Very Cool Quilts

My oldest son showed me this gallery of quilts based on the Large Hadron Collider.

Very cool!

Technology It Is Nice, But Not if I Have to Do It

I truly have no real interest in technology.  I never learn all the features on my phones.  I don't care how my computer works, just that it does, and even though I have a lot of apps on my phone, I only use about three.  

I have gotten to the point that there are only about 15 blogs or websites I visit regularly.  I don't search the web except if I need a question answered, and I don't really keep up with the latest and greatest.  

For the last two days my phone has not downloaded emails, or let me browse, so I was anxious for my son to come tonight since we have the same phones.  Turns out that I had deactivated my data network. I am not sure how I did that.  I now know how to do that, and fix it when I do. 

My oldest also set me up with Spotfly which I am enjoying very much right now.  I am listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival.  I will never get to sleep!

He wanted to set me up with Google Chat because one of my friends asked him too, but I told him not to bother.  Facebook chat is good enough for me.  I chat when I am on there and then I turn everyone off.  I don't want people to be able to reach me too many ways.  

I am sure he will fix me up with more things over Spring Break.  He does that all the time, but then I forget to use them.

 

BBC and My Oldest

My oldest has been involved in a project with one of the graduate students on campus and it was recently released as an app on Facebook as Enemy Graph. 

There was an interview on the BBC and my son's name was mentioned.  It is very exciting for him, and me. 

Nice Visit with Oldest

I seldom see my oldest these days or get to talk to him, but tonight he came by to sign all the paperwork for his taxes and we had a very nice visit.

I caught up on most of what is going on with him and what he plans for the near future.

He looked good.  

If things go well, I might get to see him some over Spring Break.  He did promise to at least give me enough time to look at excursions for our trip to Alaska.

He also stayed long enough to watch the first episode of "Black Books" with me.  He laughed so hard it was like old times.

 

I am Wondering What the "Yes" Will Be

God has been telling me "NO" a lot lately.  Sure has me wondering what the "YES" will be.

Latest Project

I am finally working on Loni's housewarming gift.  Snowman Placemats!

I wanted to get them done by Christmas, but that didn't work out too great.  

It was probably the universe telling me I wasn't ready back in December because this month I have been taking a hand embroidery class and I think the skills I learned in that class have really enhanced how the snowman face turned out.  

I am looking forward to finishing these up real soon.

The Answer is NOT "1"

I have had the best weekend with my youngest.  

He has three tests this coming week and is really stressed out so I have started the weekend off by having some of his favorite things in the house:

• I baked him a pumpkin pie
• There was cheese danish for Saturday's breakfast
• Spaghetti with Loni for Saturday's dinner
• Snickers minis in the candy bowl
• IBC Cream Soda in the fridge

I did not have any chores for him other than to purchase, download and burn an album for me. 

Yesterday he sat in the living room with me and worked on his Differential Equations test review while I worked on taxes.   He finished one problem and was worried he had the wrong answer.  I told him that the answer was obviously "1" and he immediately showed me what a real answer is in "DiffEQ."  It reminded me immediately of why I don't like math.  Bless that child, and pray he does well on the test. 

We took a break in the afternoon to watch "Doc Martin" and then later in the evening when he had enough studying, we watched several more episodes while he had more pie before bed.  It was so nice to sit on the couch together laughing at something we were both enjoying so much.  

I am letting him sleep in as late as he wants today because I know he won't get much sleep this week as in addition to three tests he has a paper and something else due, maybe a lab.  

Two weeks until Spring Break!

Doc Martin

My friend John B. told me about the show Doc Martin on PBS. 

The youngest and I started watching it on Netflix and we are loving it!

Random Thoughts 2-25-12

Happy spoiled boy in the house.

Horrible dreams last night.  

I should be working on taxes instead of watching "Project Runway."

I feel a big headache coming on.

Misery just keeps growing.  I did the right thing, the punishment is fierce.  I guess 35 years has not softened the anger of the past, on either side.  I fear we are not going to get through this one.

