Is, Should, Could

As I sit and hand sew I keep thinking about my life and what to do next.  All I have come up with is:

It is what it is, it isn't what it should be, and it is no where close to what it could be. 

The problem is in defining what it could be, because the should be is still in there, and it never can be. 

I think I will go watch some mind numbing television show so I can quit thinking about it. 

Taking a Break

Taking a little break from the sweat shop my living room has become. 

Table runners for the bazaar have been done for weeks. 

Eyeglass case inventory dwindled because I sold several and I gave away even more.  Friday night and yesterday I spent making cases. I have 19 ready to press, tack and yoyo.  Once those are complete I am going to work on my gift card wallets.  

It isn't necessarily that these items take a long time to sew, it is the laying out of the fabrics and the coordination of it all.  Since I am using scraps and not collections, it is sometimes hard for me to find the "right" fabric that fits what is in my mind.  I tried to make one that I wasn't so thrilled with, but it ended up as a practice scrap under my machine.  No, they have to be just so to go in the bazaar bin.

Everything has to be done by Saturday morning.  I will make it, but I won't necessarily get anything else done.  There is a lot of hand sewing on these items. 

WOW, It Has Been 40 Years

I guess I don't stop to think about how many years it has been since I first heard a song, when a movie was released, or read my first Stephen King novel, but sometimes I see a reference to how many years it has been and I go WOW.

WOW is what I said last night when I realized it has been 40 years since I first heard Don McLean's American Pie.  I remember very clearly I was walking up the hill on Thelma Ave. in Dayton, OH with a girl I had met in the neighborhood and we were carrying a transistor radio.  American Pie came on and we listened to it as we walked and I was fascinated by the lyrics, even though I wasn't old enough to understand the references in the song.

I still love the song and as I got older I was able to get some of the references.  Last night I found an article on AARP entertainment breaking down the lyrics into possible meanings and thought it was very interesting, but only Don knows what he really meant. 

Just for Laughs

My 84 year old aunt sent this to me in an email.  I had to laugh because I was looking at an online dating site when it came in.  This might come in handy in the future, because I may well be 91 before I ever date again.

Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in Naples, Florida.

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over

time that they enjoyed each others company.

After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude

asked Maude out for dinner and much to his delight, she

accepted. They had a lovely evening. they dined at the most

romantic restaurant in town. despite his age, they ended up

at his place for an after-dinner drink.

Things continued along a natural course and age being no

inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable

roll in the hay.

As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments

they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own

thoughts.

Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd

have been gentler."

Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still

do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose!"

Happy Mama

The youngest had his first exam of the semester last week in his Probability Theory & Statistcs course and tonight he informed me his grade was 100.  WhooHooo!  

I am hoping this means that Loni and I won't be pulling out the knee pads this year.

I Need My Tunes

I listen to music in my bedroom every night as I go to sleep. Usually it is Ray LaMontagne, but lately it has been Dylan, as I am still trying to get through all 45 verses of Tempest.

Last night I put in Ray and hit play on my cd player.  Nothing.  I turned up the sound, nothing.  I checked out the cd player. Cd is turning, no sound. I did everything I knew to do, but there was only silence.  

I was too tired to go get the other player, or my speaker set, so I went to sleep without my tunes, but I need my tunes.

Guess I will have to add cd player to my Friday chore list.  In the meantime, I will just start my day with some Ray.

Book Review

Today I attended a book review of Paula Deen's It Ain't All About the Cookin' presented by Gayle Brink.  Ms. Brink was outstanding. I had tears running down my face during many parts of the review.  

When Ms. Brink changed tones and talked to us as if she was Ms. Deen herself about the Civil Rights movement, agoraphobia, and spousal abuse it reached into my heart and reminded me of all those who have suffered, the ones I have known and do know, and the ones unknown to me.  

Great job Gayle Brink!  You do Ms. Deen proud.

Random Thoughts as I Watch the Birds Play

Some people are just too stupid to know  (and some may believe that of me), but you are still forced to be around them.  The trick is keeping your mouth shut.

My feet hurt.

My stash is a mess.

I'm always worried I'll burn the church down.

I hate Ivory soap. I don't like the smell, and I don't like the taste.

Doesn't it hurt the squirrel to lay across the pool fence like that?

Who decided ads should come out on Wednesday?  

Really Mom!

My youngest chose to do laundry as one of his Money-Dos over the weekend.  The list said he had to put away the laundry as part of the package.

As I was working on an eyeglass case Sunday, he came in behind me with a basket of clothes and started folding.  I really wasn't paying much attention to what he was folding until he said "Whose underwear is this?"  I turned around and he was holding up my new black and pink leopard print panties.  I said "They are mine."  He looked at them and then at me and said "Did you buy new underwear?"  I said "Yes."  He holds them up to me and said "Really Mom!" 

