Who'd Have Thunk

Just clicked off my first Skype date.  

Being the old people we are, we had talk about the "who'd have thunk" 37 years ago that we would be "dating" on a computer.  

Actually it was fun, we were able to introduce each other to things around our house and get to know our personalities now.  He also does much better when he can see expressions when people talk, so it was easier for him to understand some of my points in the conversation.

I was able to finally see his roommate Mark, a super nice guy, but I felt like I was on display so I had to tell Mark that he had to leave the room now that he had seen me.  

I think we were both nervous about "seeing" each other in a way other than chosen photos, but it was very easy and there never was a lull in the conversation.  

Who'd have thunk?

I Love Discover Card

According to Discover I have been with them since 1995, but that is really not true.  I had one of the original ones through Sears but I used it so seldom they probably didn't consider me to be a real client.  I do remember applying for a new one in 1995 and changing the way the card was held so that is considered my "official" client status.

On Tuesday, I received an email from Discover but I was at work and really thought it was an ad even though it said Discover Fraud.  When I arrived home from work my phone was ringing and it was Discover.  Evidently my card had been compromised and someone had been spending money all day with my card.  The Discover Fraud department asked me the appropriate questions and immediately took all the charges off, canceled my card, and issued new ones.  They were efficient, respectful, and very helpful.

Several people asked me if I wasn't stressed over this incident and I had to honestly answered that other than the inconvenience of not having my card I really wasn't bothered because it was handled so well by Discover.

My new cards came within 2 days.  I have to update my personal payments, but all is well in my Discover world.

Dang It

I could have slept another hour this morning as the plans I had just changed.  

I guess I will try to start the chicken salad for tonight's Girl's Night dinner but I had a schedule all worked out and now it is all messed up.  Very irritating.  

I Need a Curfew

Thirty two years is a long time not to talk to someone, therefore Randy and I have a lot of life to catch up on. We also have to learn about each other and who we are now, so there is a lot of conversation about political, religious and moral beliefs.  We can talk for hours and not realize it.

For some reason yesterday involved a lot more talking than usual.  We talked a little over 2 hours in the late afternoon and then both hung up to run different errands with the understanding he would call me back in the evening.  When he called back in the evening we talked for 5 hours before saying goodnight, but then ended up back on the phone about fifteen minutes later and talked another hour.  We were still on the phone with the youngest came home around 4:00 A.M. from his pre-release Magic event. 

When the youngest came in I talked to Randy a few minutes more and said goodnight. Evidently the youngest wasn't sure if I had been on the phone when he walked in the room because he asked me if I had been on a phone date that evening.  When I told him I had just hung up the phone he said "I thought so, but wasn't sure."  Then he said something that cracked me up.

"Mom you need a curfew.  We can't be having shenanigans like this. Sheesh!"  

I know he was just kidding me, but he is right.  I had to get up early this morning and I do need a curfew.  I am tired!  

Randy did ask for another "date" this afternoon, but I might have to cancel for a nap!

 

Smiling

I have heard a lot of comments this last week over how much I have been smiling.  

It is hard not to smile when you have romantic texts being sent to you all day long and very sweet words being said to you for hours every night.

Randy sent me a text today when I was at lunch with my super seniors, and it was just a really sweet message telling me that he would move to the moon if I was there and the women started talking about how I was blushing like a school girl.  

I don't know if this relationship has a chance at all, and I have made that very clear to Randy, but he sure knows how to woo a girl.  

I smiling as I type this just thinking about the text saying he had a great day but it would have been perfect with me by his side.  

Give the guy a gold star for effort.

"It Isn't Gonna Be That Way"

Finding me through music.  Randy introduced me to Steve Forbert just last night.  I have listened to his music on Spotify all day.  This song really speaks to my head and heart, but the trick is listening. 

You've traveled so far
The wind in your face
You're thinking you've found
The one special place
Where all of your dreams
Will walk out in line
And follow the course
You've made in your mind

Hey, it isn't gonna be that way
It isn't gonna be, that way

I came on my own
And felt much like you
I thought I was king
And knew what to do
But everything burned
And fell from my hand
I had to turn back
Or build a new plan

Cause it isn't gonna be that way
It isn't gonna be, that way
No, it isn't gonna be that way
It isn't gonna be, that way

If I were a god
I'd give you a clue
This minute would crack
And I could go through
And walk out in time
Where no one has been
I'd come back to you
And tell what I'd seen

Oh, but it isn't gonna be that way
It isn't gonna be, that way

You'll just have to live
And see what you find
And take it from there
And follow the signs
Yeah, you think you can live
And dream your own fate
You think you can wish
And walk through the gate

As the World Turns...Kentucky Style!

As the World Turns...Kentucky Style is what Loni is calling the latest turn of events in my life.

Since I have been on Facebook, three old boyfriends have declared their unconditional and everlasting love for me.

One I consider to be just at an age where he is afraid of being alone and since I am single...  I made it quite clear to him that we broke up for a reason.

The other two I believe do love me.  What type of love it is I don't know, but there is no doubt in my mind that they both love me.  I had long term relationships at different times with both of them.  One of them had problems I couldn't deal with and I finally sent him away for good.  The other relationship ended due to circumstances beyond my control.  Both of these men have always had a very special place in my heart, and of course Raymond knew all about both of them.

When Loni was here the other night she asked me how many more old boyfriends might pop up and I started thinking about the guys I dated and the relationships. Since my parents allowed me to start "dating" on chaperoned group dates at 14 and I didn't get married until 22 I had a lengthy dating period to add guys to my "dance card." So yes, there could be more guys out there to "pop up."  

In the beginning I would date a guy exclusively but when one guy broke my heart my senior year in high school I started dating pretty much anyone that asked me out and did not go steady with anyone.  It used to irritate Raymond that I would sometimes have more than one date in one night.  He didn't like to be told he had to leave at a certain time because the "late" shift was coming over.  Raymond would also get irritated that by the time he would come into town I would have seen the two movies playing in town four - six times.  (Good thing that man loved me so much, he put up with a lot of crap from me.)

Once a date and I had seen both of the movies playing in town, our dates took place in my parents house.  Sometimes we just watched television, or listened to music and played board games.  One guy in college would buy all the food and I would cook him dinner after my parents had finished their meal.  I never expected a guy I was just dating to spend money on me.

