Last night was the last TOPS weigh in for March. I had my third loss in a row, meaning I lost weight three weeks in a row. My loss for March was 3.5 pounds. I wish it was ten pounds, but I am so thrilled I didn’t gain weight this month.
I need to lose 70 pounds. If you take off what I have lost, gained and then lost again since January, 2007, then I only have 68 pounds more to lose to reach my goal weight. If I figure a loss of approximately 3 pounds a month, I could reach goal in a little less than two years. If I can continue to lose 3 pounds each month, then I might reach my goal by the time I am 50. If I reach my goal, I will weigh twelve pounds less than I weighed when I got married.
Of course being able to lose 3 pounds a month seems impossible to me. I am a stress eater, and I definitely have stress. I also love food. Not necessarily cakes, cookies, chips, etc., but real food, especially Mexican cuisine and Tex-Mex. Sometimes I start thinking about a food and I think I will go crazy if I don’t get that particular flavor. I remember getting a bad report from one of Raymond’s doctors and craving M&M’s. I went to Kroger’s and ate the whole bag in the parking lot of Kroger’s. It was not the giant bag, but it certainly wasn’t the one by the checkout counter either. That hasn’t happened again, and I do not want it to happen again, but at that moment I really thought I would go crazy without a bag of M&M’s. I don’t even like M&M’s very much.
I am doing better. I have been reading You: On a Diet, not beginning to end, but in bits and pieces. Some of the ideas are really sticking with me, and I am noticing that I can make myself feel satisfied longer, without overdoing the calories.
The saddest part about my weight problem is that I know what I need to do to lose weight. My degree is in dietetics. I did not become a registered dietician because I discovered soon after graduation that I did not like the job, but I did learn all about what to do to take care of myself. Unfortunately, I don’t do it. I equate my having a degree in dietetics and being obese to when I would sit outside M.D. Anderson Cancer Center and watch the doctors and nurses smoke. Those doctors and nurses know that cigarettes can kill them, just as I know being obese can kill me, and yet they still smoke, and I still eat high calorie foods.
I have been walking an average of fifteen miles a week. I go to the local rec center and use their indoor walking track. Most days a good friend goes with me. It is amazing how much a walking partner helps me reach my goal of three miles.
Next week is the first weigh in of April. I’m not going to say I'm hoping for a loss, I'm going to say I'm working towards a loss.
10 comments:
Cheryl,
I have lost about 200 pounds.It has been the same 20 over and over.
I hate being hungry all the time while dieting.I love the candy and cakes.M&M peanuts are some of my favorites.Peanut butter cups are my 1st choice though.
I think I'll stop and get one on the way to work!
Hey, I am not much help here,At least not today.I get mad at dieting and say the heck with it.I justify that in my mind because I have no other vices.I don't smoke,drink,take drugs,I don't even cuss!AHHHH... I do like my junk food.I too am a stress eater,But it is my comfort junk food that I prefer.
The mood I am in today is...I'm hungry, and I will eat.Wait,I hear my wife calling,breakfast is ready..."come eat your oatmeal".
She keeps me on track,I am always sneaking my junk food.
I say today...Eat and be happy!I'll start that diet tomorrow!I am no help at all!
Howard-- I start the n y job on monday,it got delayed.
Howard,
No, you are definitely not the person to pick as a diet pal. However, you provided some great comic relief at 5:15 a.m when I couldn't sleep and was searching my email files for an address someone sent me.
I'm glad you have a wife that keeps you on track. Raymond would try to remind me when I was out of control, but more often than not I would take offense. When I was on a plan though he was really supportive. I'm just glad he loved me no matter what size I was wearing.
Since you are in a hungry mood today, I pledge to stay within my calorie goals for the day. When I want something extra I will just tell myself I can't have it because Howard already ate it.
Cheryl
My wife asks me why I have to eat the whole cake instead of saving it for another day? I tell her I might die before another day comes.
