I have been reading blogs this morning as I try to get out of this fog I am in from very little sleep. Everyone seems to be setting goals. As L knows, I hate setting goals for a year. It is just too much pressure. As soon as I break one, even if it is just a blip, I feel so guilty I beat myself up for weeks. I don't need that, I beat myself up enough as it is.
There is one thing I will be doing again in 2009. I am going to stop drinking sodas. I went for years without drinking sodas except on rare occasion. However for the last six months I have been drinking Cokes again. I crave the stupid things. I know I should not drink them, that they are very bad for me, especially with diabetes in my family. I haven't been buying them for the house, but I have been having them in restaurants and I will pick one up at the drugstore once a week.
I went out and bought 3 six packs the beginning of this week. I am going to drink them and when they are gone that it is. Cold turkey. No sodas at any restaurants etc.
I know I will have caffeine withdrawal, but I am determined to quit.
My youngest drew this comic based upon a suggestion from one of his teachers (she actually told him that a picture of the Statue of Liberty holding a shoe would be a funny comic - she knows our family way too well). This is just the type of thing Raymond would have put on one of his blogs.
BFF Jill came over today (Christmas Day) and gave me Twilight Turtle! I love Twilight Turtle. My room has a semblance of blackout curtains so we were able to see a little of how it would look tonight, but I could not wait any longer today and I went into youngest's closet to see how it would be. It is soooo cool!. You can view the stars in three colors, blue, amber, green. Can you guess my favorite? The blue is nice too.
"Twilight Turtle Constellation Nightlight transforms your room into a starry night sky. This soothing night light is also an educational toy that entertains as it teaches. Twilight Turtle's starry projection is modeled after the night sky. Twilight Turtle has eight actual constellations, including the Big and Little Dipper, are visible within the star pattern.
Twilight Turtle projects the constellations in 3 soothing colors: Blue, Green and Amber. Each nightlight by Cloud B features a different view of constellations. These colors are known to help relieve tension and promote relaxation.
Features automatic time-out after 45 minutes. Three "AAA" batteries required, included.
My boss loved the Christmas gift I gave him. I was so glad. He sat down and read it, awed over the pictures, and laughed.
I gave him "The Brick Testament: The Ten Commandments" Check out "The Brick Testament" website. When you click on the picture for one of the stories, you can got through the story by clicking on the arrows at the top of the picture. I understand that some people may find this to be offensive, but I find it fascinating that someone has spent this much time illustrating the Bible is such a way.
I went with the girls (L&M) to see "Four Christmases" today. I have wanted to see it since I saw the first trailer for it, but the boys were not too keen on going to see it, they would rather see "Frost/Nixon."
I loved the movie, and it was great to go with girls that were laughing at the same time I was. It was so much like some of my Christmases past. Not the having to go to divorced parents homes individually, but just the family part of it.
I really laughed at the line about how you can't have the word "families" without "lies." Raymond always made me tell the "lies" to get us out of things. The first time I had to lie was when he decided he did not want to stay in his parents home while we were there for just a couple of days. He told me to get us out of that house. Now I still did not know Raymond's parents very well, and I was still intimidated by his father so I waited until his mom was off to herself and went and told her we had to move to a hotel because I was trying to get pregnant and that the signs were that it was "time." I knew that she would not be able to tell Raymond's dad that and she would have to figure out something to tell him. Raymond's dad was still arguing with Raymond as he was loading everything back into the truck that we needed to stay at the house. I just kept saying it is really better for us to be in a hotel. Raymond's mom was looking a little shell shocked but she told his dad that it might be best if we go to a hotel. Problem solved, until the next time. I never did know why he would tell them we were going to stay with them, it never lasted more than a night before he was moving us to a hotel, and I was coming up with reasons for us to move out of the house.
Any way I really enjoyed the movie. Then the girls and I went to Cheesecake Factory, where I was surprised with another gift and they made their exchanges. It was so much fun.
The boys and I had a family Christmas celebration dinner tonight with my girls, Loni and Mina.
We had a wonderful meal at our favorite local italian bistro, the boys treated their "sisters/aunties."
After dinner and dessert, we exchanged gifts. My girls really overwhelmed me with their gifts this year. Their gifts were the type Raymond would have chosen for me.
Mina (with Loni holding the basket) went to Common Threads Quilting quilt shop in Waxahachie and bought me a basket (made out of fat quarters) full of beautiful fat quarters (with a green theme of course). I haven't been able to bring myself to take anything out of the basket, not even untie it, but I have been sitting here thumbing through the different fat quarters and the fabric is so soft. She did a terrific job of choosing each fabric. I cannot believe she, and Loni, took the time to pick out all that fabric. It truly was a labor of love. She also bought me some nice quilting accessories that I did not have and really did want.
Loni had a bag of goodies for me. She knitted me this adorable tiny green sweater ornament.
It looks so darn cute on the tree. She also gave me an ornament of a snow girl on the go, wearing a green sweater and holding a cell phone and a hot chocolate. Staying with the green theme she bought me a new Purell holder that is green, which means I can retire the reddish orange one that I hate. There was an initial bookmark with green accents, and a JoAnn's gift card (which I am sure I will use to buy green fabric). This was more than enough, but no, Loni had another surprise in the bag ... a beautiful green afghan that she made for me. It is in varying shades of sage green and looks like a patchwork quilt. It is the warmest afghan I have ever had. I have not taken it off since I got home and I cannot remember being this warm in this house. It reminds me of herbs and makes me feel all mother earthy.
Tomorrow the girls and I are going to go see a movie and I am so excited.
I thank the girls for making this Christmas so special and giving me so much love. The time they spent on their gifts to me mean more than the gifts. I am so blessed to know these two wonderful girls (I know they are grown, accomplished women, but they will always be the girls to me).
