mind only, but I only have my mind to guide me and it is very quirky as most of my dearest friends know. It is probably too late to change the way my mind works, but I can take steps to relieve my worries and my mind. That is what I did today.
My hope is that by the end of the day on January 28 I will have the ability to know that at any given moment I can say "Enough of this" and walk away knowing I will be secure until I can walk into something new.
It was hard to come to the conclusion that no one was going to have my back in my current situation. There is part of me that understands the impotence of others in taking care of the issue because I have not been able to do anything about the problem myself. So now I just have to do everything I can do to protect myself.
The best part of the whole plan is that I have peace with carrying it out. One of the things that has been holding be back is Raymond and trying to see it the way he would, but he is not here, and he cannot advise me. We did discuss a scenario like this back when we were discussing my future and what I should do, this scenario is not quite like the one we discussed, but we never imagined I would be in a situation like I am in, so it is up to me to decide.
I have decided to trust that I have thought about it enough, talked it over with enough people, and feel secure enough with my own thought process to carry on with what I think is best for me. That itself s a big step for me at this point in my life.
This problem has existed in my life for 18 months now, and I have to say I am almost giddy knowing that the day may come when I can just walk away.
1 comment:
I am so happy for you! No one should have to deal with the issues you've had to deal with. No one. Life is way too short!!!!!
I love you!
Catmom5
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