I did date an older guy that was one of my brother's friends from New York and he liked to go to Lexington for our dates.  We would go to the movies, or out to a really nice dinner and dancing.  He and I would alternate on who paid.  He and I would also go on wonderful picnics.  We would buy great cheese, olives, crackers, fruit and deli meats and head off to our favorite park and spend hours talking and looking at the lake.  We watched a lot of sunsets together.  

One summer I dated three guys named Gary because my dad kept calling my dates by the wrong name and I decided to make it easy on him. 

Unfortunately, five of the  guys I dated are no longer with us on earth.  There may be more who have passed, but I have no idea what happened to some of the guys after I moved to TX.

In all the years I dated, only one guy actually broke up with me.  I was usually the one to say goodbye, but most of us stayed friends.  I chat with one of my old boyfriends on Facebook all the time.  He wanted to marry me, but I said "no."  He told me the other night that I made the right decision because of where he was in life at that time.  The funny thing is he moved to TX about the same time Raymond and I did.  He has lived south of Houston all this time. 

I always tried to be kind and not hurt anyone's feelings when I told them I didn't want to go out any more.  That only backfired a couple of times, and they usually got over it and would still hang around with my friends and me.  

For years I felt bad about one date I went on and how it ended.  I had a chance to tell the guy I was sorry when we met up on Facebook.  He accepted my apology and we had many wonderful chats before he passed away several months later.  

So it may be As the World Turns...Kentucky Style, but I met a lot of wonderful guys over the years and I have many fond memories, and very few bad ones, so I look forward to hearing from more old beaus.  

 

What the Heck was I Thinking?

What the heck was I thinking?

Why did I think I needed to find myself?  I really don't need to know me.  There is a lot to be said for being lost. 

My plan was to "find me" through my trip to Alaska and being with nature with a few adventurous excursions.  I thought I would do some fun activities I used to enjoy back in the day.  I was even thinking of taking a class or two.  Nice gentle steps. Nothing too jarring.  After all I am writing brutally honest things in my journals on a regular basis.  That is a huge step.

That is not how this is going.  It is like once I said the words "Finding Me" the flood gates opened up.   I had no idea so many people wanted to kick me out into the world again.  I also did not know that there would be so many people who are not going to let me go back into my bubble.  

I miss my bubble.  It was so safe and secure.  This new world of discovery ...well everything is just rushing at me at once.  

My friends seem to be feeding more line out into my tethering rope instead of tightening it up and making sure I am in my safe zone.  When it comes to my girls, well I know that Loni and Mina will always be there watching over the Mama, but lately they don't seem to have any qualms about pushing Mama through a door, especially since I said I was looking for myself.  

It is very scary.  I don't know if I can do it.  I also know I don't have an option.  

Wasted Weekend

This was a wasted weekend. 

I woke up Saturday morning with a horrible migraine.  I was so nauseous I couldn't move.  It just did not improve all day.  This morning, Sunday, it was down to only 4 of the 7 dwarfs using pick axes on the nerves behind my left eye.. (Sorry too many versions of Snow White lately).  

I haven't been able to move around too much.  So many plans, nothing done.  

Brian Bergeron's "Have Heart"

I just discovered this song. I really like it.

Have Heart

The Universe is Kicking Me in the Rear

When I said I wanted to spend this year "finding me" I did not mean I wanted to find myself in just a few weeks.  I was planning a gentle search with lots of thought.

Evidently the Universe is tired of me goofing around and has decided to kick me in the rear.

Randy lives in northern KY across the river from Cincinnati.  Last night when we were talking about me being without a job, he mentioned something about how big his church is and how they are always looking for staff.  I just laughed, but I knew he was trying to say he would like to see me.  He just won't use those words because he has promised to be very patient and not push me in any way.

Last night I listened to a message from my aunt saying she really needed to talk to me and to please return the call as soon as possible.  After we had chit chatted a few minutes she told me that she wanted me to escort her to Cincinnati in July to a family wedding. As she was laying it on thick about how it might be the last time she could see her sister, and how long it had been since I had seen the family, etc., all I could think about was how the universe was kicking me in the rear. I told my aunt about Randy and the coincidence of her call.  She was immediately excited and telling me just how we could work out the details and as I listened I felt myself pulling back into my shell and thinking "too scary, too scary."  

I feel like the Universe is kicking me with steel toed boots.  First it was my youngest basically saying "do what will make you happy" and now a trip that would put me right across the river from Randy.

I don't know if I can go in July.  I will really have to think about it and conquer a lot of fears. 

In the meantime, Randy is jumping for joy and keeping his fingers crossed.  

I am going to try to keep a very open mind, but I might have to tie a pillow around my waist so the kicks from the Universe are softened a little.

Skype? YIKES!

The other night my phone date called me earlier than we had planned, in fact he called about five minutes before I had to leave to go to a night meeting at work.  I told him I only had a couple of minutes and he apologized but he was really excited about something he just discovered...Skype.  Did I mention he is a technophobe, and is a little behind in what is out there in the computer world? Evidently his roommate Mark, who is responsible for Randy coming back into my life and thinks "I owe him big," had installed it for Randy that afternoon so we could have a better "date."  I told Randy that I had Skype on my old computer but had not installed it on my new one.  I then told him I had to leave or I would be late and we would discuss it later.

I have to say the minute he said "Skype" I freaked out. In no way am I ready for that!  As I was driving back to work I kept say "No Skype, No Skype, No Skype."

Later during our phone date I broached the subject with Randy.  I told him that I just didn't think I could take the pressure of Skype yet in this relationship.  I explained that I would have to have my hair, makeup and clothes just right and that even then I would be freaked out. I told him I wasn't ready for a such a commitment.  He started laughing.  He said that after he had talked to me he went into the bathroom and saw himself in the mirror and since he had been out wearing a hat all day he noticed the horrible case of "hat hair" he had and started worrying about me seeing him that way.  I started laughing.

We decided that we came from an era when dating meant dressing up and looking your very best for the person you cared for, and that we were not ready for Skype.  I cannot tell you how relieved I was by his willingness to give the idea up so easy.  I think Mark is disappointed.

Even thinking about using Skype when I look my very best makes me say YIKES!  This man hasn't seen me since 1980, I looked so much better back then. LOL

Running Out of Excuses

I guess I won't have any choice but to find myself this year because I am running out of excuses.

One of my biggest excuses for being stagnant the last few years has been my boys, especially the youngest.  After the conversation I just had with the youngest I guess I cannot use that excuse ever again.