This is the view from my chair right now. Without moving my head I can see the lighthouse that I got from Loni one year, it changes colors, the "Yertle the Turtle" ornament from Jill, the ornament my nephew made in 5th grade when he was living with us, lots of ornaments from the collection my aunt has started for the boys, several favorites the boys have made, including the oldests' tin soldier, and a few other turtles here and there.
Some of the ornaments were on the earliest trees I can remember from my childhood. The wreath on the wall was made by my best friend in high school and I have had it since early in my marriage.
The stars on the top were made by the boys with Raymond's help. The silver foil one is the one the oldest made when he was very small, and the yellow crayoned one was done by the youngest when he wanted his own star too. The foil one is in need of new foil, but I just can't bring myself to refoil it knowing that Raymond held that foil in his hand and helped our oldest son wrap it around the cardboard.
There are 3 smaller trees in the room. A fiber optic that was my mother's and is on a table with more of her decorations. A green ceramic tree on the fireplace was a gift to my mother from my father back in 1974. He had it in the trunk of his car when he had an ulcer perforate in his stomach and almost died. When Mom went to see him in the ICU he told her to make sure she looked in the trunk. He was working in three states at the time and he had asked his landlady in South Carolina to make the tree for my mother. There is another white ceramic tree with red cardinals in the kitchen pass through window that my parents won as a door prize at the home builders' annual Christmas party.
Two nativities are set up in the living room. A wooden one with glued in figures under the big tree that is also from as far back as I can remember in my childhood. A sculpted cloth one that my mother made for the oldest when he was born is in front of the fireplace. We call the baby Jesus in that one "potato Jesus" because of the extra piece my mom made so Jesus could be seen in the cradle. The boys were always running off with "potato Jesus" when they were little because he fit so well in their hands. This was a nativity scene they could play with and not break so they loved it when we would put it out within their reach during the holidays.
It is so pretty in here at night when we turn on all the trees and various lit decorations. Seeing all the special decorations brings back so many wonderful memories.
The boys put up the Christmas tree and decorations in the living room on Tuesday when we had an ice day off school. We used to decorate several rooms of the house, now we just decorate the living room because it is the only room we are ever in more than five minutes. It looks so pretty.
Today I put the stockings out. My mother made us all stockings a long time ago. Raymond and I got ours the first year we were married, and she made each of the boys one for their first Christmas. The stockings for the boys match. Mine has eyelet at the top with a green ribbon and bells. Raymond's has a tie (and is in storage). Mom never got around to making one for dad and her, so theirs were different from ours, but their stockings were always up next to ours since they spent every Christmas with us once the boys were born.
It seems so weird to be down to just three stockings. We had six in 1997. Then dad passed away in 1998 and it was five stockings that year. Raymond died in 2006 and we were down to four stockings that Christmas. Mom died this year so now we have three lone stockings. I have two on one side of the fireplace and one on the other.
The boys are now 15 and 18, and I have been thinking a lot lately about how I will be all alone in just a couple of years. The three stockings are a reminder for me to savor each second I have with the boys as they will soon have families of their own, and I will just be an extension of their life.
Three stockings on the fireplace make me sad, but not nearly as sad as I will be when there is just one.
I just saw the commercial for Dolce & Gabbanna's Light Blue fragrance. I almost fell out of my chair laughing. I am pretty sure that is not the result they were going for with that scene of the man in the woman in the boat, but I found it hilarious. Here is a small clip of it: http://technorati.com/videos/youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DOWnBvaDleYQ I had such a good laugh over the boat ad that I went to look for others, and I found this one for underwear. It is even funnier. http://technorati.com/videos/youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DEWdINUZZzBs
My BFF Jill and I have known each other over ten years and I cannot remember us ever having a picture made together. Last week when we went to Breakfast with Santa one of the church members took our picture and sent me a copy. I think we look pretty good. (She is the beautiful blond on the left, she is also the older one.)
I'm sitting here, wanting to go to bed, but cannot yet as it sounds as if there is a war going on in the house. Eight almost 15 year olds playing computer and video games while yelling insults at each other.
My youngest is having his 15th birthday party tonight. It is a sleepover, for those that could stay, and it has been going on since six p.m. They just finished playing the tradition at his parties, midnight tag. Nice full moon for it.
Oldest was out with them, and stayed out to long and had an allergy attack. He is allergic to the cold and isn't supposed to stay out in it too long. Came in with swelling, rash, itching, and constriction in his throat. We are watching him carefully. He doesn't want to take the medicine because it will knock him out and he is playing games with the party crowd.
I had my own little party tonight. BFF Jill came over and had dinner with the oldest and me. Homemade chili, green chili dip, carrot sticks, cheese, crackers, and sweet pickles (ok, I am the only one that ate the pickles). Then Jill worked on cutting and fringing blankets for wounded soldiers while I worked on the turtle quilt. After she finished cutting a blanket she would rest and I would tie. She finished up two beautiful blankets. She went home really tired.
Hopefully this crowd will quiet down soon and I can get some sleep.
It seems that I spend all my time crying these days. I read a news story, I cry. Someone tells me a happy story, I cry. As I read a book, watch television, talk to a friend, sit quietly in my chair, work a puzzle in bed, I cry.
I miss Raymond more every day. There are so many things going on with the boys these days, and as each one reaches a milestone, or an accomplishment, I cry because I know Raymond would be so proud. Raymond was a very good father. He was a very involved in the boys lives. I hate that he is missing so much.
It doesn't help that the youngest is having a birthday and that it is Christmas.
It also doesn't help that I have been feeling sorry for myself. I have no right to feel sorry for myself because I really don't have any problems compared to a millions of people, and I tell myself that every day. Yet, here I sit feeling sorry for myself.
Here comes the waterworks again. I am probably going to be severely dehydrated before I get through all this stuff.
I really miss being pampered. Raymond really spoiled me and I miss it. I miss the morning back rubs. I miss the kind words. I miss all the little things. I miss the way he was always trying to find a way to make my life better.
I miss the companionship.
As each day passes I believe I go deeper into a grief state. Will it ever get any better? Will I continue to spend all my time crying?
