Finding Me Through the Past

An old boyfriend found me on Facebook last night, the first time he had used Facebook.

Long history with Randy.  I met him the year he graduated, 1975.  He was in an automobile accident with his friend and I was working admissions at the hospital that day and was assigned to take Randy to radiology.  We joked around and talked, but I had never met him before and really didn't know he went to my school.  He was two years older and I had only been at the school for three semesters.  Once he was discharged from the hospital I really didn't think about him again.

It wasn't long after our meeting that a friend of mine, a fairly new student without a lot of friends yet, choked to death when she was home alone eating popcorn.  I was pulled out of my classroom that morning to be told the news.  I remember going back in to the class in shock and then getting up to leave the room because I knew I was going to lose it.  I made it halfway to the bathroom when I broke down, just as Randy was walking down the hall.  He came and asked me why I was crying and I remember telling him my friend was dead before running into the bathroom.

A few days after that I was in Mrs. Hughes English class when Randy knocked on the door and asked to see me.  A real no-no most of the time, but I was her pet and it turned out she was quite fond of Randy.  He was there to check on me and give me a wallet of his graduation picture with a really nice note on the back.  

It wasn't long after that he called and asked me out and we started dating.  Since I was underage, and he wasn't, there were very strict rules set on our dating by his father.  My parents trusted me and knew Randy had been drilled to behave. We dated all summer.  

The first thing I think about when I remember our dates is that we always looked spectacular.  I mean we never said we would dress up a little for our dates, but we did.  No t-shirts, nice jeans, or slacks.  The only time I remember wearing tennis shoes on our dates is when we went to the State Fair.  

Randy was always so kind to me and very caring.  We dated all summer and then he moved away and we kept up long distance but agreed to see other people.  When he came back the next summer we dated and he gave me his class ring and asked me to be exclusive.  

All of this was all great and wonderful but there was a side of it all that just didn't work.  Randy smoked a lot of pot. Friends warned me not to involved, one friend in particular, but that just made me dig in my heals and say "He treats me like a queen," and he did, always. 

When Randy moved away again we tried to stay together long distance, but stuff was happening, and I broke up with him, but not in a good way.  Not face to face like I should have, and his mother and brother actually knew before he did.  I always felt bad about that timing.  

However, that was not the end of our story. No, he went on to join the Navy, get married, and then divorced.  After his divorce, the summer before I left for my junior year of college, we started dating again. It was a very short time, and drugs broke us up again.

After I married Raymond and moved to Texas, the Randy story was not over.  Raymond and I had been married a little over a year when Randy called and asked me if I was ready to come to my senses, come back home and marry him.  I told him "No," and that was the end of the story until last night.

Unfortunately, drugs continued to plague him most of his adult life.  He is sober now.  That makes me very happy, because I honestly thought he would be dead by now.  He has had a fairly recent tragedy in his life, the death of his son due to an overdose.  That news broke my heart.  His grief is consuming him as I imagine it would.  I pray that he can find his way through all that and maintain his sobriety.

What does all that have to do with finding me?  Well at the end of our chat last night he told me that I had not changed, I was still sweet.

Was I sweet then?  Have I really ever been sweet?  I hear from my super seniors all the time how sweet I am. One even calls me her "sweet girl."  It is just not something I ever really considered myself to be.

And, how can this man who I know I hurt very deeply, still use that word about me? I will write it on my list and think about it.

Whether I am sweet or not, I will continue my friendship with Randy.  He was a huge part of my past, and I wish him all the best in the future.