Have You Ever Seen?

Have you ever seen someone that reminds you of someone so much that you just want to say
"You know you look just like ____________."

Well, I had that experience today, and I so wanted to say it, but I knew it would offend the loved ones of this person so much I kept my mouth shut.

I met someone's grandchild today and this baby looked so much like Wallace of Wallace and Gromit fame that it was all I could do to ask the grandmother if she had seen the show.  

Now this baby girl was adorable, and one of the reasons she reminded me of Wallace was because she would grin from ear to ear while she was playing, trying to walk, or looking at you.  Just a precious baby.  She is also pretty much bald, which makes her ears look big.  So every time she would grin at me I would think of Wallace.  

I just don't think the grandmother would have appreciated the comparison.

Counting to 10 and Beyond

I came home from work today to find a long faced youngest sitting on the couch talking to Loni.  As I started for the mail, I noticed an empty envelope addressed to the youngest from his college.  As I reached for the envelope, he informed me he had bad news.  He did not get campus housing, he is on a wait list.

This information would not have angered me if the youngest had turned in his housing application when I told him to back at the first of the year, or when I told him the second, third, fourth, fifth or sixth time.  If he had even turned it in the seventh time I told him, he would probably have had housing, but no, he procrastinated long enough that it was iffy he would get his housing stipend, and now he does not have housing.  

In the grand scheme of things, this is not even close the worse thing that could happen, but still, it was not in the plan.  

I am hoping that he will be notified of housing before classes start, but I am not going to hold my breath.  

I am disappointed because he won't have an opportunity to really make friends with his fellow freshmen, and get involved (not that he would do a lot) on campus.  

He is not going to be very happy because I will be breathing down his shoulder making sure has his work done.

So much for his plan to only come home twice a month.  

At least the letter didn't tell him that he didn't graduate and he wasn't a candidate for college.  

Accomplishment #183-#186

I did accomplish a few things over the July 4th long weekend, but not laundry.  Have I mentioned in this blog how much I hate laundry? 

In the last few days I have:

• Paid a lot of bills.
• Cleaned out the refrigerator of leftovers that were obviously not going to be eaten, or had frozen into a solid block because they were pushed to the back of the top shelf.
• Started purging the workshop, even though the youngest is doing the work, I have decided to let a lot of things go, some of them from my childhood, some from my life with Raymond.
• Cleaned the gas grill once the oldest had taken it apart for me. 
• Started on a new budget for the upcoming year.

The Conquering Hero

This weed has been the bane of my youngest's existence all summer.  It was growing out by our pool out of the weed barrier.  He finally weakened it enough with Round Up to be able to pull it out. 

Very Dear Friend

I have a very dear friend named Marie. 

I don't get to spend a lot of time with Marie, but I cherish every minute I do spend with her. 

Today we had a belated birthday lunch to celebrate her recent birthday.  I made her some pink coasters, since I know she likes the color.  

I hope she will think of me when she uses them, or when she throws them away.  It doesn't matter to me what people do with the things I give them once they are theirs.  (Except, I still won't make Loni the Halloween quilt she wants because I know she will display it all year, and that is just wrong.)

Accomplishments #180-182

Keeping track of my accomplishments keeps me from being depressed because I am not doing anything after work.  I do a lot, it is just at odd hours.

• Mail, lots of junk to recycle this week
• Laundry, washed and dried, not put away
• A couple of Thank You cards written
• Birthday gifts for friends wrapped, cards written
• Still working on my closet. It seems I decide to donate another shirt about every other day.  I am afraid to take the donation basket out of my bedroom because I know I will stop cleaning out the closet.
• Dusted art work 

Just Sad

This morning I was hit with an overwhelming sadness.

Part of it was missing Raymond, another part was I am just sad about my oldest.  

I don't like some of his choices lately.  He is not doing anything harmful or criminal.  He is a smart, hardworking, delightful young man and I very blessed he is my son, and yet that is the problem.

Because he is my son, I expect more from him.  I want him to have common sense, but I know he doesn't, never has, and probably never will. Since he was a toddler I have tried to teach him common sense, even though I know it is something you either have or don't have.

I have always had a lot of common sense, and I don't understand how I ended up with a child that cannot seem to at least use the common sense of others around him, and I don't mean just me.

He also is not very aggressive when it comes to standing up for himself, with me or anyone else.  

I need to learn to count my blessings with him, and I ask God every single day, and sometimes every hour, to help me to concentrate on all the good surrounding this wonderful son I have, but I need to dig deeper when it comes to this current situation.  

I am very afraid that this has caused a chasm between us and things will never be the same.

There is already a marked difference in our relationship.  Part of it is he keeps telling me he is trying to assert himself as an individual and be a man, and then turning around and not acting like an individual, and definitely not acting in his best interest as an individual.

The biggest blame (if there is really blame in this situation) is me.  I cannot come to grips with the fact that I have a child that cannot see the situation for what it is and then deal with it.  He could make it better by asserting his rights, or by turning away and going in a different direction.  Hell, he could even tell me to go mind my own F'ng business.

Unfortunately, the only thing he seems capable of doing is keeping the status quo and not realizing what it is doing to his self-esteem and his happiness. 

The only thing I can do about it is work on myself.  The problem with working on myself to accept the situation is that I am afraid that he will think I approve of what is happening, and I most definitely do not. 

So my solution...cry and be sad.