Went to see "Star Trek"

The boys and I went to see "Star Trek" this evening. It was good. I think it could have been about 10 minutes shorter, but I was fascinated with making comparisons, and I thought the guy that played Nero was really good looking, so it kept my interest. I really think the casting of the movie was excellent.

I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn't had to watch so many action movie previews before the movie started. I was really starting to get jumpy. G.I. Joe and Transformer previews made me edgy. Of course, they could have showed me about 30 more minutes of the new Johnny Depp movie previews. He looked really handsome as Dillinger.

I also was having a problem because I am not used to going to the theater at that time of the day. We usually go first thing on Sunday mornings, so the smell of all the food in the theater with us was really gagging me. The guys sitting next to me had something that really smelled bad. I spent the first part of the movie with my hand over my nose and mouth and breathing through my mouth.

As always I enjoyed watching my boys watch the movie. Their reactions to things crack me up.

All in all a very nice evening.

Three Years

Raymond died three years ago today.

I did better today than I have in the past. I did not have flashbacks of this day in 2006. In fact, I acknowledged the day, and then I kept my mind so occupied that I didn't have time to dwell on any of the past.

I spent most of my day hand quilting, but this evening the boys and I went to see "Star Trek" and then to dinner. When we got to the restaurant there was a hawk sitting on the concrete having his dinner (not very appetizing), and I felt better.

I didn't mention the day to the boys, and they didn't mention it to me. I don't know if they remember or not. I know Raymond would not want them to dwell on it in any way.

I miss him.

BIG SCREAM!!!!!

I am so sick of my youngest's attitude.

It is on days like these I really miss Raymond's help in dealing with these boys. At least if Raymond was here I could go away for the night and he could make sure that the work was done.

I really am fit to be tied tonight.

Anyone know a good, cheap place to run away to?

State Champs!

In their first year of UIL Academic Competition in the area of Computer Science my youngest son was on the team that WON THE AAA STATE CHAMPIONSHIP !!!!!
My oldest son was the volunteer coach.

Childhood Memorial Days

I was born in Dayton, Ohio and lived there until I was 13. I remember Memorial Day weekends in Ohio.

There was usually a trip to Cincinnati to my maternal grandmother's house to take her to my grandfather's grave. She would always have a coffee can or a mason jar ready for my father and me to fill with roses from the beautiful bush on the side of her house. My mother would be mad because it was a coffee can or a mason jar and not a vase. Then off we would go to set the roses on a flat marker in the cemetery. The drive took longer than the time spent at the marker. We would place the roses into the vase provided by the marker (why was it such a big deal to mom if we took the flowers in a coffee can or jar?) and stand there a few minutes before leaving to take Grandma home. I still remember the feeling of a connection standing there even though my grandfather died when I was only 3 months old. I always thought the connection came from the clipping of the roses. There was just something about that part of the day that was special to me, but maybe the connection was from something else. Maybe the connection came because he held me when I was so little. I just don't know.

A trip to the Dayton Bandshell was very common for our family, but I remember holidays like Memorial Day and Fourth of July being special events there.

Most years there was a trip to Kentucky to the cemetery where most of my Dad's family was buried, and where my parents first born was buried. I remember those trips because my Dad hated for there to be plastic flowers on the graves, and if we got there and he found plastic flowers on any of "our" graves he would throw a fit. He would gather all the plastic flowers up and throw them over the "cliff" at the side of the cemetery. Now in my childhood mind the cliff was very high and there was a deep ravine at the bottom, but when I went back as an adult it was just a drop off, and while it was pretty steep and went to no where, it was not very deep. I remember that when Raymond and I looked down I was shocked to see grass and dirt but not a deep pile of plastic flowers.

I also remember Dad putting out a flag on Memorial Day on the front of the house.

Once we moved to Kentucky we did not go to my grandfather's grave. Grandma lived with us, but I guess the trip was too much once we moved. We did not go to my sister's grave either, even though we were only about 45 minutes away then. In fact, I don't remember much about Memorial Days in Kentucky except that since we lived on the lake we would be subject to the "Ohio Navy" crowd coming down and there being a lot of traffic.

