I take another big step on Monday, Nov. 26, 2007. I start a part-time job.
I have not worked outside the home, except in a volunteer capacity, since Feb., 1990.
I am very fortunate to have been hired for the job I have accepted. It is very close to home, and I will be able to come home and make my mom's lunch when necessary.
I will be averaging 20 hours a week, some weeks more, some less, and hope to fill a need for my employer and community.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
A Blessing and a Losss
A man I knew died today. He has had Alzheimer's for years. I am glad he is out of his prison. I am sorry for his wife, but understand her relief.
My dad died from complications of Alzheimer's. He had it for ten years. It is a horrible disease. My dad once described it for my brother. He said it was like a curtain coming down. Some days he could peak under the curtain, but he always knew that some day the curtain would close for good.
My dad was a wonderful man. Yes, he had his faults like all of us, but most of those could be traced back to his background. His biggest fault was he was too trusting. Raised in a community where a handshake meant something, he was constantly being taken by business partners. It always seemed to be feast or famine in our home. It didn't matter to me because I knew love, laughter, and goodness, but I know that it was hard on my mother.
My dad never met a stranger. If someone admired something he had, he either managed to get one for them, or gave them his.
My dad managed to come back to life after dying on the operating table at least 3 times in the 70's. He survived colon cancer in the early 80's. e was just beginning to enjoy life and travel with my mom when the Alzheimer's struck. I remember thinking how unfair it was that after all he had been through this was his future. He died in 1998.
I remember someone saying to me when my dad died that I did not seem to be mourning. I told them that I had been mourning for 10 years. Now I was rejoicing that my dad was out from behind the curtain again.
I am glad that Kenneth is out of the prison that Alzheimer's had made for him. I will pray for his wife and that she is able to move on to the next stage of her grief, because I know she has been grieving a long time.
To everyone that is a caretaker of someone with Alzheimer's "Bless you." To those suffering from Alzheimer's - I am sorry. May you have many good years before the curtain closes.
My dad died from complications of Alzheimer's. He had it for ten years. It is a horrible disease. My dad once described it for my brother. He said it was like a curtain coming down. Some days he could peak under the curtain, but he always knew that some day the curtain would close for good.
My dad was a wonderful man. Yes, he had his faults like all of us, but most of those could be traced back to his background. His biggest fault was he was too trusting. Raised in a community where a handshake meant something, he was constantly being taken by business partners. It always seemed to be feast or famine in our home. It didn't matter to me because I knew love, laughter, and goodness, but I know that it was hard on my mother.
My dad never met a stranger. If someone admired something he had, he either managed to get one for them, or gave them his.
My dad managed to come back to life after dying on the operating table at least 3 times in the 70's. He survived colon cancer in the early 80's. e was just beginning to enjoy life and travel with my mom when the Alzheimer's struck. I remember thinking how unfair it was that after all he had been through this was his future. He died in 1998.
I remember someone saying to me when my dad died that I did not seem to be mourning. I told them that I had been mourning for 10 years. Now I was rejoicing that my dad was out from behind the curtain again.
I am glad that Kenneth is out of the prison that Alzheimer's had made for him. I will pray for his wife and that she is able to move on to the next stage of her grief, because I know she has been grieving a long time.
To everyone that is a caretaker of someone with Alzheimer's "Bless you." To those suffering from Alzheimer's - I am sorry. May you have many good years before the curtain closes.
Restless
I am very restless today. I am sick with a chest cold. It has been coming on for a couple of days and today it is a full blown hacking cough with burning in the lungs. I took some strong medicine and now when I stand up my head feels odd. The problem is that I am not sleepy. If I could just take to the couch and sleep all day, I would not feel so restless, but I cannot sleep and I want to be doing something, but when I stand up, I want to fall down.
Reading has not been successful because I have this burning desire to be doing something. I want to rearrange my bedroom, sweep the floor, something ... but I can't because of this odd sensation in my head.
Very frustrating. Maybe the medicine will knock me out eventually.
Reading has not been successful because I have this burning desire to be doing something. I want to rearrange my bedroom, sweep the floor, something ... but I can't because of this odd sensation in my head.
Very frustrating. Maybe the medicine will knock me out eventually.
Friday, November 23, 2007
George Carlin's New Rules for 2008
GEORGE CARLIN'S NEW RULES FOR 2008
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged . I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.'
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keep sakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.
New Rule:There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the *******. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge *******.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want Cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN Recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's called 'The Howard Stern Show.'