It is no secret on this blog that I truly believe that Raymond checks up on me as a hawk. Imagine my surprise when one of my neighbors asked me if I knew that a hawk on our street had eaten five of her chickens. (Ha, a Chicken Hawk!) She said he was a beautiful hawk. She sent me some pictures of the hawk taken by one of our other neighbors. He is so beautiful he takes my breath away.
It was just a flicker on the right side of the windshield as I was driving up the road. It was so quick I wasn’t sure I really saw actually anything. I looked again as traffic started to slow, there was nothing out on the hood of the van.
As I sped up with the traffic something skittered across the bottom of the windshield. So fleeting, that I was beginning to think I was imagining things.
I stopped at a red light. As I leaned forward to see if there was anything on the hood, it was there. A brown leaf unlike any brown leaf I had seen before. It had eyes. Little black intelligent eyes were on this brown leaf and they were staring at me from the other side of the windshield.
I remember my mouth formed an “O” yet I don’t remember hearing a sound. No sound. No sound of the wind, which was blowing at a steady pace. No sound of the traffic passing by me. Nothing. It was just the leaf and me, sharing a moment.
Then it was over.
I swear that leaf winked as it took off from my windshield. I did not get the impression that it blew off the windshield. It took off from the windshield. I tried to follow its path, but it was gone. Its take off actually reminded me of how “Mary Poppins” would lift off with her umbrella, only this “leaf” was “Mary” at warp speed.
As I continued on in my van I started looking at the leaves still on the trees up and down the road. Maybe all these years that man has been looking for signs of life in outer space have been wasted. Maybe we should have been looking at the leaves all along.
Today the youngest took the turtles out of the pond and turned them loose in their enclosure so they could check it out, and hopefully figure out they are no longer in a aquarium.
I enjoyed watching them scamper over the rocks, sunning themselves, and playing in the leaves. One guy didn't want anything to do with being out of the water and jumped back in. One of the peninsula cooters was really enjoying the sun. He sat teetering on the edge of the pond for a long time. He was catching bugs. We decided to name him "Buggy" since we had not named him. He is adopted, along with his cousin. The lady we adopted them from had named them Chomper and Little Foot, only she did not tell us which was which. We have been trying to think of new names for them because the ones she gave them did not seem to fit them.
I was truly fascinated by the goldfish in the hour or so that I sat enjoying the pond and supervising the boys in their chores. The goldfish all faced west, not really swimming, just treading water and facing west. A turtle would swim by once in a while and mess up the formation, but as soon as the water settled, the fish started facing west again. (The youngest did notice that some of the gray goldfish were not facing west, but almost every single orange one was facing west. What is that all about?
I read about this website yesterday, and today I decided to try it.
If you have some free time, please try out the questions on www.freerice.com instead of playing solitaire. For each answer you get right, 20 grains of rice will be donated to the United Nations World Food Program in an attempt to end world hunger.
It is no secret I hate to shop. Thank goodness I have a BFF that will go shopping with me and put up with me.
My BFF J and I started our morning out by having breakfast with Santa at the church, then we went shopping. I had coupons to Kohl's so that is where we went. At the first Kohl's I found several tops but only after I tried on about 12.
We then hit another Kohl's where I did not find any more tops, but I did find a rug to put under my desk at work because my feet get so cold on that tile floor, an ornament for BFF J, a new mug to drink out of at work, and a green towel with a sunflower on it ... kitchen or bathroom?
One more stop at Hallmark to spend BFF J's coupons and where I got a new reed diffuser.
I kept BFF J out too long when she should have been home with her family, but I had such a great time. We just do not get to spend enough time together.
Hopefully she will get to come over next week and work on blankets for the wounded soldiers.
I really hate the emails that get forwarded to me with nasty racial comments about President Elect Obama. I hate the racial comments I hear about him inside my church. I hate the fact that I have not taken a stand against the emails, nor have I stood up to the people in the church. I have no good reason other than I have enough stress right now without feeling like I am at war with over half of the people I know.
I received this email tonight, ironically from some a person that tends to send the emails I consider to be racist. It sure would be nice if these people that send these emails would actually read them and take them to heart.
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, 'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: 'Which wolf wins?'
The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'
89 is how old my dad would have been today. We probably would have been celebrating his 88th birthday since it wasn't until about six months ago that we realized he wasn't born in 1920 like we believed.
I just saw the news article about the 34 year old temporary Wal-Mart employee that was trampled to death in New York as he went to unlock the doors for Black Friday. The news conference stated that there were approximately 2,000 people waiting to get into the Wal-Mart. They actually broke the doors in as they forced their way into the store.
This has made me sick to my stomach.
My oldest stated that he wonders what this incident says about us as society.
My mother used to like to go to big sales like this with my father when they still lived in KY at the Belk's store. I have never enjoyed it. I remember them taking me once when I was home on vacation and I was frightened by the crowd. I also remember a time when Raymond and I went to a free concert to see the Judds. We were extremely frightened by the crowd and all the pushing; Raymond was holding on to my hand as hard as he could because he was afraid I would be knocked down. We never went to an event like that again.
I do not shop at Wal-Mart unless I am in a city where that is the only store available, like when I vacation in Arkansas, and I have no idea what specials they had going today, but nothing they had on sale was worth a man's life.
When we were shopping at Half Price Bookstore today they called "GiGi to the center counter." It startled me because my mother went by the name of "GiGi" ever since her first grandchild was born.
We very seldom leave the house on "Black Friday" but today we made an exception.
Half Price Books was having a 20% off everything sale from 7:00 a.m. to 10 a.m. The first 100 customers would get a shopping bag (recyclable) and a $5.00 coupon. We decided last night that we did not want to get up and try to be in the top 100 since we wanted to go to the big store in Dallas. Instead we got up and left the house at 8:00.