I have another phone date tonight, but before I accepted the "date" last night I made sure it wouldn't interfere with anything my youngest wanted to do this weekend.  He said there would not be a problem.

This afternoon the youngest asked me when my phone date was and told me it was a funny thing to call a phone call.  I explained to him that the guy lived in northern KY and the phone was the only way to date.  He said "okay."

I then asked him if he wanted to know my date's name.  His response was "Am I supposed to care? What am I supposed to say "No hanky panky."  I said "No, but I thought you might like to know his name or how I know him."  He said "Not really."  

I asked him if he wasn't concerned that I might decide to move away to be with this man.  He said "Define moving away."  I said "Sell the house, and move to where he is."  He answered "Then I get a job to help pay for my apartment.  Who am I to tell you how to live your life? Do what will make you happy."

What a wonderful son.  What a brat! LOL   

He really is an amazing young man. 

53 Came in Like a Hurricane!

A lot of stuff has happened this week. I feel like have been in a hurricane.

First part of the storm came Tuesday night as 1975 came slamming into my life with a simple friend request on Facebook. It is now Saturday morning and since Tuesday night I have spent a little over 13 hours on the phone trying to get to 2012.  Mina says I am like a giddy teenager, and she is right.  It is like going on a date every night, he even asks permission to call, and I get the same butterflies in my stomach I did all those years ago when I knew he is going to call. I have to admit I am a little freaked out, but I still have my common sense and logic to fall back on. Being the true gentleman he always was he is letting me set the pace and we are being very cautious. It helps that he is freaked out too.

The storm got really fierce in my heart when the "love that never was" called to tell me some bad news.  All the emotions tied up in that relationship knocked me around at about 180 mph.  He wants me to be happy and move on, but I know that no matter how much he wants to really mean that, he will be really hurt when it happens.  Hurt seems to be a huge part of our lives together and apart.

The eye of the storm came during the birthday celebrations and being with all the people I love.  I know that no matter what happens I have people who love me and will guide me through the days.

The storm strengthened on Thursday.  Changes are coming about at work and I might have to resign.  As much as I love my job, I still have to put myself and my family first when it comes to our financial well-being. Talk about scary!  I have been at that job for over four and 1/2 years, and in that close knit community for 12 years.  I am heartbroken.  I am trying to be upbeat about it when I am talking to people, but when I am alone I just sob. 

I don't know what the future holds, none of us do. Right now mine looks exciting with the trip to Alaska, and scary as hell with the thought of not having a job, and changing relationships.

53 came in like a hurricane!

 

Sleep...What is That?

On Tuesday I managed 3 hours of sleep before getting up to go to work. 

On Wednesday I managed 3 hours of sleep again, but it was a different hours.

Now it is Thursday and it is 3:16 A.M.  I am wide awake. 

Woke Up Smiling

I woke up smiling this morning and almost giddy with happiness.  At first I thought it was because if you add up the hours I have slept in the last two days it would only equal six hours and I was probably delirious, but then I took an inventory and realized I was just really happy.  

Once my eyes were adjusted I checked my cell phone.  My friend Charles gets off work at 6:00 A.M. in KY and he sends me a good morning text before he goes to bed.  This morning's message read:

"Good morning my dearest sweetheart, may your day bring you much joy and happiness to your beautiful heart. Now that was a good one right there!!!!" So not only was I happy this morning, I was laughing.  Charles is a very sweet man, I hope he finds someone that will appreciate him and bring him happiness because he goes out of his way to make me smile each day.

I hope I can carry this happy feeling through the day and night since I will be working until 9:00 P.M.  If not, I can read my text again.  

I am surrounded by love no matter where I am, and I always have been.  Whether my friends are just down the road, or hundreds and hundreds of miles away, they are still my friends and they love me, even the ones I haven't seen in 35 years. 

So the finding me part of this is I need to figure out why I am so blessed.  What qualities do I have that makes anyone care for me enough to try to make me smile each morning?  I don't see myself as being that kind of person, but then I have self-esteem issues.

Everyone have a happy day!

53rd Birthday

Today was my birthday!  Oh yeah, it was the oldest's birthday too, he turned 22.

I heard from so many friends through Facebook, and each message touched me in a special way and brought back so many memories.

The preschoolers gave me a surprise party.  I love the card they made me.

I

 

Several different people called me at work and sang to me, there were wonderful emails, special gifts, and beautiful cards.  My favorite card came from my friend Laurie.  It was the perfect card!

Once home I received a special birthday call, and then I went out an worked in my rose beds.

It was Survivor Night so Loni came and brought me gifts from my grandcat, Mocha - a CCR cd and a Van Morrison cd.  Mochas personal shopper did a great job! 

I received a call during Survivor from Randy and I asked if I could call him back later.  

Loni had to leave after Survivor to do homework, so I turned Spotify to Van Morrison at full volume and took the phone out to the porch swing and called Randy back.  This was at 8:00 P.M.  I hung up the phone at midnight.  We caught up on our families. Randy loved my parents and we took turns telling stories about what went on back then with them and us.  I caught up on his parents and brother.  I always loved Randy's brother and it turns out he lived in Dallas for a while.  So different from Randy and yet so wonderful in his own way.  Then we had to talk about our kids and he told me about his grandchildren.  We reminisced about our years together good and bad, funny and not so funny.  Randy told me he had not laughed so hard in a very long time.  I found out about his experience with cancer, and some other health issues.  He was kind enough to listen to all my stories about Raymond and the boys.  Then it was on to music. 

Randy is the person that introduced me to John Prine, and many other artists.  We talked for over an hour about our favorite artists.   He gave me the names of some other artists he wants me to listen to, and I bet I will love them.  

I did ask him if he remembered how spectacular we looked together when dating and he said yes.  He said he always wanted to dress up for me.  Then we laughed about other little quirks we had. 

I think maybe having a new friend might be the best birthday present I could have received. 

Finding Me Through the Past

An old boyfriend found me on Facebook last night, the first time he had used Facebook.

Long history with Randy.  I met him the year he graduated, 1975.  He was in an automobile accident with his friend and I was working admissions at the hospital that day and was assigned to take Randy to radiology.  We joked around and talked, but I had never met him before and really didn't know he went to my school.  He was two years older and I had only been at the school for three semesters.  Once he was discharged from the hospital I really didn't think about him again.

