My Heart is Heavy

My heart is heavy from some of the news I have received this week.

One of my high school friends that I have been conversing with every day had an MRI today.  He went for a check up last week and the doctor ordered an x-ray of his stomach.  That night the doctor called him at home and said they needed further tests immediately.  My friend called me to talk about it.  His entire family has died of cancer and he was freaked out.  We talked for a long time about his fears and how to handle the next step, which was getting the MRI. He had the MRI today and hopes to find out the results tomorrow.  I am hoping it is not cancer, but I am concerned about some of the things he has told me. This man is alone in life.  I hate that for him. It is difficult to get through any illness when you are alone, but I cannot imagine going through a potentially terminal illness with no support system. Of course I will be there for him, but I am 836 miles away.  

Another friend did not get good news from his recent visit to MD Anderson.  He goes to the same clinic Raymond was a patient in, so in my heart I have always known that some day the news would not be good, but I hate it for him. My prayers for him are continuous.

I have other friends suffering with health issues right now, but these are the two that are weighing my heart down tonight.  

There Are Rules

There are rules for women that live alone.  Loni has not been on her own long enough to learn the rules.  If she knew the rules, she would never have gone into the attic of her new house.

Here are a few of my rules for living alone:

1.  Let someone know your plans for the day if they are different than your usual routine.  I am such a homebody, I seldom go out on my own, but if I do I let someone know.
2. Never go into the attic when you are alone.  If one of the boys can do the chore in the attic let them.  Loni knows the youngest is at her disposal for anything she needs done.
3. If for some reason you must climb a ladder, let someone know you are doing so and tell them if you don't check back in _____ minutes (depends on job), they should call you and if no answer, check on you.  I do that at work too since I am alone most of the time. This is such a simple thing now that pretty much everyone texts.
4. Assess each act on how you might get harmed, and try to lower the risk.
5. Don't answer the door at night unless you know the person you are expecting is on the other side.  I like people to call when they are in my driveway, or tell me what time they are arriving.  
6. Make sure several people have your emergency contact numbers.  
7. Make sure at least two people have keys to your home.
8. Make sure that you have made your family and friends aware of your wishes when it comes to your medical care.
9. Make sure your emergency contact people know where you keep your important papers.
10. Make sure your emergency contact people know your allergies, especially to medication.

I used to do things with pretty much wild abandon.  If I wanted to reach something high I would stand on anything, including my exercise ball.  I would get in the car and take off for the day, no one would have any idea where, or even that I had planned to go out.  That all changed after Raymond died because I then became my sons' only parent, and pretty much their only relative. Yes, they have elderly grandparents, aunts they have never met, and an uncle, but none of those people live any where near us, they do not have the same philosophy of life we do, and they are not their parent.  It is my job to be act responsibly for their sakes.

Of course, once they are old enough to be responsible for themselves, I will be too old to climb ladders, or act irresponsibly.

Check Up Number Two Since Surgery

Loni drove me to see the orthopedic surgeon this afternoon.  Had a 4:45 p.m. appointment and we did not get out until 6:30.  Usually I would mind that but he doesn't run behind because he has 30 people waiting to see him, he runs behind because he gives each patient the time they need.

He put me through some range of motion exercises, gave me some new stick exercises (the man loves the pvc walking stick), and wrote some new prescriptions.  He was not happy I was denied PT, but I think he is pleased with my progress. 

I feel good about my progress, I I think he is right the pvc walking stick does make a difference.  

I was disappointed that he said it would be a while before I could drive.  I had having to ask people to take me places.  

Loni and I had already planned to eat somewhere between home and the doctor's office to try to get out of some of the traffic.  We ended up at an Olive Garden in Addison. We were in the training section and I have to say our waiter tried very hard, but he needs some more training.  Nothing was wrong, he got everything right, but he lacked the finesse of a trained waiter.  I am sure he will get there some day.  

After dinner it was home for Survivor and Criminal Minds.  

Now I am waiting for some medication to start to work so I can go to sleep.  My shoulder and arm are not happy with all the stretching and movement the Dr. had me working on today. 

PT

I had my third visit to PT today for my shoulder.  My oldest drove me and stayed with me in my little area reading.

