Brains vs Heart

When it comes to love I allow my brain to rule over my heart.  This has caused heartbreak on both sides at times, but has proven in almost all cases to have protected me from making huge mistakes that could have lasted years. 

I am not saying that my brain reacts first in these matters.  I have certainly been swept off my feet and made mistakes, some which lasted way longer than they should have, but eventually my brain does take over and allows me to step back and go "Oh I don't think so."

Sometimes I envy those who can follow their heart and ignore their brain.  I look at them and think "Wow, they look so happy," even in instances when I know they are not even close to happy.

I have dated heart followers, it never ended pretty as they could not understand why I couldn't just allow things to go on as they were as there were no problems in the relationship.  The heart followers  I have known never wanted to think about the practical side of a long term relationship.  I am always thinking about whether or not I can be around or live with annoying habits long term.  

Maybe it is because I believe that when you commit to someone it is for life.  I know that it can't always be that way, but that is the attitude I want to at least start with in the beginning. 

I Usually Know

When I love you, I usually know when things are not quite right.  Loni is well aware that I don't miss much when it comes to picking up on little things with the people I love, she says it is a "Mama thing."

I may choose not to mention that I know something is not right. I may choose to delay mentioning that I know, or I may get right in your face about it, but I usually know.  I determine how to act by judging the situation against the person.  Like with my youngest, you have to be careful with him because you can shut him down completely if you react to fast.  With another friend I have to make sure they have analyzed the situation a little for themselves before I start talking asking them about how they are handling things.

I have been burned in the last couple of years by caring too much and being direct about that caring, so I am more cautious than I was in the past.  There are some that I have learned to keep my mouth shut around.

The phone rang a little while ago and it was a friend pretending all was good, but I knew things were bad.  I could tell by the tone of voice and I could tell by the words they chose to speak to me.  I let them know I could tell things were very wrong.  They laughed me off, but I knew.  

I received a message a few minutes ago from this friend telling me that they were "In a bad way."  I told them I knew and asked what I could do to help.  Unfortunately, I cannot help them but they said they were glad I could tell.  Sometimes knowing someone cares about you enough to know when something is wrong is all it takes to bring a little comfort.  

Is it Better?

Is it better to know you are loved by one you love, if life means you cannot ever be with that person?

Or is it better to go through life wondering if that love was ever really there, or just a figment of your imagination?

My first thought on this was, it is better to know and not wonder.  

Now my thought on this subject is that knowing makes it much harder to move on.  If you are just wondering, then you can go about your life and just think about it once in a while. 

Knowing ... well it can break your heart into pieces every day in so many ways. 

I keep telling myself it won't kill me, it will just make me stronger.  Maybe I'll believe that some day.  

 

"I Love You" Best When it Means Something

I have to admit it bothers me to hear my oldest tell his girlfriend "I love you."  Not because he might love her, but because he said it so soon, and I have heard him say it before to another girl too soon  If this girl turns out to be "the one" then there won't be any great declaration of love. 

It is not just my oldest. I hear "I love you" being tossed lightly around with several young couples, some that have just been out on a date a couple of times. 

It doesn't bother me because I am old fashioned, it bothers me because I think everyone should have a great moment of hearing those words from someone really special.  When it is just tossed around without the true heart felt emotion that should be felt with the words, then there is no moment.  

I did not tell every guy I dated I loved him.  In fact I can only think of four that I did love.  The first one I dated on and off for four years, and if I saw him today my heart would still flip flop, but I knew we would never ever make it as a married couple.  I loved him, but he was never ever going to be what I needed in my life, even though he was very good to me. He was just very horrible to himself  I hope he is having a good life.  

The second one I dated for over a year.  I look back on it now and know it was not a true love.  In fact it was more like a forced, he wore me down love.  At the time I thought he was my whole world, but now I  realize it was because he did not let me have any other world.  I am not saying he was abusive, or obsessive, just immature and needy.  I lost contact with a lot of friends during that time, some of them I never found my way to again.  

The third one I was really crazy about, but we both had tempers and had a bad habit of getting into snits and not talking them out.  In fact our relationship ended because of a misunderstanding that could have been easily mended if we had just talked.  He really was a good guy, and I hope he has everything he ever wanted in life because he deserves it.

With Raymond it was very different.  He chased me for a long time, and there was a year between on first and second date.  We must have been meant for each other though because we made it through some rough times, mainly because of Raymond being so sure that he loved me.  It was a long time before I ever told Raymond I loved him, and I can remember it to this day.  I can't tell you the day, the hour, or anything like that, except that most likely it was a Sunday.  I can tell you we were in my dorm room, my senior year of college, and Raymond was helping me move in.  I wanted my bed bunked and he was doing that for me.  It was really hot, with no working a/c, and we were up on either the 5th or 7th floor. Raymond was having trouble getting the bed together and was drenched in sweat, and I could tell he was really miserable.  I looked over at him and it hit me, in fact it hit me really hard.  I loved this man.  This man that was working so hard to make sure I was happy.  This man that was always trying to make sure I was happy and safe.  So I told him.  I said "I love you."  I remember him looking up at me and saying "What did you say."  Not because he hadn't heard me, but because he didn't believe I said the words he had been waiting to hear for such a long time.  So I told him again.  It was really a very special moment, and started our true life together.  

Couples that just toss "I love you" back and forth right away in their relationship have no idea what they are missing.  I'm so glad I had my moment.