One Year Ago Today

One year ago today, March 11, 2006, we were packed and ready to leave for a week at Pine Meadow Cabins in Broken Bow Oklahoma for Spring Break. The doctors had said it would be good for us, and that when we came back from the trip they would re-examine Raymond's cancer treatments and see what else we might try, the drugs he had been taking were no longer controlling the tumors. In fact the week before Raymond had massive radiation therapy on his spine to try to relieve some of his pain.

When Raymond woke up on March 11, 2006 he had a fever. We canceled our plans, and spent Spring Break going back and forth to Dr. Juturi’s office at Texas Cancer Associates, seeing the PA’s and other doctors because she was out-of-town. Raymond went on oxygen and became progressively worse as the week went on. By Friday they were suggesting that he go into the hospital to be put on morphine. He refused. He really hated being in the hospital. I still had no idea that this was the beginning of the end.

With Dr. Juturi out-of-town we were dealing with a doctor that we had not seen before, I think she automatically assumed we knew how bad Raymond's prognosis was at this point. We didn't. Oh, sure, when Dr. Nichols gave Raymond his radiation the week before he had said he was surprised to see Raymond again. He thought he would have died months before. He told us that this time there was no doubt that Raymond would not live more than a few months. No one else had said that to us. They told us they were looking for alternate treatments. I chose not to believe Dr. Nichols, after all he had been wrong before. When Dr. Juturi told us there were no more options, and that Raymond only had a few months, then I would believe it, I wanted to hear it from Dr. Juturi. I had no idea that he would never see Dr. Juturi again.

It has been a hard day. My youngest and I went to Denton to see the 16 year old and take him to lunch. We went to Recycled Books and looked around. In the history section I saw a book that Raymond would have loved, and my knees buckled. Every time I go to the library or a bookstore, I see books Raymond would have enjoyed reading, and it just reminds me of how much he is missing.