Too Much Love

I am having a difficult day.  I am feeling very overwhelmed by how Randy feels about me and us.

I don't know if I can be in a relationship with someone who loves me so much. I know how stupid that sounds, but that is how I feel right now.  

 

My guess is that since April 17 I have spent close to 100 hours on the phone with Randy.  There have been many days when we have spent 8 hours on the phone at one time.  We never seem to run out of things to talk about and we have lots of laughs.   It is through these phone calls that he has declared his love for me, and I have no reason to doubt him, especially since we did not break up all those years ago because we fell out of love.  

 

I just feel overwhelmed by his love. He came back into my life so unexpectedly. In fact, it was quite a shock since  I actually thought he was dead. I didn't have any proof he was dead, and no one told me that he was dead, that was based strictly on what was happening the last time I told him goodbye. 

 

I know it is fear that is making me feel this way.  

 

My dear friend that kicked me the rear not long ago asked me if I didn't think I was just playing it safe by getting into a relationship from the past.  The answer to that was yes, I worry that is what I am doing. The flip side to that is why would I not at least try to give a man who loves me  a chance.  

 

Randy says I shouldn't make any decisions until we see each other in person.  He wants me to come visit him this summer.  We have actually been planning what we might do on a "date."  He brought up the art museum.  You have to give the man credit there. He knows what I like.  He even mentioned me planning my visit around the blues festival. 

It is just that when he tells me how much he cares for me and loves me I start feeling responsible for him.  Of course he explains that is not how it is and that he is responsible for himself, but that is not the way I am wired. 

I have explained to him that whereas I do love him, I don't know how to define that love.  His answer to that is for me to breathe and let things happen. He believes that if I would just allow myself to let go and open myself up to his love we  could possibly have the greatest love that ever existed.

I just feel it is too much love.  

I need to go breathe now.