It wasn't long after our meeting that a friend of mine, a fairly new student without a lot of friends yet, choked to death when she was home alone eating popcorn.  I was pulled out of my classroom that morning to be told the news.  I remember going back in to the class in shock and then getting up to leave the room because I knew I was going to lose it.  I made it halfway to the bathroom when I broke down, just as Randy was walking down the hall.  He came and asked me why I was crying and I remember telling him my friend was dead before running into the bathroom.

A few days after that I was in Mrs. Hughes English class when Randy knocked on the door and asked to see me.  A real no-no most of the time, but I was her pet and it turned out she was quite fond of Randy.  He was there to check on me and give me a wallet of his graduation picture with a really nice note on the back.  

It wasn't long after that he called and asked me out and we started dating.  Since I was underage, and he wasn't, there were very strict rules set on our dating by his father.  My parents trusted me and knew Randy had been drilled to behave. We dated all summer.  

The first thing I think about when I remember our dates is that we always looked spectacular.  I mean we never said we would dress up a little for our dates, but we did.  No t-shirts, nice jeans, or slacks.  The only time I remember wearing tennis shoes on our dates is when we went to the State Fair.  

Randy was always so kind to me and very caring.  We dated all summer and then he moved away and we kept up long distance but agreed to see other people.  When he came back the next summer we dated and he gave me his class ring and asked me to be exclusive.  

All of this was all great and wonderful but there was a side of it all that just didn't work.  Randy smoked a lot of pot. Friends warned me not to involved, one friend in particular, but that just made me dig in my heals and say "He treats me like a queen," and he did, always. 

When Randy moved away again we tried to stay together long distance, but stuff was happening, and I broke up with him, but not in a good way.  Not face to face like I should have, and his mother and brother actually knew before he did.  I always felt bad about that timing.  

However, that was not the end of our story. No, he went on to join the Navy, get married, and then divorced.  After his divorce, the summer before I left for my junior year of college, we started dating again. It was a very short time, and drugs broke us up again.

After I married Raymond and moved to Texas, the Randy story was not over.  Raymond and I had been married a little over a year when Randy called and asked me if I was ready to come to my senses, come back home and marry him.  I told him "No," and that was the end of the story until last night.

Unfortunately, drugs continued to plague him most of his adult life.  He is sober now.  That makes me very happy, because I honestly thought he would be dead by now.  He has had a fairly recent tragedy in his life, the death of his son due to an overdose.  That news broke my heart.  His grief is consuming him as I imagine it would.  I pray that he can find his way through all that and maintain his sobriety.

What does all that have to do with finding me?  Well at the end of our chat last night he told me that I had not changed, I was still sweet.

Was I sweet then?  Have I really ever been sweet?  I hear from my super seniors all the time how sweet I am. One even calls me her "sweet girl."  It is just not something I ever really considered myself to be.

And, how can this man who I know I hurt very deeply, still use that word about me? I will write it on my list and think about it.

Whether I am sweet or not, I will continue my friendship with Randy.  He was a huge part of my past, and I wish him all the best in the future. 

Theme Song for Finding Me

"Landslide" by Stevie Nicks  is going to be my theme song for my year of "Finding Me."

The Theme for my 53rd Year: Finding Me

My first thought about this upcoming year was that it would be about moving on. I spent weeks thinking about just how to do that, but I was really struggling with the whole concept.  Then a very dear old friend gave me a good kick in the seat of the pants one night and told me that I could not move on in my life until I found myself again.  He told me it was definitely time for me to move on because I had been in my bubble for way to long, but he also reminded me that I was no longer the person I had been for the last 30 years.  He said it was time I realized it and figured out just who I was again. He said a lot more, but that is the gist of it all.

He actually made me so mad all I could think about for the first 24 hours after that conversation was that he hadn't changed a bit and still knew just how to go after my jugular. I kept asking myself who did he think he was to talk to me that way.  Then I remembered ... one of my oldest, dearest and best friends in my life.  The only person besides Raymond that knows me from the inside out. The one that can hit that jugular every single time and then ask me "Am I right, or am I right." 

So after a day or two, when I calmed down enough to really think about what he said and my life, I realized I really have no clue who I am any more.  I need to find me again, or at least the me that is a sum of all my experiences.  

I started making a list:

Who I am not:

1. A wife. 
2. The mother to two young boys.
3. A daughter.
4. A caretaker.
5. An active volunteer.

Who I am:

1. The mother of two grown men. The youngest is still 18, but as he has told me several times lately he is self-sufficient in pretty much every area except money, and that is because I raised him that way.
2. A friend to many. 
3. A conscientious worker.

That is all I could come up with as I was making my list.

My twin friend told me I am much more than I admit.  In fact when she tells me who I am I blush because I just cannot think of myself that way.  That is why she says she will write my online profile when I finally decide to use a dating service.

My youngest told me recently I had self-esteem issues.  I asked him what gave him the first clue.

So I am going to spend my 53rd year trying to find me.  I hope I am not lost forever.

I have a friend that calls me "his little buddy."  I know he means it as a term of endearment, but it makes me want to start humming the theme to "Gilligan's Island."  Sometimes I have to really bite my lip because I know he would not appreciate the sentiment.

Shoulder Update

Ever since I fell at work on Maundy Thursday, my repaired shoulder has been tight, and there has been pain, but no loss of range of motion.

Tonight when I started my walk around the lake I really paid attention because I was noticing an increase in the pain from the motion of my arms swinging.  I am not sure it is my shoulder hurting as much as it is my upper arm where they installed the anchors.  The pain kept increasing and I was cursing my clumsiness when I remembered I still have BioFreeze in my cabinet. 

I am now sitting here with my upper arm and shoulder covered in BioFreeze and contemplating taking a Zipsor so the pain will not be so strong when I go to bed.  

Dream Walk

I drove up to the park in the neighboring city after work today to take a walk.  After one loop around the lake, I decided to walk up through the neighborhood, a neighborhood I have walked through for years.

I was enjoying my walk and on a familiar path when I started daydreaming.  I was daydreaming about long ago and the future.  I had been walking through the neighborhood for about twenty minutes when I stopped daydreaming and started looking around. Nothing looked familiar.  I looked at the name of the street, and it was not one I knew and I had no idea where I was in reference to the three main roads. I realized that I had no idea where I had made turns or on what roads I had been walking on.  I decided to walk a little more to see if I could find a street I knew.

After about five more minutes of walking I still had not found a street I knew.  The only thing I knew was I was walking northwest. I started thinking about the people who got lost in the maze at Halloween and called 911.  I am stubborn enough not to call for help in this type of situation, although in my mind I was estimating how long Loni would laugh if I called her and asked her to map me out of the neighborhood.  I thought about turning on my phone GPS to find my way out, but I decided to keep walking a few more minutes to see if I could find familiar territory.