I love it when the boy comes home so happy from FNM.  He had a great night, and was thrilled with his trades. I oohed and ahhed over them even if I have no idea what they mean.

Tomorrow is another day, and if I see it, then I lived another day.

Random Thoughts on this Friday, 2-24-12

For the sake of good vs evil, even in the smallest way, I hope my prayers are answered on Monday.

I did not think I could be more emotionally miserable, but guess what ... I can!

Pie for the youngest baking, then I need to go to town and pick up cheese danish and buttermilk.  There are a lot of tests next week.  

I forgot how much I enjoy really good Sandalwood incense.

I have been letting the music speak for me lately.

Worried about my friend's health. I hope she finds out something from her medical tests.  She needs answers, even if they are not good ones.

I laugh every time I watch this, and then I want to go watch "Young Frankenstein."

I have been in a purging mode.  Cleaned out the kitchen drawers.  There were a lot of things that I no longer recognize their purpose, so out they went.  Of course, I am sure once the garbage is collected next Wed. I will have a moment of clarity and smack myself in the head.

I think it has been over a week since I had Mexican food.  I think that is against the law!

It seems every time I pay attention to the date lately, I can make a mathematical equation out of it! What is up with that? Everyone knows I hate math!

Petri Dish

I spent a good portion of the morning in our preschool aka "The Petri Dish."  

I had to be an extra body in the 2 year old class because we had a teacher out.  Two adults are needed during diaper change time, which seems to be all the time.  

I really don't mind.  I love our students.  I got down on the floor with them and several crawled into my lap and we read the books they kept bringing over.  I actually had a great time except for a couple of little issues.  

One of the issues was one of the little girls sneezing right into my face.  A very wet, snotty sneeze from about 8 inches away.  

At one time I had three kids in my lap.  One in the middle and one on each knee.  We were having a grand time, but I was keeping my eye on the one on my left knee.  She is almost potty trained, and her Mom wants her only in big girl pants.  I was worried that she was having so much fun she wouldn't say she had to go.  I had her stand up just as she had to go.  Whew!  I was not in the mood to come home to change clothes. 

We played tag on the playground.  It was going okay until one of the little ones ducked between me and another child.  In order to not fall on that child, I leapt over her, and managed to keep myself upright on the fence, but two kids went down.  No injuries, and I am thrilled I did not crush a child to death.  

All in all I had a great time, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that the face full of snot won't send me back to doctor's office.  I love Happy, but I really don't want to see her until my physical.

I Hope I Don't Jinx Myself

I hope I don't jinx myself by speaking about this outside of my TOPS (Taking Off Pounds Sensibly) meetings, but I have not had a weight gain at any TOPS meeting in 2012.

Now I haven't lost a lot of weight, just a little under 6 pounds, but to not have had a gain is remarkable for me.  

I know that the day will come where the red pen will probably come out again, but I am very proud of myself. 

My TOPS goal for this year is to not "Eat My Words."  I am working hard to not put food in my mouth to keep from saying things I know I should not say.  

Of course, some people will say that I never censor my words, but that is not true.  I do censor my words when I am at work and in a few other situations. 

I hope I can stay on track and keep the bulk of my weight chart in the "black" this year.

Doing the Wrong Thing for the Right Reason

I recently had to do something that was wrong for the right reason.  

I had to make someone believe I might think something (even though I don't), so that they could move on through a situation.  

It was the right thing to do, but very painful.  

It will be okay, I am a survivor.

Mark Manders Exhibit

When I was at the Dallas Museum of Art Friday night I was able to go through the Mark Manders exhibit a couple of times.  I was not really familiar with his work before.  

My favorite pieces of the exhibit were:

Short Sad Thoughts

Perspective Study

Still Life with Books, Table and Fake Newspaper

 

 

The "Perspective Study" was my favorite by far because of the random words on the fake newspapers.  

One thing I discovered, if you visit a particular area of an exhibit enough the silent dudes that stand in the corner to tell you not to touch will start up a conversation with you and they can be quite funny.  

Great exhibit. 

