Horrible Nightmares

Last night was really rough.  

Over the weekend I used sleep aids to try to get some rest. I don't like to use them, but sometimes the insomnia gets to a point where I am so exhausted I have to sleep.  I had three nights of about 10 hours of sleep each, but I tend to consider drug aided sleep to be more like a coma than natural sleep.

Last night I couldn't get to sleep.  I admit I had a lot on my mind and ended up having to do quite a bit of journal writing and crying to even get to where I felt like I might sleep around 2:30 a.m.

It was a fitful night, with a lot of waking up after about 30 minutes or so.  I finally fell into a longer sleep around 4:00 a.m.  Then the nightmares came.  

Horrible nightmares.  Vivid in color nightmares. In one nightmare I was participating in the autopsy of a loved one and discussing each organ as it was removed.  In another I was driving around in a vehicle that looked like a modified riding mower and people kept popping in and out of it for me to take them places, only the driving was really hazardous. Some of the nightmares were just jumbled up events.  All I know is that I am totally exhausted from everything my mind went through last night.  

I didn't have the television on last night.  I think I need to watch it tonight.  Maybe my mind needs to see television to get rid of all the weirdness stored up at the end of the day.

Wild Roses Blooming at Oasis

New Strategy

Since my youngest has moved back to campus, I no longer have someone to do all the chores while I am at work, which meant I needed a new strategy.  

I spent about three hours last Friday catching up on some things, I am no where near done, but I was able to get a lot of baseboards done, and some other items dusted.  I rearranged some of my quilting tables and took care of some paperwork that had piled up while the internet banking issue was being solved.  I reached  a point where I wouldn't be ashamed if someone walked in announced.  

This week I have been working on trying to figure out how to keep things up a little each day in a more consistent manner so that I can spend weekends going through some closets that are long overdo for a good decluttering.  This morning I sprayed down the shower/tub with cleaner and left the cleaning can where I could see it to remember what I was doing, then tonight I came in and was able to add water and sponge everything down.  I also turned around and did the sink and a few other areas.  The bathroom is not done, but a good portion is and I should be able to finish the rest tomorrow. 

The biggest shocker is the laundry room.  I finished all the laundry yesterday and put everything away except for the bathing suits that belong to others that visit on a regular basis.  (Well, all the laundry except the three baskets in the oldest's bedroom which I am refusing to do.)

My hope is to stay on this path so I will have more quilting time on the weekends.

Out With the Old, On With the New

Anyone that has seen my ratty robe knows that I am not the best about replacing comfortable clothing, however I have been making a huge effort in that department this year. 

Ratty robe has been in the wardrobe since Christmas when my youngest finally found me a suitable replacement.  

I have spent a great deal of this year buying new bras when the are on sale and budget allows.  Enough so that I have now thrown away all of my old bras but three that still had some support left in them. I am keeping them around for weekends when I am working around the house or yard.  Which means I have enough new ones to go 2 weeks without doing laundry. 

I have also been throwing away older underwear with worn out elastic.  Last week I finally reached the point where I had thrown out enough underwear as to require new ones to be able to get through 2 weeks without doing laundry.  Thank goodness for back to school sales.

This morning I put on a new pair of underwear and came to a realization.  Your underwear is not supposed to sag to the back of your knees when you wear it.  I really do need to be more diligent about buying new underthings on a more regular basis. 

Fall Table Runners

I finished the fall table runners for the church bazaar.  I have five Christmas runners and five fall table runners sewn, I just need to add buttons or yoyos. 

Roadrunner

We had a surprise visitor at the oasis today.  I was sitting with the youngest in the living room and I looked out the window to see a roadrunner up on the patio.  This was the best picture I could get before he went running off.  

This Feels LIke the Hardest Year Ever

2012 feels like the hardest year of my life to date.  I have felt so much pain, have had so many regrets, and it feels as if I have spent 3/4s of the year to date crying.  It is all so ridiculous.

I have had much rougher years.  My dad's illness when I was a teen forcing me to live with strangers, the years of infertility, ten years of my dad having Alzheimers, being diagnosed with a chronic disease at 37, my youngest as a baby through toddler years, Raymond being sick, Raymond being diagnosed, Raymond's treatments, being told that my youngest might have a heart condition, Raymond dying, mom's Alzheimers, mom's death, general issues with the boys, and the list just goes on. Yet, I feel as if a year where I went to Alaska with my family, my children did amazing in school, I saw Joe Cocker and I have had no major financial or health issue is my hardest year.  Something is not right with the world.

I know there are lessons to be learned in all that is going on in my life, I am just having trouble figuring it all out.  I think I am coming close to at least reasoning out a lesson I might be able to live with in the future, or at least convincing myself that "it is what it is."

In all of this pain and lessons learned, I have not lost the reality of how truly blessed I am in life, love and friends. That being said, this year of finding me sucks! I think I would rather stay lost.