At one point in the conversation, she asked me how I was doing. It just so happened that the previous evening had been particularly rough for me. I was really missing Raymond. I told this woman that I was doing better, but that I still had some really bad days and nights because I miss Raymond so much. Her response was “I thought you would be over that by now.”
I was more than a little shocked. I thought of all people she would understand the feeling of loss that I am experiencing on a daily basis. I mumbled a reply about how I was not over it and moved on to another topic.
As the days have gone by I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her comment and my response. I wanted to shout “NO I AM NOT OVER IT!!!!” as loud as I could at her, but it would have been very inappropriate in the setting we were in. In fact, the other day when I was alone in the house, I did shout it several times just to express how strongly I felt about my answer.
Then, as always, I started doubting myself. Am I supposed to be over it? I know that Raymond asked me not to grieve for too long, and maybe he wouldn’t have if it had been me that died, but I still miss him.
There are so many things that I would like to ask him about when it comes to guiding the boys. I know he would have read “Cataloochee” and enjoyed it as much as I did. Then we could have discussed our favorite parts of the book. In fact, that book was one of the reasons I was missing him so much that night. I was grieving about all the books he would never read.
I think I am leading as normal of a life as I can under the circumstances. The boys and I are able to laugh and have a good time together. We are doing okay, but I am not over it. I don’t think I will ever be over it.
In my mind, being over it would mean forgetting the life I had with Raymond. Why would I ever want to forget our life together? How could I forget the life we had together?
NO, I’M NOT OVER IT!
4 comments:
I am shocked anyone would say such a horrible thing to you. Who is any one to tell you when -- if ever -- you should be "over it." Outrageous!
Some times poeple say things because they are oblivious to the potential interpretation and impact of statements that they make.
There is often a need for clarification and as from the bible, for discernment. To discern what another person meant or did not mean requires humility and patience on the part of the discerner.
I have recently had a situation that could have been miscontrued when talking with a friend. The conversation moved to their house and property and some of my statements could have been interpreted as being kind of insensitive and insulting.
It was not until the conversation was over that I realized the possible faux paux.
I have not had a situation to speak to this person again, but I hope they understand that I meant no malice by my comments.
Much like your conversation with your friend about your continued grief, the possibilities are many and it sounds like there was not any malice intended.
As always you and your sons are in my prayers.
Anonymous,
You are correct about discernment, however, I did talk to this friend later, and I think I am quite clear on what she meant.
I still like her. I still admire her for what she has been through in life. I am just not over it.
I understand. Thanks.
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