Very Good Weekend

Started my weekend Friday morning when my friend Laura came over and we shared our latest quilting projects.  She also brought me a delicious cupcake that she said was from one of my recipes from long ago.  I don't remember the recipe, but it was yummy.

Friday night it was Late Night at the Dallas Museum of Art with Kathleen and Brenda.  A night full of very interesting people watching and laughter.  So much laughter that my stomach muscles hurt Saturday morning.

Saturday was a day of quilting and being around the youngest. Jill came over in the afternoon and we sandwiched one of her quilting projects.

Sunday it was church with Mina and Loni, and then we went to the movies to see "This Means War."  After the movie Mina went on home and Loni and I picked up the youngest to take him to Chili's for dinner.  

Sunday night was "Once Upon a Time" and the season finale of "Downton Abbey."  Both episodes were excellent and I am totally hooked,

I love weekends that are so full of friendship, love, and laughter.

To Do List for When I am Dead

I am making a to do list for Loni and Mina to take care of after I die.

• They are to burn my beautiful new journal Mina gave me for Valentine's Day because it will be full of things for my eyes only.
• They are to make sure that Pastor D officiates at my memorial and if he is not available then there is to be no memorial or a memorial where only friends speak and no Pastor.
• There is a box I have to locate that will need to be destroyed, it is full of some bizarre paperwork from a case some of us worked on years ago.  Raymond wanted me to get rid of it long ago, but I haven't been able to find where I put it.  It isn't that it is pornographic or anything, but I wouldn't want someone to think it was mine.
• There is one person Loni is to notify personally as soon as possible.
• Loni has already been told what to do with my quilting items.

There will be more items added to the list as I think of them. |

To my knowledge I am not ill and dying, but it is never bad to have a plan.  My boys really would have no idea how to handle anything at this stage of their life, so I need backup. 

Hopefully when my time comes we will all be so old none of this matters, but just in case, I want a plan.

Very Unnerving, Yet Wonderful

My youngest does not have a lot of memories of Raymond.  He doesn't really remember Raymond being able to walk, or healthy.  

Most of the time the youngest has always seemed to be my duplicate.  Raymond and I always agreed it was nice he got a child (the oldest) and I got a child (the youngest).

It is true the youngest is a lot like me, but lately I have noticed that he has developed some of his dad's mannerisms.  In fact today he did a thing with his head that almost made me fall off the couch it was so Raymond like.  I am used to seeing these things in the oldest, but never like this in the youngest. Today's little display was very unnerving.

These mannerisms are just beginning to show up here and there and each time I have to smile.  I told the youngest about it and we had a discussion over whether it was a DNA thing or just suppressed memories showing up.   I told him that I didn't really care where these mannerisms were coming from, it was a pleasure to see his dad in him and it was a good thing because his dad was so wonderful.

$52.56

After a reminder, my oldest did send me the Amazon gift card for the amount he owed me.  $52.56. 

He is the only child I have that would send it for the exact amount.  Even the youngest said he would have made it $55.00.  

Cracked me up when I saw the amount. That child is very exact.

What Happened to the Check?

My oldest came to see me this morning, or at least that is what he said he was doing.  Coming to see me, and also pay me the money he owes me.

He arrived later than he said, which is normal.  He had his checkbook, which is always a good sign.  He followed me around the house with the checkbook.  He picked up a pen.  He then asked me if I wanted to see what he got his girlfriend for Valentine's Day. (Aha, plot thickens.)

He opened the box I had on his desk, and showed me the gifts.  

We then sat on the couch where he held he pen over his open checkbook as if he was going to write a check.  He took a call from work.  He then picked pen back up and once again seemed to be on the verge of writing the check.  We talked for a few more minutes, and then he put his checkbook back in his pocket and said he needed to get to class.

I asked him what happened to "I am going to write you a check," and he said he couldn't remember how much he owed me.  I offered to look it up and then he said he would just give me an Amazon card for the amount.  

I asked him if he came to see me or get the box.  He said no he needed the box but he wanted to see me too.  Somehow I think he wanted the box more.  

It was good to see him, even if he did just want his box.