I love my therapist.  His name is Reuben. He is funny, kind, really good at what he does, and pushes you without letting it go to the point you hurt yourself.

Today's therapy consisted of:

• Heat
• Shoulder Manipulation
• Pendulums and Swings, four exercises at 2 minutes each.
• Hand Bike, 4 min. forward, 4 min. backwards
• Pulleys, 4 min.

Then I was supposed to get back on the table and do my stick exercises, which I have not done since surgery.

I laid down and went to lift the stick and it was as if my shoulder and upper back went into a giant Charlie Horse. I tightened up, there was spasms, and all I could do was start laughing hysterically.  The oldest is not paying the least bit of attention to what I am doing even though he is only 2 feet away.  I can't move, I can't cry, I can't speak, all I can do is laugh.  Finally I am able to squeak out Reuben's name.  He asks if I am in trouble and all I can do is laugh.  He walks over to see what I have done and to see if I am in pain.  One look and he knows.  He starts manipulating my shoulder and telling me to relax, but all I can do is laugh.  He finally gets it relaxed enough that the laughter stops and I can catch my breath. No stick exercises were performed.

Reuben gave me ice and STIM therapy and that helped tremendously.

I asked him when I would be able to drive and he said it would be probably be another month.  He will let me drive to work and back since it is so close to home.  He said if I can't pick up the stick, I can't drive. 

Thank goodness for my village. 

Recovery

I must say I hope to never have another surgery in my life.  

The first three days after surgery I was so out of it I don't remember very much, there is just a haze in my brain of certain things that went on around me.  Starting around Thursday of last week I was able to make sense of things and trying to wean myself back into a normal routine.

I am so sensitive to drugs of any kind and I am just now beginning to feel like I am free of the narcotics I had to take for pain last week.  

I really tried not to take too many after the first 3 days.  I could usually make it through the mornings, but by the late evening the pain and burning sensation would take over and I would give in and take a pain killer and/or anti-inflammatory.  It would take about an hour before the hallucinations would begin.  I don't enjoy hallucinations at all.  Abstract art I can take, swirling colors in my head are another thing entirely. Due to the hallucinations I wasn't getting any sleep so I added in the Ambien the Dr. prescribed to help me with that issue.  BIG MISTAKE!!! Ambien will never again enter my system.

I remember some of the hallucinations very vividly. 

• There were the freaky clowns that were chasing me and making howling sounds. They were loose in surrounding areas and causing so much havoc the CIA came in and took them away.  My son tried to stop me from posting on Facebook, but at that time I had to warn people that the clowns were there but it would be okay because of the CIA.
  
• One night I had these giant foam pinwheels spinning towards me coming from each side of my peripheral vision.  There were three on each side, one was bright yellow, there was a red one and a royal blue one.  As I watched them spin towards me wondering if they would smash my nose, cross over, or crash I looked forward only to see a huge dried apple doll zombie coming towards me.  That made for a very bad evening.  

The night that has stayed with me the most is the one where I had this dream about going to the doctor for an endoscopy that I was awake through.  It was a woman doctor and she was very nice.  I was able to watch the entire procedure as if I was the doctor looking through the camera.  I watched the scope enter my esophagus which was a pretty pale pink and I saw the ridges as the camera continued down.  Right before she entered my stomach the doctor said "I wonder how long that has been in there?" and she used tongs on the end of the camera to remove a pretty good sized pink and blue dinosaur skeleton from the end of my esophagus.   It was quite amazing.  As I was leaving the doctor's office I was handed a bag of fliers and envelopes and told to go home and stuff the envelopes and mail them as that was required of each patient to promote the doctor.  The problem was I didn't go home.  I went to a hootenanny and met up with a bunch of women I saw at the Dallas Quilt Show. We booked rooms in this musty hotel and drank some nasty red moonshine and danced the evening away. 

By the weekend I was taking only Advil and living with the burning sensation. 

I have had my follow up visit and start PT tomorrow morning and will be going back to work with many restrictions on Monday.  I am not cleared to drive yet, but I am going to try to convince my therapist to let me drive to work since it really is just around the corner from my house. 

Surgery

This is the post from Loni's blog about my surgery day, since I don't remember much.  My additions are in italics.

