"Love Hurts"

When you do what you believe to be the right moral thing. When you do your very best to minimize the damage done, no matter what it does to you:

"Love hurts, love scars, love wounds and marks
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain"

I think my heart is no longer strong enough.

A Little Shaken

I must say I am a little shaken tonight.  

Randy called this afternoon because he was worried when he read about the spraying for West Nile Virus. He was afraid it was in my area and he was concerned about what it meant for my wildlife, pool and me.  

He only had a couple of minutes to talk, but in that time he informed me he had a heart attack last Friday.  He said he was okay and will still be playing in the concert tomorrow night with his band, but it was a surprise to me.

I have to say it shook me up a little. I wasn't expecting such news, and he seems to be taking it okay, but considering his family history this is not good.  

I hope he will take care of himself.  I also hope they have a very successful concert.

 

KY Men

Through FB  I have reconnected with a lot of male friends from my high school/college years back in KY.  I find it fascinating how different they are from the men I know here in TX. 

Now I understand the backgrounds of my KY (Kentucky) men and why they are the way they are, but it still amuses and frustrates me at every turn.

My KY men seem to think I am incapable of making being responsible for my own actions or taking care of myself. Yet, if you ask them what they remember about me and most of them pretty much answer that I was my own person, independent and stubborn.  Go figure.

Then there is my KY friend that has lived in TX since 1980. I moved here in 1982.  He, unlike the men who never left KY, is always contacting me and asking me for my opinion on different things because he says he respects my opinion and honors our history.  

Some of the conversations with the KY men can be very interesting.  The other day one of them asked me a question about why I was no longer in contact with a mutual friend.  I told him that our mutual friend had mistreated me and when I called him on it he ended the friendship.  The response was why hadn't I informed him earlier of what had happened, as if he needed to take care of it for me.  I told him I saw no reason to involve him as I had handled it on my own.  

Tonight a KY man told me he felt responsible for me.  I let him know that I was the only person responsible for me and that he could let go of that burden.

I am perfectly capable of fighting my own battles. Paperwork and laundry are battles I might choose to let others handle, but personal battles I handle.  I do not need my KY men to come riding in on white horses.  

Another Loss

Just found out a friend from my junior year of high school passed away some time back.  He was such a great fun guy.  Had the most beautiful smile. 

Even though I haven't seen him in 36 years, it makes me sad to know he is no longer making people laugh and pulling pranks. 

You Can't Go Back

I had a very long conversation with an old friend last night, and again this morning.  A good part of the conversation was about how you can't go back.  

I often think about if we could go back.   Would I want to go back and start over? Would I just want to go back and relive certain days?  

My friend and I talked about how it isn't healthy to have regrets, things are what they are for a reason. Of course that is easier said than done and some of our regrets just come from being young and as he put it "dumbasses."

Of course I would do anything to go back and do something to prevent Raymond's cancer, even though I know there is no way of knowing why it happened, I keep going back to that damn fall.  If the doctor hadn't given me a list of things that might have caused the cancer and listed a hard fall, I wouldn't have to think about that all the time.  

I go back and forth between things are destined to be a certain way and "shit happens."  

There are certain things that I think about and I know that at the time I did everything I could in my power to handle the situation the right way, but I still see some of the consequences through my children, and I wish I had done more.  

You can't go back, and I know that, so why do I spend so much time wishing I could?

Hello Old Friend

Thanks to Facebook I have reconnected with another old friend.

Actually, this old friend was the reason I first set up an account with FB.  He was one of my closest friends in high school.  No, we never dated, we never wanted to mess up the friendship.  

I used to be able to keep up with him through my parents, but then they moved out of KY.  Then my in-laws would give me updates from time to time, but those updates ended years ago when my friend changed jobs and my in-laws did not cross paths with him.  

He did not have a FB account until the last week of October, and even though I am FB friends with his sister and cousin, I was not able to get any information about his life.  

Now we check in with each other to see how things are going.  He is happily married and a grandfather of 6.  I am thrilled that he is having a good life, because he has had some tragedy in his past.  

I feel very blessed to have reconnected with him.  It is nice to have someone that remembers you when you were younger.  A friend that, after all these years, still cares and knows that our friendship was special then and is special now.  

Hello old friend, I'm so happy to have found you again.

Old Friends

I reconnected with an old boy friend through Facebook. A lot of time has passed and other than emails our paths will probably never cross again, but it is nice to think back to those times we spent together.

I dated him long before I dated Raymond, and maybe even when I was dating Raymond because Raymond and I were not exclusive for a long time. G was 4 years younger than I was, but we had lots of fun. I'm glad to know he is well.

I can think of a few other old friends I would like to reconnect with, but I haven't found them on the internet. Some I would like to exchange emails with, others I would only want to know that they are alive and well.