It took about three more turns for me to find the road the park is on, and then about another eight minutes or so to get back to where I had left the van.  I then decided to drive the route I had walked and found that I had walked a little over three miles.  Not bad for an evening dream walk.

Day Two of Birthday Celebration Weekend, 2012

Day two of our birthday celebration weekend started off with a text message from my friend Nancy telling me that the oldest was in the Dallas Morning News again, so I had to text Loni and ask her to bring a copy along with her when she came over for breakfast.

Breakfast was homemade buttermilk biscuits for all and cheesy scrambled eggs for the oldest, Loni and me.  After breakfast it was time to open presents, all of which were very nice. The boys then went to play the game the oldest received while Loni and I talked.  

Once the boys finished their game, it was time for family game time.  A couple of games of Qwirkle was followed by the boys teaching Loni and me how to play Citadels, and then we played a couple of games of Split.  Loni really enjoys messing with the head of the youngest during game play and I really enjoy watching his response.  During all of the game play I also won a stare down with the youngest, not an easy feat these days.  

We all went to Chili's for dinner. I had to laugh because my youngest always orders the same thing and our waiter actually remembered that it had been about five months since we had been there and even where we sat the last time we were there because of my youngest's order.  

Once home we watched an episode of Lost in Space and Loni, the youngest and I had cake then Loni left after the show to work on homework.

Now the boys are playing games and I am watching my shows.  

It has been a wonderful weekend.  I love having both of my boys home!

 

 

Day 1 of Birthday Celebration Weekend, 2012

The boys are both home this weekend to celebrate my oldest's and my birthday next week.  

Now I have really wonderful boys who are very good about doing anything I ask them to do around the house, but it is extra wonderful on my birthday weekend and Mother's Day weekend because they do anything I ask without complaining.  They came home to a list this weekend.  

This morning we got up early to go the Art in Bloom on the McKinney Square.  After the late night run to IHop, no breakfast was required, so we were able to get out of the house at the designated time.  

I will be the first to admit that Art in Bloom was a huge disappointment, but we did see some interesting characters. After walking around the square for about an hour we had seen it all and were ready to leave.  I chose to drive out of the downtown McKinney area by going by my  co-worker's house so I could show the boys she lives with her wonderful husband.  As we drove by, my friend and her husband were out in their driveway so I stopped so the boys could meet her husband, plus she had never met my oldest.  We all chit chatted for a few minutes before the boys and I hit the road again.  

We had already planned to have lunch out, but it was still too early, so I headed over the Lowe's and purchased the dirt and roses I needed to turn our turtle pond into a rose bed.  Now the youngest had the chance to really grumble when he picked up the bag of cow manure and it was all wet and nasty, but he didn't, he just asked if I had something to put down in the back of the van.  I was very happy at the checkout lane to find out that the gift card I had totally covered my purchases.

The next stop was lunch at San Miguel's, my favorite Mexican restaurant.   We had a wonderful meal, and great conversation.  As we were leaving the owner asked the oldest how old he was now.  My oldest explained he was about to turn 22 and then the owner said he thought that was about right because they were getting ready to have their 20th anniversary of the restaurant and he had watched the boys grow up.  I can't believe that it has been 20 years since I have been eating at that restaurant!

We came home after the restaurant and the oldest finished the tax work for me while the youngest planted my new rose bed.  Then the youngest made my Red Velvet cake using my mom's recipe while the oldest finished fixing my phone.  Once all the chores were done I introduced the boys to Twin Peaks, and then they had their friend over and I spent the rest of the evening watching television, hand quilting and baking my oldest an apple pie.

It was a great celebration day!

Friday the 13th, April Style

I had a lovely Friday the 13th.  

I started the day by picking up my friend Laura and driving McKinney to go to Happiness is Quilting so she could buy some fabric for a wall hanging she is making her brother. I was very good, I didn't even consider looking at the fabric.  After Laura made her purchase, we decided to walk around the square and visit the different shops. It was overcast out so it was not too hot to be walking around.  We went in and out of many shops and met some interesting people.  

After a couple of hours in McKinney we headed back to Laura's where we chopped up veggies and made a very nice salad for lunch.  A little more chit chat and it was time for me to head home.  

Once home I was blessed with a visit from my youngest as he needed Magic the Gathering cards for my oldest for Friday Night Magic.  We sat around and talked and watched one of the shows I had on tape before he headed back to campus,

Since the boys decided to make this our birthday celebration weekend, I went to the store to get supplies for Red Velvet Cake and Apple Pie. I also stopped by work to make sure everything was set up for a Saturday meeting.

Once home I had planned on taking a nap, but I got involved doing something else and then there was no time for a nap because I wanted to get up to TheGallery8680 in Frisco to see the 101x101 exhibit.  About 30 minutes before I was set to leave, Laura called and asked if she could go with me as she suddenly found herself alone for part of the evening.  Of course I said "Yes" and it wasn't long before I picked her up and we headed to Frisco.  There were not too many submissions to the exhibit that excited me, but my friend Kathleen had a green teapot and cups, so  I got to see those, and a couple of collages I liked. We were only there about twenty minutes.

Laura was kind enough to wait in the car while I ran into Target to make a return and then I took Laura home and came on back to the house.  I watched television until the boys came home.  Of course the oldest hadn't been home more than ten minutes before he had to go talk to the girlfriend so the youngest and I watched a favorite show and waited.  During the wait time I determined that neither one of them had eaten, so I suggested to the youngest that we all go to IHop since I hadn't had anything to eat either.  Once the oldest was off the phone, we all hopped in the van around midnight and off we went.  I had one of their light breakfasts with egg substitute, turkey bacon, toast and fruit.  The youngest had 2 orders of buttermilk pancakes, and the oldest had the "Split Decision Breakfast*  A hearty combination of two eggs, two crispy bacon strips, two pork sausage links, two triangles of French toast and two buttermilk pancakes." The youngest ended up not being able to eat 4 of his pancakes and the oldest finished those off too.  It was amazing to watch him plow through all that food.  

Once home we watched the newest episode of "Grimm" before heading to to bed. 

It was a great Friday the 13th.

I am Addicted to this Song!

I am addicted to Goyte's "Somebody That I Used to Know." 