I decided that my choice in panties was not a discussion I wanted to have with my 18 year old son, so I told him that they came in packages of three and you don't get to pick which ones go in the package.  His response was "That explains it."  I didn't bother to tell him I picked that particular package just for the leopard print panties, I thought was more than he needed to know. 

Night Noises

When I am home by myself the house is rarely silent.  I am either blasting the tv or music, unless I am trying to really concentrate on a project.  That is what I was doing tonight, sitting in silence  trying to understand the directions on a project when I heard a sound behind me.  At first I didn't pay any attention, but then I heard the noise again, and my ears perked up a little.  The next noise was scared me.  It sounded like someone was in the laundry room, only I was alone.  

I sat very still on the couch and thought about what I might be hearing, just as I heard another sound.  My first thought was mouse as they often get in the laundry room, which meant setting traps tonight.  Another sound and I was sure it was in the laundry room. 

 

Then I heard more sounds that sounded bigger than a mouse and I was starting to get a little scared. I knew I was the only human in the house, but I started thinking what if it is a racoon, or a skunk, or any other larger than a mouse creature.  

 

Then I heard it, the first sound I recognized, a splash.  It was the turtles.  One of them was banging the log around in a different way and it was echoing off the wall, making it sound like it was coming from the room next to their tank.

I was so relieved, but I decided it is better not to sit in silence at night.

Fall is Here

Money-Dos

Since I have been working on items for the church bazaar at night and my weekends, my housework is falling behind.  I knew I had a night out last night and friends coming for dinner tonight, so I posted the following comment on my youngest's Facebook page "I will pay you $30.00 if you come home this weekend and do some chores for me. That will help pay for pre-release weekend. See I post it on here, because if you can't come home, I bet one of your friends will step up to the plate for some cash." Knowing if he didn't take me up on it, his one friend would.  He responded immediately that he would be home.

Since he was coming home after I had to leave for my evening last night, I left the chore list on the table.  

It read:

$30.00 - Hang picture, frig-change filter, set up fire pot, clean fountain

$50.00 - Clean your bathroom, vacuum house, mop kitchen, plus above

$60.00 - Clean my bathroom, plus above

$100.00 Clean Ha's bathroom, plus above and finish laundry

 

When I came home last night he had started laundry, changed the frig filter, and was waiting on me to check the picture before putting the nail in the wall. 

This morning he got up and made breakfast for Loni and him, and even served Loni in the living room.  During our breakfast conversation the term honey-do's came up and he needed an explanation.  After a discussion, I told him his were more like money-do's.  

 

He did tell me this afternoon that he liked the list set up that way.  It was like his online games, you could reach different levels and go for treasure. 

 

He ended up with $60.00 even though he did not get my bathroom all the way done.  He did other little things not on the list, and he did get almost all the laundry done and put away before going back to campus.  

 

I just went in my bedroom and found another extra, he made my bed and turned it down for me.  I texted him and thanked him for the treat. 

Orders Keep Coming

I don't know if everyone is just being nice, or people really like these eyeglass cases, but I had a request for four Thursday.  The money will still go to the church, but this person wanted me to know that they needed four.  I had already had several other requests, so I am going to make 24 cases, and hope they sell.  If not, everyone on my Christmas list will be getting an eyeglass case.

I made eight cases yesterday, so I only have 12 more to go.  It takes me a while because I have to coordinate the fabrics that I have and I am willing to give up, then I have to figure out how I want to quilt each one, make the yoyo, and hand stitch one side of the binding and tack down. Yes, I know I could do a lot more on the machine, but I don't like how that looks.  I also keep changing my threads out because I get bored and want to do something different. 

Thank goodness I found a series I hadn't seen before.  I am watching "Kingdom" while I do my hand stitching. 

No Progress

Here it is almost October and I have made no progress in finding me.  Either I was never lost, or there is no me to find.  

 

Another thought I had was that I cannot find me here, because I was never here.  Sometimes I feel like my life is on hold just waiting for me to go back to find my place so I can start living again.  

 

Whatever, this year feels like a bust so far.  

Psychological Eyebrow War

While putting on my makeup this morning I thought about an incident that happened when I had to live with neighbors in high school.

Our neighbors lived up the hill from us and my mom was friends with the wife, her name was Dottie.  In the house lived Dottie, her husband, her mother-in-law, and their awful dog.  I really cannot remember the name of the husband, or dog, I called the mother-in-law Mrs. B____ (I'll call her Mrs. B here.)