We arrived at the store at 8:45 and each went off in our own direction. I hit the quilting, mystery, Christian fiction, and fiction/literature area, while the oldest went for comics, dvd collections, sci-fi, and novelty items. The youngest is very picky and went for computer programming books, games, comics, and cartoon collections. The youngest was not very successful today, but the oldest found some cool things, and I was able to get a couple of books I had not been able to find in previous trips. We were done by 9:40 and were sitting trying to look up a book at the library before I purchased it when an employee came by and gave us each $5.00 coupons. Yeah! We then went to check out line, because you had to be in line before 10:00 to get the discount, and the line was very long.
While in line there was a group of people interviewing shoppers for publicity bites. They chose a woman a few feet in front of us, and then a woman a few feet behind us. My oldest said that they seemed to be targeting young, pretty women. I thought it was interesting because there were people there with shopping baskets full that they were not interviewing. Just as we almost made it to the check out counter, we were chosen for pictures, an interview, and sound bites. We were glad to pose (even though I hate to have my picture taken). We answered a few questions, all said 20% off at the same time, and gave it the thumbs up. It was fun. After signing the releases, we were all given $10.00 gift cards. YEAH!!!!
We all checked out separately so that we could use the $5.00 coupons, and the oldest went ahead and used his $10.00 gift card because he had purchased the most expensive items. We all left very happy and with some great bargains. I was even able to get a gift for a very hard to buy for person for less than $4.00.
On the way home we decided to hit Target for a sale I was interested in on an expansion pack for a board game. They did not have the expansion pack but they did have a different version than the one we have on sale so we bought that to combine with our game. We also picked up a couple of dvd's on sale. Batteries were buy 2 packs for $9.99 each and get a $5.00 gift card, what a great way to get ready for the holidays.
Then it was off to Joe's Italian Bistro for lunch and home.
Once we were home we played a couple of board games and watched one of the movies we purchased.
It has been a good Black Friday.
I did notice however that even at 8:00 a.m. when stores were still having so early bird specials going that the stores were not that crowded. There were plenty of parking spaces every where we went, and at all the places we passed, even at the mall. The boys and I took note, and we will have to make sure all of our favorite charities get their usual donation and extra, if we can, this year.
Our Thanksgivings for the last few years have consisted of staying home, staying in our pj's, eating simple, and playing games all day.
This year is basically the same with a little twist.
The oldest came home last night around 6 and soon after the core group of his friends arrived. This made the evening so wonderful for me. The youngest is welcome in that group now as he is old enough to hear most of what is said by the college boys. They sat in there an played games, laughed, and carried on for hours. I went in some time after midnight for our usual game of "Apples to Apples." We like to play that game in the early hours of the morning because it is funnier then, and pretty darn bawdy. I won because I was lucky enough to keep drawing the trump cards in this group, such as "duct tape." After I won we just kept playing and telling stories and laughing. At one point we were all laughing so hard I actually felt sick.
The boys left around 2 a.m.
Now during the evening I had a craving for IHop hot chocolate and offered to take them all in town, but it the vote turned it down because they wanted to keep playing the games. After the boys left I mentioned to my boys I was still up for IHop. They were both up for it so off we went. We got there around 2:30 a.m. and decided to just have breakfast, which we did, with hot chocolate. When we got home I opted to go to bed and read and told my boys they could stay up as long as they brushed their teeth first. Since we had already had breakfast they could sleep as long as they wanted.
I fell asleep pretty quickly and I awoke at 1:18 p.m. I got up and went outside to find it was a glorious days. I sat on the swing and read awhile before checking on the boys. They were up and I invited them to come out and sit with me on the swing for a while. We sat and talked for about 20 minutes before we decided to play "Yahtzee-Free for All" on the picnic table out by the new turtle pond. It was a lot of fun and so nice to be outside.
After losing at "Yahtzee"(which I usually do with this new one), I told the boys it was time to go in and make the pumpkin pies. The youngest made the crust, the oldest did the filling, and I rolled the crust, and readied the pies for baking. Then the oldest and I played "Quirkle" while they were baking.
The oldest and I just finished having our grilled burgers and baked beans. Pie will come later.
We have gone through the Black Friday ads and decided we would still be better off ordering most of the gifts from Amazon. In fact, we just ordered my oldest's Christmas gift. My shopping for him is done.
My youngest still has a December birthday and Christmas to figure out. We pretty much know the basics of what he wants, just not the specifics. All in all we decided we did not need to get out on Black Friday so yeah!!!!
I have also spent part of the day remembering those that are no longer around our table. I hope that Raymond is proud of me for how I am handling the boys and their issues. I hope Mom is happy being well again and seeing Dad. I miss them to the point I think I could just lie down and never get up again, but that is not what the expect of me, so I will go on.
I hear another game starting up.
Happy Thanksgiving to all my extended family, friends, and anyone reading this post.
The turtle pond is open for business. It is not done, and won't be until we can get it all planted in the late spring, but it is habitable. I just wish Winnie Hall was here to enjoy the extra space.
Here are the facts. My dad had Alzheimer's. My mother had Alzheimer's. My mother's mother had what they called hardening of the arteries that lead to dementia, but that was at a time that we had never heard of Alzheimer's, so who knows. So I figure, I will have Alzheimer's.
I do brain games every day. I read. I make sure I get some exercise each day, but probably not enough. I make sure I try to learn something new each week. I do everything I have been told to do to try to keep my mind going, but I know that some day my mind will start slipping.
Unfortunately, my mind seems to be slipping a lot lately. I have lost my van in a store parking lot each of the four times I have gone out by myself in the last four days.
Monday I couldn't remember how to use my vegetable chopper. I had to get the youngest to come and show my how to use it, and to tell me that I actually did not have one of the parts.
I find these lapses very disturbing, and they worry me.
Now I will admit that each time I went out shopping I was pretty preoccupied when I got out of the van and went into the store, and maybe I did not pay enough attention.
