Part of it was missing Raymond, another part was I am just sad about my oldest.
I don't like some of his choices lately. He is not doing anything harmful or criminal. He is a smart, hardworking, delightful young man and I very blessed he is my son, and yet that is the problem.
Because he is my son, I expect more from him. I want him to have common sense, but I know he doesn't, never has, and probably never will. Since he was a toddler I have tried to teach him common sense, even though I know it is something you either have or don't have.
I have always had a lot of common sense, and I don't understand how I ended up with a child that cannot seem to at least use the common sense of others around him, and I don't mean just me.
He also is not very aggressive when it comes to standing up for himself, with me or anyone else.
I need to learn to count my blessings with him, and I ask God every single day, and sometimes every hour, to help me to concentrate on all the good surrounding this wonderful son I have, but I need to dig deeper when it comes to this current situation.
I am very afraid that this has caused a chasm between us and things will never be the same.
There is already a marked difference in our relationship. Part of it is he keeps telling me he is trying to assert himself as an individual and be a man, and then turning around and not acting like an individual, and definitely not acting in his best interest as an individual.
The biggest blame (if there is really blame in this situation) is me. I cannot come to grips with the fact that I have a child that cannot see the situation for what it is and then deal with it. He could make it better by asserting his rights, or by turning away and going in a different direction. Hell, he could even tell me to go mind my own F'ng business.
Unfortunately, the only thing he seems capable of doing is keeping the status quo and not realizing what it is doing to his self-esteem and his happiness.
The only thing I can do about it is work on myself. The problem with working on myself to accept the situation is that I am afraid that he will think I approve of what is happening, and I most definitely do not.
So my solution...cry and be sad.
There is already a marked difference in our relationship. Part of it is he keeps telling me he is trying to assert himself as an individual and be a man, and then turning around and not acting like an individual, and definitely not acting in his best interest as an individual.
The biggest blame (if there is really blame in this situation) is me. I cannot come to grips with the fact that I have a child that cannot see the situation for what it is and then deal with it. He could make it better by asserting his rights, or by turning away and going in a different direction. Hell, he could even tell me to go mind my own F'ng business.
Unfortunately, the only thing he seems capable of doing is keeping the status quo and not realizing what it is doing to his self-esteem and his happiness.
The only thing I can do about it is work on myself. The problem with working on myself to accept the situation is that I am afraid that he will think I approve of what is happening, and I most definitely do not.
So my solution...cry and be sad.
1 comment:
well, we have lots of tissue in the house... at least I did check my box that fell on the floor for spiders before I put my hand in it. Hugs & Love!!!
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