The dog was spoiled rotten.  He sat at chair during dinner and ate with us from a plate.  He was old, smelly, and ill-mannered.  Dottie treated him better than anyone in the house.  Enough said about the dog, except Mrs. B didn't like him.

To say Dottie and Mrs. B did not like each other would be a gross understatement.  They were at war with each other.  Dottie was very open in her deeds against Mrs. B.  Mrs. B tended to play a psychological war on Dottie.  

Mrs. B did all the house work and cooking for the family even though she was in eighties at the time.  One night at dinner Mrs B looked different.  I noticed it when she was serving the plates.  I wasn't quite sure what was different about her, but something was not quite right.  It was driving Dottie crazy.  She kept saying "What is wrong with you tonight."  I kept looking at her too, but they kept the house pretty dark and I just couldn't seem to get a good enough look to get it.  After a full dinner of Dottie asking Mrs. B why she looked the way she did, it became pretty apparent when we went into the kitchen.  Mrs. B's eyebrows were missing.  Evidently she decided to shave them off that day.  Dottie was livid.

The next night when we went to sit down for dinner, Mrs. B had drawn on only one eyebrow, not a unibrow, but one eyebrow over one eye and it was quite dark and swoopy.  She also added a very bright red circle to each cheek.  It was all I could do not to fall off my chair laughing (so would not have been allowed). Mrs. B looked like she belonged in a local production of "Whatever Happened to Baby Jame" playing Betty Davis' part.  I thought Dottie would stroke out. It was even harder to hold my laughter in when Mrs. B went behind Dottie's chair  while Dottie was going on and on about how Mrs. B looked, because Mrs. B started pantomiming that Dottie was crazy and making yapping motions with her hands.

The third night Mrs. B came to dinner with two very elaborately drawn eyebrows, pink cheeks, and bright red lipstick.  All she needed was some clown hair.  Dottie once again went ballistic.  I laughed because I knew Mrs. B was trying to make Dottie crazy every night. It seemed to be her entertainment for the day.

What did dear old son/husband do during all these shenanigans? Eat his dinner and go on like nothing ever happened. 

I learned some great stuff from Mrs. B.  I am keeping it in my arsenal in case I need it for my daughter-in-laws in about 30 years.

You Really Think a Bear at a Picnic Table ...

It is an election year so political garbage is being slung right and left.

I have always worked in jobs where I have not been able to express my political views, have bumper stickers, state my political party, etc. because you never want to offend a patient, client, potential new member, or whoever might be walking in the door.  When I was in my 20's and knew people running for office in Dallas who I wanted to support I would stick bumper stickers on Raymond's car instead of mine.  Then I didn't work for 17 years and I was able to do whatever I wanted.  Now, I just keep quiet.  

What gets me though are the people who are constantly sending me emails that have been forwarded over and over again with what I consider hate propaganda, no matter which political party it is against.  I can skip over the stuff on Facebook, but the emails are clogging my email box.  

Do people really think sending me a picture of a bear at a picnic table, or any other ridiculous photoshopped junk they can find, will be the one thing that swings my vote? I am sorry, I am not that shallow. I actually read the views of the candidates, look at their records and make an informed decision.  

I just find it all very irritating, except for my aunt's emails.  They crack me up even though I don't really read them.  She is always sending me political stuff she knows will get under my skin, just to do just that, and then she laughs about it.  She knows I won't read them, and that she has no power over me, she just likes to "get my goat."

Carved Out of Wood Quilts

Fraser Smith's art. Wow!
http://www.gofraser.com/photos.htm

How to Make a Wood Quilt

Fog Must Be Lifting

My brain fog must be clearing a little.  This song popped into my head tonight and even though I couldn't remember the name of the song, or the artist, I remembered which album it was on and was able to figure it out in less than three minutes.

Needle in the ....

The other night I had a lot of trouble keeping up with my needles while I was working on hand quilting.  Within a span of about an hour I lost three needles.  It is like I would turn my head and they would be gone.  After a couple of days I found two of the three needles, and I might have found the third one tonight. 

I came home between work and my TOPS meeting to take out the garbage and recycling bins and to sit on the couch and catch up on some emails.  I was home for about 30 minutes before heading back out again.

When I sat down in the car to drive to my meeting, I felt a sharp pain in my upper right rear cheek.  Like a needle pricking me. When I got to meeting I checked but did not see a needle.  The pain went away when I was standing, but it came back when I was sitting with Loni at dinner and again driving back home.  After I dropped Loni off at her car, I drove to Walgreens to pick up a couple of items and the pain continued on and off while I was walking around the store.  I finally grabbed the back of my jeans and gave them a good shake and kind of bounced up and down.  The pain went went away after that and did not come back.

