Freaked Out!

I tape shows on my computer all week long and then as I have time I watch them. Tonight I watched "Grey's Anatomy," "Private Practice," and "The View."

Now saying "I watched" is probably a stretch. They are on, and I am listening, but I am not looking up very much unless it sounds particularly interesting.

So here I sit, it is after midnight, I am listening to "The View" and playing "Bubble Spinner" when something that is said catches my attention and I look to the screen. What I saw completely blew my mind. It was my dad. At first my brain tried to make the face go with what was being said by Whoopi Goldberg, but it was not working. I was so confused. Why was my dad's face on the screen. Maybe it was not my dad. Maybe it was an actor they were talking about. My emotions were all over the place. Was my dad coming for a visit?

I started hitting buttons on my remote control to get the picture on the screen to go with the words that were being said. Nothing happened. Then all of a sudden Raymond's youngest sister was on the screen. What the "H?" I hit another button and Raymond's other sister was on the screen. I hit another button and "The View" was back on like nothing had ever happened.

I have to say I was freaked out for several minutes. Then I was just sad because I miss my dad.

The Oldest

The oldest in Austin.

He looks so much like his dad, and here he is wearing one of his dad's shirts.

In fact, I have noticed that most of my oldest's shirts are from Raymond's closet. That boy really needs to get some new clothes. That shirt must be at least seven years old, but probably even older.

Holding on to old clothes must be in our dna, I have shorts that I wear in the summer that I bought before the oldest as born. He is 19. Then there is the ratty robe.

Lots of Flashbacks

I have been having a lot of flashbacks lately back to my college days. I think it is from listening to my boys talk about their experiences.

I certainly went back in time Saturday after having lunch with my oldest and the girl he is, according to his Facebook page, in a "relationship" with at this time. There was a certain sense of deja vu about their interaction that reminded me of when Raymond and I were dating.

I always have a lot of flashbacks in the fall. It is my favorite time of year, but not in Texas. One place I always think of in the fall is the Renfro Valley area of Kentucky. I would pass through there every weekend on my way home from college and it was would take my breath away each time.

Lake Linville - Renfro Valley, KY

The Noise Outside

I was sitting here watching recorded shows on my computer and goofing around on the internet when I started hearing funny sounds outside. Now I have been really good about not getting spooked in the house on these long nights, but I really could not figure out where the sounds were coming from. The unidentified sounds were making my tummy go all "whooshy" and my heart pound.

My first thought was it might be my neighbor starting up his motorcycle, but he doesn't ride at night. My next thought was maybe my oldest was stopping by and he was bringing stuff in from the car, but he usually calls.

The sound was not going away, it was not getting louder, but I could not identify it and I was feeling a little paralyzed.

After a few more minutes I decided to check the weather on the internet. That is when I realized that we are under a severe thunderstorm watch and that there were storms already north of us. Of course by the time I figured out the noise was the distant storm the noise was obviously rolling thunder.

I had no idea there were storms around us, or that we were expecting any. That is what I get for isolating myself so much today. A "whooshy" stomach and a pounding heart.

Withdrawal

I'm going through Nip Tuck withdrawal.

I do not have cable, and I have missed seeing a lot of cable shows, but Nip Tuck was one I was always hearing about and wanted to watch, so when I found the first season used and on sale I decided to try it.

I am addicted. I ended up hunting down and finding the full series to date on dvds on sale and with coupons. Then I started watching the dvds.

At first it was one or two episodes on the weekend. Then, as I got further into the series, it was a full dvd on Sunday, until Season 5 when I just could not stop watching. I would get up early and watch an episode before work, and then come home and watch one or two episodes before dinner. Tonight was the last episode I had to watch. I watched it when I came home from Sis' house. I'm already missing my favorite characters.

The worse part is I know the new season has started.

I will also have to find something to watch next. Most of the new shows this season are horrible and I do not have enough shows to provide my background noise while I quilt.

Hominy

OK, I almost freaked out a little tonight while eating at Sis' house.

Sis made this wonderful chicken tortilla soup. It had a great consistency, and the perfect blend of spices to make the taste buds all happy, but it also had an ingredient that haunted my childhood ... HOMINY.

When I first saw it on my spoon in the mix with the other veggies I tried to tell myself that it was something else, but I knew that shape. I was worried that I would have a flashback and not be able to put the spoon in my mouth, but I closed my eyes, and there was not a problem. In fact, when I make the soup for my oldest, I will put it in, but I will have to close my eyes when I open the can.