It takes a village to care for a Mama. And Mama has the best village ever!

My role this week was to was mainly get Mama C to/from the surgery center for her shoulder repair on Monday. Since she had been told to arrive at the surgery center between 10:30 and 11, for a surgery at noon; I arrived at her placed around 9:30. Shortly after my arrival, she received a phone call from the center asking if she was already there since they had her arrival marked as by 9...

So the timeline for Surgery Day then went something like this:
9:40am - Departed Home

10:10am - Arrival at surgery center  {I would later discover from various waiting-area discussions with other families that pretty much the center's scheduling skills must have been way out of whack for that day; since one patient was told to be there at 6:30 and when he arrived was told, "No, you are too early; your surgery is at 2". Another arrived at 8 and was told, his was not until later (but they had a voice-mail to prove what they had been told). The doc had 2 knees and 3 shoulders to repair that day; apparently all the shoulders were tedious and time consuming.} I hate being late to anything and I was really upset that they considered me late.

11:30am - They had finally called Mama back to get changed into the hospital gown, IV started, etc.

12:30pm - They let me back to pre-op to sit with her; we turned off the depressing TV coverage of the Japan earthquake, tsunami, nuclear power plant stuff. In my first room they had the tv really loud and they were showiing horrendous pictures, every time they took my blood pressure it was higher.

1:10pm - The anesthesiologist came in to do his pre-op questions, shoot her up with happy juice, and the nerve block shot in her neck (I was out of the area for that part). Shortly, thereafter, the happy juice kicked in and Mama's mind was struggling to stay connected I think; as she alternately dozed off a bit and had interesting commentary about how the pattern in the ceiling tile would make a nice quilt square; Very stark pattern with vibrant colors would be a great pattern. to not buy her any ugly towels that were apparently a hideous combination of red and blue;No they were beige with blue and red squares very ugly and cheap looking,  that the picture was so pretty (which turned out to be one in her mind because all we had was beige hospital curtains); just swirling pretty colors, and a neat orange substance (also in her mind) that was like blown glass, but flexible like plastic and very interesting.. i wonder vaguely if she will recall any of this? That was the best of all very artsy fartsy orange bubblish substance that could be molded. 

Ceiling tile would make a good quilt block in other colors....

2:15pm - The Surgery Nurse comes in to do her set of the same pre-op questions - what's your name, your DOB, why are you here, how are you doing, blah blah blah.

2:30pm - The anesthesiologist returns.. by this time, Mama's left ear has gone numb; her right leg has gone numb; and I had earlier make some kind of crack about well, either it didn't hit the right spot -or- she is as true as the new sign gracing her patio that says "God Bless The Freaks"    The anesthesiologist wants to give the pain block another shot; the Surgery Nurse is looking at him like we are already so off schedule, are you kidding me?... they wheel Mama off and that's the last I will see of her for a while.

At that point, I went in search of a soda machine to learn that there isn't one on site; so I opt to leave and go to Sonic for a burger and orange slush.  Though I had packed a JC chicken salad kit... and Mama, even doped up, was fussy about me needing to have some lunch.   I warmed up in the van, sunshine, and fresh air; and then head back into the waiting room with my knitting bag and kindle.

3:54pm - Dr. McConnell comes out to talk to the wife of the shoulder patient that he just finished; so this would be the one right before Mama.. and he had another surgery after Mama's.   Hmm.. and here I had thought she had been being worked on since around 2:30pm'ish.. guess not.

5:15pm Surgery center reception staff gives us the remote control to the TV and wishes us a good evening.

6:00pm Most of the other family in the waiting room leave to go back to their hotel, get dinner, etc. leaving just the wife of the patient and me in the waiting area.  We had nice chats about surgery, waiting, rehab, etc.

6:10pm - Whilst fiddling with the remote and trying to get it off of the depressing, unending news of the Japan tsunami and aftermath, I hit some button that makes the TV channels go blank; aww fooey.

7:00pm - One of the tech guys is able to fix the TV situation, so now we have channels again and we watch Cake Boss.

7:23pm One of the nurses finally comes out to tell me that Mama is out of surgery and in recovery and that the other patient just went into surgery and that Dr. McConnell will see me after he is done with that surgery.