When Raymond and I married and moved to Texas we had no family to visit, dead or alive, here. So other than talking about loved ones lost, and seeing a few memorial services, it was usually just a quiet weekend.

I remember a few years ago being sad that my boys did not have the experience of the cemetery trip to make to remember loved ones. I think you need that connection to really understand the loss and sacrifices made by others. However, we have no graves to visit. My parents' ashes are in boxes in my brother's living room (his choice). Raymond's ashes are scattered among the cedar trees in the back field. The boys have no connection to the family members buried in Kentucky and Ohio other than a bloodline. We have friends that have served in wars, some of them injured there, but they are thankfully all still alive and leading productive lives.

The boys have been to memorial services, and they have seen the ceremonies to our heroes, but I sense an indifference that I never felt. Of course, the indifference may also come from having witnessed Raymond's death and my mother's decline. They have a different understanding of dying than most people. Sudden death has not been a reality for them. Whereas by the time I was my oldest's age I had suffered through the sudden deaths of many friends, they have not had that experience in their lives. (Thank you God for having kept all their friends safe.)

So as I sit here this morning, I am reliving the clipping of the roses, and the standing at the gravesides. I am remembering those that have gone on before us, and thanking them for their sacrifices. I am also thinking of all our men and women serving our country now and praying they have a safe day and can feel the love that is being sent their way.

Great Design

Yes, I believe abstinence is best, especially in today's world, but I think parents also have a responsibility to educate their children about safe sex because children don't always use the best judgment when hormones are raging.

The oldest came home yesterday highly embarrassed because he had been given a condom in a meeting of one of his groups because a member of the group designed the packaging. I thought it was a great, clever design. It definitely a great reminder.

You can see the other winners here:
http://www.onecondoms.com/designone/pages/2008Contest.html

Not in Front of the Boys

A friend of Raymond's told me today that he thought Raymond had no quality of life the last two years before he died. He said this in front of the boys. It was all I could do not to scream at him.

Raymond may not have been as physically active the last two years of his life, but he painted, stretched his mind, and learned new skills. Most importantly he spent two extra years with his boys.

I hate it when people say stuff like that in front of the boys.

Raymond lived for those boys. Every battle with the cancer was about the boys. I think he considered himself to have the highest quality of life each time he saw their faces.

The Boys are All Here!

My college boys are all home and here tonight. I love it! There are three of them and they are like my other children. We can talk about anything and joke.

One of them was bragging because he was the only one of the three that noticed I had dyed my hair, in fact it was the first thing he said to me, and he hadn't seen me since Christmas. He is also the one I worry about the most.

I had a lot of fun teasing the one I call the "sloth" because he has to take theater this summer. He is the least likely of them all to take theater. I told him they may let him be a prop. that would be the most likely job for him in a theater group.

They are now in the playroom laughing and carrying on.

My heart is full.

Can't Do It Justice With a Pic

"Transitions"

My youngest's last picture for his art class is really amazing in person, not so spectacular in a picture. From a distance you can really "get it."

I'm hoping he can take a couple of more classes this summer to finish up one more pastel I would like him to do before he leaves for school. I am going to get together with his instructor and see what dates we can make work.

I hope he will keep doing art in the future, but I am afraid it will go the way of the mandolin. At least I have the memories of how good he was on the mandolin, and the art is all around me.

Living Room Sprint

I am getting really good at the living room sprint. In fact today I would have probably won gold.

What is the living room sprint? It is the sprint I do across the living room when people knock on my door without calling first and I don't have my clothes on.

Since we have an art show this afternoon, I am not taking my shower until late. Which means I was sitting around in my night gown (the one with all the holes), and playing board games with my boys. Just as we started to roll for Farkle there was a knock on the door. I tore off in one direction (the bedroom with the clothes), while the boys did their part by going to the door and blocking the view of the visitor.

They told the visitor that I would be out in a minute and left her outside. I went out to meet with her and then just as she was leaving, another visitor pulled into the driveway. Good thing I was already dressed.

All I ask is that people let me know they are coming. I don't care if they call from the driveway as long as they call and let me know they are coming to the door. Especially those that like to arrive after 10:00 P.M. I don't have peepholes. I need phone calls!