I also haven't used the vegetable chopper in almost a year, usually the oldest does the chopping. In fact, I never did use it a lot, so maybe I can excuse that one, but still...
I am going to have to start paying more attention.
Every time I put a bite of food in my mouth I am aware of it.
I think my biggest problem is I have started drinking soda again. I started it to keep awake during the day when I was dragging from some nightmares I was suffering from after Mom died.
I weaned myself off again for a couple of weeks but then the heartburn started. I always need cola when I have heartburn.
Then I tried to wean off the sodas again, but by then I was hooked to the caffeine again. Now I am dealing with the headaches in the mornings.
At least I am not keeping the drinks in the house. I am just picking them up once in a while when I am out driving past a Sonic. Hopefully I can be completely off them by Christmas.
I guess it would help if I drank diet colas, but I think they are evil. In fact I think all that artificial sweetener stuff is evil.
I am disgusted with myself. I need to get a grip.
I'm getting ready to go to TOPS, where I know I will have another gain tonight.
Things I must do if I am going to start getting thinner, thinner, thinner:
Back to using my Nutrition Assistant
No more colas
Refuse to get depressed over the situation
No new clothes. New clothes just encourage the weight to stay. My clothes are uncomfortable now and remind me that what I need to do
Move - I must move more
Real meals. It is hard for me to get inspired to make real meals for myself, so I eat easy
My neighbor one door down sent me these pictures of a creature that she saw eating pears under her front yard tree last week. I have no idea what it is, but I hope it does not decide to come see me. Of course, the youngest has been out looking for it ever since I told him about her sighting.
The Oldest went to Austin this weekend.He went with a boy and girl I barely know.I did not want him to go because they really did not have a plan, and I did not know the friends he was going to go see at UT.They were all in school together last year and now that they are at different colleges they wanted to “catch up.”
Thursday night he began doubting that the trip was a good idea.He wanted me to tell him what to do, and I told him that I would not do that because I had taught him right from wrong, and he had all the knowledge he needed to make the decision himself.
I was encouraged because he started listing reasons he should not go.Some of the reasons were: no set plans, no definite sleeping arrangements, one of the people they were going to see had taken up smoking cigarettes, Oldest had the sniffles, worried about his allergies, what would he do if he got down there and they were behaving in a way that was not what he deemed appropriate, and he would not have a car to escape. I thought it was all a good list and felt as if he was leaning towards staying home.He informed me he would decide Friday morning.
Friday morning came and he decided to go. I told him to have a good time and that if he got into a situation he did not like then get out of it and I would come get him.
He texted me all the way there and they seemed to be having a good time and he said the driver was a good driver. He let me know when they arrived and said all was good.
I went to bed very early last night for me. 9:00 p.m.I wasn’t there to sleep. I was there to stay warm, work puzzles, and read.The Youngest would come in and out and work puzzles with me and get warm and then go back to his computer.
Around 10:30 the Youngest came in to stay. He had asked permission to play a game that he is not usually allowed to play and I told him he could play the lower version. Evidently it had something in it that bothered him and he told me that he did not think he would be able to sleep because of nightmares. I told him to stay in with me for a while and read like I was and then he could decide whether he wanted to sleep or not.
I was not paying attention to him as I was trying to finish a book but he must have fallen asleep, and I must have dozed off over my book because at 12:12 the phone rang and we both jumped up trying to figure out what was happening.It only rang once, but when the Youngest picked it up he said it showed the Oldest calling.
I grabbed the phone and called the Oldest immediately. He answered and I could tell he was quite agitated. He said that they had gone to one friend’s apartment where they were picked up by another friend and went to dinner and had a great time. Then they were dropped off at another apartment and that the friend that lived there (the girl that had started smoking) opened the door drinking a beer and that one of the other friends they were there to visit starting drinking when she offered him a beer. He went on to assure me that the two friends he went with had refused the offer of beer, as had he, but now he was really worried. He wanted to walk back to the original apartment so that he would not be in the apartment where there was underage drinking going on.
I told him I did not think it would be a good idea to be walking around in a strange area by himself at that time of night (morning). He thought he was about six blocks from where he was staying but not sure. I told him that at no time was he to get into a car with anyone that had been drinking, and that, if he had to, he should just sleep on the floor of the apartment he was visiting. I calmed him down.Told him to play close attention to who was drinking, and to offer to drive if they went any where, but not to get in a car with anyone that had been drinking.
The Youngest was awake by then and started explaining about gateways. Gateway drugs are tobacco, alcohol, and inhalants. I got quite the education about what he has been learning in health class. He said it made sense that the girl that had started smoking would be drinking.
At 1:34 a.m. the Oldest texted that they were walking to a store to get dessert.
At 3:04 the Oldest texted that he and the other boy that he had gone with were both safe.They had borrowed one of the drinker’s cars and had driven themselves to where they were staying. (I have no idea where the girl they went with ended up, she was never mentioned again.)
I finally fell asleep around 4 a.m.
I know I did a lot of crazy stuff in college, but my parents never knew about it.There were no cell phones, texting, or instant messaging.My parents and I did not speak during the week because we could not afford the long distance expenses. I can think of three times I was in very dangerous situations and no one had any idea where I was at the time. Anything could have happened to me.I always told my mom afterward, even about the naked cop passed out on the only toilet, and having to get someone to remove him so I could go to the bathroom. She of course, did not have to sit up all night and worry because she did not know about it when it was happening, and by the time I told her I had moved on to something else.
Me, I could be totally gray by the time the Oldest gets home tomorrow night. Of course, gray is okay. At least the Oldest trusts me enough to call and tell me what is going on, and he has the assurance that I will be there in 4 hours to get him if necessary.
Before I get into the conversation I had with a store clerk yesterday, I will offer a little explanation of a facial feature I have and detest. I have a large white mole over the left side of my right eyebrow. I have had it since high school, only it wasn’t very big then.My father hated it. He always wanted me to have it removed, but we did not have health insurance, and I did not have the money to have it removed.It was still small in my early married life and I never looked into having removed even when we had good health insurance.When I became pregnant with my oldest the mole started growing and became the annoying.I finally went and had it removed, but was warned by the doctor that it might come back even larger.She was right; it did come back even larger.So now I’m stuck with it.