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell If he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, Dude. I just want to wash my hands
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'
Thanks George, you are like an old friend. Raymond was reading your book in the pre-op room one day and they had to keep asking him to be quiet because he was laughing so hard. It is a fond memory.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Quilting
As I mentioned previously, I finally took a step to reach my goal of learning how to quilt. I have now had three classes, and I am loving it. The math to the cutting scared me a little at first, and I have discovered that I do much better at the cutting at home in my own space where there is not a lot of distractions, but as I get used to the rulers used I am able to cut and watch television.
I could easily fill my house with quilting fabric, but I have made myself a deal that I will not get ahead of myself. One project at a time, because I fear feeling overwhelmed by the planned projects, and then the guilt of having so many projects and so little time.
I am very pleased with my progress so far, and I am excited at the idea of completing my first quilt.
I am also very pleased with myself for signing up for the class and taking the initiative to reach a personal goal. It seems as if I spend a lot of time helping others reach goals, but seldom help myself reach goals. I am so glad I encouraged myself this time.
I could easily fill my house with quilting fabric, but I have made myself a deal that I will not get ahead of myself. One project at a time, because I fear feeling overwhelmed by the planned projects, and then the guilt of having so many projects and so little time.
I am very pleased with my progress so far, and I am excited at the idea of completing my first quilt.
I am also very pleased with myself for signing up for the class and taking the initiative to reach a personal goal. It seems as if I spend a lot of time helping others reach goals, but seldom help myself reach goals. I am so glad I encouraged myself this time.
Life Takes Yet Another Turn
As I mentioned in a previous post, my life has once again taken a giant turn in a direction I did not expect to take so soon.
My mother has moved in with me. I tried to get her to move in with me last June before her lease was up on her apartment, but she insisted she wanted to continue to live on her own. I wish I had been more persuasive, but I was selfish enough to want to experience my new life with the boys without any extra complications a little while longer.
I had no idea that my mother was in the condition she is in. She has always been a great bluffer, and I believe she should get a doctorate degree in bluffing now at the age of 85.
I discovered all kinds of things about my mother as I packed up her apartment. One being she never gets rid of anything, the other being that she had not been eating most of the groceries we had been buying her. I found cans of food hidden in very odd places, and lunchmeat stockpiled in the vegetable bin. I don't think she was eating anything but breakfast bars and peanut butter on bread. Her memory is very bad now, but she also talks about how she believes another Great Depression is coming and how we must be prepared this time. She will spend half a day talking about how they never knew where their next meal was coming from during that time.
She has done some strange things since moving in with us. Some of the things have made me laugh, others have sent me into a crying binge because I feel so horrible that she has been living the way she was and I didn't know. Oh, I knew she was slipping, but not as much as I have witnessed lately. Like I said she bluffs, plus she has a nurse that visits her and she didn't notice either. Mom still gets up and showers daily and then dresses up complete with makeup and her costume jewels. She makes her bed, listens to her cds, putters around the house, etc., making it seem as if she just has a few memory issues, but once you are around her for more than a couple of hours it is apparent that there are major issues. I am glad she is here now.
The boys quiz her when they are home, testing her to make sure she remembers as much as she can. Sometimes she teases them with her answers, sometimes she really can't answer, but I would say that currently 80% of the time she can answer, and that pleases the boys. They have been great about making this adjustment, and it has been quite an adjustment.
Every bedroom has been moved around, and we still cannot walk around the rooms yet. The boys are currently sharing a room, but I hope to change that next month and get everyone a room to call their own, even if the closet spaces will be strange for a while.
I try not to worry about the future too much, but it is hard not to when you have been down this path before. I'm glad she is here because she seems so happy to be here. I am happy she is here as it is easier on all of us, but I will be happier when my home is back to some semblance of organization and I know that everyone has a space to call their own.
My mother has moved in with me. I tried to get her to move in with me last June before her lease was up on her apartment, but she insisted she wanted to continue to live on her own. I wish I had been more persuasive, but I was selfish enough to want to experience my new life with the boys without any extra complications a little while longer.
I had no idea that my mother was in the condition she is in. She has always been a great bluffer, and I believe she should get a doctorate degree in bluffing now at the age of 85.
