This morning mom came in with her purse and told me that she was going to walk "home" today. I asked her which direction she would turn going out of the driveway and she told me that "she knew the way but could not tell me." I was really worried because I needed to go to work and I was afraid she would try to leave the house. I stayed around until her "court shows" came on and then I felt it was okay to leave because I knew she would stay in her chair and watch them all day.
Tonight when I went to put her purse up I realized it was extremely bulky. When I opened it she had filled it with a change of clothes. So my mind starts racing. Was she really going to leave the house today? My dad never ran away from the home, but he did run away from daycare and the hospital. Of course, the problem I have is that Mom does not consider this "home."
The nurse was here today and she asked me what I was going to do as things continue to go downhill. My Pastor, who is also my boss, asked me what I was going to do. Unfortunately, my answer was the same to both. I don't know.
I really cannot imagine putting my Mom in a nursing home. I feel like I would be signing her death warrant. However, I cannot do this all myself, and I know it.
I really was not ready to start dealing with all of this at this point in my life, but we do not get to pick and choose when our loved ones need us.
I hope I am strong enough to do this. I also hope I can stop freaking out, even a little.
Tonight when I went to put her purse up I realized it was extremely bulky. When I opened it she had filled it with a change of clothes. So my mind starts racing. Was she really going to leave the house today? My dad never ran away from the home, but he did run away from daycare and the hospital. Of course, the problem I have is that Mom does not consider this "home."
The nurse was here today and she asked me what I was going to do as things continue to go downhill. My Pastor, who is also my boss, asked me what I was going to do. Unfortunately, my answer was the same to both. I don't know.
I really cannot imagine putting my Mom in a nursing home. I feel like I would be signing her death warrant. However, I cannot do this all myself, and I know it.
I really was not ready to start dealing with all of this at this point in my life, but we do not get to pick and choose when our loved ones need us.
I hope I am strong enough to do this. I also hope I can stop freaking out, even a little.
2 comments:
I know that a nursing home is NEVER what anyone wants for their loved ones. However, you cannot do it all. I know from experience!
Ask for a New Lifestyles booklet from any social worker at a hospital or nursing home. That's a great place to start determining what places are available.
Also, on the web, google for "A Place for Mom." They ask a series of questions and help you determine the level of care your mom needs. I know this is overwhelming.
Hugs and prayers.
Hold on to the belief that God will not put more on you than you can bear. When you need strength to deal with things, you will have it in abundance. Remember there is only so much you can do by yourself.
Thinking of you.
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