Perfect Poached Eggs

I love poached eggs. When we go out to breakfast, I want poached eggs. If I am only making eggs for me, they are poached, unless I feel lucky and make soft-boiled.

I have two egg poachers. One for the microwave which makes horrible tough eggs, and a metal one for the stove top which only works well if you make enough eggs to fill all the cups, otherwise the water boils up and makes your eggs wet.

Sis bought some poach pods and tried them out. I had been looking at them, but wanted a first hand review. She liked hers and gave me tips on how to make them work better.

Yesterday I bought my own poach pods. Of course, I was thrilled that they were green.

Today I tried them out. My eggs turned out perfect, so much so that the oldest wanted to try them. I'm so happy I can have great poached eggs at home now.

New Addition to the Front Yard

All the rain has given us some new additions to the front yard, since we now have a small lake where it used to be just grass. There are a few crawdads and one fish in the lake too, but they were camera shy. I am very confused as to where the fish came from, but he seems content swimming around with the others.

BOOHOO! YEAH! HA HA!

The squirrel left the squirrel feeder and went back to the bird feeder. I would have been better off spending the money on another bird feeder.

Also, something stole one of the perches out of my new beautiful green ceramic feeder. I have searched all over for it and it is not on the ground.

Oh, now wait, the squirrel is trying to get back to the squirrel feeder, he just can't figure out how.

My boys think I have given the squirrels too many choices.

Ah, Mr. Blue Jay is back and he told the squirrel to go away.

I love my backyard. (Well, except for the snakes.)

I'm So Excited

A squirrel finally ate off the squirrel feeder I put outside my window. YEAH!

Sick Watch

When the youngest became sick last night I ended up in my chair. It is the same chair that I sat in for years next to Raymond when we would be up all night trying to get him through either a rough chemo treatment, or a night of horrible phantom pains. It is the same chair that I slept in night after night while he was in hospice here in the living room and I would not leave his side.

As I sat here last night with the youngest, all those horrible memories came back to me. It is times like those that I think about people with post-traumatic stress syndrome and wonder how they get through their days.

I tried to replace the memories last night with others. Such as the day Raymond and I picked out our "chairs." I was so excited to find one made for short people. All my life I had been sitting in chairs where my feet could not touch the floor. Raymond was so excited to buy me a chair that I found so comfortable.

Raymond's chair became the only place he could sit in the house after his amputation. Oh, he tried to sit on the couch a couple of times, but there was no way for him to prop himself up. His chair was the only place he was comfortable. It became so lopsided from his leaning that I wanted to get him a new one, but he would not give that chair up. No one else could sit in it because it was so lopsided.

When Raymond would go to the hospital I would come home and steam clean his chair so it would feel fresh and clean for him. It was equivalent to putting fresh sheets on the bed.

After Raymond died the boys wanted to keep the chair. We did for a while, but they finally came to the point where they were ready to get rid of it. The constant reminder was too much. I was glad to get rid of it because to me it represented the prison that Raymond had been assigned to when he wasn't in his wheelchair.

At least I can sit in my chair any other time and not be overwhelmed by some of the horrors of the past, but sick watch brings them all back. Good thing my boys are healthy 99.9% of the time.

Sleep Interrupted

This has not been a good week for me to get a full night's sleep without interruption.

Wednesday night my oldest went to a concert. I asked that he let me know when he was home. I went to bed around 11:30 p.m. and fell asleep almost immediately. He called at 12:30 a.m. to let me know the concert was over. I reminded him to let me know when he arrived home because he was still about an hour away from the house. When he arrived home at 1:30 a.m. he entered my bedroom by slamming the door open and saying very loudly in his deep voice "I'm home." Then he came and sat on my bed to tell me about the concert. He was radiating so much heat off his body that I immediately broke into a sweat. I told him I loved him, but he had to get out of my room before I had a heat stroke. It took an hour of the fan blowing on me before I could comfortable enough to get back to sleep. The next day I talked to both boys about the proper way to tell me they were home.