I discovered all kinds of things about my mother as I packed up her apartment. One being she never gets rid of anything, the other being that she had not been eating most of the groceries we had been buying her. I found cans of food hidden in very odd places, and lunchmeat stockpiled in the vegetable bin. I don't think she was eating anything but breakfast bars and peanut butter on bread. Her memory is very bad now, but she also talks about how she believes another Great Depression is coming and how we must be prepared this time. She will spend half a day talking about how they never knew where their next meal was coming from during that time.
She has done some strange things since moving in with us. Some of the things have made me laugh, others have sent me into a crying binge because I feel so horrible that she has been living the way she was and I didn't know. Oh, I knew she was slipping, but not as much as I have witnessed lately. Like I said she bluffs, plus she has a nurse that visits her and she didn't notice either. Mom still gets up and showers daily and then dresses up complete with makeup and her costume jewels. She makes her bed, listens to her cds, putters around the house, etc., making it seem as if she just has a few memory issues, but once you are around her for more than a couple of hours it is apparent that there are major issues. I am glad she is here now.
The boys quiz her when they are home, testing her to make sure she remembers as much as she can. Sometimes she teases them with her answers, sometimes she really can't answer, but I would say that currently 80% of the time she can answer, and that pleases the boys. They have been great about making this adjustment, and it has been quite an adjustment.
Every bedroom has been moved around, and we still cannot walk around the rooms yet. The boys are currently sharing a room, but I hope to change that next month and get everyone a room to call their own, even if the closet spaces will be strange for a while.
I try not to worry about the future too much, but it is hard not to when you have been down this path before. I'm glad she is here because she seems so happy to be here. I am happy she is here as it is easier on all of us, but I will be happier when my home is back to some semblance of organization and I know that everyone has a space to call their own.
"The View From Mount Joy" More Than a Book
I just finished reading "The View From Mount Joy" by Lorna Landvik. As I closed the book I started thinking about my own views from "Mount Joy." (Sorry Ms. Landvik, but I have more than one.) One view in particular I thought I would return to one day, but it never happened.
My greatest view from "Mount Joy" was the one from the cliff where Raymond proposed to me. We went on a hike at Bee Rock in KY and Raymond proposed at the overlook. It truly was a "View from Mount Joy." I always thought we would hike that hike again, but the one time we were able to go back we were with a group of people and circumstances prevented us from hiking the trail. I did get a postcard of the site, but it wasn't the same.
We had another hike before he became ill at the Great South Fork in KY. There was one spot that was absolutely breathtaking and we stood there with our arms around each other enjoying a "View from Mount Joy." We talked of our blessings and how much we missed being in an area of such great beauty, but how we could never return.
After he became wheelchair bound we were still able to have a "View from Mount Joy" when we went on vacation to the Great Smoky Mountains and climbed (wheeled) the Laurel Falls trail, but it wasn't the view that made it a "Mount Joy," it was the fact that Raymond was able to participate in the hike with us.
I hope to have more views from a "Mount Joy" in the future, but so far it hasn't happened. The boys and I have hiked in some beautiful places and have seen some great views, but the joy hasn't been there for me without Raymond. Every time we come upon a great view I am saddened by the fact that he is not by my side.
My views of "Mount Joy" are very different from those in the book, but I believe that I get this same feeling in my heart as the character in the book.
Thank you Ms. Landvik for the memories.
My greatest view from "Mount Joy" was the one from the cliff where Raymond proposed to me. We went on a hike at Bee Rock in KY and Raymond proposed at the overlook. It truly was a "View from Mount Joy." I always thought we would hike that hike again, but the one time we were able to go back we were with a group of people and circumstances prevented us from hiking the trail. I did get a postcard of the site, but it wasn't the same.
We had another hike before he became ill at the Great South Fork in KY. There was one spot that was absolutely breathtaking and we stood there with our arms around each other enjoying a "View from Mount Joy." We talked of our blessings and how much we missed being in an area of such great beauty, but how we could never return.
After he became wheelchair bound we were still able to have a "View from Mount Joy" when we went on vacation to the Great Smoky Mountains and climbed (wheeled) the Laurel Falls trail, but it wasn't the view that made it a "Mount Joy," it was the fact that Raymond was able to participate in the hike with us.
I hope to have more views from a "Mount Joy" in the future, but so far it hasn't happened. The boys and I have hiked in some beautiful places and have seen some great views, but the joy hasn't been there for me without Raymond. Every time we come upon a great view I am saddened by the fact that he is not by my side.
My views of "Mount Joy" are very different from those in the book, but I believe that I get this same feeling in my heart as the character in the book.
Thank you Ms. Landvik for the memories.
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