Early Birthday Gift from L

The most beautiful scarf in the world. She knitted it for me!

Great Visit

I had a great visit with a very special person today.  I haven't seen him since June and it was wonderful to get his advice and listen to him laugh.

He looks great, about 20 years younger than the last time I saw him.  I told him it wasn't fair that I was aging quickly from stress and he looked so young when he is older than I am.

I am very proud of him and how he has changed.  I can't wait to see what he does next.

A Night of Worry

8:24 P.M. Text message from Oldest "Gonna stop by the house..."

I get home at 9:15. It takes him 30 minutes to drive home, and there is no sign he has been here, so I wait.  

10:00 P.M. No Oldest.

11:00 P.M. No Oldest.  So I called.  No answer.  He is not logged into his IM account.  I am worried.

11:15 P.M. I have him in the hospital mangled from an accident.

11:16 P.M.  He is dead on the side of the road.

11:45 P.M. Oldest calls and asks why I called.  I asked where he was.  He said in his apartment.  After a few confusing sentences, because he cannot understand why I am calling, and I cannot understand why he is not here, it turns out that he has already been here and gone.  I just missed him.  I don't know how, but oh well.  He is in a bad mood because he cannot find his lab notes for his report or reach his lab partner.  I am frustrated because he is not being very nice and he is leaving on a contest trip tomorrow.  

Take it Easy, Avoid Stress

That is what I am supposed to do this week.

How does that work?

I came home today early today to rest as I was feeling shaky and exhausted.  As soon as I came home I had to start dealing with a big issue with the house. Three hours later it was under control, but I had not taken a nap and I was feeling a little stressed.

I decided to go out for a little while so I drove down to the fabric store to pick up a couple of fabrics to go with the baby quilt. It was tiring, but worth it.  I was able to relax among all the beautiful colors.  

I had planned on coming home and cutting out the squares, but decided I should wait a couple of days.

I am going to have to work at not getting too stressed with everything, but I am definitely going to make the effort.  I have asked people at work to help.

Lessons Learned

I did learn a few things from going to the ER.

1. I need to go back to keeping an address book in my purse and not relying on my cell phone.  The cell phone stopped working and I had no way to contact anyone because I no longer memorize numbers.  I knew the area code and first three numbers of Queen J's but that was it.  I don't even know the cell numbers for the boys.
2. If there is no tv remote and they warn you of that, have them turn off the tv. I can only take so much of a Jackie Chan marathon when I am in pain.
3. Have some bottled water in your bag.

OK, So I'm Not Having a Heart Attack

Once it was decided in the ER that I was not having a heart attack at that moment, the next step was to keep me overnight to run cardiac enzymes and keep an eye on me.  Okay fine.

They gave me medicine for the nausea but no one was very concerned about finding out why I was having pain.  

I continued to have pain all night, and the next day, including right before the doctor released me, but no one tried to figure out what the pain was.  All that was suggested was that I take ibuprofen.  Well, I could have stayed home and popped a few Advils.

I do have to go in for more tests later this week.  I think it is a huge waste of time.

I was still having stabbing pains last night and this morning.  In fact I felt so bad yesterday that I let my oldest drive when we took the youngest back to school, and anyone that knows me knows that is HUGE.

Birth Control or Emesis Container

When I arrived at the ER Saturday night I was quite nauseous.  I asked the nurse if I could have container in case I became ill.  I was expecting the old pink kidney shaped bowl that is usually worthless but was handed what looked like a huge diaphragm.  Once opened it looked like a huge blue condom.  It made me quite tickled.  Once I got over the shock of being handed this item I was quite thrilled with the design. I wish this had been available to Raymond during chemo, and to me when the kids were little.

It was also quite useful to entertain me during the more boring moments of the evening as a balloon and a hat.

 

I was thrilled that I did not have to use it as it is intended.

To Go or Not to Go

Saturday was a good day despite all the rain.

The boys were home.  Oldest's girlfriend was coming for the day and night.  The youngest was having several friends over and it was craft day.

I got up at 8:00, showered, and cleaned up around the house a little. The crafting girls showed up around 10:00.  L knitted, M read since she is still recovering, Queen J, "QJ", did a little piece work, and napped.  I did a little hand quilting.

Girlfriend arrived around noon and then left with oldest to pick up pizza for all.  After lunch everyone went back to what they were doing.  All was great.

L and M left sometime after 4. QJ and I went to meet her hubby for dinner around 5:30.  It was a good meal with good company, and very handsome entertainment.