8:08pm A nurse lets me know that it will be at least another hour or so in recovery before they let me back there to see how Mama is doing.

8:30-m - We start watching Mike & Molly

8:54pm - Finally back to get first glimpse of Mama who is looking fairly out-of-it and proclaiming an 8 on a painscale (1-10 with 10 being the worst).

From that point it is just a sit and wait and monitor; get the discharge orders; get instructions on the bag of Rx that was delivered direct to the surgery center, etc.  Debra the post-op nurse asks if this is my best friend and I answer "Not really, she's a good friend, she's just my Mama."

9:30'ish- Dr. McConnell came to report out that what he found was pretty much as expected the SLAP tear and the rotator cuff tear; that it takes a bit longer on people of shorter stature and females simply because there is less room in which to work; that an ideal shoulder patient would be a giraffe with 3 feet of room in which to work.   And that the shoulders that day were just tough; the guy before Mama just had scarring and tight everything; and the guy after was have corrections done from a prior Open procedure... but that he expected things to go well for Mama provided she follows the post-op therapy regimen and so forth.

9:45pm - She's coming out of it enough now to wrangle her into clothes and for a trip the the bathroom.   She stares at the 2 nurses trying to help her like Who are you people and I'm not going anywhere with you... Stranger Danger!   So I step into line of view with a firm "Mama, come here" and if I didn't already know I was one of her kiddos, I did then because she looked at me with relief and trust and toddled right to me.

10:00pm-- She's very concerned about the time of day when she's been under anesthesia and is distressed to learn it is 10 o'clock AT NIGHT??!!!   Apologetic that I've had to be there all day (no worries, that was what I signed up to do)... and that Mom-part of her is so ingrained, she was even apologizing to her post-op care nurse Debra for having to be there so late because she must be tired and want to go home... to which Debra replied that she still had another patient coming from surgery so it was ok.

10:23pm - Loaded into the van and homeward bound; not too happy with decelerations and ocassional bumpy roads; but otherwise hanging in there. 

11:03pm - A stop at Sonic for grilled cheese for me and the younger boy; shakes for the 3 of us; and a regular coke for Mama.

11:20pm-12:20am - Getting Mama wrangled out of the van; got the boys to unload the bags and Sonic; got Mama wrangled into clean jammies for the overnight in the recliner.  Gave post-op care Rx info to the boys; got first round of pain meds on board along with some peach yogurt.  Ate my grilled cheese and shake; did a bit of post-op at-home observation before I left. 

It is not easy for the Mama to accept that much care.  It is quite embarrassing.  Loni was great though and I could not imagine a more attentive care giver.  (Well, me, but I was out of commission.)

Thank you Loni! 

Surgery Day!

I am sitting here waiting for my boss to come by and pray over me.  I asked her to come here instead of the surgery center since she has a class to teach today.  I didn't want her to have to find someone to cover it for her.  I would have been fine with an over the phone prayer, but she wants to do it in person.  For those of you that don't know, my boss is a Pastor. 

I am supposed to wear loose comfortable clothes.  The problem is I don't usually go out in public like this so I am not comfortable. PJ bottoms and loose TAMS t-shirt.  I am taking a robe to wear coming home because it zips up the front and seemed like it would be easiest. No Jill, it is not the ratty robe, even though that would be loose and comfortable.

Since surgery isn't until noon, I made sure I had a good dose of protein right before midnight last night, and lots of water.  Of course, right now I would love some water.

I remembered to pack my glasses case. I hate giving up my glasses.

I talked to the anesthesiologist last night.  He told me the first thing they would do is give me happy juice and then a nerve block through a shot in my neck. I made him tell me twice that I would get happy juice before the stuck a needle in my neck.  He told me I wouldn't even notice the needle in the neck.  Well, I might not have noticed it if he hadn't told me about it.  Now I am going to be looking for it. 

Loni will be driving me, staying there, and bringing me back.  Then she will give the boys their instructions on how to take care of me.  

All is good.

All Done For the Year

In the last seven days I have had 2 physicals, an EKG, two complete blood work ups, urine analysis times 2, a mammogram, a bone density test, a PAP smear, and a tetanus shot. 