Yesterday I went to Hancock Fabrics to pick up some sewing notions and while I was checking out the clerk asked “What is that on your face?”I told her it was a mole or wart, not sure.The clerk who was not American born, but I am not good at guessing countries of origin so do not know where she was from, then told me that she and her husband were born again Christians and that he had a mole/wart like thing in the middle of his forehead that was a like a horn. She used wart remover on it and it did not go away. She said her husband then started putting his finger on it and praying that God would take the thing away.She said it then went away after many weeks of praying.
She told me that I needed to go home and “put your finger on it and pray.”
I thought the whole conversation was interesting, although I thought it was rude of her to point out my mole in the first place. I thanked her for her advice and left.I did not want to get into a long discussion with her, but if I had I would have told her that I did not think my mole was worth praying over to God.
So I won’t be putting my finger on it and praying. The mole is part of my face. I don’t like it.I think it is hideous, but it is part of me, and I know that having it removed will not help. I do not dwell on the fact that I have one mole on my face.I see it in the mirror and frown at it every night, but that is about the extent of my relationship with the mole.
I do think about all the people in the world with huge disfigurements, burns, birthmarks, scars, or any of several diseases that can change a face.I knew a girl whose face was almost completely covered by a “port-wine stain.”She hated all the stares she received.Just as Raymond hated how people stared at where his leg should have been.
No a mole is not worth praying over.Acceptance of all, no matter what they look like, now that is something I cannot put my finger on, but I can certainly pray about each and every day.
No, I am not out of pumpkin pie. There is still 1 1/2 pies in the fridge from the three we made on Saturday. However, now that I am old, I can no longer eat pumpkin pie without getting heartburn. I tried some Saturday night and I thought I was having a heart attack. I tried some Monday evening, same thing. Today I gave it one more try and here I am holding my chest and hoping the pain will stop soon.
My mom would tell me that pumpkin pie gave her indigestion as she got older and I remember thinking that it couldn't be the pie, but it is.
It is bad enough that some of my youngest's pet turtles howl at the strangest times, but today one of them has started making this even stranger sound and it is driving me crazy. I am especially irritated because I cannot figure out which turtle is making the sound.
I don't know if I can describe the sound, except that it makes me think of gargling, fingernails on a chalkboard, and phlegm.
It is not a constant sound. The turtle seems to time it just right. He waits until I have forgotten about it and then makes it again. It makes the hair on my neck stand up and my arms have goosebumps. Very unnerving. I swear that I hear that turtle snicker afterward, like it knows it really freaked me out, and that makes me mad because it did freak me out.
Contentment - definition November 15 and 16th at my house.
The oldest met the youngest and me in town for lunch on the 15th, and then came home to spend the night. The oldest bought the new Yahtzee game for us to play and we had a game night.
Sunday I went to church while the boys slept in. After church we picked up donuts, played more games, caught up on some chores, and then more games. BFF Jill came over to work on a blanket (a really hideous one, but someone else picked out the material), and then she joined in on the games.
Later it was grilled cheese and tomato soup, another game, and then it was time for the oldest to go back to school.
At one point on Sunday I laid down for a nap and listened to the boys play video games in the playroom. They were giggling and telling jokes and I thought to myself ... "This is a perfect day."
I love having my boys here. I love listening to them together. I love the feeling I get knowing we are all together in the same place happy and safe.
I am supposed to work a 20 hour week, as of yesterday afternoon I have 17 hours this week, and I have to work on Friday, so today I took the day off and "got out of Dodge."
Before leaving town I took care of the issue I was dealing with last night. I wrestled with it all evening and this morning, and after many tears, some screaming, and some slamming of my fist into my pillow, I made a decision and went with it. I do not know the what will come of it, but I am happy with how I decided to handle the situation, and now it is out of my hands.
I picked up my friend Laura at 9:30 this morning and we drove to Lewisville to go to Quilt Country where I found the perfect fabric to finish up what I needed for the cat quilt.
Our next stop was the Quilter's Workshop in Carrollton. What a terrific store with wonderful people. They had a book there on floor quilts and the lady was nice enough to sit down with me and explain the process. I left there really pumped up by the great ideas I picked up.
From there we stopped at Ikea in Frisco to pick up an item my oldest has been wanting, followed by Joann's Fabrics, and a stop at Smoothie King for a "Pomegranate Blast."
Not ready to head home yet we drove to Murphy and shopped at the Sprouts where I bought a jar of arrabiata sauce for tonight's spaghetti and some whole grain bread.
It was then time to go home so we could get ready to pick up kids from school. Since I had an hour before I had to get the youngest at 4:00 I went to see "Sis" and showed her my goodies. We had a great visit.
Picked up the youngest and we went to Kroger's for our favorite spaghetti and a few other things. Once home we made the spaghetti (that sauce is so yummy), and now I am watching my shows.
I feel great from the break. It is amazing what a day like that can do for your attitude. Other than gasoline it was not a very expensive trip and yet knowing that I was away from the problems I have been dealing with made all the difference.
I'm ready to tackle tomorrow and whatever may come my way.
Our largest red-eared slider turtle, Winnie Hall, escaped while we were gone today. She somehow managed to move the screen wire off the pond and get away.
Our neighbors found her, and they brought her back, but they did not put her in a secured area and she was gone when we came home about ten minutes later. We searched and searched but could not find her on our property or any of the surrounding properties
I am worried about her. I hope she finds her way back to us. If not, I hope she finds a safe place to live out the rest of her life.
We are a critter friendly property. We are a registered as a wildlife habitat in Austin (at least we were, I assume we are still on the list).
We do not discourage any critters unless they get in the house.