After dinner, QJ and I came back to the house to work on some quilting.  Around 7:00 P.M. I felt a sharp pain in my upper left chest.  Then I felt a few more jabs.  They hurt enough to make me shout out a couple of times.  Other than the pains I felt great.  QJ thought I should go to the hospital.

The pains subsided for a while and then came back.  QJ said it was time to go to the hospital but I really didn't feel bad, just had stabbing pains.  I decided to call L and get her opinion.  She listened to my symptoms and went "hmmmm."  I told QJ that L did not think I needed to go to the hospital.  Of course that meant  QJ wanted to talk to her.

It wasn't long after QJ talked to L that M called and then her hubby S talked to me.  We went over my symptoms.  He said that he was no expert, but it might be a muscle spasm but any other symptoms and I needed to go to the hospital.  Then they talked to QJ.

The pains then stopped again and I went to help QJ with displaying her quilt on the design wall.  As I placed strips on the wall the pains came back.  As the pains kept attacking me, I started feeling quite ill, and nauseous.  It was time to go to the hospital.  

QJ would not let me drive myself, so she drove.  It was snowing.  When we arrived at the hospital L and QJ's hubby were waiting on me.  QJ went in and told them I was a 50 year old woman with chest pains and I was on a gurney in nothing flat.  

Spring Break

We have had company all week.  Raymond's parents came to see the boys.

I had to work this week, but the boys were able to spend time with Granny and Pa.  Granny and Pa had a chance to meet the oldest's girlfriend and see where he goes to college.  

The in-laws left today and the boys are going to finish Spring Break out by spending time with friends.  

I am planning on craft day tomorrow, and a relaxing Sunday before taking the youngest back to his campus.  

It has been a long time since we spent a Spring Break at home, but I am glad we did. 

Prodigal Son

I have heard all sides of the parable now. 

My oldest owes the youngest big time since the youngest made a deal that let the oldest stay home with Auntie L.

I really need to practice my negotiation skills.

I Know Who is Getting the Bad End of the Deal

The girls have been bugging me about getting a colonoscopy.  Something I am not too keen on doing, for more than just the obvious reasons, but I know it is necessary because my dad had colon cancer at one time.

Last night at dinner they brought it up again and it basically came down to a "What will it take for you to" deal.  

I picked my deal. The youngest has to get his driver's license without me being involved. Now the youngest was a little slow in catching on to what we were discussing exactly, but it wasn't long before he was saying "Wait!" He does not want his driver's license.  

The girls then asked him what "it would take" to get his license. I told him to ask for a case of "Cheddar Bunnies."  He said he thought  his brother should get to stay home from church tomorrow.  The youngest won't be in church because he is getting a refresher driving lesson.  

Now the girls are determined that the youngest get his license.  I am thinking that he won't be able to get it while he is on Spring Break, and my next doctor's appointment is coming up before he comes home for the summer, so I can probably put this off a while longer.  

Of course if I get scoped, BFF has to get scoped.  The girls think BFF and I should just make a party of the whole thing and do the prep together and go for scopes together. I don't know if that would work or not, but since BFF is older than I am, she should go first. 

Can't Sleep

It is almost 1:00 A.M. and I am wide awake. 

I know I have to get up and go to work tomorrow, then drive up to get the youngest, plus I have a fun evening planned tomorrow night, but sleep does not seem to be coming my way tonight.

My mind keeps racing.  

"Will my friend ever be my "friend" again?  

"What is that strange spot that came up on my hand today? Looks like poison ivy but I wasn't outside."

"Why did I not accomplish more this week?"

"What do I want to cook next week for the company?" 

"Will the bank still take that check I found tonight?"  

"What can't I remember what you call that table out in the workshop?'  

The questions just keep coming, unfortunately, most of them I can't answer.  

There is no nap time tomorrow, so I need to get some sleep.

You Just Never Know

After spending a year at M.D. Anderson with Raymond I learned that you never ever know what is going on with another person unless they tell you.  I try to remember that, but it is easy to get caught up in your own life and forget that fact.  It slapped me in the face today.

There is a woman I see walking all over town that also works at a local store. I see her at the store every time I shop there and I am always amazed at how friendly she is on some days and how mean she is on other days.  Today she was in a good mood and as we stood talking the wind started whipping up and I mentioned  how I see her walking all the time, and did she walk to work today.  She then told me that a friend had driven her to work and then she went on to tell me more about her life.  This woman has a mental illness and  it makes her life very difficult at times, hence the moods I witness.  

This woman told me why she walks so much and about some of the difficulties she has because of her illness. She was quite open about her situation as we stood at the counter and discussed ways she might overcome a problem she is currently encountering. 

