Grief

People who believe that grief is gone after a given amount of time has not experienced true grief.

Grief comes in waves.  Some waves are stronger and higher than others.

I have been grieving a lot this year.  My Dad, my Mom, Raymond, and other past griefs.  

My Dad died in 1998 just when Raymond's symptoms were hitting him and we were trying to figure out what was wrong.  There wasn't a lot of time to grieve and I kept telling myself that he had been sick for so long I had already grieved. 

With Raymond there was grief everyday.  Every time we learned something he could no longer do, or we would get a call telling us they found more tumors, etc., there was grief.  When he died there was so much to do I once again told myself I had already grieved.

Everything seemed fast tracked with Mom, and then her death was very unexpected.  My solution to her death was to just throw myself into my newish job and in helping out with activities my youngest was involved in at his school.

Mixed in with Raymond's death there was the oldest moving out and going away to school 2 1/2 months later, but I still had the youngest at home.  However, the youngest moved out at 15 to go away to school.   I became an empty nester a lot sooner than I planned.  

Through all of this I thought I was moving through everything okay and keeping everything on a pretty even keel until I came face to face with a grief from the past and it just opened up the doors to all the grief.  

The grief waves have been high and strong and right now I don't see the calm coming anytime soon, but that is okay because I have been told I am a survivor.