Now I have no proof I had a needle in my pants sticking me in what my dad always called my "arse," but if there are any shoppers running around barefoot in Walgreens they might want to be careful.   I am still missing one very small hand quilting needle, but my arse no longer has a stabbing pain. 

If it was only that easy to get rid of all pains in the arse. 

More Eyeglass Cases

These will be for sale at the bazaar.

Strange New Habit?

I have  developed a new habit, or maybe it is a tic, I am not sure, but it is not good.

I have had a lot of brain fog lately and for the last week or so I have had trouble finding the words I want to say.  

Last week I was telling a friend about a favorite author, but his name would not come to me.  I tried to research his name but was having no luck since I couldn't remember the name of the town he writes about and the partial names of the books I was coming up with did not give me the correct results.  It was very frustrating.  About three days after I had the discussion with my friend I woke up in the morning shouting out the name of the author. (Phillip Gulley)  I laughed at myself and thought how odd.

Then twice this week the same thing happened.  Loni and I saw one of my neighbors walking.  I could remember her last name but had no clue as to her first name.  The next night as I was cleaning the kitchen I shouted out "Liz!"  What is up with that?  It is like I had no control over my mouth.  It just flew open and I shouted out the answer I had been seeking the day before.  

It happened one other occasion this week, but I can't remember what I was trying to remember or what I shouted but I was in the office and my boss wanted to know why I said it.  I just mumbled something and went on about my business.  

I guess I will have to start writing down when it happens and see if I notice a pattern.  Good thing Mina stocked me up on journals this year.  

So if you see a short, fat, redhead shouting out an odd word or two in the grocery store don't be alarmed, it is just me and my memory trying to connect.

The Responsible One

I am the responsible child in the family. 

My brother is 9 years older than I am, a gifted musician and writer, and has always done his own thing.  

I have lots of memories of my childhood with my brother, but the one that involves my parents, and I remember most is him getting a violin scholarship (a very good one) and turning it down to play guitar.  We still lived in our house next to the church, so I was around five which means he was 14 or so.  I remember how disappointed my parents were, and how they talked about it constantly. In fact, I heard about it all my life.  

Now that is not the only time my brother disappointed my parents by not following up on his brilliance, but it is the first time I remember. Oh, yeah, he disappointed them in the ways normal kids do by smoking too early, getting caught sneaking out, etc., but those are not what I remember because I did stuff like that to disappoint them too. Well, not the smoking and sneaking out, but other things.  No I am talking giving up scholarships, dropping out of college with just a semester to go, etc.  

Those big disappointments are what made me not want to ever do that to my mom and dad, and made me the responsible one.  I was the one that helped with Grandma, started working at 10 so mom and dad didn't have to give me spending money because times were tough, cooked dinner most nights once mom had to go back to work when dad was sick, and the list goes on from there until Mom's last breath, ten years after Dad's death.  

Being responsible carried over into all aspects of my adult life.  I know that is a good thing, but sometimes I wonder just what would happen if I just let go and was irresponsible in some areas.  What if I did what was truly in my heart and mind instead of what was responsible?  I know the world wouldn't end, but could I face the disappointment some might feel in me?  Or does my need not to disappoint anyone live so deep in me that I really wouldn't be happy if I did what I think I would like to do? This has been weighing on my mind a lot lately.  I think about it just about everyday.  I am not sure I could stand the disappointment some might feel in me, but then again I may not be able to stand the disappointment I might feel in myself if I don't throw caution to the wind and make some irresponsible changes.  

I Did Good

I must say "I did good" this afternoon, and I had a great day.

The day starting off with Loni and me going to Frisco to the Farmer's Market.  It was a nice cool morning, and I enjoyed walking around and talking to the vendors. I really liked the band that was playing over in the corner, Dr. O's Medicine Show.  I ended up buying some very nice fresh green beans and filberts for me, honey sticks and triple chocolate cake for the youngest since I was expecting him home.

After a brief stop at Lowe's, it was home for the morning and to wait for the boy to come home so he could do a few chores for me and then get his treats.

Around 1:00 P.M. I received a text that the boy was not coming home.  Bummer. I texted back and asked if he wanted dinner at Red Lobster, and received a yes.  I few messages back and forth with Loni and an early dinner was planned.  

I had Loni text the youngest once I picked her up to ask his apartment number and tell him I would be entering the apartment bringing gifts. The oldest has lived in this apartment for over a year and I have not seen it, and I never bothered to see where the youngest lived all last year, so I thought it was time to check it out.

I was quite surprised when we arrived at the apartment to find my oldest and his girlfriend there.  I though they were at her apartment this weekend in another city.  I immediately invited them to dinner too, and they accepted.  I told them I wanted a tour of the apartment first which sent the oldest into a frenzy.  

