I am Me

I am Me.

I am an accumulation of all that I have learned through my family, teachers, books, relatives, friends, Raymond, the boys, etc.  I am finally old enough and wise enough to know I won't change. 

It drove Raymond crazy that my family yelled through the house.  If it was dinner time the person serving would just yell from the kitchen "dinner."  Raymond always walked to the rooms where others were and told them it was dinner, later he would roll his wheelchair to them.  

Because I came from a loud house, I am naturally loud. Raymond spoke in a quiet manner.  I don't think he ever appreciated my loudness until he lost most of his hearing and needed me to be loud.

For years I dressed in very nice clothes, shoes, accessories etc.  Even in college I would drive into the "big" city to buy things that could not be found in our KY town.  When I started working in a very nice part of TX, I bought all my clothes at a local boutique.  I hated being so dressed up all the time.  I hated hose, I hated shoes with heels, hated dresses, and I hated keeping all those nice things dry cleaned, or pressed.  It wasn't until I became a stay-at-home mom and could finally wear flats, jeans, and pullovers that I was truly comfortable and felt like I was being my true self.  My clothes are still always clean, fit, and match, they are just me.  I can rummage through the storage area, or climb into the attic at work and not worry about what I am messing up.  If I find a shirt I really like, I can buy it in all the colors because I don't need to look different every day, just professional and put together.  I have very nice outfits for special meetings at work, etc, but they are not the bulk of my closet. 

I am abrupt and sometimes sound harsh.  That is me.  Maybe it is the "Yankee" in me.  I did spend the first 13 1/2 years or so of my life in OH.  My mother was a get to the point type of person, as is my brother.  Raymond was not that way, but I knew that when I married him, and he knew just what I was, I have the letters to prove it.  

I am not a wealthy person, but I go out of my way to try to do little things for my friends, as they are always doing nice things for me.  It may be something as small as doing some research for an item they mentioned on the internet, or  maybe a dinner out for their birthday, but I always try to show them that I appreciate the fact that they put up with me and are my friend.  

I was recently told by a dear friend of having a very rude response during a very specific conversation.  A response that I have absolutely no memory, in fact I have no memory of the conversation.  I have been going through my memory banks trying to remember but it is not there. I am not saying it didn't happen, I am just saying I don't remember it, but I find that is true of a lot of things these days. I am devastated that I hurt my dear friend, there is no excuse.  I fear I have lost her as a friend, it is a loss I will never recover from, ever. 

My boss calls me authentic.

My BFF calls me eccentric.  

Right now, I am calling myself an ass, but I am Me.