Actually,she is the best baker I know.She baked me cherry pies when we dated.She makes the best chocolate chip cookies. I in fact made her quit baking me so much because I was getting to fat.
I just get these cravings,and depending on my mood... I either let it all hang out, or it doesn't affect me in the least. It is a good thing I don't drink... I'd binge'then be on the wagon,binge, and be on the wagon,binge....
I guess the oatmeal worked this morning, because I didn't stop and get that reeses cup.
I built the staircase today.I have built miles of stairways.Tomorrow we will install them and this frame is completed. I used to love building stairs... Now I am tired of building them. I have taught my son in law to build the steps. I do enjoy working with him.I enjoy teaching the younger guys how to build.I probably enjoy teaching carpentry more than doing it.I used to not want to teach,I was afraid I was training my job replacements.Now,if they want my job... they can have it,Am I in total mid-life?
What the heck is mid-life anyhow?
One thing I do like at this point in my life... I don't give a crap about all the little things I used to give a crap about! I hope that makes sense?
I'll leave you with a weight joke an employee told me a few years back. He told me he lost 250 pounds of ugly fat. I ask him how he did it...he told me he divorced his wife!
Howard
Howard,
Thought of you all day today when I wanted to eat. Instead of eating heavy food today I made a low calorie Vegetable and Tortellini Soup recipe I got at TOPS. It was pretty good and kept me from eating any heavy duty calories.
I was imagining your staircase. Do you have a website showing your work?
I wish my dad had taught me carpentry. My brother worked with my dad during the summer, but my dad never wanted me around his job sites or the men that worked for him. He was very protective of me.
I would like to have a lot more skills than I have around the house, and with things like lawn mowers.
Raymond and I gave up years ago with the idea of him teaching me about cars, mowers, or anything mechanical. We always ended up in a huge fight. Raymond thought everyone had a basic knowledge of mechanical things because it came so easily to him. I have no basic knowledge. My dad was a craftsman, but knew nothing about mechanical things. Raymond thought I should be able to tell instantly if the car or tractor starting making a different sound. To me those engines are just background noise to my thoughts.
I certainly understand your statement "I don't give a crap about all the little things I used to give a crap about! I hope that makes sense?" I have am moving more in that direction all the time.
Mid-life? No idea. If Raymond knew that his mid-life was going to be 23 1/2 I'm sure he would have made some different choices in his life. Heck he might not have married me. He might have stayed single and traveled the world.
Too deep for me at this time of night. It is 11:22 p.m. and I have been up since 4:30 a..m I'm only up now because it is storming and I want to watch the weather for a while.
BTW: I am an excellent cook and baker. Raymond always bragged about my cooking. My oldest son loves my apple pie. My youngest likes my homemade cheesecake.
You need to do better with the weight jokes, that one is really old.
Cheryl
Cheryl,
I contract most of my work from a company called Ream Builders.I have worked for this company most of the 32 years I've been working.
I don't have a web page. But go to www.reambuilders.com and click on the communities and the gallery links.I built everything you will see there.There is a pictorial of stairs there.All the stairs were built by me.
Some of those houses are really nice.For me,I just am not impressed.Every house I build is custom.But in the end,they are all the same.Same vinyl siding,same oak base and case,same oak cabs,same floors...and for what. I mean the average price is 400-500,000 dollars.
Give me that cabin with the front porch.Give me meaningful relationships and screw the material world.
I really do like building things,but I don't like so much of the arrogance that comes with the price tag on these homes.
I'll build a house for a family.I'll see the family move in.I'll see mom and dad go to work,I see the kids shipped to daycare.I see a shell of a house,but I don't see a home.
I don't like this.A house is material,that family is what is important.
How did america get so living above their means?Why are things so important to people?People are what is important!
Oh well...I feel better having gone off.I am pretty good at going off about stuff.
Feel free to go off if you want,
Howard
Howard,
I could not get the photo gallery to work, but I went into the virtual tour and was able to see one of your staircases. The woodwork in those homes looks beautiful, but I'm like you, not impressed.