This is where "I did good."  Oh my goodness.  I can't even begin to discuss all the things that made me want to scream in that apartment.  The kitchen alone ... well let's just say I am shocked I didn't end up in the back of an ambulance with an oxygen mask on from hyperventilating, which is what I do when I am overwhelmed by disastrous  messes.  Now Loni and I have been saying all along it would be like Oscar and Felix in that apartment, but "oh my."  

The youngest's room looks like he lives in a prison cell.  Bare minimum of belongings.  Closet extremely neat.  Bathroom smelled like Clorox, no whisker shavings any where.  Other than being dark, it wasn't horrible.  

The oldest's room, bathroom, and closet ... it is better I do not described what I saw, but "I did good" and kept my mouth shut.

We had a lovely dinner at Red Lobster with fun conversation.  I will admit to asking the boys if they needed garbage bags.  They said they had some.  "I did good," by not asking them if they knew how to use them.  It was on the tip of my tongue though.

After dinner there was a side trip to JoAnn Fabrics where the oldest, his girlfriend and I went in, and Loni and the youngest stayed in the car.  To purchase enough items to get my $5.00 discount, I bought a hanging kitchen towel decorated with candy corn, gag housewarming gift for one of the oldest's friends (guy hates candy  corn).  As we were going out to get back in the car, the girlfriend told the oldest he should get a hanging towel for his oven door in his kitchen.  His reply was "I have one hanging on there."  This is where I wasn't so good.  I asked him "How would you know."  He looked at me and said "You couldn't resist could you?"  My reply was "Come on now, I've been really, really good, but you didn't actually think I would be able to leave you without at least one comment."

I predict I will have nightmares about that apartment tonight and many nights ahead.  At least it wasn't as bad as the one where the oldest lived with 3 of his friends.  I went to the door there one time and when Stewie opened the door all I could see was a huge pile of full black garbage bags.  The dumpster was not close to the apartment, so even though they bagged the garbage they did not take it out.  I told Stewie to send the oldest out, then I turned around and left.  I never went to the door of that apartment again.   

Thank goodness the youngest isn't a slob too.  

 

I Am Going to See

DYLAN!!!!!

Tickets were Christmas gift from Loni.  If all goes well the oldest will be my date. 

If Anyone Saw

If anyone saw my underwear drawer today they would think I was having sex. (I hope Mina didn't just spew coffee.)

I looked in the drawer today and noticed that all my new items are a little wild, even if I still wear something close to granny panties.  Pink and black leopard prints, wild flowers, stripes and bright colors on my panties.  I stuck to a lot of beige and black bras, but included in the mix are a bright, bright lime green with a rhinestone, a pretty grey,  a deep navy blue, and a very wild abstract bra in purple, pink, blue, grey, and some other colors.  

Poor Raymond never got to see bras like that, but then again when he met me I didn't wear a bra unless I was at work. It wasn't until I had a kid and was in nursing bras that I started wearing a bra all the time.  I don't think he minded that he didn't get to see colorful bras, but he might have appreciated the effort.

I am just amazed that I have started to branch out a little in my intimate apparel, maybe it is because I finally found a brand of bras that I like that come in wild colors and I can just go buy them off the rack.  I don't have to "shop."

A Senior!

My 18 year old informed me last night that he is officially a senior at UTD.  I thought he was just a junior.  I was okay with him being 18 and a junior and knowing he is scheduled to graduate at age 20.  There is just something about hearing the word "senior" that shook me up just a bit.

He will still scheduled to graduate in 2014 at age 20, but in my head that was still a good ways off, only it isn't really that far away now that I heard the word "senior."

Guess I better get my act together and decide what I am going to do the rest of my life.  With Loni graduating with her Masters pretty close to the youngest, I will no longer be a college mom.  I will just be "mom." 

Interesting Piece of Mail

Yesterday's mail (September 13, 2012) included a Flat Rate Priority Mail envelope with no postmark.  

 

Inside the envelope was a letter dated July, 2012  from the Manager Consumer and Industry Contact of the United States Postal Service, Coppell, Tx.  It read:

 

"Dear Postal Customer

This letter is to inform you that an Office of Inspector General investigation has resulted in the recovery of mail. You will find this mail enclosed.

We sincerely regret the delay.  We realize that your mail is important to you and that you have every right to expect it to be handled in a secure manner.

We hope you understand and accept our apology for any inconvenience this situation may have created for you.  We trust the information provided will be sufficient for any discrepancies with any of your creditors or correspondents.

If additional assistance is needed in this matter, please do not hesitate to contact our Consumer Affairs and Claims Office at ......"