How Can One?

How can one be so blessed and so miserable at the same time?  

I have so many wonderful blessings in my life.  Two wonderful boys, fabulous loving friends, nice home, a vehicle that works, clothes on my back, food in the refrigerator, enough money in the bank for emergencies, no debt, and the list could go on forever I am so blessed.  Yet, right at this point in my life I am miserable.  

I feel I am at a great crossroad and no matter what path I take I will change my life completely and that scares me to the point where I am afraid to take a step.

Just 3 months ago I was fine.  I mean there was nothing exciting going on in my life, but I was blessed, content, and moving along okay. Now I am in constant conflict.  I cry at least five times a day.  I either stay awake all night or fall asleep at 9 on the couch.  

I don't like it.  I am unsure of which way to go.  I would like to go back to where I was before, but I think it is too late.  I have crossed some invisible barrier and there is no turning back.  

The strange thing about this state of misery is that I have laughed more in the last 2 months than I have laughed in years. I have met more new people in the last month than I have since before Raymond died. I am losing weight and getting more exercise.  There are days when I feel completely lighthearted.  

Sometimes I think I am moving beyond the grief of all my losses and that I am not miserable, but then I'll stop and think and realize that no, I am miserable.

I have some big decisions to make in the next few months, and more to come in the next couple of years.  I hope I choose the right path with each decision.

The Road Not Taken has always been one of my favorite poems, but sometimes we don't get to choose the road. Sometimes that choice is taken away from us by decisions made by others whether right or wrong, and while their decisions may have put put us on the perfect path, there is always that "what might have been" thought.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

And then there is:

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, "It might have been." ~
John Greenleaf Whittier

It obviously wasn't meant to be, but I can't help but wonder "Why in the hell not!"

My Twin

Sometime in the summer of 2011 I took a phone call from a woman at work and we immediately had a connection.  My conversation with this stranger lasted about 30 minutes and it was an instant bond. Since that phone call I have met the woman and she has become a dear friend. 

We also believe we must be twins. As we get to know each other we just keep learning how much we are alike.  We found out last week that our first jobs were in the same field.  When she went home to tell her husband his response was something like "Why are you two surprised?  I'm not any more."

Today at lunch she asked me to name my favorite all time book.  Easy answer for me "Jane Eyre,  I read it or part of it once a year."  She just sat and stared at me. Her husband is right, why are we surprised at this point.  Her favorite book, reads it at least once a year, or pulls out parts of it.

Our other discussion at lunch today was how to find me a man.  I told her she might as well pick me one out because she pretty much knew what I wanted.  We then had a 20 minute conversation on what traits I would be looking for, and she had them down pat.  

She even has a bad shoulder.  

How Very Nice

The youngest came home tonight.  He did not come home to see me but to pick up a box of Magic the Gathering cards that arrived in the mail.  

When I found out he would be home tonight I asked him to go to dinner with L and me and he agreed. Of course he usually only turns down a free meal if he is studying for a test or has a Magic event. 

After dinner he did a few things around the house for me, and then he sat on the couch next to me and did some of his homework while I finished sewing the binding on a quilt.  It was so very nice.  Just like old times. 

I asked him if he wanted to spend the night since his first class is not until 11 a.m., but he said it was too hard to find parking in the mornings.  He did stay pretty late and I really enjoyed his company.

Embroidery Class Night

I signed up for an embroidery class at church.  Tonight was the first class.  Not sure I like embroidery, but I did learn a stitch that I had been trying to learn for hand quilting and had not conquered so that is a plus.  

Hopefully I will learn other stitches that will help me in quilting.  

At least I am getting out of the house and trying something new.

One House My Dad Built

Until I married Raymond, I had always lived in a house built by my dad.  This is the house I lived in in Dayton from age 6-13.  Almost all the trees in the picture were planted by my dad, but the other plants in the front are from the current owner.  We are still friends with the neighbors on the garage side of the house. 