I remember the first larger home my father built for us. A custom home in a new subdivision that was used as a showcase. In the years my dad built homes, custom meant custom. Future homeowners would have their homes designed or order plans from books and dad would redesign them to fit their needs. People were always traipsing through our house to look at dad's work, therefore my mom made sure it always looked perfect. I must have been about 7 or so when I told dad I hated our new house. He was angry, and something else I couldn't identify at the time. I know now that I had really injured his heart. I know now that my parents sacrificed to give us that home so that I could go to a better school and be in a safer neighborhood. When you are a child you do not understand those issues.
When we moved to an even bigger home on Lake Cumberland, I felt like it was more of a home. It was a showplace that everyone talked about, but we didn't have to keep it perfect all the time because dad was building condos. Everyone thought we were really wealthy because of this home. We weren't. In fact, when my father became ill and almost died twice in the 70's it was all my mom could do to keep the house. We probably would have lost the house if my parents hadn't built it themselves with a lot of bartering. It was an inside joke in our house when people would ask Raymond what attracted him to me, he would say "I thought she was rich."
Your "going off" is almost the exact conversation I have had with my walking buddy many times in the past few weeks. If I lived above my means like many of the people I know do, I would never sleep. I might have already died from a heart attack.
I think in part America became more into material things as the children of the Great Depression grew up and wanted to make sure they and their children never wanted for anything again. Then as it became cheaper and cheaper to produce items it became easier and easier to have more material things, from there it just snowballed.
I too worry about the need to have more and more is destroying the family. The debt some families carry make it necessary for both parents to work and send their children to daycare. Two parents working normal hours may not be the end of the family, but I hear from my friends all the time that they can no longer get away from work because their work is always there due to laptops, cell phones, and fax machines. They complain that they have no "family" time.
Raymond and I planned for me to be a stay-at-home mom. We planned so that I would not have to work unless I wanted to after the youngest went to college. Unfortunately, we did not plan on me being a widow, or health insurance being so expensive. My goal is to still not work until the youngest goes away to school, but that may not be realistic. I would like a part-time job with flexible hours, but I don't know what it would be. In my childless days I was a legal secretary, but a lot has happened in the work world the last 17 years. I would probably need to take a computer class or something to be ready to join the work force again.
Feel free to "go off" to me any time. I go off all the time. My kids are good about listening to me, but Raymond was great at it. Venting keeps my head from blowing up.
Cheryl
Cheryl,
Where did my last post go? I replied to your last post at 6:00 am this morning!
I must have typed it all out and forgot to publish as I turned the computer off.
I am a total joke on this computer.Talking about going off about something...I'd like to sit this thing out on the curb on trash day most of the time.
I know,I know, it's not the computer...it's the operator.
My oldest daughter gets the big laugh at me on this thing.She says I have callased stone fingers from carpentering all this time.She thinks it is so funny me trying to hunt and peck on this keyboard.Every now and then I surprise her with a cumputer term...then we laugh.
She boasts that she has brought me into the new millenium.I remind her that it was me that paid for all the courses that got her the good paying jobs she has had.
I enrolled her in a quickbooks course.I taught her to do payroll.I had her attend safety meetings at osha classes.After that,I had her design a company policy for my business,She became my total assitant.She computerized my business.But... old fashioned me,I don't like it.I like hands on.I like talking on the phone or doing business in person.In fact, you are the first person I have ever talked to over this computer!
How am I doing?
I don't e-mail,even though I have an address.I just learned what the address was just a couple months ago.
I mostly use the computer as a library.
I got on the blog thing because of the adoption.Pam (my oldest) started the blog so we could follow the adoption of Micah (my grandson) as they travelled to India to get him.The blog kept us connected. It was fantastic. The laugh was on me because I told her I'd never look at the thing.Now she says that she has created a monster cause I like the stupid thing so much!
