Fatter, Fatter and Fatter

I just keep getting fatter, fatter and fatter.

I have gained 20 pounds since my mother died.

No excuses. Just facts.

Every time I put a bite of food in my mouth I am aware of it.

I think my biggest problem is I have started drinking soda again. I started it to keep awake during the day when I was dragging from some nightmares I was suffering from after Mom died.

I weaned myself off again for a couple of weeks but then the heartburn started. I always need cola when I have heartburn.

Then I tried to wean off the sodas again, but by then I was hooked to the caffeine again. Now I am dealing with the headaches in the mornings.

At least I am not keeping the drinks in the house. I am just picking them up once in a while when I am out driving past a Sonic. Hopefully I can be completely off them by Christmas.

I guess it would help if I drank diet colas, but I think they are evil. In fact I think all that artificial sweetener stuff is evil.

I am disgusted with myself. I need to get a grip.

I'm getting ready to go to TOPS, where I know I will have another gain tonight.

Things I must do if I am going to start getting thinner, thinner, thinner:

1. Back to using my Nutrition Assistant
2. No more colas
3. Refuse to get depressed over the situation
4. No new clothes. New clothes just encourage the weight to stay. My clothes are uncomfortable now and remind me that what I need to do
5. Move - I must move more
6. Real meals. It is hard for me to get inspired to make real meals for myself, so I eat easy

I know what I need to do. I just have to do it.

I don't like being so fat.