Spring Break 2013

I chose not to take vacation during Spring Break this year even though I knew my youngest would be home all week.  It is still just a little to cold to go fishing, so I worked through the week instead, but still had a wonderful Spring Break.

Biggest surprise of Spring Break was that my oldest came home late on Thursday night and stayed through late Sunday night.  I really enjoyed having both of the boys in the house at once.  It felt like a home again instead of just a place I live in.  

We didn't do anything special but the boys were very helpful around the house, and the house was full of some of their friends home from college. There was lots of laughter and teasing.  

It was a very nice Spring Break.

Taxes - I Need the Teamwork

I swore I would do the taxes yesterday, but every time I started to get everything out I found something else to do. I finally contacted the youngest and asked if I could bribe him to help me out today, and he said "yes."

Today while we were working on the taxes I did not have the anxiety that I usually do when collecting all the items and filling out the forms for the CPA, and I realized it was because of the teamwork.

Now the youngest did not need to do much.  He set up the table, brought in the box, typed out the things on the computer that I dictated to him, and made copies, but it made a huge difference for me to have his help.

The teamwork calmed me.  Raymond and I always did the taxes together.  He would do the forms and tell me what documentation he needed and I would pull the papers out of the file and wait for my next set of instructions.  We always talked about what a great team we made when it came to the taxes.

I told the youngest about how his dad and I worked together today.  I thanked him several times and paid my bribe.  

Another year until I start having the anxiety attacks again.

It is So Hard on the Mama

I really hate that all my boys (biological and adopted as part of the family) are no longer within a few miles of the house.  I know they are adults and have their own lives, but it makes it so hard on me when they reach out to me.

It always seems to start off with a text, no matter which boy it is.  "Are you up?"  I always say "Of course." and then there is the inevitable "Okay if I call?" and I always answer "Yes."  Then there is the phone call 

Sometimes the phone call is because they are angry, but most of the time it is because they are upset, and need a shoulder. The worst calls are when they are crying so hard I can't understand them and I have to have them repeat themselves several times before I know what is going on .It tears my heart out.

I really hate not being able to look them in the eye to assess the situation, and then give them a hug.

I know they have to go off on their own and be the men they are meant to be, but I wish it didn't have to happen so soon.

 

Anxious

I am feeling over scheduled these days and having anxiety over being able to meet everyone's needs.  I really don't want to let anyone down, but it is taking a toll on me mentally. 

Another Missed Birthday

Raymond would have been 54 today.  He would have loved how beautiful today turned out.  

I am pretty sure we would have made a trip to a park and then come home to grill burgers and have apple pie for dessert.

It just never gets any easier.  I can push it aside easier in front of people, but my heart aches and the tears are just to the back of my eyes. 

A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we're safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life. ~ Richard Bach

 I really miss my soulmate.

Possible Theme for this Birthday Year

This keeps coming up in my brain, but we all know that this would be impossible for me, and yet, it keeps creeping in.  Maybe it is time...



When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be