The mail they had recovered was post marked October 11, 2006 and was a flyer inviting me to one of the bereavement luncheons I used to attend.  

I won't lie.  Seeing the name of the hospice in the return address did upset me for a few minutes and caused a few flashbacks.  

I have had lost letters returned to me before, but not almost six years later.  While this did cause me a few flashbacks, it was okay.  It was a much better letter to receive than the pile of damaged mail we received from the wreckage of Delta Flight 191 that crashed at DFW in 1985.  I had trouble dealing with that mail, not only at home, but we also received some of that mail at work.

I just hope that anyone else who received lost mail yesterday had something much more interesting in their envelope.

Maybe It's the Range

I keep waiting for the day when I will mentally feel over the age of 25, but it hasn't come yet.  

Maybe I still feel mentally young because I am constantly around such an age range of people.  My oldest friend is over 85 and I also spend a lot of time talking to young men and women in their late teens and early twenties.  

Just today I listened to a fascinating conversation about Iran, Israel and Libya between a group in their 70's and 80's.  While I do not agree with them politically, it was amazing to listen to them discuss current events and events from years past (some of them I don't remember) with such spirit and conviction.  I ended up coming home and looking up some of the information they were quoting to see if it was fact or what I call "news fiction."  They were all stating facts that have been in credible resources in the last few days.  One lady knew exactly how many ships had been deployed this week and their current location.  

I have a lot of friends in their early 40's with kids still at home, but close to becoming empty nesters.  We spend a lot of time discussing what they want to do next in their life.  I find it interesting to hear their ideas because it is during those discussions that secret dreams come out, and I start looking at my life closer and thinking about what I really want to do next.

My youngest group, well they keep me up to date with music, slang, websites, and trends while also providing me with a completely different perspective of the world.  Their views of the world allows me to look at things differently.  Whereas I am pretty solid in my beliefs and views, I have been swayed once or twice by a young one to take another look at a subject. 

Ms. Sarah, one of the young ones, asked me the other day not to turn into a crabby old person.  I am going to try very hard to keep my mind young and continue to enjoy the range of people in my life. 

Flying High

I had a great day today. 

I recently turned in a project that just pure BS and today I was told it was excellent writing. I did spend many hours on the project taking input from two people and then weaving their ideas into one big turd on paper.  I ever remember patting myself on the back when I wrote some of the phrasing, thinking how wickedly funny it was that I could put such a great spin on a few items. 

It is my belief that "spinning" is one of my greatest skills.  Loni still laughs about one of my "spins," not to be mentioned by name since it is still in place and used often.  

Yep, I don't know what drug was in the air today, but I hope it stays around.  I could use a lot more days like today.  

I'll have to rest my brain this weekend.  I have at least one more page of BS to write on Monday. 

I Can Totally

I can totally see myself driving the new 85 mph tollway in Texas while this song is playing in the cd player.

Why Is It?

Why is it that when my cell phone fails to recognize my finger swipes I begin to feel as if I don't exist?

Feeling So Much Better

I was very upset and angry this afternoon over how inconsiderate someone was, and how much their "it is all about me" attitude was making it so hard for me to do my job, and to take care of others.  I was so upset that I thought about driving to Kroger, getting a chocolate pie and eating a good portion of it, but my TOPS lesson this week was about saboteurs, and watching for food cues, and anger is obviously one of mine, so I stayed out of my car and chewed gum instead (a lot of gum!). 

The more hours that went by the more upset I became until I actually made myself physically ill.  I kept trying to find a song that would make me feel better, but to no avail.  I finally posted the following message on Facebook: "I can't think of a song right now to express how angry I am. Anyone know a song that would help a short, redhead with steam coming out of her ears express her anger?"

Two minutes after I posted that message my cell phone rang. It was a friend who has worked with this person telling me she didn't have a song for me, but she was sending me a hug and before long she had me laughing.  Once the phone call was over though I went back to my dark place.

My emotions have been all over tonight because the situation with this person is so difficult to deal with and I know tomorrow is going to be hell. Just as I was about to hit rock bottom I noticed a  reply from my Facebook friend Tim that made my night better: "Hair of the Dog." You would have to take Son of a out of the lyrics though.You could replace Son of a with redheaded" 

I pulled out that song and made the word replacement, then I danced around singing it over and over for a little while and felt much better.  I think singing it in my head tomorrow will make the day go much better.  I like the idea of thinking "Now you're messing with a redheaded B&$#@" and smiling while this person goes about their self-absorbed day."

I Am Angry

I am really angry at my bank.  Their new online banking system is so screwed up.  So many things did not transfer over to the new system and now I will have to go set everything back up again, and they weren't easy to set up in the first place.  

