All Alone

I am all alone for three weeks. The boys have gone off to attend a math institute. One is working there, and the other is a student.

I would like to say that I have been very industrious since they have left, but I haven’t. I have slept late, read books, taken my mom a few places, and watched television.

I have not opened my mail, my papers, or returned some phone calls. I am resting. I am resting my body with sleep, and my mind with dullness. It feels wonderful.

Whereas I am all alone, I am not lonely. My friends check in on me to see if I am okay which is wonderful. It lets me know that someone cares.

I know that I need to get up and straighten the place up, but every time I think about a chore to do I decide that a nap sounds better.

I am finally letting myself recognize that I am exhausted. All those years of little sleep because I was worried about Raymond and what would happen to us if he died has finally caught up with me. I feel like I could sleep for weeks and weeks and still not be rested.