Today I witnessed a group of 14 year old girls that just brought back horrible feelings of what it is like to be an "outsider" when you are a teenager. There were at least 8 of them, maybe more. All of them had the same haircut but one, but then she had very curly hair that really would not work with the "chosen style." They were all thin, some excruciatingly so. All of them had very stylish, up to date "teenager" clothes on, with cute handbags, and all the accessories. They were in a giggling cluster and you none of the other 14 year olds were entering the cluster.
I was observing them and wondering what it must be like to have girls and have groups like that in and out of your home all the time when I spotted the "outsider." The girl with the "wrong" haircut, "wrong" clothes, no accessories, and not thin. She was not obese, or really overweight, she just looked as if she has just started puberty and still has some chubbiness.
The cluster did not speak to her. Did not invite her over.
I kept observing and then took stock of myself. I realized I was reliving the early days of high school, when I had moved to another state in the middle of my freshman year, and I did not fit in at all. My stomach felt knotted and I could look at the cluster and name those girls, only the names I could give them belong to women that are around 50 now with families of their own. I was observing them and wondering what it must be like to have girls and have groups like that in and out of your home all the time when I spotted the "outsider." The girl with the "wrong" haircut, "wrong" clothes, no accessories, and not thin. She was not obese, or really overweight, she just looked as if she has just started puberty and still has some chubbiness.
The cluster did not speak to her. Did not invite her over.
Then I laughed about how I could still remember how much it hurt to be an outsider, when now I am proud of the fact that I am an outsider. I was amazed that I could still remember that knotted feeling.
I hope that the "outsider" girl I observed will not remain an outsider for long. I pray she has a friend of two that are real friends that will be with her for years and years. Clusters tend to change weekly, if not daily as to who is in and who is not. I hope that when she sees a cluster as a grown up, she laughs and realizes that being part of a cluster as a teenager does not (at least should not) define you as an adult.
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