It seems that I spend all my time crying these days. I read a news story, I cry. Someone tells me a happy story, I cry. As I read a book, watch television, talk to a friend, sit quietly in my chair, work a puzzle in bed, I cry.
I miss Raymond more every day. There are so many things going on with the boys these days, and as each one reaches a milestone, or an accomplishment, I cry because I know Raymond would be so proud. Raymond was a very good father. He was a very involved in the boys lives. I hate that he is missing so much.
It doesn't help that the youngest is having a birthday and that it is Christmas.
It also doesn't help that I have been feeling sorry for myself. I have no right to feel sorry for myself because I really don't have any problems compared to a millions of people, and I tell myself that every day. Yet, here I sit feeling sorry for myself.
Here comes the waterworks again. I am probably going to be severely dehydrated before I get through all this stuff.
I really miss being pampered. Raymond really spoiled me and I miss it. I miss the morning back rubs. I miss the kind words. I miss all the little things. I miss the way he was always trying to find a way to make my life better.
I miss the companionship.
As each day passes I believe I go deeper into a grief state. Will it ever get any better? Will I continue to spend all my time crying?
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