Grief Weighing Me Down

I have been struggling all week with grief. My lost time with Raymond has been haunting me. I feel as if I can barely walk upright my heart is so heavy.

There has been a lot of tragedy in our community in the past month. Two mothers of children in our school district passed away. Children in another community lost their parents. A young mother died 12 days after giving birth in another community. I grieve so much when I know there are young children left behind in the wake of a quick tragedy. I worry about what will happen to them. Here they are with more than they can possibly understand and the adults around them are dumbstruck with grief. I worry about the children being lost.

I have been grieving for these children, which just leads to me to grieve for my own even more.

I feel so inadequate as a single mother. I lost my sounding board. How will these other families move on? What is the fate of these children to be left without their parent(s) at such a young age? What is the plan for their life?

My father-in-law was always telling me that God would not give me more than I could handle, it was not comforting at all. It just made me want to scream that anything that took Raymond from me was more than I could handle. Now I just want to scream for these children.

As I sit and think about these children and their grief, I start to think about all the children in the world that are suffering. Children that have not only lost their parents, but have lost their homes, and their villages. That grief is there, but it seems so remote in my soul. The grief for these children in our community and here in this area is so acute I feel as if my body will bleed with it. I then start to think about how wrong that is, as these children will be taken care of by the community, there are many children that have nothing, no one, and I am sure a sense of no hope. The grief for the children in the community then begins to feel like guilt.

Human emotions are hard. I miss my Raymond. He would listen to me talk about these feelings I have been having. He would understand like no one else.

Pray for all the children in the world.