Really Struggling

I am really struggling tonight.

There is nothing anyone can do to help. I know that my friends will all see this and call and ask if they can help, but they can't. I don't even want to talk to anyone about it.

I think I made a huge mistake. I think I have ruined my youngest's life. I didn't have Raymond here to talk to and help me take inventory and now here I am crying in my chair and wishing I had thought to discuss this with Raymond before he died.

We tried to cover everything. We would sit and discuss the future and try to think of things that might come up and how we would handle it, but I can't remember us discussing this and now I am sitting here terrified that I have really screwed up.

I am going to see my youngest tomorrow and we will discuss my decision. In the meantime I will pray. I will also yell and scream at Raymond and beg him to let me know that it will be okay.

If it isn't...I pray the youngest will forgive me.