In the summ.er we are often in the pool until very late at night and see coyotes, skunks, possums, etc. walk by outside the fence and we love it, well we worry about the skunks spraying us, but we still enjoy the fact we have so much wildlife.
However, we are only critter friendly when the critters are outside. Tonight while my youngest was working on his computer, which is located in our foyer, he heard a tapping on the front door. When he turned on the outside light to see who might be there he saw a large possum.
I absolutely have to put my foot down on the critters knocking on the door like I am going to let them in for a friendly visit. I give them free reign of all of the acreage. I give them plenty of cover to protect themselves from predators. I make sure they have stuff to eat in the winter, and water all of the time. That is as far as it goes.
At least the youngest had enough sense not to open the door to try to get a better look at the creature or there is no telling what I would have found when I came home from dinner with my friends.
At any given time I have a magic number in my head that represents security and stability for my boys and me.
With these economic times, I am now below my magic number.
I am having trouble breathing. It is panic attack.
I have no right to be having a panic attack. I am better off than most because I am careful and mindful of everything I spend. Even below my magic number, I will be okay for quite a while as long as I remain frugal.
The problem is the magic number. It is in my head. It is an obsession. It is not a number I can lower, because if I start doing that I might get reckless.
I will just have to find a way to breathe until the economy starts to recover and my number appears again.
I will also continue to pray for those less fortunate than I am, especially during these hard times.
The boys, a hired child, and I worked on putting in the new turtle pond today. (I hired a friend of the youngest to help. He is a great worker!) We actually were able to get the hole dug, the pond in, and the rock around it. I say "we," but the boys did 99% of the work. I used a shovel, hoe, and pick ax a few times, but mostly I ordered them around.
The boys also helped me clean out the breezeway with the exception of the leaves. We will get those tomorrow.
The boys and I moved my picnic table out to the area behind the new pond and under my favorite tree, and I was very excited about that too.
We took lots of breaks, and even went into town for supplies and for lunch. We met the friend's dad and brother at Wendy's and had a great time.
It really was a great day, even though my back is killing me.
I let the boys climb in my favorite tree, I have never allowed that before, in fact, my boys have not had a lot of opportunities to climb trees in their life. The youngest was so excited. Here are the pictures from that adventure. NOTE: Since the oldest has his own website with pictures, I don't mind his face being on my blog, but the youngest is still under cover.
Fall has always been my favorite season. Texas falls are not as pretty as the ones I was used to growing up in Ohio. I miss the many colors we had in the fall there, especially the maple trees.
In Kentucky the colors were often iffy where I lived, but there was one mountainside between my home and college that was always glorious. To this day I can remember how my breath would catch as it would come into view. How I would love to see that again, but I am afraid if I went back the mountainside would be covered with houses now. Better to remember it as it was.
I do have some color in my back yard. These trees soothe my soul.
I had lunch with Loni and Mina. (Thank you girls for the homemade cookies and candy for the Trunk or Treat at church). After lunch I met up with Jill and we went fabric shopping. She purchased more fleece for the no-sews for Soldiers' Angels, and I purchased more fabric for the back of the cat quilt.
Jill and I picked up the youngest from school (a little late) and I took Jill home and the youngest and I came back so he could get ready for a party tonight.
Before the party the youngest and I walked around the property. I enjoyed marveling at some of the sights in the yard.
It is almost always windy on my property and difficult to get good pictures of delicate things that blow in the breeze, but I did try to get a picture of some of the roses still blooming in the front yard.
After dropping the youngest off, I came home and made 3 pumpkin pies, two with crusts, and one without.
I have the television blasting really loud, the floor fan blowing, and I am getting ready to work on the cat quilt.
My youngest found a different species of frog (or toad, I don't know) on the property today than we usually see around the house. I thought he was a very handsome fellow. Now Stan will never, ever come to my house. Stan, Mina's hubby, suffers from ranidaphobia andophidiophobia and has stated he will never come to my house due to what we have found on the property in the past.
I took my Blooming Nine Patch with me to work today to show a friend, and the stopped by to see some other friends on my way home and showed it to them. Everyone thought it looked pretty good for a second quilt top.
I laid it over my bed yesterday to show my "Sis." I hadn't put it on the bed before. I was really pleased with how it looked. It will make a terrific spring/summer bed quilt.
I went to the youngest's orchestra concert tonight. It was very nice. Halloween themed music. The MS Chamber Orchestra and the HS Orchestra were the best. Mine plays cello in the HS orchestra. They had their orchestra uniforms in and they all looked spiffy.
We came home and watched our shows. The youngest had a lot of homework and I worked on his quilt top. I finished the quilt top as we finished watching our tape. All we need to do now is go get the material for the backing and I can start getting it ready to quilt. For pictures you can go to: www.tortugaquilter.blogspot.com.
I wish I had a better way to get pictures of the quilts. I put them up on my wall, but it is impossible to get all the wrinkles out. Oh well. The youngest and I are both pleased with this one.
I spent the evening working on the turtle quilt for my youngest. I made a lot of progress. I very pleased with how well it is going. I had a little trouble with a technique I had not tried before, but I just used scraps until I figured it out. I admit I had a few minutes of wanting to scream, but I just pulled up the internet and looked for more examples of how to do the cut until I found enough pictures to get it.
Jill was here Friday night and threw my slippers in the garbage can in the living room. Fortunately I saw them in there before anyone took the garbage out and saved them. She even tried to blame it on the youngest. Fortunately, I have let her see the material for the quilt I am making her and now she won't touch them again for fear of me not making her quilt. Leverage is a wonderful thing at times.
Today when I went to walk around in my slippers they had a few more blow outs making it difficult to walk. My oldest wanted to go out and get new ones immediately. I told him the old ones were still keeping my feet warm, and even had vents to keep them from getting too hot.
I convinced my youngest to get in my closet to find my "indoor" pair (Mina's husband Stan knows why my youngest did not want look around in my closet-claw marks on the wall from an unknown source).