You just never know.

Paralyzed by Anxiety

It happens every year at this time.  I get paralyzed by the anxiety of doing my tax forms for the CPA. 

It is funny but I think I need someone here in the house with me to do the work.  A person that I can turn to and say "do you think this goes here?"  

Maybe that is what I will do on craft day.  While the others are here working on fun stuff, I will get these forms done so the boys can deliver them on Monday.  

I did get everything sorted last night, but tonight my mind just cannot get interested in the numbers.  

Maybe if I wait until Saturday the girls will kick my rear end if I don't do the work. 

Truffle Fury (Title by M)

When M came back from California Friday she brought us all chocolate truffles. I am keeping BFF's since she is away, and I chose to eat one of mine Saturday, and save the second one for tonight. 

 

This morning I got up with just enough time to shower, dress, and get to church to lead the Hot Topics class we started this week.  I did not have time for breakfast or my meds, in fact I never went into the kitchen before leaving.  After church I headed to Kroger's to buy gas and pick up a couple of items before heading home.  In all I was out of the house for almost two hours.

When I entered the house I went directly into the kitchen to put the groceries away and then entered the laundry room to throw away a couple of pieces of trash.  When I put my trash in the can the first thing I noticed was an empty truffle box. I went crazy.  I stood there yelling some not so nice words and screaming about who could have possibly come into the house to eat my truffle.  I knew the boys would not have eaten my truffle because it is way to fancy for their tastes.  I ranted at the can for about 30 seconds before going into the kitchen to stomp around and scream a little more.  It was several minutes before I calmed down enough to realize that if someone came into the house and ate my truffle they might still be in the house, or more things might be missing.  That gave me pause long enough to think that I should really go into the living room to check things out, including looking to see if my truffle box was missing.  

When I entered the living room, there was my truffle box with my truffle.  I then remembered that M had eaten her truffles here and that was her box in the trash.  

I probably should have eaten something before I left the house this morning. 

Today is the Day

Today is the day I start working on my taxes. 

There I put it in writing so I must do it.  This is the only week I have to work on them since I have company coming next week. 

It is the perfect day to begin because it is raining, the boys are not home, and I have had a very full weekend going out both Friday and Saturday nights and having craft day yesterday.  

I have already facilitated a class this morning, been to the store, and watched an episode of "Psych," so the only thing left to do is get started, or take a nap.  Hmmmm, a nap sounds nice since it is raining.  

I am sure I will manage a nap some time today, but no matter what, I will start on the taxes. 

Craft Day at Mama C's

In the last couple of months we have made Saturday's craft day at Mama C's.  BFF comes over and quilts, L knits, M studies and reads, and I quilt.

Today BFF is in Virginia and the girls decided they were going to piece together quilt tops for the soldiers at Fort Hood.  

When L was over on Tues. she looked at the two patterns I had and figured out how to do the piecing for each one.  She was nice today and let M pick her choice of the two tops, since one was a little more complicated than the other.  Now I warned M to look at that patterns, but she went completely by the colors and ended up with the slightly more complicated quilt top, which had L dancing.  

L has never sewn before.  She did really good putting the blocks together, but when it came to piecing the blocks to each other she lost her nerve a little and kept getting the fabric bunched up under the needle.  She did a little meditating, and then I ran one through for her and she decided to put it up until next week.

M has just started on her piecing and the thread is giving us a little trouble, but other than that it is going great, but she has sewn before.  

L said she was going to stick to knitting after this project, but then she bought 2 baby quilt kits with her today, so we will see.  Of course if she buys Mama C the right color thread, Mama C would be glad to put them together for her.  

Love craft days!

For Me, It Does Not Get Better

Today Raymond would have been 51 years old.  I have been dreading this day for weeks, but no one at work knew about it.  In fact only one person I work with knew Raymond, and that was just by sight.  So imagine my surprise when I walked in to find gifts on my desk.  Not because they knew the significance  of the day but just because they chose today to express their love for me.  Later in the day my boss came in and she had a gift for me because she said she woke up thinking about me and that she needed to brighten my day. 

The showering of love did help me get through the day better than usual, but when someone asked me if it ever gets better I had to honestly answer "Not for me."  

There is just too much I want to share with Raymond on a daily basis.  I want to show him my quilts.  I need to discuss issues with the boys.  I would like his advice when someone has hurt me. 

I know that many people cannot understand that connection we had, but it was very special.  He was special.  Raymond was very interesting and intelligent and that helped me stay sharp.  Raymond loved me as I am, which is not easy. 

I miss him.