I have some banking transfers that are usually done automatically and they are all gone.  I also have some year end banking transfers between three different banks I need to complete, but I am afraid to because I don't trust this new system to work.  

Online support has been fabulous, but the can't promise me everything will go through smoothly. These transactions have been set up and working fine for six years, and now I have to start worrying about them.  It just makes me angry.  I shouldn't have to worry about stuff that has always worked because they decided they wanted a more "user friendly" system.

From what the bank told me the other day, no one is finding the new system "user friendly." In fact there are a lot of angry customers out there.  

I would like to find the person that okayed this to go out to the public.  I would bring hm to my house and make him sit and try to use the system for the same amount of hours I have put in trying to make sense of it all.  No wait, I don't want a house guest I don't know for that many days.

A Favorite Blast from the Past

Magical Trevor was one of my youngest's favorites from a few years ago. I remember singing the song for weeks because he listened to it so much it was stuck in my head. I hadn't watched it in a long time, but the youngest mentioned it yesterday and I had to go watch it again.  Even though there are several episodes, the first is my favorite.

Metal of Marriage Ring ~ Artist, Cynthia Lester

Loni and I went to the Lakewood Summer Arts Faire yesterday.  I am so glad we did!

 

I met artist, jewelry designer Cynthia Lester there and fell in love with several of her designs.  I purchased this ring from her called Marriage of Metals. 

 

 I love it!

Today's Quilting Project ~ Eyeglass Cases

One of my super senior friends asked me to make her an eyeglass case.  I had a pattern in a magazine, so I set out to make her one this weekend, using scraps of fabric.  The red one was my practice case, and the others are made for specific people in my life. I hope they like them.

Badger Badger - Boys

This reminds me of when all the boys are in the Man Cave and it makes me laugh.Yes, we are an odd bunch, and proud of it!

How I Feel Tonight

My brain feels drained and dry tonight and my eyeballs hurt.  

I could deal with how my brain feels if I was sleepy and could just go to bed, but of course I am wide awake.  

I keep thinking it would be nice to be able to oil my brain so it didn't feel dry.

Slightly Afraid

The one thing great about Mama's Oasis is I am not afraid here.  It drives some of my friends crazy, particularly my friend that lives another road over from me.  She thinks I need to get a dog, and she hates that I sit out after dark.  I just laugh at her and tell her I am only five feet from my door and I am not afraid.

I will however admit that early this morning I was slightly afraid.  Around midnight last night some critter started squawking on the back porch and banging around the furniture and even moving some of my heavy iron chairs.  I looked out and couldn't see anything.  A few minutes later it sounded as if something was banging on the roof, then the chairs were moving again.  I started getting a little freaked out.

Everything went quiet for about five minutes then there was pounding on the roof again followed by something on the front porch.  I was not a happy camper.  

The banging around lasted until about 1:30 A.M.  I kept wondering who I could call to come over and see what was outside.

Today when I talked to my friend and told her about what happened she told me she thought it was the giant guinea hen that has been around the neighborhood. She swears it is about 3 feet tall and was causing a lot of noise at her neighbors house the other day.  I guess that would explain why there was banging on the roof.

I have decided to go with the guinea hen theory because that is not scary at all.  It just means there was a big bird outside looking for its nocturnal resting place. 

The Language of Home

This video reminds me of home and all the great expressions I grew up with.

Whereas my dad really didn't have a southern accent, he did have words and expressions that came from growing up in Kentucky, but there were not necessarily "mountain talk."

I clearly remember my first encounter with a southern expression after we moved to KY.  I went to the mailbox in the middle of the day wearing my orthodontic headgear and ran into the man that lived next door.  He waved and said "Are you alright?" (To say it right you have to pronounce the "are" like "air".). I waved and said "Yes" and then promptly went in and told Mom I couldn't wear my headgear out in public because the man next door thought there was something wrong with me.  After about three trips into town without headgear I realized "Are you alright?" was "How are you?"

I also remember the first time I went into a store and they said "What can I do you for?" I remember looking at them and thinking "What?"  I still find it odd when I hear it. 

Although my mother and brother were always irritated by the "local speak, " I truly grew to love hearing the different expressions even though I never did use many of them myself.  I did pick up the accent which irritated my brother to no end.

I enjoy talking to my friends back home and hearing them use the phrases I heard all those years.  I get tickled when they say they miss my KY accent because now I sound Texan.  I always tell them not to worry, a few days back there and I will sound just like them again.

Horrible Nightmares

Last night was really rough.  

Over the weekend I used sleep aids to try to get some rest. I don't like to use them, but sometimes the insomnia gets to a point where I am so exhausted I have to sleep.  I had three nights of about 10 hours of sleep each, but I tend to consider drug aided sleep to be more like a coma than natural sleep.