Now I have my indoor pair on, but I still would not let the youngest throw out the others. I hope this picture will call off the search for new slippers for me until Christmas.
I have never understood the joke about women always being late. It has never been that way in this house. Raymond was always the one that was running late. I was always the one ready thirty minutes ahead of time. Even when we were young, and newly married. I was always frustrated by the fact that I would be ready to leave on time and he would be running around getting ready at the very last minute.
Yesterday that frustration hit me all over again.
We had a memorial service to go to at the Church. The boys were both reading at the service, and acting as greeters. We were supposed to be at the Church by 10:30 a.m. I told both boys to be ready to leave at that time. Since the oldest does not live here, I told him to be here, dressed nicely, and ready to go over his readings by 10:00 a.m.
The youngest got up on time, had breakfast and took his shower. He was ready to go by 10:00. I took my shower and was drying my hair when the oldest arrived. I went out to greet him and he is in good pants, a nice short sleeved shirt (not appropriate) and tennis shoes. He knows he left his good long-sleeved shirt here the week before and his dress shoes are here some where. He cannot remember but thinks the youngest is wearing his shirt (my hair is still not dry). I start looking frantically around for another long sleeved shirt. Decide there is not another shirt, tell the youngest to take his shirt off, replace it with his orchestra dress shirt, and give the other one to his brother. Just as I finish saying all of that I spot a shirt on the oldest's bedroom floor. What is that? Oh, it is the long sleeved shirt he was looking for (black not blue like he thought). It is clean, but has fallen off the couch and onto the floor sometime since he threw it there on its hanger. (TWO closets in that room!). The shirt is thrown into the dryer to de-wrinkle, as I run towards the bathroom to finish getting ready.
Oldest comes in and asks if his shoes are okay. NO, they are size 12 tennis shoes! Where are his good ones? Ah, he says in his brother's closet. NO, they are not we discover. I scream find your shoes, slam the bathroom door, and start venting in my head about why did he have to have inherited everything from his father.
I run into the bedroom to get dressed (10:25 now, but that is okay we are two minutes from the church). I come out and he is all ready except his tie. That is okay, I saw one in his brother's closet. I grab it and start to put it on him and it is way too short, must have been from when they were younger. Ah, he says, there is one in his garment bag. He gets it. It is perfect, even tied already. He slips it over his head and the tie knot is halfway down his chest, and tied so tight it will never move again. I am stressed as it is now 10:30. I cannot get the knot out. Finally, I get a break and am able to get it untied and tied again. We are ready!
I tell them all to go get in the van while I grab the keys. I get outside and there is the youngest rolling up his sleeves. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"
The chicken wire over the turtle pond has caved in. He is afraid the turtles will escape, he must fix it. I scream "NOT NOW!" I then calm myself to tell him that it looked like something jumped onto the wire during the night and if the turtles were going to escape, then they would have done so already.
We are in the car. We are at the church. We are only about 8 minutes late. The boys get into position. I check last minute details. The service is beautiful. All is well. We finish up putting the sanctuary back in order and head home.
We are home. I did not stroke out, and no one would have ever known how frantic the morning turned out. I am walking up the ramp to the door and I see something out of the corner of my eye, it is Winnie Hall, our biggest red-eared slider. She has escaped and is on her way to the swimming pool. "GRAB HER!" I shouted. My youngest runs to get her. He picks her up. I scream - "Don't let her go on your new shoes!"
I go in the house. I cannot take any more excitement.
It was just like old times with Raymond. The frustration of getting everyone some where on time wore me out. At least we got the turtle before she got away.
The boys were going to enter a comic contest based on a game that is coming out, but missed the deadline. This is one of the drawings that the youngest did, the idea being that it was a rejected unit (a joke I don't get). I like the drawing so I am putting it out here.
Just received this message from Loni. "Hills totally kicked our tails, but we've had a great ride today, even though it was shorter than we had originally planned --Loni"
I am glad they had a great ride, and I am very proud of them for even trying such a strenuous ride.
The boys and I went to Huffines Arts Festival yesterday. I love going there.
It is a little different from Cottonwood Arts Festival. There are many of the same artists, but it is more down to earth, with lots of different artists and art, and it just has a different feel.
We met some great artists, and yes, purchased a few things. One purchase will be shipped to us next week. The guy was so upset that he did not have the print we wanted he knocked off some money on the price, and is shipping it for free. I told him it wasn't necessary, but he insisted.
Here are a few of our great buys.
We found these items from 3 different potters. The turtle bowl is from an artist in Colorado named Gint Sabaliauskas and he does clay sculptures. The trivet is from a potter named James E. Sanders in Marshall, Texas. The man who made the turtle box and a couple of small pieces we bought did not have cards, or offer up his name. He was very nice though.
My youngest wanted a print from Dean Lauderdale (the one being mailed), called 3 Moons. Dean's website is www.SallyAndDean.com. The print we bought is not on the website, so I cannot show it off here.
We all enjoy the art of Brad Foster, and he has a fabulous website: www.jabberwockygraphix.com. Everyone should spend a little time there when they need to relax and enjoy the creative mind of another. The joint purchase we made for our home should not surprise anyone that knows us. It is called "The Athenaeum."
My oldest also bought a couple of Brad's books and prints. Here is one of them. Just looking at it puts you in a good frame of mind.
He also purchased "The Flying Spaghetti Monster" based on "Pastafarianism." If you don't know the story behind "The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster" then you can go to www.venganza.org/about/ to learn more. A couple of friends have already expressed amazement (distress) that we would support such an idea, which I do not understand since they are our friends and should know us by now. They should at least know we would support the right of someone to have such a belief.
We met Douglas Durkee with his infinity art. Fabulous stuff, but he could have used a little lesson in congeniality. He had a superior attitude that really turned all of us off. Still I enjoyed seeing his art. www.infinityartfurnishings.com
All in all a great afternoon. Can't wait until the next one.