Happy Birthday Nephew

My nephew Devin turned 25 yesterday.  

I have never had a chance to meet him.  The only time he has ever been to my house was when my mom was here with the boys and Raymond and I were in Houston. 

His mom and I have not met either, but we have kept up over the years, and now we converse through Facebook on a regular basis.  

Someday I hope to meet my handsome nephew.  

Here is picture of him with my other nephew Wolf.  I have spent a lot of time with Wolf over the years, and he actually lived with me for a little while.  Knowing Wolf and from the stories I have heard, I bet these two cause a lot of mischief when they are together.  

Wolf and Devin, Christmas 2011 - Brothers

I think Wolf made sure the star was on his head so we would know he thinks he is the star of the two.

 

Weepy Day

I had one of those days where everything just made me cry.  

A good friend told me some really bad news this morning, and of course she and I cried together over how we are powerless to do anything to solve the problem.

I saw two of my favorite seniors after several weeks and they have gone so far down hill in such a short time that I had to go cry over that for a while.  

One of my co-workers told me bad news, so we had to cry together.  

Then I listened to a song and it made me cry.

I think I need to drink about a gallon of water tonight to replenish all I lost today.  

 

Words to Live By

One of my tasks at work today was to take a quote A.A. Milne wrote for Christopher Robin to say to Pooh and make agape for Kairos Outside.  While working on the agape I couldn't help but think back to what Winnie the Pooh has meant to my family.  We did not use the full quote on the agape piece, but the full quote is appropriate here:

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” ~ A.A. Milne.

When I was pregnant with my oldest I read him "Winnie the Pooh" stories every day.  When I wasn't reading to him Raymond was playing classical music to him.  Then when I was alone I would sneak in some good old rock and roll and country, because after all I wanted him to be well rounded.

I still remember the day Raymond took the oldest for a walk around the block and came back with a stuffed Pooh and a baseball bat they had bought at a garage sale in the neighborhood.  I really freaked out to see that stuffed Pooh, all I could think about was germs, lice, bed bugs, etc.  Of course the toddler boy did not want to give it up to me, but Raymond finally convinced him to let me wash Pooh.  

Pooh was soon a favorite stuffed animal.  My mother, GiGi, even made Pooh a couple of new shirts since the one he had was a little ratty. 

We continued to read Pooh stories, and had a collection of Pooh tapes that would play every night as he went to sleep.  When the youngest came along he was exposed to Pooh too, but he never had the attachment that oldest did to the stuffed Pooh we bought him when he decided he must have one too.

That old Pooh still sits on my oldest's bed, and I am know he still brings him lots of comfort.  

The oldest and I cannot listen to "House at Pooh Corner" by Kenny Loggins without bursting into tears. 

It just brings back too many memories of Raymond. 

Yes, Pooh will always be a big part of our family life.  I am going to repeat the quote here because I think the words in this quote are what I would want my boys to remember if we were no longer together, and I know from my discussions with Raymond that he hoped that the boys would live their lives by these words:

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” ~ A.A. Milne

I wish my boys still had their Christopher Robin.

Grief

People who believe that grief is gone after a given amount of time has not experienced true grief.

Grief comes in waves.  Some waves are stronger and higher than others.

I have been grieving a lot this year.  My Dad, my Mom, Raymond, and other past griefs.  

My Dad died in 1998 just when Raymond's symptoms were hitting him and we were trying to figure out what was wrong.  There wasn't a lot of time to grieve and I kept telling myself that he had been sick for so long I had already grieved. 

With Raymond there was grief everyday.  Every time we learned something he could no longer do, or we would get a call telling us they found more tumors, etc., there was grief.  When he died there was so much to do I once again told myself I had already grieved.

Everything seemed fast tracked with Mom, and then her death was very unexpected.  My solution to her death was to just throw myself into my newish job and in helping out with activities my youngest was involved in at his school.

Mixed in with Raymond's death there was the oldest moving out and going away to school 2 1/2 months later, but I still had the youngest at home.  However, the youngest moved out at 15 to go away to school.   I became an empty nester a lot sooner than I planned.  

Through all of this I thought I was moving through everything okay and keeping everything on a pretty even keel until I came face to face with a grief from the past and it just opened up the doors to all the grief.  

The grief waves have been high and strong and right now I don't see the calm coming anytime soon, but that is okay because I have been told I am a survivor.  

Van Morrison's "Into the Mystic"

This song sends me into a really nice calm place.  The pictures in this particular video are very me.

"We were born before the wind
Also younger than the sun
Ere the bonnie boat was one as we sailed into the mystic
Hark, now hear the sailors cry
Smell the sea and feel the sky
Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic

And when that fog horn blows I will be coming home
And when the fog horn blows I want to hear it
I don't have to fear it

And I want to rock your gypsy soul
Just like way back in the days of old
And magnificently we will fold into the mystic

When that fog horn blows you know I will be coming home
And when that fog horn whistle blows I got to hear it
I don't have to fear it

And I want to rock your gypsy soul
Just like way back in the days of old
And together we will fold into the mystic
Come on girl..."

 

Birthday Gift from Mina

Mina's travel schedule means she will not be able to spend my birthday with us.  Yesterday she gave me my birthday gift so she could see me open it.  She gave me two plates that go with the jar Loni and Mocha gave me for taking care of Mocha during the Hawaii trip this year.  I LOVE IT!

My girls have excellent taste!

They look really nice on the table runner I made for the table that is against the turtle art wall.   Now I just need to make a turtle quilt to hang on that wall and it will be complete.

Easter Gift from Loni

I am always amazed by all the little thing my girls do for me, and my boys (especially the spoiled young one).

Mina brought me a new hat just a couple of weeks ago, and then yesterday Loni brought me an Easter gift.

Zombie Mama

I finally fell asleep at 6:30 A.M. after talking to my friend Charles when he got off work at 6:00. I was up at 9:00 A.M.  I am a total Zombie today.

I ran some errands after I woke up. I had to take my cell phone to Sprint and have it set back to factory settings.  I am in the process of trying to reinstall everything, but I have a feeling the oldest will be fixing some things this weekend.  Ran by Kohl's to make an exchange, and Target so I could cover the white cross on top of my head.  I know the people at work think it is cool I have a cross on top my head, but I don't find those four white streaks anything but depressing.

I was only gone an hour but that was long enough for the squirrel to eat 1/4 of one of my patio cushion tops.  I cleaned that up and put the remaining cushions away.

