It Would Be So Easy

This relationship with Randy would be so easy, and yet I keep trying to make it hard.

Randy and Loni have both asked me why I want it to be hard, so I have been really concentrating on why I won't accept easy.

Easy is scary.  I mean here I am just now coming out of my bubble and this man comes back into my life, as a new person, and within weeks he is declaring he has always loved me and now that he knows what kind of woman I have become he loves me even more.  

He tells me he loves me because I am beautiful, strong, caring, independent, honest and remarkable. All words that embarrass me and make me feel unworthy, and yet I know he means every word.

I know that part of the reason I don't want it to be easy is because I don't want to be hurt again.  Not just by Randy, but by anyone. There is also that history with the old Randy, and I know I have to let it go.

There is also the fear that I am reaching for the comfort of the past and not trying to move forward.  

Then there is the other man from the past and a relationship that has not been resolved.  A relationship that I have been very honest about with Randy.  

I do know that I miss him all day long. He brings peace to my life and that the minute I hear his voice all stress leaves my body. I also know with every fiber of my being he loves me.

 

I don't know, it just doesn't seem like it should be this easy.