That should do me for the year. 

10 More Days

Just 10 more days until I have shoulder surgery. 

So far I am pretty calm about it.  I just hope it is successful, and if not, that it doesn't make it worse.

Dr.s Visit

Today was the day I was transferred from the Concentra office to the surgeon's office to arrange surgery on my shoulder. 

Loni drove me so I didn't have to stress my shoulder too much, and to meet the Dr.  It was a ways down to his new Dallas office.  When we got there and walked in the door of the building I was ready to turn around and leave.  The Dr. had warned me that he had lost his sublet on the other office and had to move quickly, so I thought maybe this was all he could find, but still...YUCK!

The building was built around an atrium that has not been well tended.  The fountain is not maintained, and the water needed to be treated.  When we opened the door to enter the hall the office was located in, the smell of mold almost knocked you to the ground.  I really wanted to grab Loni's hand and run.

Entering the office was not much better.  No filing cabinets, boxes on the floor, total chaos behind the desk.  Gut was still saying "RUN!"  

The receptionist had all my paperwork ready and was very nice.  She explained that the paperwork was different than most and that instead of having English on one side and Spanish on the other it was together.  I have to admit it was difficult for me to read that way, and there was a lot of paperwork.  

As I was going working through all the papers, Loni was listening.  She overheard one patient say that this office was so much nicer than the old office.  What!!!  She also learned that they had just moved into this office.  Okay, once she told me that I thought maybe I am being too hard on them, but still... YUCK!

I finished my paperwork and turned it in only to be called back to the desk because I had left out a page.  There were four questions on the page.  One about smoking .. No.  One about any habits, like biting my nails, No.  But she said any nervous habits so I had to put that I shake my leg all the time.  The other one was a question I don't remember, but it did not apply to me.  Then there was the other question.  

Sexual Habits:____________________________________________

___Normal
___ Abnormal

I looked at the receptionist and said how about "none."  She then said she didn't know why they had to ask that question since they were an orthopedic office but it had to be answered.  I looked at her and said how about "none at this time."  She said "Check normal."  She then told me she didn't like it when people checked "abnormal."  We had a good laugh.  I checked normal, and that part of the visit was done.

The next part of the visit involved a muscle strength test, and then a lot more paperwork.  I do mean a lot more paperwork.  This was done with a nice lady named Anita on a little round patio table.  In fact, when I did my range of motion test I had to make sure I didn't hit her in the head since there were four people working around the patio desk and an exam table in this back room.  Nothing was unpacked, they were working out of tote bags and boxes in there too.  Once I was done in that room, Anita gave me my tentative date for surgery.

Once I finished with Anita it was time to see the Dr.  I am still not happy about the office, but I have to say that everyone was really, really nice.  They all got along, and they all seem to adore the Dr. 

Dr. came in. Went over my paperwork again.  Told me what I needed to complete to get my surgery, and set up my pre-op visit.  

So I guess I am having surgery on March 14, if all the paperwork can be done on time.  That is the beginning of Spring Break, so the boys will be home to help me.  Should be very interesting.  Still worried about it, but I would probably be worried no matter who did the surgery.  

All I know is it sure will be nice to have normal use of my shoulder again.  

I also hope I can visit the Dr. in the Plano clinic after surgery and not deal with driving to that odd place again.

How Sick Was I?

I still can't believe I had something that knocked me on my rear like this last virus, or whatever it was. How sick was I?

• I have only worked one day this week.  I hardly ever miss work for illness.  Never that many days. Since I live so close to the office I can usually manage to drag myself in for at least part of a day.
• I could not read my Kindle.
• I could not watch television one full day.
• I did not stalk Amazon.

I Don't Know What it Was, But You Don't Want It

I woke up at 5:00 A.M. on Tuesday, January 25 knowing something was very wrong. My stomach felt like lead and I was having abdominal cramps.  Not a good thing at all.

It wasn't long before I knew I would not be able to go to work. I texted my boss and co-worker and proceeded to spend the day between the bathroom, bed, and couch with a bucket by my side.  I was burning up, I couldn't keep anything down and between bouts with the bucket I would collapse into what seemed like a semi-conscious stupor.  