Friday morning I had to be up at 5:30 a.m. in stead of my usual 7:30 a.m. I tried to go to bed early on Thursday night, and even gave the oldest an 11:00 p.m. curfew so I would not be worried about him on the road until the wee hours. However, when the oldest came home, on time, he was upset and needed to talk so bedtime for me was after midnight and by then I too was upset and sleep did not come quickly. I got up at 5:30 a.m. and got the youngest off and to school by 6:30 a.m. for his concert trip, then I came back home and went back to bed. Since I don't have to be at work until 9:00 a.m. and I live so close to work, I decided I could sleep until 8:15 and still be on time. I should have just gone to work at 6:30 because the "nap" was full of nightmares and I felt sluggish and icky all day.

All of us were tired Friday night so we all went to bed around 11:30 p.m. deciding we would sleep very late on Saturday. I did not need to be any where until 1:00 p.m. so I set my alarm for 10:00 a.m. and fell into a deep sleep. The phone rang at 7:45 telling me my 1:00 p.m. was now 9:45 a.m. I went back to sleep until 8:15 a.m. but it was not the same.

Saturday night the youngest and I went to bed around 11:30 p.m. knowing we could sleep late Sunday. The oldest was out but we had set up rules earlier in the day as to how to let me know gently he was home. First he called me at 10:00 p.m. the time he thought his meeting would be over, but he informed me in the call that they had decided to end at midnight. He told me he loved me and goodnight then and he remembered the rules. When he came home around 1:00 a.m. he gently knocked on my door, opened it and said softly "I'm home." I acknowledged that I heard him and off he went. I fell right back into my sleep. It was wonderful.

At 3:30 I heard this deep voice over me saying "Mom, I'm sick." I was in such a sound sleep, I thought it was in my dream. It took several tries for the youngest (whose voice is deeper than his brother's) to wake me up to tell me that he had been up sick for a while, and he needed to know what medicine should he take.

I shook my head a few times and got up with the youngest, only to see that he had taken care of the preliminary things we usually do when one of them is sick. Together we set up the bucket by the couch, readied the couch for him to sleep on, and then I took the chair. I catnapped in the chair until the worse seemed over for him around 7:30 a.m., and then I went back to bed, hoping to sleep until about noon. Alas, noon turned into 10:00 a.m. when the church called for some information.

So now I am up, sluggish and looking forward to late this afternoon when I plan on taking a long nap.

Chair Fund

Several people have asked me about my chair fund because they can see on this blog that it is going slow.

I haven't forgotten the chair fund, it is just that I get hit really hard this time of year with car and house insurance being due within less than a month of each other, and there have been some home repair expenses included. Since I try to live without touching savings (except for the septic repair), there is not a lot of extra for the chair fund this time of year.

I think June will be a good month for the fund though because with the boys gone for nine days I should be able to save on groceries and put that money towards the chair.

I am picturing a green chair in my mind.

Mamma Likes CRUSHED ICE!!!!

The oldest has moved back home for the summer, and it is taking some getting used to for all of us.

My refrigerator has ice and water in the door and you can get the ice in cubes or crushed. I like crushed ice, so I keep the crushed ice button pushed in.

I was out most of the morning, and I have been drinking cold tea all day without ice. I just went in to get ice and as I usually do when filling up my cup I was reading the poems all over my refrigerator that have been left there by the boys and their friends, so imagine my surprise when I looked in my glass and it was full of cubes of ice. GROWL!!!!

The oldest knows that if he gets cubes he is supposed to put it back on crushed, because while it is the refrigerator the family uses, it is also the refrigerator I dreamed about for years, and Raymond bought for ME when the old one finally quit working. Therefore I get to rule which button is picked.

I have a feeling that these first couple of weeks of being "all" together will be a little trying, especially if the crushed ice button doesn't stay selected.

Twice in 2 Days!

Finally!

I thought I would never ever win that game.

What a Jerk

I just finished watching the Elizabeth Edwards interview with Oprah. I watched John Edwards during his campaign and my feelings about him ran hot and cold. Now I really think he is a jerk.

When Raymond and I were at MD Anderson I met so many people, male and female, who were alone because their spouse left when they found out about the cancer. So I admired him for standing by his wife, and how they had gotten through the death of their son, etc. Now the world knows he cheated. What a jerk!