Last night I couldn't get to sleep.  I admit I had a lot on my mind and ended up having to do quite a bit of journal writing and crying to even get to where I felt like I might sleep around 2:30 a.m.

It was a fitful night, with a lot of waking up after about 30 minutes or so.  I finally fell into a longer sleep around 4:00 a.m.  Then the nightmares came.  

Horrible nightmares.  Vivid in color nightmares. In one nightmare I was participating in the autopsy of a loved one and discussing each organ as it was removed.  In another I was driving around in a vehicle that looked like a modified riding mower and people kept popping in and out of it for me to take them places, only the driving was really hazardous. Some of the nightmares were just jumbled up events.  All I know is that I am totally exhausted from everything my mind went through last night.  

I didn't have the television on last night.  I think I need to watch it tonight.  Maybe my mind needs to see television to get rid of all the weirdness stored up at the end of the day.

Wild Roses Blooming at Oasis

New Strategy

Since my youngest has moved back to campus, I no longer have someone to do all the chores while I am at work, which meant I needed a new strategy.  

I spent about three hours last Friday catching up on some things, I am no where near done, but I was able to get a lot of baseboards done, and some other items dusted.  I rearranged some of my quilting tables and took care of some paperwork that had piled up while the internet banking issue was being solved.  I reached  a point where I wouldn't be ashamed if someone walked in announced.  

This week I have been working on trying to figure out how to keep things up a little each day in a more consistent manner so that I can spend weekends going through some closets that are long overdo for a good decluttering.  This morning I sprayed down the shower/tub with cleaner and left the cleaning can where I could see it to remember what I was doing, then tonight I came in and was able to add water and sponge everything down.  I also turned around and did the sink and a few other areas.  The bathroom is not done, but a good portion is and I should be able to finish the rest tomorrow. 

The biggest shocker is the laundry room.  I finished all the laundry yesterday and put everything away except for the bathing suits that belong to others that visit on a regular basis.  (Well, all the laundry except the three baskets in the oldest's bedroom which I am refusing to do.)

My hope is to stay on this path so I will have more quilting time on the weekends.

Out With the Old, On With the New

Anyone that has seen my ratty robe knows that I am not the best about replacing comfortable clothing, however I have been making a huge effort in that department this year. 

Ratty robe has been in the wardrobe since Christmas when my youngest finally found me a suitable replacement.  

I have spent a great deal of this year buying new bras when the are on sale and budget allows.  Enough so that I have now thrown away all of my old bras but three that still had some support left in them. I am keeping them around for weekends when I am working around the house or yard.  Which means I have enough new ones to go 2 weeks without doing laundry. 

I have also been throwing away older underwear with worn out elastic.  Last week I finally reached the point where I had thrown out enough underwear as to require new ones to be able to get through 2 weeks without doing laundry.  Thank goodness for back to school sales.

This morning I put on a new pair of underwear and came to a realization.  Your underwear is not supposed to sag to the back of your knees when you wear it.  I really do need to be more diligent about buying new underthings on a more regular basis. 

Fall Table Runners

I finished the fall table runners for the church bazaar.  I have five Christmas runners and five fall table runners sewn, I just need to add buttons or yoyos. 

Roadrunner

We had a surprise visitor at the oasis today.  I was sitting with the youngest in the living room and I looked out the window to see a roadrunner up on the patio.  This was the best picture I could get before he went running off.  

This Feels LIke the Hardest Year Ever

2012 feels like the hardest year of my life to date.  I have felt so much pain, have had so many regrets, and it feels as if I have spent 3/4s of the year to date crying.  It is all so ridiculous.

I have had much rougher years.  My dad's illness when I was a teen forcing me to live with strangers, the years of infertility, ten years of my dad having Alzheimers, being diagnosed with a chronic disease at 37, my youngest as a baby through toddler years, Raymond being sick, Raymond being diagnosed, Raymond's treatments, being told that my youngest might have a heart condition, Raymond dying, mom's Alzheimers, mom's death, general issues with the boys, and the list just goes on. Yet, I feel as if a year where I went to Alaska with my family, my children did amazing in school, I saw Joe Cocker and I have had no major financial or health issue is my hardest year.  Something is not right with the world.

I know there are lessons to be learned in all that is going on in my life, I am just having trouble figuring it all out.  I think I am coming close to at least reasoning out a lesson I might be able to live with in the future, or at least convincing myself that "it is what it is."

In all of this pain and lessons learned, I have not lost the reality of how truly blessed I am in life, love and friends. That being said, this year of finding me sucks! I think I would rather stay lost.