Sometime in the very late afternoon John called to tell me he was outside.  I told him he couldn't come in the house but asked if he would take my garbage out for me if I put it on the patio.  Once I hung up I fell out of it again and when I woke up I thought I had dreamed about John calling and was just worried about getting the garbage out for garbage day.  As I laid on the couch trying to orient myself I heard John in the workshop and got up to drag the garbage to the door.  Then I collapsed again.

Jill called and I asked her to bring me a Sprite with cranberry juice from Sonic.  She brought it in and I know she left the drink but that is all I really remember.  The next time I woke up I went to pick up the drink and split it all over the carpet.  It was one of those RT44's so there was a lot to spill.  

I drug myself to the outside door and there was John just getting ready to leave.  I asked him to pull out the carpet cleaner before he left and he was nice enough to set it inside the door.  I cleaned the carpet and decided to go to bed.  

Once in bed I hallucinated most of the night and would get up and roam around to see if what was happening in my head was happening in the house.  It was a rough night.

Wednesday I had an appointment with the surgeon and asked my friend Kathy to take me because I knew I couldn't drive.  I wrapped my face in a scarf, covered my hands in gloves and off we went.  Once home I collapsed again.  Slept most of the day away with fever.  It felt like someone was punching my stomach with boxing gloves covered in spikes. 

Thursday was not much better until late last night when I was able to keep toast and a Coke down. (Thank you for bringing those Kathy).  

Today is Friday.  I am cautiously optimistic that I have turned the corner.  I was able to keep an egg and toast down with a Coke. I have not been burning a path to the bathroom, or been punched with spiked boxing gloves.

I am taking it easy as I feel very weak.  

I have no idea what virus I had, but believe me when I say you don't want it.

Stuck

I went to physical therapy today.  I figured it would not be a good day since the pain level was running about a 6.  Since it was my last day of therapy Rubin had to measure my range of motion again.  He measured it last week right after the arthrogram when it was at is worse, or so we thought.  The numbers today were the worse ones yet.  Rubin said I was going to give him a bad name since I keep getting worse instead of better with therapy.

After the measuring, I did the hand bike for 8 minutes and moved on to the pulleys.  I did the first two minutes just fine, and only had 30 seconds left on the second set when my left arm went up with the pulley, but didn't want to come down. It was like the muscle froze and it was so tight I couldn't bring my arm down.  I sat there for a few seconds to see if it would relax and go down, but nothing was happening.  Rubin looked over and asked if I was "stuck,"  I had to admit I was.  He came over and slowly brought my arm to the front of me and lowered it down.  That was pretty much it for PT today. 

Note to Self, Clarify Medical Tests

I have had MRI's before, so when my new orthopedic said he would like another MRI with contrast or an arthrogram, I thought it would be like all the other MRI's with contrast I have had and he was just giving it a fancy name.  He explained it as an MRI with iodine dye, I have had those, not allergic to iodine, not claustrophobic, so no problem.  He did say he wanted the MRI done at a particular location because the radiologists knew him and knew what he was looking for with the test.  I agreed.  After all, the first MRI was inconclusive because the test was not conducted correctly, so why not go for gold this time.

After getting the required approvals, the MRI was scheduled for Tuesday, January 11th at Insight Diagnostic in Dallas.  I arrived at the appropriate time to fill out paperwork.  Everyone at the front desk was super nice, and had my packet all ready for completion. The first few pages were standard, no problem there, then I turned to the consent pages, one for the contrast and one for the MRI.  As I was reading along I saw a little note with a check mark stating that they would be numbing an area of my shoulder, inserting a needle into my joint, removing a certain amount of some fancy named fluid and replacing it with the contrast.   WHAT????  Okay, I told myself to breathe, that must be something on the release and it is not really meant for me.  I was sure I was getting an IV inserted for the contrast and it would be no big deal.  I completed and signed all the papers and then sat back in the chair to read my Kindle and wait. 