Hominy was one of those things that my parents loved and I thought came straight from hell. It might have been the way the prepared it, or how it was served on the plate, but I could barely gag it down. It seemed to appear on my plate way too often, and I never understood why. In fact, I don't remember my parents ever eating it again after I became a teenager. It was like it was just there to torture me as a young child.

I did not like the smell, the look, the taste, nothing about it was appealing, yet being from a family that made me eat everything that was on my plate, gag it down I would. It seems it was never served with anything that I could mix it with to hide the taste. It was just there.

To this date, I have never had hominy in my house, but I liked this soup, and I don't think the texture will be right without it, so I guess it will make its entrance. I will only buy enough for the soup. Here is hoping there are no nightmares to go with it.

Sister Night

I had dinner with my "Sis" and her husband tonight and then Sis and I sat and talked for over 2 hours. It was great. I probably overstayed my welcome, but it had been so long since we had been together.

Sis loves Halloween and her house is all decorated and looks so great. She made chicken tortilla soup and it was just a perfect evening.

Miss my "Sis"

Sis and I never have time together these days. I miss her.

We talk on the phone but it is not the same.

I thought I would see more of her with both of the boys gone, but we are both busy in different ways.

I work longer hours than I did in the past, and she has obligations that keep her from being available.

We are going to have to find a solution though because I miss her.

Giggling?

OK, my oldest has had girlfriends before, but never one he giggled over.

Friday Night Date Night

L & M were kind enough to invite Mamma C to dinner tonight and M's hubby S was there.

We went to Olive Garden and I had a delightful time catching up with M and S. L and I pretty much caught up on Survivor night.

We realized while talking that M will not be able to bake the cookies for Trunk or Treat like she did last year so L and I will have to do that on Survivor night. That will be something we haven't done before, but I have a double oven so it should go quick.

I enjoy being with the girls. They are so kind to me. They never make me feel like a third wheel, and there are always lots of laughs.

It is Just Common Courtesy

I was raised to be courteous to others, and I would say that I am 97% of the time in the outside world, but probably only about 55% of the time in my home, but I live by myself so what does it matter.

Evidently, the woman at Target Wed. night was never introduced to the idea of courtesy.

All I wanted to do was look at the candles that were on sale. There was one shelving unit of candles on sale and the rest of the aisle of candles were regular price. A woman not much younger than I am was looking at the non-sale candles, but she had placed her cart in front of the sale candles. I said "excuse me" and reached over her cart to pick up a sale candle. Now if someone has to reach over my cart for an item, I immediately move my cart and say "I'm sorry." This woman just gave me a nasty look.

I decided to take a stroll through the store with the hope that the woman would be gone and I could look at the candles before I got busy and forgot them. When I went back about five minutes later she was still there, with her cart in front of the sale candles. I was running out of time so I reached over again while saying "Pardon me." Nothing but a nasty look. I know it was her cart because she had her purse in it and had already placed some candles in the cart.

Now I really wanted to grab her cart and move it out of the way, but I chose to walk around some more since I was waiting on a prescription and still had time. Ten minutes later, the woman was still there, and I was getting irritated. I decided to stroll up and down the candle aisle. She looked up at me and went back to looking at the candles. I gave up.

I went ahead and made my purchases in the pharmacy and then as I was leaving I saw her in a different aisle and I went over to check on the candles. I didn't find a candle like I was looking for, which just irritated me more because if she had just moved her cart a little I would have known that at the beginning of the shopping trip and spent my time trying to figure out something I could use instead of a candle for my project.

I cannot imagine not moving my cart for someone. Sure sometimes my boys have to tell me I am in the way because maybe I am reading a label and the person hasn't said anything to me, but I usually always notice and if I am going to be looking at several items in one area I try to put my cart in a position where it does not block anyone. (Never leave your purse in the cart.) It is just common courtesy.

Flashback

It is really foggy out tonight. When I came back from dinner with L my street was so foggy I could not find my driveway. It made me have a major flashback.

When I lived in Kentucky our house was on Lake Cumberland. It was often extremely foggy. I remember many nights when I would come home from a date and I would have to slide over and drive while my date laid on the hood of the car and looked for the turn in to our subdivision. I was always terrified that we would get rear ended by someone coming around the curve too fast. There had been some terrible accidents at the entrance of our subdivision due to fog.