In response to what you said about people thinking your family was rich because of the house you lived in.Isn't it a joke the way people measure success? People have always thought We were rich also.Carpenters aren't rich,we build a nice house because we can!
I am rich in what matters.Home life,Family,Friends.Money does not come into play!
It doesn't stop at the house and neighborhood you live in.It is seen in the car we drive, the clothes we wear,if we are pretty or not.Our education,job,if our kids are smart and pretty too.
AHHHHH! I can't stand none of this!
That is why we are moving to the mountains.I want to live where less is more.My wife and I love primitives and antiques.We are going to build very simple cabins with porches complete with a swing that creeks.We can't wait for our home to sell so we can embark on this journey! I really am going to drop out of the rat race...the rats have won!
I really am going to learn how to fish, and to relax...
As I write these dreams of mine,I hope I am not causing you more grief knowing you have lost the love of your life and can't dream of things you and he could have done together?
I would still like to know what happened to my earlier post?
Of all the things I have lost in this life,it is my mind I miss the most!
I loaded my truck with the last materials needed for ny.I leave at 6 on monday.I won't be blogging until I come back on break from that job.If you post before I leave,I can respond.
Howard
Howard,
I too would lose posts all the time and then not remember the brilliant thoughts I had just typed. I have started typing my posts in Word or as a saved email so that I can copy and paste. Then if it disappears into space, I can just copy and paste again. After all, I don't want anyone to miss a word of what I have to say.
I am honored that I am the first person you have talked to over the computer. You are doing great!
I only like to talk on the phone to people I really, really like. Email is a wonderful thing, although I have to remind people that I am as blunt in emails as I am in person, so they shouldn't sit around an pout because I hurt their feelings in an email. Just tell me!
I mostly use my computer to moderate and update my local website (see links): read the previews for my soap (Y&R; read a website from an adjacent City; and to find the next book I want to read. I thought I was in heaven the day I discovered Amazon. I order some from there, but mostly I use it as a resource to find books I want to read and then put them on hold at the library or on my Half-Price Book list.
Does you daughter still keep up her blog about Micah? I tried a quick search for it. I will have to spend more time on it later.
Raymond had a couple of blogs: http://lucassurvivor.blogspot.com/
http://sugarhillwest.blogspot.com/2006/01/brief-and-frightening-reign-of-phil.html
No, reading about your dreams does not upset me. It helps me focus on my dreams. Raymond was very good in the years after he was diagnosed in helping me focus on a future without him. He would often tell me about how he saw me living in years to come. He told me he expected me to find someone else and remarry, and I told him no one else would ever have me. He told me that he expected me to retire where I could fish. No dreams of a future do not upset me.
I was upset today when I saw a husband and wife about my age embrace in a store parking lot. That is something I have mourned for years, embracing my husband without a wheelchair. Having him stand beside me, or come up behind me while I am cooking and hugging me like he would when he came home from work. Walking down a path holding hands. Standing in the shadow of his height. Oh, must stop, the lump in my throat really hurts.
I told my kids from the time the were old enough to walk that Target was their Neiman Marcus. Now that we have Kohl's that is Neiman Marcus and Target is Macy's. (Of course,if I were to have to remind them today I would have to change the names because there are much hipper stores than Neiman's and Macy's.) They understand and appreciate what they have learned. Now when their friends spend $30.00 on a t-shirt they are appalled.
I hate to dress up. It has gotten much worse in the last few years. After it became clear that Raymond was not going to be a survivor and we were just trying to keep the tumors at a minimum, I really started hating to dress up. Life it is too short to be so outside of your comfort zone. My dress of choice is jeans and t-shirts or sweatshirts. However, I was raised not to go out of the house looking like that unless that sort of dress was appropriate, so when necessary I put on a nicer top and black dress pants or black jeans. I have one skirt and top that makes a dress up outfit for spring. I have a jean skirt and nice tops for Church. I own around five pair of shoes. Tennis shoes, 2 pair of sandals (1 for dress, 1 for everyday), and 2 pair of slip on loafers because they were on clearance for less than $10.00 and I hardly ever find 2 pair of anything my size in wide. (I'll be in trouble when I have to go back to work someday.) My biggest vice is accessories in the form of green purses. In fact, I bought a new one today. I needed a spring green purse that would go over my shoulder. My oldest was complaining. I told him he was lucky that I was so particular about purses or the house would be full of green purses. I really only own 4 green purses.
