I Need to Do Something For Myself

I have been feeling abandoned by my oldest since he left for college. Even though he is not nearly as far away as he has been for the past two years, I hardly ever hear from him. I am used to him contacting me by IM, or text every single day. Yesterday, he finally called me after four days.

I fully understand that he is no longer restricted as he was in the other school. I understand he has a new girl in his life, and lots and lots of new friends, but a text saying "I OK" would be sufficient.

We were so close over the summer, that it is hard to go cold turkey.

I have also been lying in bed and thinking about what it will be like when my youngest goes away next year. I will be on my own for the first time in my whole life. Very scary, and not something I think I will enjoy at all.

This week as I have been thinking about the future and it seems very bleak to me without my children. I have thought about fostering, but my youngest is dead set against that idea. He says I need to get out and enjoy my friends. He forgets they will still have their families.

Since thinking about my future is making me unhappy, I have decided that I needed to do something for myself now, after all I may not even have a future. So here is a list of what I have done for myself this week:

1. Bought and exercised to some exercise tapes I have enjoyed in the past.
2. Boiled some eggs before work one morning and came home and made myself a large green leaf salad with hard boiled eggs for dinner.
3. Walked 3 miles today.
   
4. Have been working on my quilt again.
5. Looked at some specialty soaps online that I think I would enjoy using
6. Wrote some very overdue thank yous that have been weighing on my mind
7. Worked up a new routine with my youngest that gives us some excellent quality time together right before bedtime.
8. Have started going to bed around 10 p.m. whether I am sleepy or not.
9. Made a date with my friend to purchase material to make more blankets for our soldiers.
10. Stood up for myself when I felt slammed by someone that has put their nose in where it did not belong.

If I am going to survive being alone, then I need to begin setting myself up with some activities now to keep me occupied in the future. Whereas in reading this list it does not seem like I am really going all out, it is a start, and for me that is really something.