Several people were called back behind the double wooden doors, and I continued to read, with one ear listening for my name.  The doors opened again and a nice looking nurse yelled out "Macy."  I kept waiting but she didn't say Mrs. so I figured it was someone's first name and I continued to read.  She repeated the call, and after a few seconds called my first name.  Okay, she didn't know how to pronounce the last name.  I got up to follow her and apologized for not answering immediately and told her how to pronounce the name.  She was very nice about it and then asked "Are you nervous?"  I assured her I was fine and she left me to put on one of the largest hospital gowns I have ever seen.  I swear five of me could have worn this thing at once.  I have had tents smaller than this gown.  Don't get me wrong. I was quite pleased about the size of the gown, since the last one I was given to wear at PT would barely cover the front of this obese body. 

The nurse came back and once again asked me if I was nervous.  I asked her if I had reason to be, and she said that some people were really nervous at this procedure.  I asked her what she meant and she proceeded to tell me about the needle, dye, etc.  I told her I was now nervous.  She walked me down to this big room and had me lay on this narrow hard metal cot under this large machine that looked like an x-ray machine.  She then went over what would happen step by step and told me that the doctor would be arriving soon.  Dr.? for an MRI?  It was just seconds before the Dr. walked in.  He was super nice, went over the procedure again, and asked me if I was nervous.  I told him I thought I would be okay.  He then started preparing my shoulder like I used to do Raymond's sterile central line dressing changes.  After the prep, he draped my shoulder like I was going to have surgery.  I decided to look in the other direction and ignore him and the nurse completely. 

The nurse and the Dr. stated that it looked like I was in my happy place, but they would be happy to chit chat if I wanted to while they were doing the procedure.  I told them I was fine, I was going to try to drop off a little.  All was going just fine.  There was pressure, which I can only compare to the epidurals from my c-sections.  I thought, okay, this isn't too bad.  Then the Dr. did something that made me want to jump through the ceiling.  It felt like he had scraped bone with the needle.  I sucked in my breath really hard and he pulled the needle out and apologized.  He said something about going in below the lidocaine, and he would be giving me more.  There was a lot of scurrying going on behind me and then I felt the pressure again. 

The nurse then started talking to me by telling me how much she liked my green glasses.  I told her about my love of green, and we went on from there.  She asked me if the talking helped, and I said I didn't mind the talking, but the biggest help would be if they didn't do whatever they had done again.  They laughed and then the Dr. said his part was done, good luck and he was gone.

The nurse helped me up from the table and took me to the MRI room where I met Hank.  Hank was very nice, set me up for the MRI, gave me head phones, asked me what type of music I wanted and when I said I didn't want music, I wanted to sleep, he told me he needed me to stay awake.  Great.  I was getting really tired, and I don't mind sleeping in MRI's.  It was a 45 minute stay in the MRI. Hank said I did great, I didn't bother to tell him I dozed off.

The whole procedure took a lot longer than I expected and I still needed to get back to work and finish a project before a 7:00 P.M. meeting.  Fortunately, Loni and the youngest were willing to help and everything was completed with an hour to spare.  

I was sore that night, but not bad.  All in all not a horrible experience, until ...

I woke up at 4:30 A.M. on the 12th.  I thought a fully loaded semi had run over my shoulder about 10 times.  It took forever to get my pj's off and into the shower.  It was a really miserable day.  I went to work, but had to come home to rest for an hour in the middle of the day.  Fortunately, the pain was bearable again by that evening, and it is back down to a burning and the usual pain now. 

I sure hope this MRI will show the Dr. what he needs to know so we can move on in this process.

Why Surgeons Dread Redheads

Yes, I was born a natural redhead.

I found this article interesting because I have had several of the issues mentioned. Only one doctor has actually mentioned to me that he knew of the sensitivities of redheads and suggested I would need extra anesthesia during a medical procedure.

As a pre-teen, I woke up during a difficult oral surgery and freaked the doctor and nurse out. I had trouble during a couple of other procedures, and it is noted in my medical history about my hypersensitivity to certain drugs.

Loni can attest to my inability to clot. There have been several times when I did not know I was bleeding and left a small pool on the kitchen floor.

I need to save this article for the next time I need surgery.

Why Surgeons Dread Redheads

Finally!

I have been really eating mindfully, drinking my water, getting some exercise, and making better choices for a while now, and the scale would go down a little, then up a little, and then repeat the cycle over and over again. I knew eventually the scale would have to go down, but I was getting very discouraged. 

