Raymond and I were not big movie goers after we got married. We were on a very tight budget and just did not enjoy the movies enough to spend our money that way. After we had been married a few years and moved into our first house we ended up with cable television because of a big special they ran when cable was extended into our neighborhood. We kept the cable until the special ended and then purchased a VCR. I don’t think we went to a theater again after that until the boys were of age to start going to see family movies. Even then we only went to the movies about four or five times a year.
As a family we have gone to see “Harry Potter”, “Pirates of the Caribbean”, “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, and a few other odd and end movies. It was easy to make the ones with sequels a tradition. I always looked forward to going to see the movies as a family, and was always frustrated that they wheelchair seats were only in seats of 3 so we could not all sit together, but still we were there together and would have a good discussion afterwards.
Since Raymond’s death, the boys and I have been to see a couple of movies, but we mainly have watched movies we have found at the library. I was really looking forward to the third “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie and couldn’t wait to see it with the boys. Plus a new “Harry Potter” movie is out. This was going to be a summer of going to the movies again as a family. I had a warm feeling just thinking about a day out at the movies and coming home and discussing the movie while fixing a meal together.
Now, reality has set in. Both boys have seen the “Pirates” movie without me. Neither one of them liked it well enough to want to go see it again with me. The oldest went to see the new “Harry Potter” the other night with his work buddies. The boys were both nice enough to say to me that they would not go with their buddies if I didn’t want them to, that we would go as a family if that is what I wanted, but how could I say “no.” Saying “no” would be selfish. I know that going to the movies with a group of 4 or 5 of your good friends is more fun than going with your mom, and the boys do come back happy and laughing, which is a wonderful thing to witness. So why do I feel so sad inside? Shouldn’t I be thrilled they have so many friends?
I can’t decide if I am sad because I no longer have anyone to go to the movies with, or because they are getting older and moving farther and farther away from me. Either way it is selfish.
Sometimes it is really hard to take a look at how our family is changing as the boys get older and go on to developing their own lives, but at the same time it is thrilling.
Who knows maybe I will like going to the movies by myself. Then again, who will wake me up with I start snoring?
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