I don't really care about what people wear as long as they are clean. I am picky about clean.
I drive a Toyota van because it functions well for my family. I like to drive to my vacation spots and Raymond had quite a bit of medical equipment that we would have to take. Also, Raymond said I had to take the whole house with us when we traveled. Not really, but I do like to take my fishing gear, books, games, fishing clothes (completely different from my everyday clothes), and the same for the boys. I don't use luggage, I use laundry baskets because as we empty them we can stack them together to make room for things we pick up or buy along the way. You never know when you might find a great rock, log, or turtle to bring home. I kept Raymond's car for my oldest to drive. It is a 1999 Lumina. I seldom get rid of a car until it is at least 10 years old. The Lumina is probably going to be around longer than that because it only has 35,000 miles on it. My van is a 2005 and has that many miles.
I like what I like, and I admire certain things like art work, and garden items, but I don't really spend my money on things. I do spend my money on my boys, especially on things that can further their education in life, like books on turtles, musical instruments, computers, etc. My youngest is quite the musician. He plays the mandolin, guitar, hammered dulcimer, and cello. He hasn't picked up the first three of those in a while, and is rusty, but he is good when he has practiced. I am trying to teach myself the mountain dulcimer. Raymond loved to hear me play. I wish I had played for him more, but I lack self-confidence in such things and, well, I just didn't play enough for him.
I used to worry because we live in an area where almost everyone has more money, and more material things than we do. My boys would come from friend's houses talking about their friend's new car, giant tv, golf cart, 2 story house (they are fascinated with 2 story homes), game systems, just about everything you could think of, and I would just say, "sorry they have more money than we do, if you want those things, get a job." Now they both often talk about people having too big of a house, or too many cars, etc. I am proud of them. My oldest has his own checking account, and as of January of this year has had to buy his own groceries etc. It amazes me how he shops and looks at the prices, and has learned to pare down to just what he really needs. My youngest is getting there, but if he sees a turtle or a book about turtles, I can see the money flying out of his wallet.
It sounds as if you have taught your children the proper values, and about family. You can be proud too.
I hope you have a safe trip, and enjoy your job.
(Wow, I went on and on. Guess I'm avoiding getting up and working on paperwork.)
Cheryl
Cheryl,
Go to www.babymicahsjourney.blogspot.com
If you scroll down to the bottom of the page,you can start from the beginning of their trip and follow it to the present.
It is very spirtual.We have a deep faith in God.You will see this as you read.
My daughter and son in law are unable to concieve a child.This is very painful for them.This is a subject I'm afraid most people trivialize.When you long for children and can't have them,it is heartbreaking.
I could tell you all night about their life,but... read the entire blog and see how you feel.
God has really blessed me with a beautiful family.
Howard
Howard,
What a beautiful grandson. Is he your only grandchild or do you spread your spoiling around some?
Raymond and I had trouble conceiving. We were fortunate that the medication I received worked. We are also are extremely blessed that our oldest lived through the emergency c-section I had.
Raymond and I always talked about opening our home to foster children once our own children were out of the house. I would still consider that in the future, depending on whether or not I go back to work or not. I would want to be a stay-at-home for a foster child too.
I had many tears while reading about your daughter and son-in-law's trip to get Micah. I was there with them. Your daughter was so brave. I think men can travel better than women. I certainly understood her dilemma when it came to packing.
My son went to Spain when he was 15 for 9 days. If the tour company had not given us a clear list of what to pack I would have sent his whole closet with him.
Thanks for sharing her blog with me.
Cheryl
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