Yesterday when I got on the scale, once again I was discouraged when I looked at the number, it showed a huge gain, or so I thought.  I couldn't believe I had gained so much weight when I had been so careful over the holiday.  I went and got my glasses and realized I had a good loss, but of course it doesn't count until I weigh in at TOPS. 

Tonight I weighed in at TOPS to a 4.6 pound loss.  I am so excited. 

I am hoping this is a definite change in direction now.  I have been so disgusted with myself.  Ever since there was a big change at my job I have been gaining weight, as if I wasn't already big enough.  In total, since the change, I have gained 20 pounds.  I have got to get this weight off.

The TOPS lesson about mindful eating has been very helpful to me and  I now notice when I do not eat mindfully. 

Looking forward to weighing in with a loss next week.

Overdid It Yesterday, Paying Today

The orthopedic surgeon says I have a shoulder impingement.  I was given a steroid injection and told not to do any overhead or behind my back movements, but to keep up the PT that I had been shown to date.

Yesterday I quilted, until my machine developed an issue, and then I pieced a back and sandwiched a quilt in queue.  Neither of those involved the movements I am not allowed to do, but it sure did stir up the shoulder pain.  

I am hoping that when I go back in four weeks the shoulder will have healed, but if not they will scope it to see if they can release the impingement.  Worker's comp requires a lot of paperwork, but so far the process has not been too horrible.  

I know that Serendipity  would like to recommend a chiropractor and so would my hair dresser, but I am limited at this time due to the worker's comp.  To answer a recent comment from Serendipity, I am not far from Wylie at all.  Just in Lucas.  

MRI Monday

The doctor stopped all PT on my shoulder until after the MRI scheduled on Monday. 

PT was not helping at all and so the said they needed to know what was wrong to continue.  In fact my physical therapist said he would not be surprised if I required surgery.  If that is the case, this would be the worse time for work with Christmas

, but the best time physically since the boys will be home for a month beginning the middle of December and they could help me around the house.

When I went to schedule the MRI they realized that we had been filing under the wrong worker's comp insurance. I was injured at the end of Sept. and the insurance changed on October 1.  Fortunately, it was solved quickly, and the old company is actually a lot easier to work with than the  new one.  I wish they hadn't changed.  

In the mean time, I am trying to keep up with some of the exercising so the shoulder doesn't freeze, but limit what I do with the arm so that the pain doesn't increase.  

I cannot quilt on the Bernina with my shoulder like it is, so I am going to create some hand quilting today.  I miss it so much.  I also need to add some farm animals and holiday items to the Library Lady apron.  

I want to thank my BFF, girls, and friends at work for being so thoughtful and helpful to me right now.  Loni drives me around when we go places together and is helping me by taking me to see my youngest this weekend and getting him for Thanksgiving.  Mina brought up my garbage and recycling bins the other night, BFF emptied my dishwasher and helped with laundry, and will be helping me change sheets. My friends at work have been wonderful in helping me lift and carry items. 

Shoulder Therapy

I hurt my shoulder back at the end of September at work, but after keeping it still and resting it healed on its own after a couple of days.  Then just as it was feeling almost normal I reached up over my head to remove a box from the top of a file cabinet and heard/felt a pop in the same shoulder.  Even after resting it there was no improvement, but lots of pain.

I am now in the process of going through the Worker's Compensation paperwork.  I have seen a doctor, had one PT session, and I am waiting for the approval for five more and another doctor's visit.  I have been doing the PT at home, and but I don't see or feel a lot of improvement.  

I am hoping I can get this healed up soon and move on to a very healthy 2011.

Medical Tests

Several months ago I made a bet that if Loni and Mina somehow made my youngest get his driver's license, I would get a colonoscopy.  He got his license almost immediately, but I just had my appointment for my colonoscopy Tues. 

The doctor is the same one that did my BFF's several weeks ago, and seems very nice.  Unfortunately, due to family history, I will be getting an endoscopy and a colonoscopy tomorrow.

The prep is going okay, but the clear liquid diet sucks.  Everything is either too sweet or too salty.  I'm very thirsty, but nothing seems to help.  

I can't wait until this whole this is over.