Well Someone Got a New Bottle of Viagra

There is a meeting I go to where I am the baby of the group. Everyone else is at least 20 years older than I am. Some of the people are married to each other, some are widows/widowers, some are married but come alone, and one couple is dating.

A couple of weeks ago when I went to one of our meetings, after dying my hair red again, the male partner of the dating couple really perked up when I entered the room. He suddenly sat up real tall, and he called me over to chit chat and kept touching my shoulder etc. Now this is not how he usually treats me, but I still didn't pay much attention because his children are my age.

Usually this man leaves the meetings with his girlfriend, but today she left and he stayed behind. I was straightening the room and he started helping me which was nice because there was a big party coming into the room after us.

We finished the room and walked out into the hallway where the man stopped in front of me and grabbed my shoulders and looked me up and down. He then told me "You aren't bad, not bad at all, I think we could have fun together." Well, I laughed that off, because I thought he was being funny.

I walked into another room because I was killing time until it was time to pick up the youngest and he followed me. He then told me that since everyone had left, and no one was due in the building for a while we could do it then. I still thought he was joking around, and responded laughingly with "I'm not into quickies." That is when he informed me that he liked "all night sessions." I laughed, but I started wondering why the man had really stayed behind and was he really joking with me.

He then told me that he thought we could have a good time, and that his girlfriend has shoulder issues which means she isn't very flexible. That is when I started getting really uncomfortable . I started moving around the room towards the door and making sure there are a few tables between us. I was also hoping he has bad knees or something and can't run.

I told him that I was pretty sure his girlfriend's shoulder issues would not prevent her from giving him a pretty good beating if she found out he was sleeping around and laughed really hard. I then said I had to get on my way.

He told me to "keep it in mind."

When I got home tonight I called and told a mutual acquaintance about what happened. She told me he has a thing for redheads.

I am seriously thinking about dying my hair black before I go to another meeting, unless someone knows an antidote for Viagra.

Yellow-Crowned Night Heron?

When the youngest and I came home from school today, this beautiful bird was in our front yard. It was hard to get a very clear picture, but from observation I believe it is a yellow-crowned night heron. The long haired crest on top was really pretty.

Squirrel Entertainment

I have been sitting here reading, blogging, and thinking this morning while being entertained by a blue jay that cannot get it through his head that he is too big for the feeder he is trying to eat out of and keeps falling to the ground, and two squirrels. Squirrel 1 is on the feeder and he throws food to the one on the ground to Squirrel 2, and then eats for a while himself. They are so entertaining. Yes I will probably pay the price for having squirrels around the house some day, but I love them. We did not have any squirrels on the property until the last couple of years, so it is a treat. Reminds me of when I had my pet squirrel "Squeaky" in Ohio. He lived outside, but ate out of my hand.

Squirrel 1 Gets Food

Squirrel 1 Sends Food to Squirrel 2

Squirrel 2 Eats

Cottonwood Art Festival, Spring 2009

What a lousy weekend for the poor artists at the Spring 2009 Cottonwood Art Festival. I don't think they are going to be impressed with their sales.

First the swine flu is keeping people away from crowded areas, and then the weather has trashed out their site for the weekend.

The boys and I arrived at the festival yesterday right after the heavy rains. Most of the booths had shut down. The grounds were flooded to the point that I had water over my ankles at one time. The areas where the water was not standing, were caked in squishy mud.

Despite all that, I saw some terrific art in the few booths that had opened back up.

I enjoyed visiting with Dan Ferguson of DaNisha Sculpture. He was running a rainy day special of 15% off, but he did not have any turtles.

Mike and Patty Albin's art is breathtaking. You can go to www.albinarts.com to see their amazing art, which is a blend of photography and painting. I wish I could afford one of their pieces. They had a wildflower piece that actually made me gasp it was just so incredibly stunning.

Julia Watkins' energism art is amazing. She had prints available as well as originals, but the prints did not do justice to her work. They do not capture the lushness of the colors and the amazing ridges in the paint. It was fun to look at the paintings and try to see the hidden creature. When you look at them on the website the hidden items are obvious, but when you see them in person, especially before you know you are to be looking for something, you do not notice what is hidden.

Tai Poon had beautiful pieces, but not really a style I would purchase. However, I did enjoy going through all his prints.