My friend Laura came by and after some discussion about my hair went home and came back with her supplies and cut my hair.  

I am now working on cleaning the house, while the squirrel is out sharpening his claws on the turtle shell outside.

3:00 A.M. Wide Awake

Here I am again.  It is 3:00 A.M. and I am wide awake.  

My youngest told me tonight that I should just put in a movie since I tend to take a little nap through most of them.  

I did stay awake through "Mirror, Mirror" today, but did doze a little during the previews.  

I thought about opening up Spotify and listening to Van Morrison, but then I would have to sleep on the couch and the pool man will be here in the morning.  He probably really can't see in to the couch, but it makes me nervous to know someone might look and in and see me sleeping.

Hopefully, I will be able to get a couple of hours in before daylight.  

 

Easter, 2012

I had a lovely Easter.

The day started with a pancake breakfast with Loni, Mina and the youngest. 

Mina had to go to the airport after breakfast.  Loni and I went to see Mirror, Mirror, and the youngest stayed home to study for an exam.  

A little shopping on the way home from the movie, and then it was home for lunch and some relaxing time watching television.  Loni knitted on a scarf, and I did some hand quilting.  

Spaghetti for dinner with fresh sourdough bread the youngest made in the bread machine followed by two episodes of GCB made for a very nice family night.  

A Critter ate my Cushion!

I sat on the porch swing until quite late last night, and then came in and had the sliding glass door open until around 1:00 A.M. and nothing exciting was going on in the outside world.  

This afternoon I went out to enjoy the porch swing only to discover that a critter had eaten part of one of my chair cushions!  Now my pal Gary suggested that the cushion wasn't eaten but used for the critter's nest, but I refuse to consider that possibility for fear there will be baby skunks! 

I am hoping whatever it was won't come back for another cushion tonight.

A Night of Laughs

Recently the youngest asked me about a movie someone had referenced to him that had a paperboy wanting his $2.00.  I looked it up and told him it was "Better Off Dead."  I had not seen the movie, but Loni had, and tonight she brought it over for us to watch.  It was quite amusing and the youngest was pleased because he said he would be able to get several more references now.

Earlier in the day I noticed that one of the stations was running episodes of the original Batman series with Adam West and Burt Ward along with Lost in Space.  I recorded those and then we all watched them after the movie since the youngest had not seen these great classics.  We had a lot of laughs watching those old shows and making fun of just how bad they really were.  

It was a great night of laughs. 

Lots of Studying Going On

It is getting to be that time of  year for my boys.  Capstone projects, lots of papers due, exams coming up.  The oldest has to get everything done for his college graduation in May.  The youngest always seems to end up with everything due on the same day.

Loni is back in school working on her Master's and is doing a great job staying on track, but it keeps her hopping.

Mina is back into study mode for her upcoming certification exam.

Fortunately, I do not have any training coming up any time soon, and I am just enjoying the beautiful weather and I am pretty much stress free right now.

Because my youngest has no end in sight for all he has coming up in school, I am going to bake him his favorite pie, pumpkin.  It is the closest thing he gets to a vegetable in his diet.  

I will be glad when all my kiddos are not so stressed. 

"Moonshadow"

My friend Tim sent me this on Facebook today.  I forgot how much I loved this song back in the day.



The only problem is now I will be humming it all day.

Full Moon

I spent the last hour on the porch swing under a full moon.  It was a little cool, but I put on my green afghan Loni made me and it was perfect.   

I didn't have any lights on in the house and the only lights outside were the colored solar lights and the bright moonlight.  It was so beautiful and peaceful.

Raymond would have loved the new patio.  He would have brought his banjo out there and played, or he would have painted there.  It used to make me sad thinking about that, but he enjoyed the old patio, and I know he is happy I have the patio I always wanted.

I Usually Know

When I love you, I usually know when things are not quite right.  Loni is well aware that I don't miss much when it comes to picking up on little things with the people I love, she says it is a "Mama thing."

I may choose not to mention that I know something is not right. I may choose to delay mentioning that I know, or I may get right in your face about it, but I usually know.  I determine how to act by judging the situation against the person.  Like with my youngest, you have to be careful with him because you can shut him down completely if you react to fast.  With another friend I have to make sure they have analyzed the situation a little for themselves before I start talking asking them about how they are handling things.

I have been burned in the last couple of years by caring too much and being direct about that caring, so I am more cautious than I was in the past.  There are some that I have learned to keep my mouth shut around.

The phone rang a little while ago and it was a friend pretending all was good, but I knew things were bad.  I could tell by the tone of voice and I could tell by the words they chose to speak to me.  I let them know I could tell things were very wrong.  They laughed me off, but I knew.  

I received a message a few minutes ago from this friend telling me that they were "In a bad way."  I told them I knew and asked what I could do to help.  Unfortunately, I cannot help them but they said they were glad I could tell.  Sometimes knowing someone cares about you enough to know when something is wrong is all it takes to bring a little comfort.  

Am I Mellowing with Age?

I had an experience at the grocery store today that made me wonder if I am mellowing with age.  

I did not have an overflowing cart, in fact it was all single layer, with a lot of big items when I arrived at the checkout area. There were 14 lanes open.  No one in self check, only one or two people in the two express lanes, and really no waiting in the other lanes.  I chose my lane based on liking the bag clerk.  There were a few of my favorite checkers working, but I wasn't in a talkative mood.  

The woman in front of me was paying, and my cart was up to the counter when a tall man came up behind me with a carry basket with about six items.  He immediately started acting impatient and grunting.  Normally I would have allowed him in front of me, especially since I wasn't in a hurry, however, he was grunting, making exasperated noises, and then he actually took his basket and bumped into me as if to say "Look how little I have."  I looked around and noticed that there were at least 3 lanes he could have entered and been the next person scanned, and the self check out lanes were empty. He then started grunting and stomping his foot.  That was it.  He wasn't getting in front of me.

Once the checker started scanning my items I was able to move forward to the credit/debit pay area.  As I moved forward this man came up and stood so close the whole side of his body was touching me.  He was still making sounds like he couldn't believe he had to wait, and stomping his foot.  I was starting to get very irritated.

As he continued to crowd me and stomp, I decided to make my checkout as slow as possible.  I took a lot of time putting in my information, and I don't believe I have ever spent that much time writing my name. While I was paying he leaned his elbows over the top of the receipt printer, and my receipt was not able to print.  The checker, who was new, obviously did not know how to deal with the stomping, grunting customer, and instead of asking him to move his elbows, tried to get the receipt by reaching between the elbows. The man still did not move!  I finally got my receipt and thanked the checker and bag clerk wishing them a Happy Easter before I left.