Other times we would drive with the passenger door open and look for the turn in, but that was tricky because the door often kept you from seeing the turn in fast enough. Hanging your head out of the window was okay, but not as good as laying on the hood.

Another bad thing was that there was no way to get to my house from town without going over the Fishing Creek bridge. Of course I hate bridges so on foggy nights I would not be able to tell I was on a bridge, but I also could not tell if I was actually going across the bridge or missing the bridge and heading into the lake.

I hope the fog will be lighter in the morning, but at least I have experience with driving in the thick stuff.

Good Day

I had a good day. What is a good day for me? Well, here it is spelled out:

• Got up and made Fiber One Banana Nut Muffins for breakfast.
• Watched Nip Tuck dvds while wrapped up in my afghan L made me.
• Ate muffins when they were done.
• Watched more Nip Tuck dvds.
• Called and talked to my "Sis" for a while.
• Called and talked to my brother for forty minutes.
• Picked up L and we went to see "Couples Retreat" and to dinner.
• Called and talked to my oldest.
• Called and talked to my BFF.
• Called and talked to my youngest.
• Getting ready to curl up and watch shows. No quilting today, but that is okay, my shoulders need a break.

How could the day have been better? If I had seen "Sis" face to face, M could have gone to the movie and dinner with us, and BFF was here watching shows with me. Yes, I left out my boys in making my day better, but they are off doing their own things right now and that is good.

I hope my week is as good as my weekend.

Kindle2 Update

I still love my Kindle2. I think M needs one since she travels so much. It would be perfect for her trip to Hawaii as she would not have to haul her bag of books and mags with her. (Hint to S for Christmas.)

For the last few months I have actually been reading library and Half Price clearance books because quite frankly until I win the lottery (that I don't play) I cannot afford to put every book I read on the Kindle2. However, this is the time of year most of my favorite authors release new books so I have been downloading books like crazy. It is so wonderful to be reading my Kindle2 again.

This morning I downloaded another book and also found a free book that I added to my collection. I currently have 11 books and 15 samples available for reading. I have read 14 books on the Kindle2 since purchasing it in April.

Of course, I have so many quilting projects going that it will probably take me until next Christmas to read everything I have downloaded.

Happy Birthday BFF

Today was the day my BFF and I celebrated her birthday. It was last weekend, but circumstances prevented us from having a celebration.

Our first stop was a trip to the new popcorn/candy store in town that has a lot of the candy from our youth. I gave her some cash and told her to shop. I think she had fun.

After the candy store it was lunch at Chuy's, and a trip to Entertainmart where I bought the "Sex in the City" dvd for us to watch tonight.

Once home we had some of the cake I made her, which was a huge disappointment. I used one of the suggested alternative ingredients and it made the cake very dry. The ganache was fabulous though.

It was a great day because we spent it together. It is so nice to have a friend that you can sit around and relax with and be yourself.

Happy Birthday BFF.

Never Fear My Friends, I am SOOOOO Over It!

A huge "THANK YOU" to all my friends that posted comments, called, and reached out to me after my last post, but never fear my dear friends, I am SOOOOOOOO over it.

Yes, last night and this morning were extremely dark for me, but I after five minutes with my youngest I was back to my old self. In fact, he will be lucky if I don't ruin his life!

The oldest is really pushing his luck too.

So I am back to my old self. Maybe Raymond did listen to all the ranting and raving I did at him last night.

I am truly thankful to all of you that reached out, even though I told you not to, and I was unable to talk to most of you because I kept crying and had too much work to do to allow myself to keep rehashing it all in my mind. I am truly blessed to have all of you in my life.

Really Struggling

I am really struggling tonight.

There is nothing anyone can do to help. I know that my friends will all see this and call and ask if they can help, but they can't. I don't even want to talk to anyone about it.

I think I made a huge mistake. I think I have ruined my youngest's life. I didn't have Raymond here to talk to and help me take inventory and now here I am crying in my chair and wishing I had thought to discuss this with Raymond before he died.

We tried to cover everything. We would sit and discuss the future and try to think of things that might come up and how we would handle it, but I can't remember us discussing this and now I am sitting here terrified that I have really screwed up.

I am going to see my youngest tomorrow and we will discuss my decision. In the meantime I will pray. I will also yell and scream at Raymond and beg him to let me know that it will be okay.

If it isn't...I pray the youngest will forgive me.