When we moved into this house it was not complete.  Dad had a way of selling our houses out beneath us before having a place for us to move into.  We had to walk a plank over a huge ditch to enter the house.  There was no running water, or heat.  It was quite an adventure.  It was not a lot of fun at the time, but we enjoyed telling the stories over the years.  

We did not even have stairs between the two floors when we moved in this house.  There was a ladder you climbed to get to the bedrooms and then you had to climb down it to get to the portable toilet that was set up for us.  I remember one night my brother missed the ladder and fell to the first floor. Mom was sure he was dead.  We turned the flashlights on him and he was fine, not happy, but fine.

FYI: Dad sold this house before the house in KY was done too.  Never a dull moment.

Weekend full of Love and Laughter

I had a weekend full of love and laughter.  

Friday night - I went to the RED exhibit at TheGallery8680.  There were some great pieces there and I met a couple of interesting artists.  My friend Kathleen had a ceramic piece on display.  I was able to catch up with some people I haven't seen in six years and I enjoyed myself.  We had some laughs talking about some of the different things going on around us and the past.

Saturday - I picked up around the house, did a little laundry, worked on a quilt, and then had dinner with J, G, and L.  We had a great time talking and laughing, but we went away from our usual restaurant and it was a disaster. I think the only thing that didn't happen was for the waiter to drop a plate of food on one of us. It was bad enough that two meals were comped.  After dinner Loni went with me while I ran an errand and then I took her home before coming back to the house. When I arrived home my youngest was here, so it was a very good night. He and I watched True Grit, the Coen Brothers version.  I saw it in the theater with the oldest, but the youngest wasn't available.  It is one of those movies that I think he needed to have on his list.

Today, Sunday - It was family breakfast with L and the youngest with pancakes from scratch, and then L and I watched an episode of 24 Hr. Catwalk before she went home.  I had a fun conversation with my brother.  I finished quilting the second charity quilt I was working on for Project Linus. For dinner I made buttermilk biscuits from my mom's recipe and scrambled some eggs. 

Looking forward to a good week.

Music to My Ears

I have a friend that hasn't had a lot to laugh about lately.  

I am pleased to say that I was able to tickle my friend so much tonight that he could not catch his breath.  It was music to my ears to hear his laughter. 

Of course the laughter was at my expense, but that is okay, it was long and hard and at the end he thanked me.

I hope he finds laughter every day from this day forward, but not always at my expense.

When Did I?

When did I move to Timbukto?

I am slowly starting to work on taxes.  I was going to at least get the boys done this weekend, but I realized I did not have the W2 for the oldest as it did not come to the house.  I texted him and asked if he had received it through his work. 

His response was "Yeah, I'll bring it by as soon as I can."

What does that mean?  

Also can he not be forward thinking enough to give it to his brother?  They live on the same campus.  They see each other at least once a week, and his brother comes home or sees me once a week. 

I won't even get into the fact that he was supposed to clean up the mess he left when he moved out again, and it is still mostly here.  

Google maps show a distance of 17 miles between his apartment and my house.  Now I know my house is in a different direction than girlfriend's house and that girlfriend lives approx. 40 miles northwest of his place and I am northeast, but he could take a different route home from girlfriend's place and get to my place without too much difficulty.  

That boy might find himself in line at H&R Block this year.

Stepping Out of the Box

I am going to start trying to step out of my box.  This is a very difficult decision and a very scary action, but I will try.

Started tonight by buying a black and pink fedora I saw the other night and it has been on my mind each night since.  It is cute, even though pink is one of my least favorite colors. 

Should Have Listened to the Mama

My youngest is getting a little to big for his britches, and he paid for it this week.  I am not ashamed to say it gave me some satisfaction.  

Housing sign up for next semester started last week and he is signing up to room with this brother next year.  I told him in advance to remember that he had to sign up for a particular complex as there is more than one on campus.  The response was "Yeah, Yeah, I know."

"Yeah, Yeah, I know" means in youngest speak, "Why are you talking to me, I know." or "I am not listening to you because you don't know anything."

Well, because he did not listen, he spent all day Monday trying to correct the application he filed with the wrong apartment complex.  

Yep, he should have listened to the Mama.