I thought about going back down there today, but decided that I had sloshed through enough. I talked to enough people and saw some enough beautiful things to be satisfied this time around.

I would have liked to have seen more of the work by Roderick Stevens. He had some amazing items, but unfortunately most of the ones I saw were covered in plastic to keep them dry in the rain. I did laugh at the "Davinc a Sketch" though.

I hope the fall show has better weather.

Hello - Tornado Sirens - Anyone Interested?

If you are reading this and live any where in the Dallas, TX area, then you know that there have been some big storms in the area the last couple of days. Yesterday was one of the worse days I have seen in a while.

I spent the morning with Sis quilt shop hopping followed by a wonderful lunch at Taste of Home in Wylie. The morning included a beautiful drive to Rockwall with just a few sprinkles of rain, lots of laughter, some serious conversation, and much love between two friends. Sis and I have very little face time together these days so each second we are together is precious.

Once Sis dropped me off at home it was time to get into my car so the youngest and I could pick up the oldest and go to the Cottonwood Art Festival in Richardson. Now the sky is looking ominous, but the oldest said it was not raining there yet, and I am hopeful we can do a quick run through before the rain hits.

As the youngest and I are driving down Central Expwy. the rain starts coming down, not real heavy, but worrisome. Youngest called the oldest and he says yes it is raining there but looks like it will slack off. Okay. We continue down. The rain is getting really heavy the closer we get to Renner Rd., youngest called the oldest again and ask him to check the Festival website, have the closed it? "No word on the website. " I'm now on Renner Rd., and I can barely see to drive. youngest calls oldest again and asks him to check the weather radar. "Heavy rains with a clearing coming." Well I am almost there now, so I am committed.

We get to the oldest's apartment and the sky has opened up with everything it has and we need a place to wait it out. The oldest offers to go up and make his apartment presentable. I asked what that meant. "Tying up the trash, clearing the floor space, picking things up." Not worth it to me. I drive down through the parking lot to a place that I think is okay to wait in. Unfortunately, the rain is coming down so hard that the parking lot is filling with water and I am terrified my van will start to float.

I asked the oldest what we could do in the area. He mentions that he wants to go to Comic Asylum because he wasn't able to get the comic he wanted at "Free Comic Book Day" at "Zeus" earlier in the day. The rain has slacked off enough to drive at this point, so off we go driving on streets that are completely flooded in the right lanes, but I can get there in the left lane.

When we get to Comic Asylum the skies have opened up again, and I told the boys to go on in, because I am parked right at the door. I said I would be in when it slacked off a little. I sat in the car a few minutes and then headed into the store. As I start to open the door sirens start going off. They don't sound like emergency vehicle sirens, they sound like tornado sirens. I go into the store and ask the first man I see if the area there has tornado sirens (our city does not). He promptly tells me in a very thick British accent that he is not from here. I then open the door and listen again, still sirens. They don't sound very close, but I can still hear them. I look at the sky and it looks funky way off, but not dangerous in the area we are in. I don't see anything that makes me think I should take cover, so I am worried, but not frightened.

I go back into the store and decide to address the person running the counter, a boy probably in his early 20's. I ask him about the tornado sirens. He just looks at me. Nothing comes out of his mouth. He has that dazed, nerd comic store look in his eyes. I am truly ready to scream at him, because there are about 30 people in the store (if you count the card tournament in the back) and I need to know if the bad weather is coming our way. I go back to the door, still sirens but very faint.

I went up to my boys and I told the oldest to get on his phone and look at the weather. He tells me that the tornado warning is north of our location, and headed north east. Nothing headed our way. Okay. I can calm down now, but I'm still upset about the fact that the only guy working in the store did not even get up and look outside to see if there was anything he needed to do to protect his customers. Neither did any of the customers that heard me inquire about the sirens, including my own children.

I swear I think there is something pumped into the air at these comic shops. They are all the same. Intelligent, open minded, creative people enter into these stores and become glazed eyed zombies only able to concentrate on the items for sale before them.

Next time the weather is bad and I am out, I am not going to a comic store for cover.

String Fever - Bolero 1 cello/4 players

These guys fascinate me. If only my youngest was that interested in his cello.