Just Taking a Minute to Look at my Priorities

I have so many unfinished projects. I want to strip and repaint my porch chairs. They look awful to me because there are rust spots, and the cushions are faded. I am embarrassed because I have had the stripper and paint for months, but I haven’t worked on them at all.

Monday, we had two families over to swim. The kids were in the pool and the adults sat on the breezeway catching up with each other and what was happening in the community. Not once did anyone say, “Gee, you really need to paint these chairs,” or “When are you going to buy new cushions?” What they did say was: “I had so much fun today; I hope we can start getting together more when school starts,” and “Thank you so much, I really enjoyed our day together.”

I want to make and paint new numbers for my mailbox. I have the wood, I have the paint, and I have a definite idea of how I want them to look. It is driving me nuts that I have not completed this project. Every time I walk by the supplies I mentally kick myself for not working on the new numbers, as it will probably only take 4 hours to complete and paint the new numbers.

The mailbox project is one I decided had to be done. I ran out and bought the supplies and that was as far as I managed to get. The mailman did not say “Gee, you need new numbers.” Emergency services have not contacted me to say “Your current numbers are in violation of the code.” No one has missed my house because they could not see the reflective numbers currently on the mailbox. This is simply something I wanted to do for myself and my family. I haven’t mentioned this project to very many of my friends, so they are not expecting anything new to appear on my mailbox, so why am I beating myself up over not having new numbers?

I have a birdbath to paint, I need to completely tear down my pond and start it over, I need to have the bigger pond installed, I need to organize all the kids awards into different books, I need to … the list goes on and on.

Who says I need to do any of the things listed above? Only me, no one else but me really cares if any of these projects are ever completed. Do I really need to complete the list of my projects, or do I just want to do these projects some day? Maybe I need to look at the list again, it could be I do not need to do some of them at all. Maybe I need to replace the word need on my list to the phrase "some day I would like," or, "it would be nice to have, but certainly not necessary." As in, "It would be nice to have new mailbox numbers, but it is certainly not necessary because the ones I have are just fine." Or, "Some day I would like to have new cushions for the patio chairs, but the old ones are still comfortable, and because they are faded I did't mind when the oldest accidentally painted the corner of one."

My kids do not care about the mailbox, the chairs, or anything else I have on my list. All they care about is whether or not I’m available to talk to when they have a problem, play a board game before bed at night, and drive them to their commitments. They have not put any demands on me to complete any projects.

My friends do not care about any of the projects I have not completed. They just want to know that I will be there if they need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to rant into, or a helping hand.

So in the end, I have to ask myself: Does it really matters if I paint the chairs this year, or next? Does it matter if the numbers on the mailbox are bought ready to apply at the store, or hand designed in my shop? Will the boys stop loving me because I have not placed all their certificates in chronological order? Will I lose all my friends just because I have a list of unfinished projects, or will my friends keep appreciating me for being me?

How do I want the boys to remember me? As a mom that was always ready to stop what she was doing to play a game or listen to what was happening with them, or as a mom that was always working on a project?

I would love to be remembered as the woman that did it all, but I know that I am not really capable of being a “super mom/woman.” It just took one time of telling my boys that I needed to finish something up instead of playing a game to realize I did not want to be that kind of mom. I realized I would rather spend four hours playing a game than working on numbers for my mailbox.

I was in the middle of a project the other day when a mom called and said she was having a problem with one of her kids and wasn’t sure how to handle it. I stopped what I was doing and spent two hours on the phone listening and talking about possible solutions, and when we finished the call we both felt better because we shared our concerns about our children. The project I was doing is still not done, but it will get done some day soon.

Just by taking the time to write this I realized that I need to stop berating myself for having so many projects in limbo. It is not healthy for my mental state. Sometimes I just need to take a minute or so and remind myself of my priorities. Perhaps, if I start taking that minute or so more often, I can end hours of mentally abusing myself for not having marked a project off my list.