In my younger years, I would have either told the man to back off and stop being an a$$, or I would have taken my foot and made sure he went home limping.  Well, actually maybe I haven't mellowed that much, because I really did want to stomp my heal onto his foot today, but I had the wrong shoes on.  Believe me, many a mean customer has gone home limping due to my well placed heal in the past.  

Me mellowing? No, now that I think about it I just didn't want to spend any of my energy on this gorgeous day on a jerk!

 

Where was Jack?

I had my own little Jack and Jill story today, only Jack was missing.

It was a very busy day at work. We had a Peter Rabbit Garden Party scheduled for noon, Seder meal at 6:00, Maundy Thursday service at 7:00, a revision of our brochures, and Easter services bulletins to complete.  As I was going back and forth between working on Holy Week and the Peter Rabbit party, I realized that it was 30 minutes to the party and I needed to use the bathroom while I still had the opportunity.  When I went into the bathroom I realized someone had stopped up the toilet so I got the plunger out and went to work. Unfortunately, I was not able to unclog the problem, so I had to come up with another solution.

As I was pondering the situation, I remembered we had someone working out in the field who could help me, so I off I went to ask for help.  Getting to the field was not a problem. I spoke to the man, and he said he would be in to help in just a minute.  On my way back into the building, I hit a wet spot in the grass and I went down.  My knees hit first but I was not able to stop there and was heading for a face plant so out went my hands.  It all was over in a matter of seconds and I was right back up on my feet, but as soon as I took a couple of steps, I realized my shoulder really hurt.  All I could think about was how I might have been better off with a face plant if I messed my shoulder up again.  

As I slowly walked back into the building the Jack and Jill rhyme popped into my head and I was trying to make up my own rhyme with a field and plunger, but then I thought "Where was my Jack?" Oh yeah, I don't have a Jack.  Seems I don't need to tumble after anyone, I can do it on my very own.  

"You Really Should Destroy It."

I truly love my Adele 21 cd.  Unfortunately, there is not a song on this cd that doesn't make me cry every time I listen to it.

As I was listening to it on the road today and weeping I said to myself "You really should destroy this cd."  I cannot even get through the first song without the tears running down my face.  By the time I got to my destination this afternoon I had no makeup left. 

Of course I won't destroy my cd, but I sure hope I can get to the point where I am not weeping every time.  

What a Scary Weather Day!

It is Holy Week and therefore the peddle is to the metal in my office. I never stopped once I sat down this morning, but I did step outside twice to do an inventory and the weather was fine, overcast, but fine. 

An issue came up and I had one of my co-workers call one of the Trustees to get an answer to our question.  This particular Trustee is a volunteer fireman and he promptly informed the co-worker that we were in a tornado watch, we were in what was considered a tornado event, and there were tornadoes on the ground in some areas,  News to all of us.  

This news happened to come at the time I had to leave to go the doctor.  After quick consultation it was decided everyone would leave the building and that I would not return after the doctor.  

I drove into the neighboring town to go to the doctor.  It was my first visit, but they took me right in because they had so many cancellations due to the weather.  I arrived at their office at 2:00 P.M. and left at 3:00 P.M.  It was barely sprinkling so I went ahead and ran an errand for work at a nearby store. When I came out of the store, the tornado sirens were blasting.  After a moment of indecision I decided to get in my car and head home because the sirens actually sounded like they were in the next town over.  Once I was closer to home I stopped at the drugstore to get the medication the doctor told me to use overnight.  

Once I was home the weather here got a little wicked with wind, a little hail, and rain.  Fortunately, that was the worst of it for me.  Unfortunately for others, there were at least 12 tornadoes in the surrounding areas, and some towns have declared disaster status.  

I haven't heard of any major injuries, but I am not sure all the damage has been assessed yet.  

My prayers go out to all that had damages and loss today.  

What is With All the Mail?

Raymond has been dead for almost 6 years, so what is up with all the mail addressed to him?

The mailbox was full when I came home today.  There was a box for my youngest, and tons of mail.  In that mail there was:

• A bank statement for the oldest.
•  A college wanting to here from the youngest (if he hadn't fast tracked he would graduate from high school this year).
• A piece of junk mail for me.
• Seven pieces of mail addressed to Raymond. 

I have to say the offer of Life Insurance to him made me laugh, but not in a good way. 

One of his credit cards wanted to offer him more rewards.  I don't even think that credit card number exists any more, and if it does it hasn't been active since at least 2005.

I am also irritated that our electric company won't take his name off the account, even though I have faxed his death certificate to them more than once.  

Sometimes it just irritates me. 

TOPS Assignment

Our TOPS homework for the week was to work on decluttering or Spring cleaning.  

I managed to clean out my medicine cabinet.  There was a lot to clean out!  All expired medicines are gone, as well as medicine my youngest flat out refuses to take.

The youngest also helped me declutter one of the patios. We moved the pond frame Raymond built me up to the barn.  The pond has not been in place for several years, but I just had not had the heart to move the frame.  I also went through all my wind chimes and tossed the ones that were no longer able to be repaired. 

I am very pleased with my homework results.

How Did I Get Through Last Week?

Now that I have had three nights of solid, if drug induced sleep, I have to wonder how I actually managed to get through last week.  

Today at work I realized I had a typo in the Palm Sunday bulletin.  I also found work that I thought I had put in place, but didn't.  

I see I paid bills I have no memory of paying.  

Now I have to wonder what else I will find.

I Worry So

One of my friends suffers from clinical depression.  He became suicidal last year and spent some time in a psych ward.  He was totally unable to function and work, and his family suffered in many ways, including a financial downfall that required them to sell their beautiful home.  His wife decided that it was just to much for her and they separated with her taking the kids.  His family was everything to him.  

He hates being alone.  He tells me it takes a lot of energy to get through every minute of the day.  He is praying his family is not damaged beyond repair but he doesn't know.  

I worry about him.  I haven't seen him since high school, but he was always a good friend to me.  We have reconnected like many of my classmates through Facebook.  He has reached out to me many times when he thought I might be sad. 

I don't know how to help him, except to remind him often that I care and am here to listen to him.  

I do worry about him so.  He was always so sweet. 

I pray his new therapy helps him get back to a place he can function and that his wife will give it all another chance.